Secrets to Getting Girls: Time Your Moves | Girls Chase

Secrets to Getting Girls: Time Your Moves

Chase Amante

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time your moves
When your words, actions, and moves aren’t timed right, it all feels wrong and incongruous. Yet when the timing is right, everything becomes magic.

When a comedian makes a joke, even if it’s a spectacular joke, if the timing is wrong, nobody laughs.

Usually on Girls Chase we talk about timing in the context of:

Yet timing snakes its tendrils through everything you do with women. Timing matters in your opens. Timing matters when you ask for investment. Timing matters at transition points. Timing matters during the pull, the kiss, and the escalation to intimacy.

If your timing is off, everything in your process will be off. You’ll fly blind through the courtship, trying this here and that there. Timing, you will notice if you observe enough guys in action, often is the Achilles’s heel of many men who work hard in seduction but reap few rewards. When you see such guys, your frequent reaction will be “Why is he doing that then? He should’ve done that 10 minutes ago!” or “Why is he saying this now? She’s not ready for that yet!”

We’re going to tackle timing in two ways today.

The first is to give you a rough sequence of events a courtship progresses through.

The second is to give you a couple signs to watch out for to let you calibrate your timing no matter where you’re at with her.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.

GET CHASE’S ONE DATE SYSTEM

Comments

B.D. 's picture

Hey Chase,

I liked this article a lot; covers good content, but it also lays out a good model for a seduction nicely. I haven't been actively focused on seduction for long, more just feeling my way through until I found your site, but I think I've got the basics of what should be done in each stage:

Unnoticed: Pre-Open
Noticed: Open
Opened: Flirt/Banter/Chase Frame, Break touch barrier (if you haven't already)
Hooked: Move her with you/away from her friends, Continuing touching
Committed: Deep Dive, introduce sexual topics if you haven't already, Continuing touch,
Deciding: ???
Sold: Extract to final location, Start physical escalation if you haven't already

As you can see, I haven't the foggiest as to want should be done in the deciding phase, (hell, I'd never even recognized this phase, until you mentioned it). My Door-toDoor sales experience makes me think it's probably best to just "assume the sale", and minimize the girl's need to make a decision, eliminating all together if possible. However, I'm unsure how this would transfer to a seduction sense. (Perhaps just start escalating, provided this is logistically possible i.e. alone, etc; I don't know)

It would be great if a master of the game like yourself could shed some light on what we should be doing during deciding stage, especially for us beginners & newer intermediates whom are still following a basic seduction model. Cheers

Alexander Abraham's picture

From personal experience, I'd say that assuming the sale can make girls feel rushed. When reading about step 6 I remembered quite a few times where a girl would be in decision making mode and if I assumed the sale here they would resist me in most cases.

EXAMPLE:
One in particular I remember was hardcore into decision making mode (after we'd already slept together once) a few years ago. It was starting to rain (she didn't want to meet at my apartment on date 2 so we met up close to apartment, probably made a few mistakes by this point but I don't remember what they were now) so I used that as the excuse to come back to my place.

The most blatant decision making mode I've ever seen from just looking back through my memory. She halfway turned her head down and to the side just standing there. We stood there for about 5-10 seconds until I said with a smile "Let's go" and started walking. She turned and said she didn't want to. Never saw her again.

From just thinking about it, I'd say the correct response would have been to just sit and wait with her. I think I ruined the pressure/sexual tension by saying something, almost like I was an intrusion on her thoughts. Breaking first under the tension, in a way.

Though this is only me thinking, I'd love to get a response from Chase. Partially why I'm replying to you, BD.

EDIT: Was too curious and impatient, decided to make a thread about it in the forums: http://www.girlschase.com/boards/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=18048&p=90044#p90044

Author
Chase Amante's picture

B.D. & Alexander-

Yes, tricky. The best general advice is when she's deciding, shut up and let her decide. This was one of the earliest pieces of sales advice I got; my boss saw a customer I was talking to grow quiet and start to decide, and after a moment I jumped in to keep selling him. The guy ended up saying actually, I'm going to think about it and I'll come back later. After he left, my boss asked if I knew why I lost the sale, then told me when you see them slip into that internal debate with themselves, shut the fuck up and let the think. "First person to talk loses" he said, and laughed. Obviously the other person doesn't actually 'lose' if he buys a new pair of tires (or she jumps into your bed), but you know what he meant.

This seems to be the best course about 70% of the time. Should be your default. However, as you get better at reading women's body language, you can start to pick up little micro signals that she's about to decide against you. And as soon as you see that, you want to interrupt her decision making process and propose something else. It should be something different from what you originally proposed (if she was deciding on a proposal of yours) or than what you're presently doing (if you were just talking with her and she slipped into decision mode on her own).

I'll try and write something about these signs. I started writing one before the One Date launch, but had to abandoned it because it was too much thinking at a time when I had very limited bandwidth... it was trying to tease out a bunch of signs you recognize intuitively, and figure out what they are consciously and write them down in an article. I'm going to circle back to it as soon as things have calmed down a bit and I have more bandwidth though, and get a post on this up.

Chase

Sadeqh's picture

Hey chase ;)

I loved your article but there’s somehing I really have to ask ;
There’s this tendency in me to show platonic values and I do that unconsciously and
I just Can’t stop feeling for a girl do eventually give in to her too quickly to bed her.
I do read a lot of poetry (because of my pains ;)) and I do meditate and constantly studying books to pass exams to find jobs abroad..I have little time to approach any(if so beautiful I do undoubtedly) girl and because of getting too emotional and adoring her too much She loses interest and gone and it’s my friends problem too he showes a lot of sympathy thus loses the game.
What do You suggest, to go on and once I secured a professional job begin aproaching or
I could study my own materials and do seduction together without getting sucked into showing a lot of care for a girl?! Im confused you tell me? How do I handle emotional overload of dreaming about a beautiful girl before taking her to bed?
Bythe way im masculine, do rock climbing and fairly attractive to the high profile girl out here.
Please let me know what is that Sexual value that many do not have and how should I present it even with little sexual experiences.

Merci,Sadeqh

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Sadeqh-

This is more an emotion control issue than anything else. You need to better channel and control your emotions.

Obviously, this is a lot easier if you have more than one girl in your pipeline. Then you can shift your emotions around... You have a date with Shadi on Tuesday, so you shift all your thoughts to thoughts of Azar. The date with Shadi is over and now you're going to see Azar next, so you plow all your thoughts into thoughts of Laleh. You see Azar, ask her out, but soon you will see Laleh, shift your thoughts to Shadi again. Etc.

Longer term, you need to transition that romantic/platonic energy into sexual. I'd suggest you work on sexual nonverbals - for that, see these articles:

And also work on your sexual vibe. Ricardus's 5-part article series on this is the best place to start:

Get nonverbals and vibe down well, and you'll be exuding a whole different kind of (far more sexual) energy.

Chase

Sadeqh 's picture

How many persian lovers you had..merci.
I’ll give that a try ;) merci

Anonymous 's picture

Hey Chase,

I wrote in a few months ago about breaking up with a girl, you made an article about it.

I'm in a very tight spot now, after reading on the boards, you have an old post about not falling into relationships, I'm mad I saw it now instead of way back when.

I didn't think we would go on this long because usually girls get mad when I don't want a relationship and leave, she never did. I've told her numerous times that I wanted other women, but at the same time my fiends got out the game, and I was tired of rejections so I fell into a low key relationship with her.

None of its bad, but I feel I have stunted my growth with skills because I've been out the game for years unknowingly. When I wrote you back then when you made the article, I think it was during the summer, I told her again that I wanted other girls and even offered to be friends and not have sex with her, that ended in tears.

So we barely talked after that, I was doing game again, and I still haven't got any results at all since then, which I feel terrible about. I even went 2 months without seeing her, but I felt bad at we started seeing each other again because I wasn't going to ignore her and she kept on wanting to see me.

So my feelings have been this:

1. I have always felt that I needed to sleep with more women since I first was with her, but I calmed down and didn't care much because I got rejected a lot.

2. I felt she stole good years of pick up from me, I don't know if that's true tho because I have went on a whole year dry spell with zero success.

3. Me feeling like she stole years from me and won't listen to what I want makes me angry because it seems she doesn't care about my honesty, but at the same time she wants me to herself, she never says this tho, I tell her I want other women and she starts crying and then it starts back over again later. But should I be mad at her loving me so much ? It's good, but it makes me feel bad because I have no other choice to sleep with other chick's while with her because I've told her what I wanted.

4. I just have a whole lot of resentment and guilt. I feel so bad years went and I have not slept with any new girls, and It's hard for me to do it because I'd feel guilty, but it's like she gives me no choice.

So yeah, I did the break up thing for months, didn't workout well and I felt bad about not seeing her while she kept hitting me up trying to see me without giving up. It wasn't desperation, but she would text me week after week and I kept saying I was doing stuff (pick up) then I felt it wasn't going to stop so I felt bad.

Now another part applies to your post unexpectedly I have no money now and my confidence to pick up have dropped, I can't even pay to get to the club or in it. She's been down for me and I would feel bad to just mess with other women because of it, but I'll be damned if I go another year without sleeping with another girl.

So now my confidence is in shambles.

I did what you said and told her how I felt, I even refused to see her to pick up instead, she kept persisting, I felt bad after months of me saying no. Now I happen to have fallen on hard times, and telling her that I want other women now seems too messed up.

I just wanted to ask you three questions:

1. Is seeing other girls while I talk to her one of my only options? Other than ignoring her?

I've told her countless times that I want other women, she's even notices it in my actions, but she doesn't quit no matter what. I tried to go months into pick up and she still waited. So I feel bad, but I have no choice between the two it seems.

I'm wondering in your own opinion what would be the best thing to do out of the two option I think are best ? In your own opinion of course.

How would I even sleep with girls behind her back? What would be the strategy of that?

I can't seem to find a way. If you have another opinion please let me know.

2. After going two months and I couldn't even get a number, I feel less of a man, I feel so terrible that I couldn't pull anything, I didn't go back for this reason, it was because I didn't want to ignore her anymore. But after not getting girls, I feel so low and that I can't get good with this.

Is there a way I can turn this around and not feel so bad about not succeeding at all with pick up after two months? I feel terrible about not succeeding. I want to start succeeding, how can I never go through this again and succeed at this?

3. I feel she took some youth from me and that's years I can never get back, I feel guilt tripped when I tell her how I feel everything and she never leaves. I feel so bad about wasting good years to her, there's a lot of resentment and anger there. Do you know a way I can get over the years I missed out on? I felt some of my youth was taken away, and now I can't pick up because of it.

Thing is, she's not a terrible girl and is there for me, I just want to keep picking up and not have any of my years of youth wasted. I even told her that too, it seems kind of selfish of me, but hope you read all of this and help me out.

Thank You

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Yeah, sounds like a pickle you're in. Don't necessarily want to stick with the girl, but you're not getting results elsewhere, and you feel bad for the girl not being with her. It's not ideal, but a surprising number of relationships are like this... one partner wants to do better than the other, tries for a while, can't and eventually accepts the other partner, who is always there. Either partner can be either sex; sometimes the girl is the one trying to get away, sometimes it's the guy. Sometimes the one who wants to escape escapes; sometimes he or she doesn't, and settles down.

On #1, I won't go into that. No good responsible way to have that conversation. You will have to make your own judgment about what is okay or not, what is acceptable or not, and figure out your plan of action from there.

#2, I don't know anything about how active you were, how many approaches you did, how much you busted your balls to make the most out of those two months, what you were doing, why it didn't work, etc. I will say though I have noticed that the guys who get the most bummed are the ones who barely do much approaching... they do a few approaches, those few don't go anywhere, and then they get bummed that no girl wants them. You should at least be able to make 50 or 60 approaches over the course of two months... that's only one approach per day or less (and if you're serious about wanting to sleep with more/a lot of women, you should be approaching way more than 30 women a month). You need to start to think in numbers. If you're doing enough volume, you're going to find girls it goes somewhere with.

On #3, I mean, I don't want to go into detail or anything, but... if I tell a girl I am going to sleep with other women, and she stays with me regardless, I tend to view that as a good thing. Who doesn't want to have a couple of girlfriends and also take one-night stands? I think that's cool. Not sure why you'd resent that. Unless you mean you resent her getting upset (then staying with you). In which case you probably need to get better at alleviating that sort of upset: "Look babe. I totally dig you and love being with you and care about you. This isn't about you. It's about me being a strong dude with a strong male drive for conquest. You're still my girl, and no other person is going to effect that." Etc. But anyway after you've already told her how it's going to be, why do you need to keep reminding her about it? It sounds like you've told her this multiple times and made her cry multiple times. Unless you really aren't trying to have a girlfriend and see other girls too, but are just trying to use it to scare her off. In which case, maybe you ought to just break up with her yourself ("I feel terrible babe, but it's just not working out for me"), block her from your phone, and be single.

Chase

SZ's picture

1. Dreamer seems to be the perfect term for me.

Do you have an article on that at all?
I feel it would be harder to just stop dreaming and doing instead because people are wired different.

Are they're any other methods I overlooked about not being a dreamer? I am a very cautious person and I don't believe in myself. So this goes for everything, I dream a log apparently. Should I just switch it up and do everything head on?

2. I lack discipline a lot, I give in to my urges because I always say to myself, what's the point you'll fail anyway. Been like that for years, and when I try and do fail, it makes me give up harder and do easier things with everything. This is a life long habit I want to change. Any tips for that at all or an article ?

3. Just read another article from back in the day, and it's been almost 5 years since that article was made, 5 fuckin years. Where has all the time gone? I felt like I hopped in a time machine and went into the future, that did not feel like 5 years ago, maybe 3. I just don't know what to say, I could have been an elite man by now, but now I am the worse I've ever been and ever will be. Wow. And that's for everything in life, how did 5 years past and nothing changed for me except having more problems to deal with. I'm flabbergasted, where has the time went? I never want to have this happen again, I was so young too, now I'm old, how did this happen? How? I couldn't even get lucky with anything in 5 long as years, that's what makes me so hopeless.

4. I never want to be broke again, and depend on others for money, like I said I'm horrible at math, I have no skills, I'm will do great things despite the odds. I just want to know how can I never go broke again? That's the worse feeling in the world to depend on someone to call u back, then go on a interview, then be nervous if you will get that call back and be hired. If that wasn't enough, now you have to worry about being laid off now, and if you are? What can you do to pay your bills?

That's a horrible way to live, and I never want to be broke again. How can I make sure I always have lots of money no matter what?

My bad depression hit again for the 3rd question.

SZ's picture

Hey Chase,

Just watched your recent videos, in video number 2 you said you were going to show us a technique on how to handle adrenaline dump, and get rid of our fear of rejection later in the series.

I don't know if I misheard or didn't see that part explained. If I did miss it what was the tip?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

Yes. This one:

I don't have one specifically on developing discipline. Perhaps I should. I'll jot it down.

I've answered the "make money" questions a hundred times. You know which threads to check out on the forum. All my thoughts on that are there.

The way to ask girls out with minimal fear of rejection I mentioned in video 2 is covered in the course. Though that particular piece of tech isn't anything new to long-time GC readers; that one bit is also covered on the site.

On staying focused... it's a habit you build up over time. It took me a good year of working on my own schedule at home or in cafes to get very productive. I spent a lot of time unfocused / goofing off / pulled this way and that my first year.

One major thing I have found though is going cold turkey on distractions. Like for me, the biggest two computer distractions are reading the news, and playing computer games. I haven't read the news in half a year, and video games I usually reserve for days off now (haven't had a day off in something like two months at this point). Other than that though, you need work that is interesting, and achievable goals so you keep that feeling of winning up ("all right, just accomplished task 1. Great, task 2 accomplished. Task 3 accomplished, I'm on a roll!" etc.).

Chase

SZ's picture

Chase,

I'm sure you do this or have to before, how the hell do you sit at a computer for hours and be able to focus on work?

I've been working on creating multiple streams of online income, but after an hour or two, I just want to get up and lay down, that's my first thought when I get on my computer. I think about putting a lot of stuff off until later, I think about how much work I have to do and have to be glued to the computer. Usually I do one thing, and if I have five things I have to do, I step away each time because for some reason I get restless and burned out for some reason.

I just don't like sitting at the computer I guess. My question is how can I change that ? I just can't sit still in a computer for many hours of the week without wanting to just take multiple breaks all the time. For example; I could be doing coding, I do that for an hour or 2, then I have to get up and I never come back. It's hard for me to do coding, then take a break to work on an income stream, then take a break from that to work on another one. I want to be able to do that .

I want to be able to stay focused and put in multiple hours of work steady pretty much everyday without feeling irritable and antsy.

I want to be able to be on the computer putting in work 6-8 hours a day everyday.

Let me know if you have tips thanks

SZ's picture

1. I'm having a problem. I'm trying to be social, but people are being bitches.

They all seem to have attitudes when I try to attempt to say hi or smile.

I just look over at a girl then give a small smile, then they act like I'm bothering them wtf.

It makes me mad and discourages me, I'm trying to be social, friendly, and nice, but bitches want to have attitudes or just look away like I'm bothering them. It happens a lot, this is why I don't do cold approach, I can't even get a polite smile back or a hi, they make some stank face, or just look away, not down. I make sure I look good when I go out, I look like money, I make sure to smile a lil. What's wrong ? This makes me not want to approach any girl with these attitudes

What can I do to turn this around? Shouldn't take long because this is beyond the first step. I'm trying to at least be social and get good feedback off that to know I can progress into a conversation.

2. Another problem I have is I feel like people are laughing at me or something about me trying to be sneaky.

Many times people will so that smile like they know something that you don't and I ask them what's up, they don't say shit. Some times I catch people looking at me and doing a little smirk, like their talking shit to themselves about me or soemthing. I don't like it.

People say that it's not about me, but I can see it. What do you think? Am I being paranoid ? Or is there something more I have to do ? Should I look more intimadating?

Thanks

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

I don't know why people would be looking at you like that. Have you tried asking people who know you?

Not sure on the second one. It sounds like paranoia. I remember when I was in first grade and asked some girl in the second grade to marry me and she turned me down in the schoolyard. For the next 3 months I thought anytime I heard people laughing they were laughing at me. The cafeteria was terrible - entire tables full of people, talking and laughing, for months, and no doubt, I thought, at me!

Eventually I had to tell myself "This is ridiculous. Even if people might have thought it was funny at first, no one was still laughing about that even a few days later, let alone months later." And I forced myself to drop it.

I'd suggest you put a magnifying glass on your own suspiciousness too.

Chase

Anonymous 's picture

Would you recommend to try to pick up girls when you're broke? I've fallen on bad times and I literally have a couple dollars to my name, and a lot of credit card debt. My credit is shit now, it's been like this for a little while, so I chose not to try to pick up, but seeing how things are now I feel I should try to pick up because I really don't want to wait anymore.

I can't fathom trying to get a girl with 0 dollars to my name.

Ive tried to pick up, but being out there trying to pick up while broke is a bad feeling, I've started to compare myself to the women I want to pick up immensely, thinking "why would they want a guy with a couple dollars to his name? She must have a good career, look at her car" I am kind of against the idea of waiting on the perfect moment, I actually did try to wait until I got some money coming in, but too much time has passed and I'm in the same spot, so I figured I might as well start picking up now.

My problem is that I don't have money to travel to areas, or even go out dates even if they pay for themselves, I barely have money for gas.

Being unemployed is one thing, but not broke and unemployed. I'm not even that good with picking up women as a skill, so I don't have past reference points to go off with.

If you got any tips, please let me know.

Anony's picture

After high school I worked job to job and now I'm realizing that I really didn't do anything since I graduated.

It'll be in a year and I haven't gotten a good career or job, I've been coasting through life trying to find myself.

I don't plan on going, but I want to know in myself that I grew and have accomplished things.

Where I'm from people judge you contanstly with everything, so I would have to find a way to find a good career or something within the year and do many other things.

People have always thought very high of me and see me being successful, I'm disappointed I'm not doing good right now and it's been many years since then.

You have any idea what I could do to make myself something great in a year and have a good career?

I feel bad I didn't explore other options before, but I'm willing to work hard now, as soon as you give me an answer. I don't need to be mega rich by then or anything, I want to at least look like I achieved some things, and have a decent career.

What else can I improve upon before then? Career, muscles, frame control, become an entrepreneur etc.

I don't want to go there or think about it when reunion time comes that I didn't do anything impressive.

If you have any advice on what I can work on asap to get me looking successful and impressive, and actually be successful and impressive, please tell me what I have to do.

I can't let a year past, and especially this important year to past without achieving some impressive things.

I thank you.

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