We’ve all experienced or have seen relationships go stale and die, but they don’t have to. The secret is to keep her addicted with volatility and unpredictability.
I’ve noticed some interesting patterns with a good friend of mine in the city. He’s been seeing this girl for a long time. He met her via day game and it ended up with sex on the first date. It’s been several years now, and he’s been seeing her like a girlfriend, while still gaming and sleeping with other girls discreetly on the side once in a while.
I think he would be trying to meet more women, but he seems to be pretty satiated with her at the moment. Whenever I see him, it’s always her that seems to be messaging and chasing after him. From what he tells me, their sex life is great. She always messages him to get together and sees him 2–4 times a week. It seems that they have wild sex virtually the entire time they’re together. He says she might be doing it to keep him from meeting other girls, which she knows he’s fully capable of doing.
This is a different pattern from what most guys do when they’re with women. They get comfortable, then play it safe in a relationship. Men try to keep their relationship stable — and effectively boring. It’s because the majority of guys are generally safe and boring by nature, so it’s their normal inclination to do the same with the women in their life.
On the other hand, women thrive on change, stimulation, and challenge, especially with shifting feelings and emotions. It’s even better when they can tie the source of those shifting emotions to the man they're with (women do this with bad boys, after all).
The Ideal Relationship for a Girl
For a guy, the ideal relationship is when the girl is devoted to him and gives him sex whenever he wants it, while also taking care of herself and always looking hot. On the flip side, a girl’s ideal relationship is to have a guy who is always stimulating and high value but just out of reach. In a sense, men and women have different goals (nothing new there).
The way a man can create addiction in a relationship is similar to how you create addiction any other way. Think of how gambling, drugs, and alcohol all create addiction. All involve vested time, effort, and feelings while providing a series of emotional spikes.
It follows that, to meet a girl’s ideal relationship dynamic as a man, you should make her invest time, effort, and feelings for you while giving her both positive and negative emotional spikes. You’re satisfying her dynamic of “I like this guy, and I think he likes me, but do I really have a handle on him?” That feeling makes her chase.
She hasn't got him figured out or locked down, but she knows the next win is right around the corner.
A guy should create a back-and-forth mix of high, positive notes, but also throw in some low notes. You can do this by:
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Building positive feelings by giving her investment, attention, and good communication
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Creating super high points like fantastic, naughty, taboo sex, taking her out for a fun evening, or doing something adventurous together
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Seeding hope by withdrawing some attention, investment, and not hanging out every single time that she wants to
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Mixing in some low points, like not responding to every text on time, or taking away investment and attention if she does something you don’t like
When you do things that leave a girl feeling like she doesn’t have a handle on you, it makes her invest more. As you can imagine, the more investment she puts into you, the more addicted she becomes as well. For this to work, it must be random. It can never, ever be predictable for her.
Predictability is boring, even if relates to something positive.
Inconsistency Is Key
While we’d all love for things to be nice and stable with a woman, such behavior is a fast path for her to get bored with you. It can cause her to look elsewhere for more exciting men, too. Inconsistency is the key for her to emotionally invest in you. Just like this phenomenon occurs in gambling, so it goes with women in relationships.
The high points have to be inconsistent; they can’t be expected. In other words, you cannot create the exact experience every time you meet a woman (the same places, types of activities, sex, the same conversation topics). For her to truly invest in you, create emotions and voids for her to follow and fill in.
Think about the reason gambling is so addictive. It’s because the wins come at random. You never know when you’re going to win on a slot machine, but you do know that you’ll eventually win if you keep playing, and little wins along the way string you along and make you want to play more.
This emotional process is what you must create with a girl. Make her experience completely unpredictable.
Now, keep in mind I’m not saying to facilitate drama. It’s important to provide variety in her experience with you to keep her guessing.
Naturals Are Good at This
As always, naturals are already good at this behavior and keep women hooked in relationships. More often than not, you’ll see an attractive woman throwing herself at a natural and keep trying to hang out with him, while he simply doesn’t care! A natural will hang out with a girl and show her a fun time, and then not contact her again for days or weeks later. He will put off her requests to hang out for 2–3 times before he finally sees her.
If you come from a nice guy background, you may have the fear of losing her. And a girl may indeed auto-reject because you’ve removed too much attention. However, if you do this pattern correctly, the girl will mentally invest and wonder about you in the gap of no contact.
Some women "think" they want a nice, completely attentive boyfriend, but in reality, that gets really boring really quickly.
When a guy is inconsistent with women, the girl starts to think:
- Does he like me?
- Is he planning to see me soon?
- Do I truly have a chance with him?
- Is he seeing someone else he likes more?
The key is that she has to experience both positive and negative spikes, just like gambling. They can never be predictable.
See a Girl Slightly Less Often than She Wants to See You
This helps you maintain the upper hand and the “one-up” dynamic. If a girl feels like she’s the one-up, she will often lose interest in the long term, as the guy no longer provides enough challenge.
However, you also don’t want to be so out of reach that she gives up on you.
Give her hints of closeness but never entirely give in to her.
If you give a girl complete commitment and intimacy, you’ll have a honeymoon period for a month or so, but then she’ll start down the path to becoming bored to tears with you and her life, and ache for something different.
Here's an example:
Tell a girl that you’re going out with some people, and snapchat a bit. Then don’t text her for the rest of the night. Also, when you get back home, don’t text her “I just got back home.”
Instead, text her in the morning (or wait for her to text) and don’t say anything crazy. When she asks “How was your night?” tell her “It was great; had a fun time!” with few specifics.
The aloofness and lack of information keep her guessing:
- Did he go out and meet somebody?
- Did he sleep with someone else?
- Did he make it home?
These questions create a mental void in her mind, and this void creates psychological investment – in you! It’s similar to the feeling guys get when they meet a girl they like, go on a failed date, or have a failed escalation, and the girl starts to string the guy along.
Don’t Overgame in Relationships
All this said, it’s important to remember not to overgame women in relationships. But that doesn’t mean the game ends once you’ve got her.
The following articles will help you understand and maintain that balance in a relationship to avoid predictability and letting things go stale:
A Path to Devotion
Assuming you’ve found a girl you like, you’ll want to keep her around and interested in you for as long as you can. Most guys play it safe, get too comfortable, and in the process — bore her to death.
It’s essential to keep girls interested and invested in you in a relationship. That is the path to real devotion, you see. The best part is that with such devotion, addiction, and infatuation with you, it equates to lots and lots of incredible sex and a more fulfilling experience with her in general.
It’s never a bad thing to have women totally addicted to you!
Varoon
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