Fundamentals

When you set out to form new habits and self-improve, a big part of this is how to remember to make these adjustments in the first place.

Reader Kalyan writes in with a question about learning fundamentals:

“hey, i just noticed that your website lacks a very important article (or maybe i dont know of it. if thats the case please send me link(s)). i know fundamentals are important. and everyone knows eye contact is important for example.. but i find it very hard to consistently remember to consciously focus on eye contact... i feel because of that, mastering individual fundamentals like that is much slower. so, an article about how to learn or focus on fundamentals would be helpful. i know its a good idea to work on one aspect at a time, but how could you actually remember to work on even one thing when youre out and talking to women?”

It’s an interesting question, and in fact is one more concerned with mindfulness – the act of attunement to what is occurring both around you and within your head in the present moment – than the pure raw process of learning fundamentals.

The process of learning fundamentals themselves is straightforward:

1. Pick a fundamental to work on, be that eye contact, posture, vocal intonation, or another

2. Decide what to alter or improve in this fundamental
   

3. Make that alteration/improvement over and over across the next 30-90 days

4. Every time you notice yourself not doing it the way you want to do it, correct yourself

5. After 1-3 months (and many hundreds of internal reminders) have passed, it’s now automatic

This process can transform you into a man with impeccable, powerful body language, mannerisms, and behavior in a relatively short time (six months to a year for really complete change; though you’ll start to see the effects of this exercise as soon as you begin work on it).

Yet you must remember to remind yourself to adopt these better fundamentals to change them.

What if you can simply never remember to do it?

This guide lays out the major stages and steps to focus on for anyone new to picking up girls and dating women. Use it to get up and running fast.

Most of the boot camps I’ve held in my career as a dating coach have been with guys who were fairly weathered in their journey to success with women. But last week I found myself coaching a fresh-to-the-game kind of guy. Going out with me was among the first times he had ever gone out to approach women. But I was so used to dealing with guys who had at least some inkling of what success with women meant that I found myself utterly at a loss for words when it came to coaching someone this new.

That experience inspired me to write this article, in which I seek to not only give better advice to my student, but to provide something for anyone who is looking to make seduction a part of their lives. It’s something to help you avoid some of the pitfalls that made people like myself stumble back when we were new to learned success with women.

Want to make the women you gaze at find your glance irresistible? A simple dash of fractionation added to your eye contact is all it takes.

Hey, guys. I have shared a lot of practical techniques lately in addition to different strategies and tactics. My latest technical contributions have mostly been verbal gambits. Today, I decided to share some nonverbal techniques.

Personally, I find both verbal and nonverbal techniques to be equally powerful; they just have different uses. Here are a couple posts I have written about verbal vs. nonverbal game.

• Verbal vs. Nonverbal Approaches to Getting Girls

• Deciding When to Use Physical vs. Verbal Game

I think it all comes down to:

• Who you are – some people prefer one form to the other

• Context – some contexts are better for verbals; others are made for nonverbals

• What pros and cons you want to live with

• What kind of frame and vibe you want the seduction to follow – how you proceed will affect the pace, vibe, and frame

Anyway, without further ado, I am about to share a very simple yet powerful seduction technique that you can use:

• In clubs
• In bars
• During day game
• At parties
• And even on dates (if calibrated right)

Oh that’s quite interesting, isn’t it? This technique doesn’t require much brain power, either. This is a post that suits readers of all levels, particularly intermediate guys. Beginners can also give this a shot.

I will start off by sharing the technique, then I’ll explain the mechanism behind it.

Your game and your mindsets (inner game) are important. But the only thing women see and experience firsthand is your fundamentals.

This is one of my axioms of game. I consider it true on a biblical level.

Game is fundamentals.

Traditionally, we think of fundamentals as that which attracts bitties.

Your face. Your fashion. Your muscles. Your walk. Your voice.

These get your foot in the door. She’s interested enough to give you a hint that she wants to talk, be it a smile or a prolonged stare, and she’ll give you a good shot once you approach.

Afterwards, you spit game and try to amplify the already established attraction into arousal and lead her to bed.

Fundamentals get her interested. Game gets you inserted.

How are they equal, then?

There’s a lot to focus on in life, and little guidance. Where should you concentrate your efforts? To these 12 key areas: women, money, strategy, and more.

I’ve had guys ask me over the years what areas of their lives to focus on outside of women. And younger guys have asked what they ought to have handled as they get older. Society’s grown more complex than at perhaps any other time in history, due to myriad factors. However, one of the biggest factors has been the near-total abandonment of preparing young people for what to expect in life.

In place of lessons and guidance, we give them feel-good Hollywood films and vapid platitudes. Things that for prior generations were known and expected in life are surprises for the generations now coming of age, left to their own devices to figure these things out (or not).

So I’ve worked to set out a list here of the 12 most important things for a man to have handled before he turns 35. If you’re young, these are the items in life you need to concentrate your energy on. If you’re older and you haven’t handled all these yet, it’s not too late to start. This isn’t a list designed to make you ‘feel bad’ if you haven’t accomplished these yet – this article isn’t about ‘feelings’. This article is about masculine concerns: what areas of your life can you work on that will improve your life?

The more work you do on these 12 areas, the better your life will be.

If your life is already awesome, improve these areas and it will become more awesome. If it’s less than awesome, improve these areas and you will change that too. Note that some men have some degree of natural ability in some of these areas. But no one is a natural at them all – and every man has room to improve in each.

Fundamentals are the vehicle for your game. Game, being nothing more or less than the ability to get someone to do what you want, is itself verbal, but the performance of a seduction includes much more than that. It's the way you speak and the way you act. Very often, it's not what you say, but what you don't say.

To rekindle your own raw masculinity, you must become comfortable with those most familiar of masculine friends: struggle and pain.

We live in the most perfect of all existences.

Our good deeds are always rewarded, even if we don't notice. If we truly did someone a kindness – including ourselves – it will be rewarded in that moment or in the future.

Likewise, justice is always doled out in perfect unity, even if we do not always see its consequences.

The fruits we sow always come to fruition, no matter how far we run. Even if we isolate ourselves atop a remote mountain, away from any external, hostile threat, the most dangerous judge of them all, the one within ourselves, will crawl its way out from the depths of our being and ravage us as ruthlessly as we have others.

Existence is perfect.

But it isn’t always pretty.

Lovers seduce women; fighters intimidate men. But why do men choose the specializations they do – and which should you choose?

I was probably about 20 years old when I accepted what was to me a weird fact at the time. That fact was that the toughest, manliest, most utterly male, intimidating men usually only dated girls who were just okay. They didn’t get gorgeous girls... not usually. They’d get girls with ordinary faces, ordinary brains, and maybe okay bodies.

I’d seen a similar trend in myself. In midway through high school I’d switched images: from nerd chic to the leather jacket bad boy look. And though I was unquestionably cooler and tougher looking, the fevered pursuit I’d had from popular, pretty girls over the previous four years died down. Men, however, respected me more than ever. I’d gained more male respect, but at the cost of female desire.

Fast forward a few years. I’d internalized the lesson that men who acted über manly had focused their efforts on appealing to male measurements of power and dominance... and cost themselves in women. It was a hard decision at the time, but at last I said “I will no longer live my life for other men.” And as I reinvented myself again, this time with an emphasis on what attracted women, I became more attractive to women once more, with some small cost to the respect other men held for me. I stopped being a fighter, and became a lover.

Ultimately, I’d say it was a good move for me, in many ways. Ultra maleness is not so conducive to being a writer or a business owner. Nor is it so good a fit for a man who wants to travel around and network with other people. Taking my foot off the masculinity gas somewhat freed me to not have to be a caveman in everything I did. And of course, the women... they’re much better for the guys who aren’t male caricatures.

Lovers vs. fighters is something Hector delved into with last week’s “A Feminine Man, Done Right, Can be Wildly Sexy to Women.” In that article, he discussed how a certain degree of femininity in men can trump overdone masculinity when it comes to success with girls.

Today, I want to go into the science and the psychology of it: why men choose the paths they do, and which one is actually the more fruitful path to choose.

There’s a lot to remember about meeting new girls. So what are the most important parts? Remember these 5 keys and you’re off to the races.

I hear it from so many different directions, so much advice littering the internet from the great to the terrible. I myself struggled for years with a plethora of different advice, good and bad, going day after day with seemingly no progress in the way I was approaching girls.

I felt like I was going through a haze. I struggled to see my mistakes and understand my wrongs. Women seemingly ran from me every chance they got, especially when it came down to the simple task of approaching a girl successfully.

Then, as time went on, I got better. I started seeing certain things work and others fall flat. Girls started chasing me off the open, giggling and blushing even.

In this article, I want to clear up the one topic everyone is constantly asking about. How do I approach a girl, get her attention, and get her liking me off the bat?

I have personally approached tens of thousands of women over the years, and I hope to clear up this topic for everyone once and for all. I will start with three common misconceptions. Then we are going to cover the five most important elements to a great first approach.

Some parts of ourselves, both mental and physical, are immutable. Exactly how much of ourselves (and what parts) can we actually change?

I was recently asked a very interesting question regarding human behavior and “nature versus nurture.” I myself ponder issues like this quite often, as I'm sure many Girls Chase readers do.

How much of who I am today was determined at birth? To what extent did culture, locale, parenting, etc. influence who I turned out to be? What aspects of my current “self” are the result of free will? Can attempting to change certain things about myself put me at odds with my nature and actually be detrimental to my well-being?

These are interesting questions that I love to explore for both men and for women. Most notably, are we truly ourselves, and can we change ourselves?

The truth of this matter is a rather convoluted mix of YES and NO. We are simultaneously human beings with immense control over our destiny – but also little to no control over our destiny.

Let’s explore!