Fundamentals

Do looks matter when attracting women? Sure, they help, but there are other, much more important factors when it comes to getting laid.

Hey, guys. Today, I would like to bang an old drum – discussing the matter of looks and how it plays into seduction. This is a subject we have discussed to death, but I would like to offer another perspective, or at least broach the subject from a different point of view.

There have been multiple views regarding looks. For example, I’m not tall, and I happen to live in northern Europe, where most guys are very tall. That makes me small compared to most guys. But here’s a funny thing about height – it was never a problem for me to be shorter than most of my fellow countrymen.

When I started learning pickup, I never had to read all the ranting about height and meeting women. I started at 15, so my brain was less polluted by limiting beliefs than most guys. I went out meeting girls and never once has my height been an issue.

I never really thought about it until I started seeing the subject discussed over and over again on forums. Luckily, by this point, my experience had proved to me that it’s not an issue that affects my success. Would it be nice to be taller? Sure. Would it have a positive impact on me? Maybe.

But nobody is perfect, and I won't get taller, but I am now closing in on 27. I still have all my hair, and my hair is very beautiful. I do take good care of it, though. I also have a cute baby face, compensated for by masculine facial hair. According to many women, my eyes are dark and intriguing, yet I never heard a single girl telling me this before I entered the world of seduction.

I am also far from being ripped muscle-wise. Before 2016, I was a bit overweight. People who know me well call it the “fatty” period of my pickup career. I’m still not ripped, and never has that been an issue for me. I have the same success today that I did back when I was a little bigger.

Now, there are many aspects of looks, so let’s start by debunking a common saying we see a lot in the pickup community.

Men often think women don't like them for something unrelated. When in fact 'she's intimidated by you' is often the true cause of women's reserve.

Do you intimidate women?

Might you intimidate women even if you think you don't?

For years, a professionally successful friend of mine has struggled with women. He's a tall guy with a healthy bank account, a good head on his shoulders, and a rugged ex-Marine Corps background. On top of all that, he's studied game under many of the more notable seduction gurus that have come and gone.

This friend does direct day game, and everyone who's gone out with him tells me his game is very solid. It's no problem for him to attract attractive (and often much younger) women. He has little difficulty to get them out onto dates either. Many of them come home to his place after, and often he's able to kiss them and begin the escalation.

But there his efforts stop. Because almost every single woman he ends up this far with (and he gets this far with lots of girls) puts the brakes on hard and leaves. He can go almost a year without sleeping with a new girl sometimes, despite bringing girl after girl to his place and getting to the kiss.

He's tried taking it slow and stretching things out across multiple dates. He's tried going for it in one date. He tried an exercise I gave him, where his mission was to invite one girl home each day for 30 days, including women he'd just met on the street. It surprised him how easy it was to get girls back to his place -- yet none of these girls he pulled home slept with him.

He's tried technique after technique, method after method. He's tried abandoning seduction techniques and focusing on the gym or clothes or other physical attractive qualities. He's tried everything. He's mystified myself and a few other very experienced friends too... purely by dumb luck a guy who pulls as many women home as he does should sleep with one of them at least accidentally. But almost every single seduction of his ends the same way.

In the end though, it turned out there was one thing above all he had to fix.

Once he fixed it, he finally cleared his final hurdle to getting together with women he wanted.

That one thing was intimidate women less -- a problem he did not even realize he had.

Vibe is a HUGE factor when it comes to attracting women. Here’s how to tweak your vibe to more reliably spark attraction in girls, get them on dates, and into bed.

How important is maintaining a positive vibe when picking up women? Long story short, the difference in results between low-energy or moody men and positive-minded extroverts is night and day.

The best supporting data I know of is my own experience, which, as a dating coach, is varied and vast. But there are some case studies that convincingly illustrate the phenomenon, like this one about the “halo effect”:

In the video, two groups of women watch a dating proposal made by the same guy. But the guy makes two videos, one for each group of women. In each video, he uses the same script but with a different vibe.

He’s upbeat and expressive in one version, with good posture. In the other, he’s slouching, not looking at the camera as much, and speaking with a less-enthusiastic tonality.

The women who viewed the video with the upbeat vibe generally agreed they’d be down to go on a date with him. The other group, hearing the same script but with less positive energy, all declined.

Same guy, same script, different vibe (tonality, mood, posture, lighting). One video sparked no interest in the guy; the other sparked attraction!

Since attraction is the key factor here, let’s dig a bit deeper and discuss ways you can tweak your vibe to spark it.

Want to get better with women but don’t know exactly how to go about it? Follow these steps to create a plan that makes efficient use of your time and your mind.

How should you go about planning for success when it comes to learning about women?

This is a difficult question to answer because seduction has many moving parts, but to follow up on my previous post, I will describe my process and the questions I use to forge my way through the chaos.

To plan for success in seduction – or anything you want to get better at – try asking these three questions.

• What do you need to improve?

• When do you need to improve it?

• And why?

These questions might seem simple at first glance, but we can only learn at a certain rate. Therefore, to improve at a rapid pace, you want to streamline the process by focusing on what is most important for you at a certain time, with the right purpose behind it. While these questions are simple, there is a lot more substance to them than meets the eye. So, in this article, I will go through a few things that should make answering them an easier task.

Knowing why you need to learn something requires you to understand the broad context. Knowing when to learn something requires self-awareness. And knowing what to improve requires access to technical details and common trends. The substance of these questions is in how you go about developing technical proficiency, self-awareness, and contextual understanding.

It's basic, but it's also easy to forget to do. Smile when you approach a girl, and your odds of success with her go way up.

Sometimes the simplest stuff is the most important.

Every now and again, despite however many years at this, I will go out and discover things aren't going my way. Women don't glance at me or hover near me; when I approach them, they're lukewarm.

At first, whenever something like this happens, I assume it's randomness and asymmetry. Not everyone who sees you will like you; not everyone you talk with you'll connect with. Yet sometimes the pattern keeps up, well past the point you can chalk it all up as randomness. You meet more girls, talk to more girls, and they're still not as receptive as they should be.

Whenever this happens, I do a post-mortem on the outing. What did I do wrong? Where'd I screw up? I can usually find a few areas.

One of the most common, though, is also one of the most basic. All too often, I've been off in whatever kind of mood, and realize I haven't been smiling.

How do you become magnetic? The kind of guy who DRAWS attention to him, even when he's not currently doing anything.

He has... PRESENCE.

It feels like the air is different. The lighting.

He has a physical effect on the environment around him. How else can it be described?

Well, I can TEACH you how to become magnetic.

Watch.

When we jump the gun and learn specialized aspects of a new skill before getting a solid foundation, the skill can become imbalanced and riddled with holes.

I recently took a short hiatus from seduction to reflect upon its deeper nature.

During that time, I got into boxing, and I have been observing seduction in as much detail as I can to try to reach a new level of understanding. In doing so, I’ve realized something about getting good with women – or anything, for that matter. It relates to how and where we apply our effort and how to get the best possible results without wasting time and energy.

With boxing, I have spent the past year ensuring that every aspect of what I do inside the ring is 100% technically accurate. If I discovered a single flaw, I used drills, exercise, and good old-fashioned hard work to fix it. I lost weight, removed the rust I had accumulated, and changed my foundation as a boxer from head to toe. I worked on my footwork, guard, head movement, hand speed, jab, combinations, counters, and overall conditioning.

It was tough, but I’ve started turning heads as my technical skill has become more apparent. I am entering a new phase where technical ability is non-negotiable. I am capable of all the things that make a decent boxer. However, I realize this is not the end of the road.

To progress further, I have had to let go of ideas of what might be good enough to beat most fighters and start thinking about what is good enough to win against a specific opponent. I’ve made the shift from “good enough” to genuinely commanding my fate.

This is something that is true in seduction as well. At first, we must gain enough ability that it is no longer a case of if we can get a girl, but when. We do so by acquiring universal strengths, traits, and attributes that help us achieve that level of confidence.

After this goal is attained, we then face a tough period where we question what we want, and on the other side of that soul searching is a whole new phase of learning.

See a hot girl during the day and want to get her number, or even take her home? It can be done! But if you expect to reel her in, you’ll need a quality hook.

Most new guys have a hard time hooking a woman they’ve approached during the day – and it’s no surprise. When you approach women, your veins course with adrenaline. You’re consumed with fear over what people will think about you. You can barely force air through your lungs and move your legs, never mind form consonants and vowels into intelligent conversation.

If you’re in this nervous state, most women won’t hook. They’ll take one look at your stuttering, anxious being and just… keep on walking.

Remember the rule of state transference – whatever you feel, she feels.

That’s why I recommend spending at least a year working on your approach anxiety and hooking. What to actually say should be the last thing you worry about, as it’s the hardest aspect of game to learn and it relies more on experience than study.

Once you get the fundamentals down, hooking becomes natural.

In my day-game model, hooking is simply getting the girl you approached to engage you back. You talk, she listens – she talks, you listen.

To get laid in a competitive dating market, you need an alluring pitch. You gotta know the customer and present yourself well to gain an edge and close the deal.

You need to market well, but marketing is only attention. Once you get attention, you have to make the sale. I follow this process with women and with Girls Chase.

With Girls Chase, I write articles. I post on Instagram and YouTube. This is all marketing.

Then, over email, phone calls, texting, and Instagram, I sell my private coaching and my book, which will soon be a standalone product, but is an upsell for One Date right now. I had to learn (and am still learning) both sides of the equation.

Marketing is about presenting yourself in a way that’s intriguing and different to people, as the market is very saturated. It’s also about being clear, honest, and entertaining. If people get bored reading or watching you, you won’t sell. If people don’t think what you have to say is new or unique, you won’t sell.

It’s the same when talking to a girl. If your first impression isn’t strong and there’s no external reason for her to give you more attention (e.g., you’re in her social circle), then she will bow out and click on some other video on the sidebar (i.e., another guy at the bar, party, or club).

Sales is taking someone who is in your marketing funnel and converting them into a customer. Someone who clicks “buy” and enters their information. It’s almost as intimate as someone deciding to sleep with you. Almost.

They have to want it but also feel it’s worth the cost. Is it worth shelling out $70 for Hector’s college book? Is it worth spending $2,000 on his coaching?

My frame is, “Yes, it is. It’s worth even more than that, so get it now while it’s this affordable.” The stronger my frame becomes, the better I am at selling and marketing. If you believe in your product, people will believe in it, too.

Some choose to market with deception. They skew who they are. There’s nothing wrong with poetic exaggeration. Every good story is embellished. But if your only strategy is clickbait and false promises, you will eventually be revealed for the fraud you are.

This often happens when you’re good but not great with women. Women will like you and sleep with you. But after spending time with you, the glitches in your character are revealed. This is fine – if you dedicate yourself to improving your product. You.

The product is you.

As a high value man, it's easy to seem out of girls' leagues. A focus on the High Value Man Big 5 for attainability keeps you in-reach for women you like.

Two days ago we talked about meeting women while staying safe in a paranoid dating society. The 'safety from vengeful women' adds just one more layer to the already thick binder of reasons you want to keep your attainability in the green zone.

Attainability is key to your success with women. If it's too low, women will auto-reject you. If it's too high, they won't be interested in you. There is an attainability 'sweet spot' you must operate inside of to do consistently well with women.

The subject of today's article is how to stay attainable when you're already a high value man. If you're the type of guy a girl might think is 'out of her league', attainability considerations become even more important for you -- because it's easy for you to blow it with women just by being your normal charming self.