Why Leadership is so Key to Seducing Women

N-

Absolutely it is true.

There was a study I saw (I’m having trouble turning it up now that I’m searching though and want to cite it) that found patients placed more trust in the diagnoses of physicians who did NOT check medical literature to be sure of their diagnoses than they did physicians who DID check medical literature.

The patients felt like the doctors who didn’t “need” to check a book were more confident in their diagnoses and thus more likely to be correct. The reality was that the doctors who double-checked in the book were, in fact, much more likely to be correct and made far fewer diagnostic errors, but people want to feel like you know your stuff front and back.

Anyway, here are my thoughts on building confidence:

Does Confidence = Success? Actually... No.

As for being angry or hating women… well, that’s pretty common among guys who take to studying seduction. The guys who are happy with women often don’t need to study, and the guys who need to study, by the time they reach that point, are often pretty miffed.

Worth keeping the end goal in mind though:

Most Important Thing to Becoming a Lover of Women? Don't Be Bitter.

Chase

Lawliet-

Sure, yeah, all those aspects are in there... although to be fair there are "best practices" for video sales letters (not to mention sales letters in general) and I simply followed those. Sales is its own domain with loads of material to study and pick over.

If you want to learn sales, I'd suggest picking up Chet Holmes's book The Ultimate Sales Machine. Wonderful primer. Then getting a job selling. You'll suck at first, but if you're dedicated (and are fortunate enough to work with someone who knows the ropes and doesn't mind showing 'em to you) you'll improve rapidly.

@ Tenant-

That's on this page:

http://www.girlschase.com/mastery

Chase

Clueless-

I'll put it down as an article topic, actually - perhaps my next one! I like the subject...

Chase

Bond-

Well, this article was in fact aimed more at interpersonal leadership than group leadership.

Group leadership has its merits, but also its limitations. Because the group leader is expected to keep the group stable and look out for everyone, he can't go around sleeping with whatever girl he wants or having strings of one-night stands. The group will quickly decay or nominate a new, more "responsible" leader, who isn't behaving so self-interestedly.

Typically, the group leader is able to date the girl of his choice, with maybe a few flings in between relationships, but if he deviates too far from this format the other members of the group begin to view him as "abusing his power."

I'd say if you want to be the group leader, do it more because you really like socializing, you plan to be in one place for a long time, and you want to be able to get that hot girl who's looking to be a part of a group and climb the ladder and net the top guy. Or, do it for the experience - it's worth doing with a group or two just to see what it's like.

However, if your ultimate aim is just to sleep with girls or find a great girlfriend, there are much more efficient ways than being the leader of a group. The group leader does stand better chances than a non-leader to get any given girl in his group in question... however he's limited in how many women he can take, and how often. So if you're head-to-head with him for Claire, and he decides he's going to make Claire his girlfriend, he'll probably win. But if he just wants to hook up with Claire, he can't pursue her as aggressively as you can without jeopardizing his leadership of the group, which gives you the edge. And much of the time he's likely to be locked up in monogamous relationships with whomever the alpha female du jour is (perhaps she inherited that title from him, perhaps he ascended to leadership in part by dating her).

Chase

Lover-

Those are sufficient to disqualify you if she's not also poor herself. However, if she is also poor, and likes artistic men, she may be saying to herself, "Well, every other man I've dated has been poor too. Perhaps his art will take off and he'll become a success."

One other thing to keep in mind: be sure that you are attracting women as the lover as well as disqualifying yourself as a boyfriend. If you merely disqualify yourself as a boyfriend without coming across as an attractive lover, that's like the guy who applies for a job and doesn't want to do clerical work who disqualifies himself from that sort of work, without showing he is qualified for any other kind of work either. He simply won't be hired in that case.

So, it's a combination of qualifying yourself for the one role, while disqualifying yourself for the other.

Oftentimes, for beginners, it's better not to disqualify yourself as a boyfriend, since most beginners will have most of their value locked up in boyfriend qualities. Then, as you get better at building sexual tension and being sexually attractive, playful, flirty, exciting, intriguing... you begin to disqualify yourself from the boyfriend role, so women will only consider you as the lover.

Chase

J.J.-

Well, college is an easy environment to get laid in, inasmuch as you are surrounded at all times with attractive women in your age range who are experimenting with being on their own and sexual for the first times in their lives, and (especially at the start and end of the year) feel virtually free of consequences. Not to mention most of your competition is equally inexperienced men who don't know the first thing about women. In addition to this, you have instant social context with any woman you run into ("So what's your major?" "What classes are you taking?" "What's that book you're reading?" "Got any terrible classes this semester?").

However, most men who are in college lack the experience to take advantage of it, or the wherewithal to try. So I guess that's the paradox - it's like sitting in an apple orchard full of juicy apples hanging from the boughs above, but you don't have a ladder to reach them or any other ideas about how to get them down. An experienced apple farmer could come along and show you how to shake the tree, or climb the tree to get the apples down, or build (or find) a tool to knock them off the branches, but you and everyone else milling about staring at all those juicy apples are not experienced and don't know what to do.

As for why the results often don't translate over, most guys who get good in college learn how to leverage social circle game to sleep with lots of girls, and/or they get really good at meeting women in places with loads of social context.

Once you get out in the real world, social circle becomes a lot more difficult to run, because people don't party as much and their circles become much smaller, so even if you're in a good circle you typically won't have nearly as many attractive new women constantly bumping into you at parties or ready to throw down with that sexy new guy they just met through their friends' friends. A lot of women also start getting more 'serious' after college and decide they don't want to hook up as much or are 'over' the party scene.

And for the guys who learned how to use instant social context to score lots of lays in school, that evaporates after. You can't walk up to a random girl and immediately have rapport anymore, about school, classes, teachers, exams, the semester, homesickness, etc. You've got to create rapport from scratch, and the things that work with one girl won't work with the next. e.g., you start talking about travel with one girl and she eats it up; talk about it with the next girl and she looks at you like you're from Saturn. But you discover she likes art! Then you talk about art with the next girl and she just brushes you off and walks on by. Guys who relied on social context often end up lamenting how much easier it was when they could just ask girls about classes or complain about exams and boom! you're into conversation.

Guess it makes sense though. If every guy was good in college, it wouldn't be such easy pickings for the few guys who have it figured out.

And university is such a weird artificial setting (big bunch of unsupervised young people, who are complete strangers to each other, all of them away from home, crammed into the same place, all undergoing a similar experience, at the same time) that many of the lessons you pick up there about how to get laid are going to be very particular to that environment.

Of course, if a guy gets girls there mostly by focusing on fundamentals and low-context cold approach, he'll do even better once he gets out into the real world and the competition from guys relying on social circle or social context game dries up and women are starved for men who know how to approach them right, but this isn't the route most guys take in school, because there are easier options to score lays and girlfriends there.

Chase

Sub-Zero-

One foot in front of the other.

Check these articles out:

• Want Dates? Then Approach Girls
• How to Approach a Girl Wherever You Are (Easily)
• Why Cold Approach Works Better Than Anything Else
  
• Going Out to Meet Women Even When You Don’t Want to
  

Also, have you completed the Newbie Assignment?

If not, perhaps it's time to get going again and do that one up.

Chase

Matthew-

You sent this one as an email as well as a comment; Genaro passed it along to me and I shot a response out to it.

In case you didn't see it though, here was my response:

You know, the first thing that occurs to me is, if you're in your third year, you're closer to the end than not, even if it's tough-going. If you keep up with your MMA over the next year-and-a-half (assuming you'll be graduating in four years), you'll come out on the other side even sharper and better trained in your fighting discipline, and you'll have completed your education and will have the degree.

At that point, you can go fight if you want to, take a few years off from the school/work grind, and then if you end up wanting to get back to it you can look for a job or go get a graduate degree and two years later you're back on course.

It might seem like a long time to wait, but especially when you're looking ahead at an uncertain future, the best approach usually is "keep your options open." Try to find ways to give yourself more potential avenues for success, rather than fewer. The only time this changes is when you know with more or less certainty what you will devote yourself to, and know it'll sufficiently take the place of whatever other routes you're giving up for it. e.g., Bill Gates left Harvard when he'd already been working on Microsoft almost a year and already had a deal to distribute their software.

Here's a good write-up on MMA career lengths:

http://www.fightopinion.com/2011/06/19/9-year-rule-mma-ufc/

If that's right, you'd be looking at roughly a 9-year career in MMA. Average earnings in UFC are available here:

http://www.bjpenn.com/mmanews/5-shocking-facts-about-the-ufc-pay-scale/

If you make it into the top 15 UFC fighters, that's $30,500 / year. That's a little below the US average income, if I recall right. Of course, some guys get outsize paydays, but anyone under the top 200 all-time UFC earners made under $300K from fighting lifetime, and there are a loooot more than 200 guys who've fought in the UFC:

http://mma-manifesto.com/ufc-fighter-salary-database/salary-main/ufc-career-fighter-earnings.html

It really seems more like a cool hobby you can get paid for than a career; seems like most guys only do a couple of fights a year:

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/1157250-ufc-7-weirdest-jobs-fighters-had-outside-of-mma

http://www.bloodyelbow.com/2013/7/8/4503554/dana-white-fighting-ufc-short-term-fighter-pay

http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/sports/mma/2011-06-15-mma-day-jobs_N.htm

If you really start taking off and you're making waves and getting big paydays, then maybe you quit your job and start training 8 hours a day.

Actually, one of my friends is an MMA guy (he's written a few articles for GC), and he's pretty talented, to hear him say it (never watched him fight), but he's always had a career of some sort or another at the same time... he was in finance for a while, and now he lives out in Vegas teaching part time and bartending. I think he'd probably tell you the same thing: do it for fun, do some fights, and if you really start taking off and getting the big paydays maybe invest more in it, but keep it as just a cool thing you're involved in until you reach that point.

I hit a rough patch my third year in university (actually, right about this time - November/December) where I was having a tough time in a few courses after being used to usually coasting through my college courses, and feeling frustrated at not doing well with girls. That's when I started setting goals (other than lifting, which was my outlet then) for approaching women I didn't know, and hitting the books harder and teaching myself any classes my teachers weren't doing a good job teaching to me. And the next semester I had a roommate who encouraged me to minor in the field our school was #1 for, and to apply for internships, which I hadn't bothered doing, and this stuff ended up getting me excited about work / school enough that my senior year I aced almost all my classes after really being in a slump sophomore and junior year.

As for entrepreneurship, I think this article lends some nice perspective:

http://techcrunch.com/2011/05/28/peak-age-entrepreneurship/

Essentially, the most successful entrepreneurs are older entrepreneurs, who've spent enough time in the working world that they've been able to spot holes in what existing companies are providing - they spot their opportunities, then go into business for themselves.

Anyway, it's certainly possible to make strides in the intellectual realm without a university degree, but there's a stigma attached to it in the 21st century and you end up working with a handicap unless and until you've achieved something tangible and proved yourself (a bestselling book or two, a successful business, a shooting star career in a respected company despite your lack of degree). It makes the hurdle higher though, and you get less upfront respect from people when they want to know where you went to school and you have to tell them you didn't graduate.

The way I see it, you could knuckle down, complete your degree, figure out a way to get excited about it - find something your school ranks highly in and grab a minor in it, for example (e.g., my school was the #1 supply chain school in the country at the time, so I minored in supply chain and had tons of interviews with good, high-paying companies and landed my top job as a business consultant for a high prestige firm... meanwhile, most of the rest of my classmates with just business management majors and no minors settled for selling insurance or managing warehouses. The corporate world wasn't my endgame, but it was a nice confidence boost and the pay and travel helped open up a lot of opportunities to me later on).

And then you can still train in MMA, and you can still do fights - just don't make it a full-time thing until you know it trumps whatever you're giving up for it ;)

Chase

Ah, thanks for that, Reader.

Fixed!

Chase

Jgig-

In the “oh, I’m busy for the rest of my life” cases, just tell her, “Cool, well no worries, we’ll iron out a time. What’s the best way to get in touch with you?” Then you can try texting / calling and see if you can warm her up to you a bit more, or if maybe she WAS just genuinely really busy and is happy to meet up with you later in 2 weeks or a month.

In the “I have a boyfriend” cases, say this: “Oh, that’s fun. Well I’ll tell you what, let’s trade numbers anyway and we can meet up for a bite sometime… as friends.” And when you say “as friends”, say it in a somewhat seductive tone - make sure there’s that undercurrent of “I’m saying ‘friends’ but I’m not really meaning ‘friends’.” Then trade cells.

Chase

Lawliet-

I think in the case of your example, assuming she’s telling it in a humorous way, I’d tell her, “I think I’d look at you pretty weird too,” and then give her a weird facial expression. Just a little harmless teasing.

Work’s a weird situation for dating in. If a girl doesn’t feel super excited about it, or it feels off in any way, she’ll often let it just die so as not to mess up her work environment. Nothing worse than an overly-clingy guy, or one you’ve got an awkward history with, clouding up the workplace, so better to nip things in the bud before they can hit that stage.

Chase

Leg shackles and a basement dungeon?

Seriously, if you're trying to prevent a girl from doing things she wants to do, you're only going to make her do them more most of the time. Check out this article:

How to Prevent Cheating by Your Girlfriend

If it's really bothering you, break up with her and screen your next girlfriend properly to make sure she doesn't do these things.

You can try operant conditioning, but for a major behavior trait like the desire to go out and socialize versus the desire NOT to go out and socialize, that's some heavy duty behavior modification. It's like asking, "How do I turn my girlfriend from an extravert to an introvert?" or "How do I make my girlfriend who hates asparagus learn to love asparagus?" It may be possible, but it's going to be a huge amount of work, and you're going to be investing more and more time and effort into the relationship as she struggles to get free of it.

Generally speaking, not a good idea if you value your mental health.

If there are big behaviors you cannot tolerate, get out and find a girl who doesn't have those leanings.

Chase