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A
reader
with ruffled feathers writes in response to the article "Tell If a Girl Likes You: Are Her Walls Up
Or Down?", saying:
“What a bunch of rubbish!
In all of your articles, you always encourage men to act weak. For example, phrases like this: "one part of being good with women is about not flipping the triggers that activate women's walls." What?? So, you think men should avoid trigging women's "walls"? This is utter rubbish!! A strong individual won't give a shit about a woman's walls! Only a weak, very passive and supplicated individual constantly afraid of offending women will look for walls and avoid them at all costs! Your position is inherently weak.
Only weak men are always cognisant of women's walls because they are afraid that her walls will go up and this comes from weakness, his weakness -- he is scared and doesn't have confidence. Women instinctively sense weakness without any training or experience necessary and you don't need me to tell you that women are not attracted to weaknesses. Nervous men (those afraid of triggering walls, the kind of man you encourage in this and other articles) are best left to nervous, fumbling women who have issues, not well-adjusted, confident and attractive women. All this boils down to confidence: if you are not truly confident of yourself, 100%, then you will always achieve less than you could have and this applies of course to more in life than just attracting the opposite sex.
A confident man is attractive and sexy. He knows exactly what he wants. He doesn't worry about girls' walls...or himself, nor does he care when women exhibit walls, he will always get exactly the kind of girl he wants. Looking in from the outside, this achievement will seem effortless and natural.
Girls put their walls up because of themselves, never because of you; if you think you act in a way that repulses them then you are (thinking in a way that is) repulsive to yourself. Get some confidence.”
I have a strong feeling this reader is one of those individuals who runs around the Internet screaming about the need for men to "be alpha" while simultaneously spending the majority of his time alone or with unusually large women, cursing womankind in general for not recognizing his glorious, manly, alpha attractiveness.
But I digress.
I share this comment with you because it poses an interesting question: is it possible to be SO attractive that you can run through life like a bull in a china shop and still land loads of hot women in your bed regardless - or perhaps even BECAUSE of it?
Comments
Bull
"Silence is the ultimate weapon of power." - Charles de Gaulle
Mythbusters put a real bull into a China shop and were surprised when the bull tip toed around the delicate wares. Aggressing the bull and adding more didn't cause the bull to break anything either.
Re: Bull
So much for that turn of phrase!
This doesn't make sense
Chase, im so confused right now. I think so highly about myself but its hard for me to approach, im kinda afraid. I have my days where I can approach then I have days when I just can't utter a word, but I still think im the shit.
can you explain to me why its hard for me to approach if I do think im the bag of chips with the dip. Its just hard for me to constantly be in a mood to approach.
Btw Quick question chase, how do I not say your terms out loud? Like deep dive and cold approach? I hold It back but im so close to saying your terms since I read so much.
Bag of Chips
Wolf-
I think it's actually harder to approach when your ego is bigger. Two reasons: 1.) you think, "I'm such hot stuff, why should *I* be the one approaching? Women should come up to ME!" and 2.) because you have such a high conception of yourself, there's nowhere for you to go but down - a girl receiving you well is merely confirmation that you're every bit as amazing as you think you are, but a girl turning you down is a big slap in the face. It's easier to maintain your current self-image by abstaining from approaching.
On not saying terms... most of them are probably okay out loud. 'Deep dive' is used colloquially for all manner of things, and if you say you're going to deep dive in conversation people will know what you mean. I certainly don't have it trademarked, and I doubt anyone's going to think, "Oh! That guy must read Girls Chase!" if you let it slip sometime. 'Cold approach' I can't see too many contexts in which you'd use that, unless you're talking to guys you know. In which case, easy enough to explain if they ask - "I'm going to approach that girl, COLD, without an intro, man... duh."
Chase
Inexpierenced Women
Could you do an article on inexperienced and subtle women?
Re: Inexpierenced Women
Anon-
I have it on my list.
Chase
Great Article...
Hi Chase, firstly you were bang on target in the article Decision Making. Yes, I am from an Indian background and I just would like to correct you a bit here. Women here are also pretty liberal surprisingly these days and are quite adept at just showing that they are conservative. For example: I know a girl who's friendzoned me but constantly bugs my other friend to go out with him.
As you know, I had a friend, a girl who was stringing me along and I proposed her recently. Its still very difficult to forget her and hence I am trying to meet up new girls. The girl herself ended it and even broke her friendship with me citing that I would remind her of my proposal if she remained friends with me. I have never heard any girl breaking off her friendship with a guy being a good and a helping friend for almost an year. As a result, I am unable to forgive her. I occasionally send her texts to which she doesnt respond. Face to face she feels awkward and sticks to one word replies. I don't mind her saying NO but am still shocked that she broke off even the friendship.
Secondly, coming to this topic, I actually had the same mentality as the "Alpha Male" who commented. In my view, its same as taking the advice of "Be Yourself" which is well a disastrous advice..
Hence my 2nd query is, I am still getting stuck in the same mess again. Face to face, the women are pretty warm with me. I could move some of them too. But when it comes to SMS or Chat, these same women go into the so called "Answering Machine" mode. When I meet them again, they are again warm.
One girl gave me rubbish saying that "She finds it more fun to talk in person to an individual than chatting with him" and my friend ended up showing me a 400 line chat with her.
My point is, if you don't have your own apartment, would it be right to suggest a girl to move to a nearby hotel? That seems to offend them. How do I keep the attraction chart to a decent enough level before getting the chance to sleep with them?
Sorry for the long post. Would really appreciate if you could answer both of my queries.
Warm in Person, Cold Over Text
Tornado-
When women are warm in-person, cold over text it means they don't view you as a prospect. Could be for any number of reasons, including auto-rejection (you're out of their league)... I've plenty of times had more ordinary-looking women be cold over text at the same time that very pretty girls were responding to me eagerly. Your friend having 400 lines of chat shows you it's you, not them; however, your friend probably isn't going anywhere fast with them either - he sounds like the guy they're enjoying some harmless flirting and banter with, but long chat conversations rarely lead anywhere productive.
On working with attraction over the longer term, it sounds like you're dealing with a drawn-out social circle situation - in which case, you want women on the periphery until you're ready for them. See my article "The Secret to Hooking Up with Friends", and Peter's series on social circle game here:
Chase
3 questions
Chase, People say I have an attitude problem what does that mean and how do I not have one?
Im always annoyed and irritable how can I stop that?
Thanks chase for my reply for the crazy girl, one more thing to add to her craziness is she told everyone she was moving and cut herself off of the world for 3 weeks and came back. So she basically lied about moving. What's up with that? What does that mean?
Anger & Crazy Girls
V-
"Attitude problem" means you flip out too much / seem like you're raging all the time / take things too seriously (other people are joking around, you take it personal and go into rage mode). Basically happens when you're socially over-sensitive and aren't correctly reading and dealing with others' social signals. On fixing that / anger / irritability, I have an article in the queue on anger management - so stay tuned.
On the crazy girl - all I can tell you is, crazy is as crazy does.
I'd stay as far away from that chick and treat her as neutral as I possibly could.
Chase
I'm Getting Jungle Fever!!!
Chase, im starting to fall in love with white girls, this is out of the blue but im starting to truly want them. Before they were just there, like id sleep with them, but now its like im more interested in them. Im black btw and have no type of reference points with them sexually.
I've noticed they started opening more to me after I started feeling this way and smiling more towards them. Did my thinking help?
I want pretty and in shape ones, the stereotype for black guy white girl dating is. Black guy is regular the girl is either fat, ugly, or a fake hood rat, very rarely do I see fine white girls with black dudes, the other scenario is the dudes an athlete or rich and he gets a fine white girl.
Can you give me reference points from black guys you know that had pretty white women? What did they do?
Im just asking why am I starting to get so interested with white women out of nowhere?
How can I change my reference points about fine white girls?
What do I have to do to have confidence to get these white girls?
I also hear that most white girls don't like black guys expect the ones that white guys don't want. is that true?
Thank you!!!
White Girls and Black Guys
V-
"Jungle fever" is the term for when a non-black person gets all hot and bothered for black people... just like "yellow fever" is when people really have a thing for Asians. I don't know if there's a term like that for white folks, though. I guess it's just "liking white folks."
Check out my reply to Balla when he had the same question as you on this, right here: White Girls and Black Guys.
Chase
How to know if they like you and where to find them?
My bad chase for another comment but stuff pops in and out of my head so quick I forget things. How do you know if a white girl likes a black guy and where do you usually find white girls that like black guys?
Also I see you have an Asian and white article, think you can make a black and white one?
Thank you
White & Black Article
V-
I could ask my black friends who are good with white girls, although I'm not sure if they'd be down or not... none of them are really pickup or article-writing types of guys (I'd rather have a guy who already does it write something from his own perspective, than me talk about what I've seen black guys having success with white girls do when I'm not a black guy dating white girls myself).
But I'll ask.
Chase
Few Questions
Hi Chase, really enjoyed the article. Ever since I first started learning about the world of pickup ive always found the way most guys define alpha as silly, unsuave and devoid of any social calibration in most cases.
Anyway, I have a few questions that ive been trying to solve, hope you will be able to answer.
I know you say that women go nuts for status, but I also remember you saying that sometimes you specifically say to girls that your unemployed in order to push yourself adrift of the boyfriend zone. Can you elaborate on this. I would guess its a case of whilst girls LIKE high status that very fact makes it harder for them to be open to the idea of quick sex with you? Whilst girls obviously like high status, is it always something you steer clear of/play down in early interactions with girls?
Also how do you deal with high status men who like to show their status to girls? I am aware that they are likely well on the path to boyfriend zone filled with many dates and resistance, but it is hard when the girl you like starts giving them attention etc because of their status.
What do you say to a girl you've slept with who asks you if you see any other girls? Would you tell her that yes you are seeing 3 other girls for instance? I suspect the answer would be to avoid being to obvious about it, but sometimes girls persist and really want to know what the whole deal is...
How often is best to see a girl you are not monogamous with?
Status, Dating, and Frequencies
Anon-
When your presence is potent enough, you really kind of reek of status before you've even said anything at all. So you can very often tell a woman, "I don't work right now," but because your presence is so solid she assumes you are some kind of independently wealthy or otherwise mysteriously financed guy who doesn't work because he doesn't NEED to work, as opposed to, for instance, some homeless guy who doesn't work because he's unemployable.
When other men are trying to throw status around, follow the guidelines in these articles:
You should really only be seeing girls you're casual with once a week at maximum, and if they ask you if you're seeing anyone else, your answer somewhat depends on the level of the relationship, but a good reply is, "Why do you care?" and, if she continues asking, "Are you gauging my quality as a potential husband, is that why you're so curious?"
Just challenge it back or ho-hum it off. A direct answer does you no good here, no matter whether it's "yes" or "no" or "maybe."
Chase
straight up killed that guy
straight up killed that guy with that intro paragraph "i digress" lol!
Hey Chase, I’m a writer and
Hey Chase,
I’m a writer and new to the website business. My site is on astrology, signs the zodiac etc. You’ve made quite a successful site with girlschase and was hoping you could give me some advice/insight about the business of being a site owner.
I had a few questions, hopefully you can address them all
1. This is a pretty generic question I know but what are some tips that you would give to someone just new to starting their own website (what to do, what not to do, what to stay 10 ft. away from, ideas to invest in etc.)
2. If you could have started and done things differently with girlschase what are some things you would have changed, if anything?
3. The articles you write have so many images, and that’s something I’ve sort of struggled with/am unfamiliar with, my question here being, where are some good places online that you would say I could get images for my site from without risk of copyright infringement (if it works that way? Again I know little about this issue, just know that I need to add more images to my site to supplement my content)
- I had a couple questions more specifically regarding the topic of writing
4. Chase, I was curious as to what you do when your writing has improved. I mean this in the contextual time period of say like a year or couple of years: what do you or what should someone do when their writing has improved and is superior to past posts. Should you go back time to time and edit past posts or just keep moving forward and focus on having your upcoming content be high quality while accepting that as you improve some of your older works will be inferior to your current material.
5. My last question was concerning quality vs. quantity when it comes to writing. I find that I can drill out my work in quality time but sacrificing a slight amount of quality if I try to get it all done in too much of a time efficient manner (i.e. sometimes it might take me longer to get my quality work on paper even if it may not be as long as expected for that amount of time). I’m sure quality matters more than quantity in the end, but was wondering what your thoughts on this topic are and what you suggest?
Thanks for everything man, have been really enjoying the content of the site these past few weeks. I really respect your work ethic regarding getting quality content, and regularly updated content to the readers in a very effective manner. I hope that I can have the same work ethic for my site and for my own work by following the fine example you’ve set with your efforts on girlschase.
-thank you
Writing on the Internet
Anon-
On your questions:
Imagine every article you write is being read by two people: one
is someone who's never read anything on your website before and is even
skeptical about what you're writing about in the first place (astrology
here), and you've got to convince him what you're talking about is sane
and makes sense and is applicable to his life. The other is someone
who's read everything you've ever written, and if you repeat yourself
too much or don't give him enough fresh material, he's going to become
bored, feel like your site is too repetitive, and stop coming. Write
for both of those people every time.
Can't think of anything I'd have had us do differently; when
something needs changing here, I or the staff change it. The way you
see it now is the way we want it to be.
We use Fotolia for images; previously, I used iStockPhoto, but
we've found Fotolia's prices are better and the selection is the same
or better. When I started this site in 2008, I was only using images
every second or third article, however, and only one image per at that
time. Eventually (mid-2011 I think) we moved over to using them on all
new articles, and before the new site roll out earlier this year we
went back and added an image per article to the older ones that were
lacking images, too.
I've occasionally edited older posts, and some of these have
been reformatted as well. For the most part, older posts we've left
alone and simply focused on writing newer ones.
On quantity vs. quality: I'm a big believer in making things as
high quality as you can while
still churning out relatively high quantity. Most of the most legendary
artists in whatever you want to look at were high quantity artists;
Picasso is a great example, at 50,000 works of art created lifetime.
That's quite a few. But only a very small portion of them are
remarkable and remembered... most were just sacrifices to the gods of
quantity. I also saw a study recently where they broke a study group
into two different groups, and asked them to create works of art and
would either be graded on quantity (how many works they produced) or on
quality (how good the work was). End result? The people in the quantity
camp produced the highest quality works as well, because they had more
experience doing and refining, while the quality group spent a lot of
time sitting around thinking and speculating. Go for quantity, but hone
and refine and improve as you go.
Oh, and don't try to do too much at the outset. If you told me I had
to write three or four 3,500 word articles a week when I first started
writing, I'd have thrown my computer at you.
Chase
I love taking girls near or
I love taking girls near or into auto rejection then coming back... Usually when I do, they are softer and sweeter than they were before... It takes social grace to pick up on when they're getting offended and emotional awareness to either continue being cocky, or making a funny/negative tension-defusing or implied sexual comment to avoid auto rejection.
The alpha male guy who was the cause for this article needs to realize that women (or anyone for that matter) don't owe him anything, and that its so much more effortless to be gracious and sexy than to be a bull dog alpha male who doesn't give a fuck...takes more effort in the short term to realize the patterns of auto rejection and skill t quickly improvise to defuse negative tension...
But once you practice on enough women, the process becomes automatic and easy and to the point where attracting women is almost like taking candy from a baby. Further once you learn exactly how to chase frame (whether based on something she says, or baiting her into saying something that you can reply with a chase frame with) you come across as more fun and appealing than most men, which makes you rather rare, which means you get to put in less effort in taking this woman as your new "friend."
Hmm...if triggering a women's
Hmm...if triggering a women's "walls" is different than a girl putting her guard up and "testing" you, then I agree with Chase.
Otherwise, if it's the same thing, I think you want to trigger women's walls. That gives you a chance to overcome her neutral or slightly dismissive behavior, and gain hard attraction fast. Because you're showing her that you're a man who is unreactive to whatever she throws your way (unless she's making it blatantly obvious that she wants noting to do with you.)
Also Chase, you gave examples of him not walking up to the 4 girls who already think he's cute and would be interested. But what about what happens all the time, and like you post about, where seemingly disinterested girls, or even slightly dismissive girls, or even girls that act a little angry or standoffish, you can not only turn around, but even have them be disineterested.....all the way back to your place or to your bed.
Because if I only walked up and approached girls that gave me a warm/good response right from the get go, I'd be much less successful. I'm not talking dedicating an hr's worth of time...but sometimes it takes 10-20+ minutes and the girl that was at first completely neutral and not seemingly into you, is now VERY into you. Just because you stayed unreactive and kept doing your thing.
Walls, and Seemingly Uninterested Women
Eugene-
When I say "walls," imagine a woman crossing her arms and looking away from you and turning her body away and ignoring you. She's basically shut you down, and you can chase as much as you want, but you're stuck firmly on the outside, because she's already decided she isn't interested. Wall = brick wall. Surmountable on occasion? Sure. Worth the work? Usually no. Better just to do things right and not need to bust your tail for what you could've gotten more easily with a little bit of awareness.
On approaching seemingly disinterested women - it happens sometimes, and you can swing women who were cool to you at first your way. But - unless you're a rare exception to the rule - if you think back over which women have ended up as your lovers and girlfriends, I'm pretty sure you'll find that most of them showed you a little bit of warmth or interest too. Certainly there are the ones who gave you nothing at first, and you went in and pulled off some heroics and won the day... but part of the reason these are so exciting and amazing is also because they're a lot less common than the alternative.
The guy who's ignoring the women giving him signals they're interested in him to only go for the ones who aren't is the guy who passes on layups to keep attempting half-court shots. He'll get some now and then, and it'll be amazing, but he'll end up missing most of his opportunities to score, including some really great shots. And you might think the most beautiful girls won't signal you, but if you're handling your fundamentals, you'll be quite surprised - it isn't too terribly hard to get to a place where very attractive women signal you they're open to meeting you at least some of the time. Would be a pity to be so busy searching for rubies that you miss out on some easy diamonds.
Chase
What do you recommend?
Chase, keep up the good work!
I agree with most of this article. George Clooney seems to be a good example of what you are saying, he is not an overly aggressive, stupid, antisocial guy, but suave, charming and nice with people. That's a good role model for most of us.
I have been visiting this site for about a month and that means more than eight articles. My brain is starting to rewire itself and my view of the world have been changing substantially.
That said, I don't have a clear idea of how to proceed from approach to close. Do you have any particular recommendations?.
Thank you.
M
Approach to Close
Miguel-
Glad to hear your brain's giving itself an overhaul. Check out this article - should be the one you want:
How to Approach a Girl Wherever You Are (Easily)
Chase
S-girls
Any advice on dating introverted, smart girls? I think I've read somewhere you don't like them... did you have bad experiences with them? Are there any major differences when it comes to meeting and dating them?
Smart & Introverted
Xantar-
I will only date intelligent (and educated) women, but you're right on introverts... they're not really my thing. I prefer women who are more ambiverted - more middle-of-the-road between the pure introverts and extraverts. That's probably more personal preference than anything - I'm a middle-of-the-road ambivert type who can swing either extravert or introvert depending on the circumstance (though I lean slightly more extravert), and wild crazy extraverts are too annoying for me as mates, while quiet, aloof introverts are too reserved - I need at least semi-excitable women who like sparking new conversations, otherwise we're not going to have a whole lot of interacting going on because I'll switch into introvert workaholic mode if I'm not outside the house.
The major difference with introverts is just that they hardly go out. You'll have better luck meeting them via day game (nighttime is almost exclusively the domain of extraverts), but probably the best luck via social circle. They tend to pair up into longer, stabler, less volatile relationships, and stay single shorter / marry earlier in life than more extraverted women, from everything I've seen.
Think "stable, but not terribly exciting," and you've got the introvert girlfriend profile. Which, depending on your personal needs and likes, may be either horrible or wonderful - very much depends upon you.
Chase
Being future oriented and paranoid, being hard headed, mini FLR
Chase, im future oriented, but im paranoid of bad things. I always think of the worst case scenario and it makes me not do what I want to do. How can I stop these made up worst case scenario?
Im also very hard headed chase, when I am told to do something i do it in a way I want to. It can be from sports to advice, i just am hard headed and rebellious. Even when it comes to some things you say, like what to text a girl and what not, I try to change it up, but it seems to not work. How can I stop being hard headed and rebellious and listen?
Example: You say what's your schedule for the week look like? and I say what days are you free? I remember seeing a comment about not wording things right. Could you tell me what's the difference between the two?
P.S. I have a mini field report, nothing big. I danced with a girl all night, got the number, but before she left she told me that her and her friend where leaving and I said ok, it was an awkward goodbye. Its like she wanted to give me a hug or tell me to come with, idk. All I can say is I never heard from her again.
Did she want me to go with her? And is she angry that I didn't?
Your the man chase.
Present-Fatalistic, Hard-Headed
Wolf-
In fact, that's present-fatalism, when it feels like nothing you do will result in any future dividends paying off. Because you're fatalistic about the future, you end up mostly drifting along now, not building much for the future because what's the use anyway. Best way out of it I've found is to just pick something that you KNOW will work, based on seeing lots of people do it already, and forcing yourself to do it until you have a reference point for success (working out was this way for me; even though I thought, "No way, I'll NEVER get muscles," I kept lifting and pushing myself to go up in strength until I finally got bigger).
I know for me at least, almost everything new I start out doing I start out present-fatalistic, and have to push through that to adopt a future mindset, which I don't get until I'm seeing some modicum of success.
On being hard-headed - you might just need to suffer enough failures that you realize, "Okay, try to learn by taking knowledgeable people's advice and then adding in my own random stuff that comes not from experience but from speculation is bad. Let me START by doing stuff exactly as instructed to get a baseline, and then I can try my own variations and see if they work better."
"What's your schedule for this week look like?" is open-ended; she can answer however she likes. She can say, "Super busy; how about next week?"; she can say, "I'm all clear this week! When do you want to meet?"; she can say, "Friday's open for me - how's Friday night?" It's low pressure on her, and makes you seem like a really cool, socially savvy guy. "When are you free?", conversely, is high-pressure; she MUST decide if she wants a date with you and respond NOW. It's also a "cultural baggage"-type line; so many guys have asked her "When are you free?" already that she associates it mentally with clueless men who don't get women and act like retards on dates. It's equivalent to saying, "Can I have your number?" or, "Hi, what's your name?"
The girl who left awkward left that way because she knew you were dancing with her because you wanted something with her, and probably had some kind of expectation out of her, and then there she was, just leaving. You were hanging around, waiting for something to happen, and she hung around, leading you on to believe that something might happen, and then... she left. Very awkward. Much better if you move her somewhere earlier in the night - see my article on dance floor game or Peter's on dance floor seduction for how to do this properly.
Chase
Pareto's 80/20 law
Hi Chase. I have being hearing a lot of this 80/20 rule but I don't really know how to apply it. yeah I know the scope which is 20% of your results will come from 80% of your actions by an forgotten Italian economist.but how do I apply this to my life? Do you know any good books I can read on the subject before you post an article?\
Grazie,
Pareto
Anon-
I'm sure there are books on it, though I don't know if you actually need a book. The simplest way to use it: sit down and ask yourself what 20% of your work is generating the 80% of your results, and can you focus on that? Conversely, is there an 80% of your work that's only generating 20% of your results, and can you reduce or eliminate that somehow? e.g., if it's your business, maybe you can outsource it, or if it's a product, maybe you can just drop that product, or make it clear that you're no longer going to offer support for it if it's a tech support nightmare.
If it's dating, maybe you realize that 80% of your results are coming from two different nightclubs, so perhaps you ought to double-down on those places even more. Or perhaps you realize only 20% of your time is coming from X bar or Y street you go to Sunday afternoons, but 80% of your time out meeting women is spent in these places - might be time to cut them out and make way for something better and new.
Chase
Howdy Chase.once again
Howdy Chase.once again another smashing article.I have two questions.
1.I have plans of creating an application but what's stopping,me from this is that
1.I don't want a situation where if I'm successful well known it prevent me from traveling the world like Mark Zolo from Naughtynomad.com with out being recognized and have worse happen to me.
2. where can I learn to build applications like say Facebook for free?do I start learn how to build it on websites like treehouse or should not trust such websites and build it myself?
Thanks
Programming
Anon-
I wouldn't worry about losing anonymity. Even if you build something that goes beyond your wildest dreams, you only get famous if that's what you want and you do interviews and make yourself a media presence. Go through a list of the wealthiest men in the world and pick out how many of them you'd recognize if you crossed paths walking down the street... I'm guessing not many. That's because not many of them have stayed (or wanted to stay) consistently in the limelight.
I don't know Treehouse or other places to learn app-building, but I'd suggest you do a web search for "learn Ruby on Rails" or "learn Python." You might also search on Hacker News - there are plenty of links to learning sites there (search bar at the bottom of the page).
Don't worry about people stealing your code - the most important thing is to get building and learning. The code you write when you first start out is going to be nothing like what you eventually end up writing once you've got some experience under your belt - and I almost guarantee that whatever big super app you've got cooking up now, within a year or two you'll be working on something entirely different. That's just how it goes with learning a new skill.
Chase
Getting off my butt and good jobs while working on degree
Hey chase, I'm in a slump, and I don't feel like doing anything but what my natural routine has been for the past few years. I feel lazy and time is just passing so fast. I'm not making any moves. How can i stop being lazy, get off my ass, get a new job and get my hustle on?
I'm not even in school because I don't have a way to get there and I need a better job and hustle.
I'd like to know what kind of job I can have that makes a lot of money without a degree and for when I go to school. I'm tired of my retail job, but I have no idea where to look for a good paying job. All the jobs I find are retail jobs or they're jobs with high turn overs that don't fit my schedule for school for the time I plan to go. Could you give me some good jobs I can work at ? Thanks.
Good Jobs
Balla-
You seem to be asking the wrong questions - you're very focused on what you can get, instead of what you can give. The question you should be asking is, "If I want an awesome high-paying job with flexible hours that fit my schedule, what do I need to be able to offer to get such a job?"
I'd recommend you start learning a skill you can make a career freelancing out of - something in programming is probably best right now. You can get okay pay in something like graphic design or branding or marketing, but these jobs are competitive and there are lots of people overseas doing them too. Things like IT though, there's plenty of money in. I THROW money after IT, and I still have trouble finding a good IT guy - one guy will be good for a while, and then he's never available, or I find out he's milking the clock and not doing any work. There's loads and loads of opportunity in IT right now for anyone with a solid skill set and a solid work ethic.
Check out the No Excuse List to find tools on learning whatever you want to learn. I'd recommend PHP or Rails if you're going to do programming - but you need SOME kind of marketable skill, because as nice as people are, nobody's going to pay you good money to stand around and look pretty (unless you're going to be a model or an actor, that is... and even then, you've got to know how to model, or act - you need SKILLS!).
On getting things done - try this. Every morning when you wake up, write down the three most important things for you to do that day.
Then do them.
Chase
please help
So I met this girl while pole vaulting in a training camp and i know i did pretty well when we first met at least i had presence since i was doing something im good at there and my attainability and value were in good balance and i ended up getting to second base and making out a lot! (sex or third base couldnt happen because of the situation we were in. too many people and we were sneaking it) so that didn't happen and so we both went back home and it turns out she lived 5 hours away. which really sucked because i connected with her ALOT but we continued skyping a lot and eventually i got invited to her house everything went well and i got to third base in her car. she is a virgin and pretty young so i didnt get sex but i got eveything else. I thought i was in the "perfect boyfriend" (which is better than uninterested i think) dynamic until i got back home. At first she would talk to me but then her phone was taken for a while when she got it back it was the day before she started in a new school and i start a week later. Anyways after she got her phone back she started the new school and has been very unresponsive and often takes 2 hours to respond. She says she is busy which i kindove believe since she is the type to do EVERYTHING and school is just starting but i want your opinion on this. I really cliqued with this girl and i know i may be able to find others like her but i would like this relationship to at the very least last longer. I really hope i can make this work and i need your advice!!
sorry this is off topic
In high hopes,
Zack
Failed Escalations
Zack-
This is pretty common after a failed escalation, where you almost get to sex, then don't get there. Occasionally girls will still want to see you again (when they've logically decided "yes"), but the majority of the time you get one shot at it, and if you don't close the deal (penetrative vaginal sex), it's done.
There are some ways you can re-interest her, though none that are terribly easy. See the second category in this article for thoughts on this: "3 Second Date Strategies to Make Her Flirt and Swoon."
Chase
please tell me I am cynical or something
Hi Chase,
I have been thinking. Writing this here, hoping for a reply, although there is no real question to this article coming.
What about all those songs written to make girls think they were written for them? A lot of sad men are singing their asses off and are adored by women. They would appear totally clingy in real life. I guess the girl listens to the song and then knows its not for her. She gets jealous. Of she might not even like the guy, just the song. But she does not like guys, or does not believe guys who are really romantic and not needy.
Guys like that don't enjoy songs from Justin Bieber, but they will show her that they have feelings.
To find a person that loves you, that makes you feel needed and validated, you need to cultivate this very emotion in yourself without being with anyone.
The problem with that is simply, if you have all the confidence you need to get that women you want, you will not want her as much anymore.
So what we are feeling is this emptyness in our soul we're trying to fill with the love from another person.
But if we have this, if we commit, we won't do it because of a feeling that the so called nice guy is looking for.
If you love with a style, lets say it like that, you will have a sense for romantics and sensual thought, besides the physical attraction, and the need for someone else to fill that mentioned emptyness.
Our ancestors actually were more free. We instead of loving each other like we could in our free time, we are loving things in our leasure time. I mean we used to be free, when we accepted our nature. And we are running away from it by playing games all the time.
Chase, you seem like a good guy. But do you have kids? Did you have a 5 year relation ship? Do you want kids? Just asking.
To me it appears we are floating around, not being aware of the fact that love is not what a nice guy is looking for. Love is dedication from a person who chooses to care for you. But we, us men, and maybe women too, we have to realize that love is not helping us, real love means to let them go. We can only love the moment like a true casanova. Everything else will be a lot of trouble, or at least compromizes. But without them, humans would all be as savvy as Chase is and eventually humans would be history. The last ones would have had the most fun though:) At least from a I need to bed her and her and her soon point nof view.
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