How to Take Her Home and Extract Her Back to Your Place

After a while, most men learn how to approach and get into conversations with girls.

In many cases they even learn how to attract women and escalate properly – yet many men, even when they are able to do those things, still fail to get laid.

Of course, there are a lot of reasons why that could be the case, however, most of the time it is either because the guy hasn’t escalated enough or because he failed to even try to extract his lady and take her home back to his place.

Let us first discuss why you should always try to extract a girl (either invite her home or to a friend’s place or try to go to her place) before we move on to the technicalities.

In this first section I lay out our theoretical foundation, and then we will move on to talking about some practical steps to actually bringing a girl home.

No Sex Invitation, No Fun

Some men believe too much in attraction. Making women attracted to you is often seen as the Holy Grail: if a woman is attracted to you, then everything is possible. This is totally wrongheaded though.

Being good with managing logistics is far more important than being attractive. Think of a very handsome, sexy man who has an attractive vibe and personality flirting with a girl. Now think of another man who is not that attractive but manages to get that girl back to his place with some silly excuse. Who is more likely to get laid?

Escalation and being able to handle logistics are crucial when it comes to getting laid. You can remove “attraction” and “creating comfort” from the equation, but rarely can you remove escalation and logistics from it.

You can definitely get laid without building attraction. However, you will rarely get laid if you don’t know how to escalate and extract a girl home.

Most men are obsessed with “creating/building” attraction, and they basically spend all their energy on that topic.

But then after a while they wonder why they never get laid even though they are now so attractive. The answer is simple: if you don’t escalate and don’t even try to extract a girl back to your place, you will not get laid. Okay, maybe you might get lucky once in a while, but is that anything we want to rely on here?

Asking Her to Leave with You is Not a Risky Thing

I believe that the reason a lot of men do not even try to ask a girl to come over is because of fear. It is in my belief that the ego gets in the way.

Asking her to come home with you is risky, because it can expose your ego – what if she says no? That would totally ruin it, and could give your ego a huge slap.

Most of us do not want to risk that happening, so we prefer to play it safe.

A similar problem occurs with approach anxiety – we have the fear of approaching because we fear rejection. And that fear is in all of us, yet most serious seducers I know are working or have already worked hard on this issue – because if you don’t even approach, then you surely cannot even begin seducing.

But people do not work hard on their “extraction anxiety” because they are often unaware of the problem. Presently in the seduction community it seems that the norm is to obsess over “approaching (hence also approach anxiety)” and creating attraction. However, only recently have a few blogs such as this one started discussing the other crucial elements of seduction such as escalation and pulling women home.

It is important to note here that attempting to extract a woman is not as hard as approaching. I admit it: cold approaching a stranger still gives me the chills.

However, extracting is easier because:

1. If a woman says no, it has nothing to do with how attracted she is. Yes, a woman can reject your offer because her attraction toward you is low, but usually it is because she does not feel ready yet. What I mean by this is that she just simply does not want to feel like a slut (or a loose women), so doesn’t accept your first offer to avoid seeming too easy – as most women are afraid of being perceived that way. It can also be that she is having fun where she is (think of a club setting) and she is there with her friends, so she simply isn’t ready to leave yet.

   Once her friends leave though, she might be more willing to go home with you. And finally, her state can also be the reason for her decision to stay in a club (feeling social / wanting to socialize) or go home with a handsome man like you (a horny, sexual state). You see, just because she maybe rejects your offer, it does not necessarily mean she is not attracted to you.

2. Furthermore, keep in mind that trying to take her home will very rarely kill her attraction for you. It is not like she will lose attraction for you because you asked her to come back to your place – if that is the case, you have done something really wrong (you have probably framed yourself as non-sexual man who she would never expect to even try to escalate to sex with. This is also called the friend zone).

   In fact, when asking a girl home, it will either make her even more attracted for your being ballsy and a confident sexual man or… nothing will happen; it won’t affect her attraction at all. So in a sense, there is not much risk in trying to extract.

If You Fail to Take Her Home... Try Again Later

And here is the good news. In many cases women reject an extraction offer simply because they are not ready yet. This means that you can always try again later. Believe it or not, it often works pretty well on the third attempt.

The thing about persisting is that it not only is attractive when done in the right way (which we will talk about shortly) but it also removes a lot of her anti-slut defense, as she won’t feel guilty for her actions (going home with you) because it was not her decision, since you “made her do it” by persisting so much.

By removing her feeling of guilt for her actions, it quickly becomes easier to get things done.

Now, a quick note on persistence: there is a huge difference in being persistent in an attractive way and being needy. Neediness can be described as desperately trying to win her over (or in our case, get her to come home with us). However, when persisting, you want to take a few steps back and try to “re-seduce” her before giving it another shot when the time is right. This way you won’t come across as needy and you increase your chances of extracting her back to your place.

This is the practical part of the post where I will cover how you can actually make it happen. I will cover each step and discuss each one individually. My task is to give you a system that you can apply the next time you meet a girl you like.

If you are veteran, you might still learn a few things from reading this.

The Pre-Work

Before attempting to take her home, it is wise to have done some pre-work. Having her at least a bit attracted to you before attempting an extraction is wise, as it will obviously increase the chances of her saying yes.

But another element that can be crucial is to have made her comfortable with your touch. Extracting her back home without even having touched her will make the escalation very difficult once you get her there, as she probably won’t perceive you as a sexual man (and hence not treat you like one) – creating an element of shock once you start touching her.

She did not expect it and that was not what she had in mind when going home with you (what she had in mind in such a case remains a mystery – maybe she saw you as a potential “borefriend”?) and you will face a lot of last minute resistance – often beyond repair.

However, if she perceives you as a lover – a sexual man – by going back to your place she has somewhat already accepted what is about to take place and will as a result be more okay with it. So escalating a bit before leaving is key in order to set the right frames, and it also is important for transitioning her into a state where she feels more willing to go home with you instead of remaining in the club, bar, etc.

Think of it like this: you are more willing to head to a restaurant if you are hungry, right?

Well the same thing applies here: women are more willing to dump their current location and go home with you if they feel at least a little horny.

Also, befriending her friends can be useful. Having a good vibe with them can save you from painful cockblocking attempts. Make sure her friends have no problems with you; this way you avoid having them “protect” the girl you are trying to bang.

It is also important, although not necessary, to create some rapport with your girl before attempting to extract. There are a lot of psychos out there, so often it is wise to communicate to her that you are not one. Get to know her a bit, build some rapport, and you will be fine.

An Excuse to Leave the Place and Head to Yours

Now as we have mentioned earlier, it is very important for women to not feel guilty for their actions. Remember that, if someone isn’t guilty, then they cannot be blamed. Hence, as we know that women get labelled “sluts” for sleeping around, it results in women being very careful about their actions on the meat market.

It is therefore very important that women have an excuse for their actions so that they can’t be blamed.

Example:

Friend: “Why did you go home with that guy?”

Her: “Well, it was too noisy in the club and he offered me some wine. I was broke and I really needed a drink last night.”

As you can see, her excuse frames her actions as non-sexual. Remember that once an action of a female has a sexual intention, she will face social consequences. Giving her an excuse is therefore key.

Additionally, those excuses are not only there to legitimize her actions toward her friends, but also to give her something to rationalize her own actions upon; to make her feel less guilty.

Women have become socialized to believe that having sex is dirty (in a bad way) and a sin. Women not only don’t want others perceiving them as “slutty”; they also need to make sure that they don’t perceive themselves as sluts.

So giving herself excuses can help her rationalize her actions and avoid anti-slut defense potentially kicking in, making the whole extraction process more difficult.

In my experience, it is a good idea to both give her an excuse for leaving the place and an excuse to go home to your place. Why is that a good idea? Two excuses mean twice the impact. Simple as that.

Here are some examples of excuses for leaving the venue:

“Don’t you think it is loud in here? I surely can’t even hear myself speak! Let’s get out of here.”

“I seriously can’t breathe in here, let’s go out and get some fresh air; I think it will be good for both of us.”

“I am starving, let’s go buy some food.”

Here are some examples of excuses for going back to your place:

“Why don’t we go home to my place for a bit [reducing the pressure – more on that below] and discuss this thing further over a nice glass of wine.”

“The alcohol in here is shit, let’s go back to mine and have a real drink.”

“Ah so you like house music, hey let’s go back to my place and I will show you amazing vinyls from the 90s!”

Now feel free to use those lines, but try also to come up with your own lines to use when taking girls home. Be creative. This is not so complicated.

Reduce the Pressure and Persist

Another cool thing you can do is to reduce the pressure of leaving venue with a stranger. This goes hand in hand with the “excuses” you have given her earlier.

What you want to do is to make her not feel pressured of going to back to your place by for example telling her that your place is nearby, or that you will have to go to work the next day or that “you can always rejoin her friends later”. This way you reduce the pressure of her deciding to head back to your place.

Remember that sometimes she will say no and in such a case you will have to try again later: maybe “later” she will say yes, as her mood might have changed (she might become really horny…). So take a few step backs, escalate a bit further (kiss a bit more…), and try again later.

In this post we have covered that the main reason for men not being able to get laid consistently is because they don’t even really try to extract women back to their place. It is not like something magic is going to take place – you as a man have to make things happens, and a crucial step in this is to handle the logistics and take her home with you.

If you don’t attempt to get her back home, you won’t have sex. A lot of men might feel anxious about attempting to bring a girl back home, but we have covered that a negative answer to an extraction attempt is not always related to a lack of attraction, but more to a situational factor, and more especially the mood factor (her current state). This is good news because it means that:

• Your ego is not too exposed

• And… if you get a negative response, you can always try again later

After that we covered some practicalities while extracting a girl back to your place.

How you extract a girl back home:

1. Pre-work: a minimal amount of attraction, having escalate a bit beforehand (“getting her used to your touch”), befriending her friends, building some comfort

2. Give her an excuse to leave the venue and an excuse to go home with you. This way you give her something to rationalize her actions upon

3. Persist

I hope this post was useful. Sure, there are a few other things that could be added in this post, but it was starting to get really long and I feel that I have covered the most crucial stuff!

I hope you have enjoyed this article.

Until next,

Alek