Fundamentals

Lovers seduce women; fighters intimidate men. But why do men choose the specializations they do – and which should you choose?

I was probably about 20 years old when I accepted what was to me a weird fact at the time. That fact was that the toughest, manliest, most utterly male, intimidating men usually only dated girls who were just okay. They didn’t get gorgeous girls... not usually. They’d get girls with ordinary faces, ordinary brains, and maybe okay bodies.

I’d seen a similar trend in myself. In midway through high school I’d switched images: from nerd chic to the leather jacket bad boy look. And though I was unquestionably cooler and tougher looking, the fevered pursuit I’d had from popular, pretty girls over the previous four years died down. Men, however, respected me more than ever. I’d gained more male respect, but at the cost of female desire.

Fast forward a few years. I’d internalized the lesson that men who acted über manly had focused their efforts on appealing to male measurements of power and dominance... and cost themselves in women. It was a hard decision at the time, but at last I said “I will no longer live my life for other men.” And as I reinvented myself again, this time with an emphasis on what attracted women, I became more attractive to women once more, with some small cost to the respect other men held for me. I stopped being a fighter, and became a lover.

Ultimately, I’d say it was a good move for me, in many ways. Ultra maleness is not so conducive to being a writer or a business owner. Nor is it so good a fit for a man who wants to travel around and network with other people. Taking my foot off the masculinity gas somewhat freed me to not have to be a caveman in everything I did. And of course, the women... they’re much better for the guys who aren’t male caricatures.

Lovers vs. fighters is something Hector delved into with last week’s “A Feminine Man, Done Right, Can be Wildly Sexy to Women.” In that article, he discussed how a certain degree of femininity in men can trump overdone masculinity when it comes to success with girls.

Today, I want to go into the science and the psychology of it: why men choose the paths they do, and which one is actually the more fruitful path to choose.

There’s a lot to remember about meeting new girls. So what are the most important parts? Remember these 5 keys and you’re off to the races.

I hear it from so many different directions, so much advice littering the internet from the great to the terrible. I myself struggled for years with a plethora of different advice, good and bad, going day after day with seemingly no progress in the way I was approaching girls.

I felt like I was going through a haze. I struggled to see my mistakes and understand my wrongs. Women seemingly ran from me every chance they got, especially when it came down to the simple task of approaching a girl successfully.

Then, as time went on, I got better. I started seeing certain things work and others fall flat. Girls started chasing me off the open, giggling and blushing even.

In this article, I want to clear up the one topic everyone is constantly asking about. How do I approach a girl, get her attention, and get her liking me off the bat?

I have personally approached tens of thousands of women over the years, and I hope to clear up this topic for everyone once and for all. I will start with three common misconceptions. Then we are going to cover the five most important elements to a great first approach.

Some parts of ourselves, both mental and physical, are immutable. Exactly how much of ourselves (and what parts) can we actually change?

I was recently asked a very interesting question regarding human behavior and “nature versus nurture.” I myself ponder issues like this quite often, as I'm sure many Girls Chase readers do.

How much of who I am today was determined at birth? To what extent did culture, locale, parenting, etc. influence who I turned out to be? What aspects of my current “self” are the result of free will? Can attempting to change certain things about myself put me at odds with my nature and actually be detrimental to my well-being?

These are interesting questions that I love to explore for both men and for women. Most notably, are we truly ourselves, and can we change ourselves?

The truth of this matter is a rather convoluted mix of YES and NO. We are simultaneously human beings with immense control over our destiny – but also little to no control over our destiny.

Let’s explore!

Ever find yourself in a funk, where nothing you did with girls worked out? Sometimes it’s random. But sometimes it’s testosterone.

One of our more senior forum members, named Lao Che, has run into problems getting girls. Lao Che’s in his early 40s, travels often, and was until recently a regular hound dog. But then things fell off. He describes it as “I got old really fast.” He had a few relationships end poorly six months ago, and since then women won’t go beyond flirtation with him.

For years, Lao Che posted one lay report after another on the GC boards, often picking up girls the same night out of bars or sucking them into his world over a couple of dates and bedding them with ease. What happened?

I don’t know if it’s exactly his scenario (would need a few more details), but I suspect it is: most of the time when I see guys have total results reversals like this – where they go from lots of success with women, to no success with women – it’s a testosterone problem.

Testosterone problem? What’s that? What’s the cause... and why would getting T-levels flowing again after they’ve ebbed way down bring your results back up with women, too?

That’s the topic of today’s article: the low-T funk, what it looks like, how to identify it, and how to get back out of it. Don’t worry. I’m not going to give you any magic T-level rising potions to consume. But we will be talking ‘man stuff. If your T-levels are off, this is the stuff we’re going to get you doing to bring those levels back up.

Sexual tension is a potent magnet for the girls you most want. But what is it, and how do you generate it? With intrigue, limbo, and more.

Hey guys, and welcome back. Today I will stick to the plan and delve further into the non-verbal aspect of seduction. That being said, all my recent posts on the subject should already contain enough information to get you laid, as the most crucial basics were covered – not to mention all the additional cool tricks I tossed in to increase your odds:

• 3 Body Position Phases When You Talk to New Girls
• Eye Contact Seduction: Basics and Advanced
• Why Touch is Vital to Girls and Dating
• Calibrating Touch to the Girl You're With
• Advanced Ways to Touch Her on Dates and Pickups
• The Kiss and Other Mouth Moves in Physical Escalation
  

Now prepare yourselves – the upcoming posts will be more advanced and more complex in nature. Not only will we get into more advanced (and perhaps even vague) concepts, we’ll also get more into the details. If you aspire to make your overall non-verbal game tighter, then these posts are for you.

Some of these posts may also be useful for those of you who desire more interesting and pleasurable seductions (many forget that the seduction process can also be something pleasurable instead of purely instrumental!).

So today I will discuss sexual tension – a powerful thing, yet a very vague concept. It is a very hard thing to explain, but once you experience it with a girl, chances are you will hook up with her. So let us in this first post try to demystify the concept, then in the next post discuss how do create it – and more importantly, control it. Let us being by covering what sexual tension is.

If you don’t touch her, it’ll be awkward. Yet touch even in and of itself is attractive in its own right.

As you guys know, I am making a series on non-verbal seduction.

I started by covering body positioning and eye contact, and will now cover one of the most crucial topics in non-verbal seduction – physical escalation – which you accomplish with touch.

I know… there are a lot of posts regarding this topic here on Girls Chase:

• Book Excerpts: 4 Ways for Touching Women
• Tactics Tuesdays: How to Touch Women (the Scientific Way)
• Book Excerpts: Mastering Sexual Touch
• 7 Ways to Touch a Girl + 3 Ways to Have HER Touch YOU
• How to Physically Escalate in Public with Girls
• Mutual Escalation
  
• Touch and Subcommunication
• Tactics Tuesdays: 7 Rules to Help Guys Touch Girls Right
  

However, I believe pedagogically speaking, it is a good thing to get the same material explained in different ways, with different structure and different context.

And there will likely be a few things in here that you have never thought of.

I will do my best to add in some juice for you veterans, but I will also cover a few basics in order to recap key ideas while providing a good introduction for new readers.

Due to the importance of the subject of touching in regards to non-verbal seduction, I have decided to make this a three-part post; this first installment will cover more theoretical implications, while the next will be more practical. Further down the road, I plan to cover different ways of touching in addition to more advanced concepts, such as the “ladder,” mutual escalation, and the use of fractionation in touching.

Let us begin this post by explaining why physical escalation is key – and I am sure the explanation will cover more than what you originally anticipated.

Pedro Pascal’s portrayal of Oberyn Martell is unabashedly sexy. What makes his character so compelling? Fundamentals, panache, and finesse.

There are times in life when we cross paths with men – real men – men whose very presence sparks a reaction within us: “Wow, here is a man. I want to be just like him.”

This particular awe-inspiring male personality may differ from person to person, but each of us have had that experience. Whether it’s a father figure, a brother figure, a mentor, or a perfect stranger, we hope to spend enough time around that person to absorb their traits and learn what they know about masculinity, life, and women.

However, in a world where masculinity is becoming more demonized and ridiculed, these men aren’t so easy to come by, and they aren’t always in a position to teach us in a meaningful way. These days, it’s common to be without access to powerful male role models. Sometimes all we have to rely on are books and film. We watch a movie, a TV show, or read a book... and into the scene strolls a man – he may be fictional, but goddamn is he mesmerizing. So we pay attention.

We often connect more with someone on a screen or page than we do with anyone else in real life. Personally, there are a host of fictional characters who have played a more substantial role in my growth as a man than most real men I’ve met. They were ideals of the writer or creator transformed into beings worthy of emulation. And this is nothing new. Ever since the first story was told, men have emulated the traits of their heroes, real or fictional.

The inception of this series actually began with Giacomo Casanova. While reading his memoirs, I thought “This guy’s story needs to be told in a modern form.” I planned on rewriting his adventures, then deeply analyzing his lays (which number over a hundred and include royalty) so that GC readers wouldn’t have to work their way through the beautiful yet difficult translations of his 17th century Italian.

When I dropped that project, however, a very similar idea came to me – why not analyze the many men of television, cinema, literature, and history, who are outstanding examples of power and sensuality?

Thus was born “Seduction Spotlight.” The name should speak for itself.

I will show you in detail how these characters seduce women, dominate their foes, and exemplify other masculine pursuits, such as achieving one’s dreams. Through this analysis you should then be able to truly understand how they do what they do, and, in turn, do it yourself (adhering to the laws of your land and time, of course).

With this inaugural article, then, I will shine that spotlight on my personal favorite, Oberyn Martell of the TV show Game of Thrones, inspired by the Song of Fire and Ice book series written by George R.R. Martin. Oberyn Martell is played by the actor Pedro Pascal.

Since Oberyn’s character only aired for a little under forty minutes in the fourth season of Game of Thrones, I cover nearly all his scenes in order to highlight his fundamentals, game, and mindsets. I’ll cite the episodes if you want to follow along on your HBO Go, but I’ll also provide YouTube links for each scene (some YouTube vids are censored).

Here are a pair of videos that cover every scene he’s in if you want a compilation:

Seductive eye contact is about more than eyelids and gaze direction. With these 3 basic eye contact rules, plus a few advanced tactics, you’ll melt her.

Lately I have been making posts on non-verbal seduction. Non-verbal seduction is a lot of fun and has a lot of benefits – such as being possible in loud clubs. If you’d like my lesson on pulling off verbal seduction in a loud club, here it is: you can’t. This is why those of us (myself included) who enjoy using fancy verbals tend to avoid loud clubs or stick to smoking and lounge areas.

But this will no longer be a problem, for today we will go further down the rabbit hole of non-verbal seduction. One common misconception is that non-verbal seduction is easier than verbal seduction. This is wrong. However, it is important to keep in mind that it is easier to occasionally “get lucky” and enjoy freebies with non-verbal seduction. Becoming consistent and enjoying repeated success, on the other hand, is hard. This requires more than just “gazing her down” and touching her like a caveman.

This forces us to become more calibrated and develop more than a simple “trained eye” and that “smooth vibe” that usually results from field experience. To achieve success and avoid failure, it is still a prerequisite to gain knowledge. And in order to get good at non-verbal seduction, one has to get deeper in the analysis of those concepts, which at first glance to a “clueless” eye, may seem banal. For good non-verbal seduction, the devil is indeed in the details.

In last week’s article, we discussed the oftentimes overlooked yet crucial subject of positioning. Today’s topic, eye contact, is no different. Now, keep in mind that this post, the previous post, and the upcoming posts related to non-verbal seduction will cover techniques that can also be used when delivering verbals; for example, eye contact is obviously key in any form of seduction but is absolutely vital in non-verbal seduction – for obvious reasons, these are the only tools you have at your disposal when verbals are rendered useless. When given fewer “tools” to operate with, perfection is required.

Without further ado let’s get to it.

Your body positioning when you approach a new girl tells her a lot about you, fast. If you want to make sure you send the right signals, you want to get the positioning right.

Since lately we’ve been discussing non-verbal seduction, I decided to go a bit further and discuss the actual tools for non-verbal seduction. These upcoming posts will cover in depth some commonly known tools, but they will also discuss some oftentimes disregarded tools that are actually vital – remember that with non-verbal seduction, the devil lies in the details.

To illustrate this properly, I’ve decided to make today’s topic about positioning.

We will base our analysis on clubs and bars, but the exact same principle applies for parties and day game. The reason I use the club is because positioning is more important in this atmosphere and has more nuances in typical night game spots.

By positioning, I am referring to your body’s position relative to the female with whom you are interacting (or trying to interact with, if we are talking pre-approach) – where your body is facing, your distance from her, and even the particular spot where you’re standing can be a big factor. We will discuss all three phases of body positioning in three sections covering three broad seduction phases, namely:

1. The Pre-opening (before you engage)

2. The Post-opening (just after you engage – often described as the “hook-phase”)

3. The Seduction Phase (I am not only referring to when you are making out, or back at your place, but the phase where you have opened, she is hooked in, and you have some rapport, and preferably you are in isolation with her)

Let us now discuss how positioning works during the first phase.

You can be attractive to girls before you even open your mouth. You do this with presence: the hypnotic, mesmerizing masculine quality.

Hey guys. Today I will discuss a vital topic, rarely discussed – namely, presence.

Most guys are so focused on what to do in an interaction with women they forget the stuff before the interaction. This forgetfulness is understandable... After all, it is hard to focus on too many things when you are new. The conversation itself seems so immediate it can be hard to focus on anything else. And yet, the phase that precedes the interaction can play a tremendous role.

I will not discuss screening in this post, even though the screening phase is part of this crucial pre-interaction stage. If you are interested in screen and approach-invitation triggering, do not worry, there are more than enough posts covering the subject:

• Book Excerpts: What to Screen Women For (screening)
• What Should Your Standards Be When Picking Up Women? (screening)
• Tactics Tuesdays: Screening Girls for Same Day Lays (screening)
• Which Women Want Sex? Here's How to Tell (screening)
• How Screening Game (Sniper Game) Compares to Traditional Game (screening)
• What's the Best Way to Pick Up Girls? Get the Ones Looking for You (screening)
• 7 Approach Invitations You’ll Get from Girls (approach invitations)
• Tactics Tuesdays: Attention Grabs (to Elicit Approach Invitations) (approach invitations)

What we will focus on here is how one can be attractive from a distance – without even opening your mouth – before even approaching a girl. And even though we kind of touched upon that in my previous article, let’s dig a bit further into actual tips and tricks you can apply today. However, my previous post does serve as a great foundation for this one (so if you have not read it, check it out: “Warm Up with Physical Momentum and Get Laid Easier”).

Let us start with a fundamental topic before we get into the juicy stuff.