Decision Making in Seduction I: How to Be Cool-Headed

How you conduct yourself has a big effect on how attractive you are to women. Cool heads in moments of chaos set men significantly apart.

Hey, guys. Welcome back. Today we will discuss another subject that I believe will make you a better seducer.

This subject is one of the variables covered in my post “How to Tell If a Guy Is a Good Seducer” where we covered multiple variables that I believe are what give a guy great success, and more importantly, great consistency – which kind of signifies that the “luck aspect” is less significant for him, hence why he is good.

In that post, we covered the following variables:

• Calibration (we made a series on that)

• Timing (was covered in my series on calibration)

• State control (we made a series on that, too)

• Awareness (also discussed recently in light of state control)

• Logistics (covered to death here on Girls Chase, but I supplemented things with a post on logistical awareness)

• Decision making (and cool-headedness, also related to state control)

Decision making is another subject that I believe has been under discussed. I will make this a two-part article, with the first piece focusing on cool-headedness (the right state of mind to be in whenever facing difficult situations). We will focus more on the practical aspects of decision making in Part 2.

Decision making is key, and it can mean the difference between hitting and missing. Wrong decision? You are out. Think about it. You have a great lead with a girl but suddenly decide to change venues (without her). Well, guess what, you won’t bang that girl. Now, perhaps you may find another girl in the next venue, but what if the next venue sucks and you get no leads? I am sure we’d all agree the decision was bad.

Usually, situations that force you to make decisions hastily result in, sadly, unfortunate decisions. She is resisting, your material is not working, a cockblock shows up, or another wildcard chimes in (e.g., her friend starts puking). These situations can be stressful, forcing you to make a decision, and often quickly. We will discuss these scenarios in further detail next week. However, before you are able to become a good decision maker in the field of seduction, you first and foremost need to understand the importance of cool-headedness.

Cool-headedness is a prerequisite for decision making in dating, pickup, and seduction. To be honest, I think it also is essential for all types of decision making in life.

Therefore, we will focus on this subject first before moving on to the more practical aspects of decision making.

Being Cool-Headed

I will not lie to you. Learning to be cool-headed is not something that can be accomplished by just reading about it. Rather, it requires mental exercises and training. If one could make a guide on becoming “cool-headed”, the guide would probably be a best seller.

I did not truly become cool-headed until after I got used to the process of seducing girls. I had seen similar situations in the past and felt more comfortable dealing with them when they occurred. The more experienced I became, the more situations I felt comfortable tackling. I am not saying you must experience all possible situations to become a cool-headed person, but you need to become habituated to dealing with new situations.

The tips I covered earlier on in-field meditation will help you become more cool-headed. People who meditate handle stress better and are more likely to be at their coolest in tricky situations.

So the advice given on meditation applies here.

If you find yourself in field and something unfortunate happens

1. Lean back,
2. Take three deep breaths, and
3. Before releasing, wait five seconds before breathing out

This should calm you down. Nobody is dying – everything is fine. Worst case scenario, you don’t get to shag. Big deal.

Nobody is dying… this is valid most of the time. I had a crazy experience many years ago. I went to this Monday club. They played amazing house music. I met this gorgeous Albanian girl. One thing led to another. We made out and decided to leave together. On the way to her place, we were holding hands when suddenly she fell on the ground. She did not seem that drunk. Well, guess what, she fainted. She had a heart attack. I remember not really being able to keep my cool. I remember spilling my water on her face to try to wake her up. I called an ambulance. Ultimately, I went to the hospital with her, and she survived. Awkward moment when her parents showed up.

But most of the time, you and she will be okay. Nothing dramatic will happen.

Stoic Thinking

The best way to understand the mindset behind cool-headedness is found in stoic thinking. Stoic philosophers were mostly Roman. They believed in a form of well-organized cosmos, a deterministic nature, and attributed meaning to every event. In other words, nature not only had full control over events, but nature itself was seeded in rationale.

Humans, however, did not have much control over external events. External events were controlled by this powerful and rational cosmos. Despite this, we still had a notion of rationality and free will. The only things we could control were, according to stoics, how we could react to unpredictable events and how we would like to emotionally react to them. Are we going to let negative events strike us down, or will we keep our heads cool and move on? Anyway, I will spare you the philosophy class. There is a lot more to say about this.

Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor and Stoic, would be disappointed to see you lose your shirt over a girl you just met.

But for our purposes, there is something to learn from this, namely that within the limits of human rationality, we can choose how we would like to react to events… and trust me, there is such a thing as a Cosmos of Seduction. Some nights the gods of pickup just want to torment you. I swear. Other nights, they want you to have mind-blowing experiences.

Sometimes they will just throw wildcard after wildcard at you. Bad luck followed by more bad luck. Things you cannot control just get thrown right into your hands. You go back to her place and she lost her keys (that one is DEVASTATING), or her best friend commits suicide (had a friend who once pulled a girl, ready to bang, then the girl got a phone call from a friend telling her that her BFF was dead). Lots of stuff can happen, and believe me when I say this – after 10 years, I thought I had seen it all, but boy do the Cosmos of Seduction keep giving me new, weird, and awkward situations to deal with.

One thing I have learned is that, when there is nothing you can do about it, you shouldn’t let it get to you, especially when you’re in field where the worst that can happen is you go home alone. Of course, edgy situations such as the one where I literally had a girl dying in my arms are exceptions.

But usually, if all that happens is your girl’s friend is crying because her boyfriend broke up with her… you know for a fact that:

1. You are not the cause of the situation. If you cause a situation, you will have to do damage control and care. But if it’s just a wildcard… what can you really do about it?

2. Nothing dramatic will happen. Her friend is too drunk? Oh, poor girl will have a hangover. Boyfriend broke up with her? She will cry tomorrow. I would feel sorry for her, yes, but I don’t get dramatic.

Dramatic situations and situations of which you are the cause do not apply to this framework. This is a blog on pickup and seduction; I would rather not overextend myself to advise people on how to deal with dramatic events. Befriend a fire fighter or a paramedic if you want to hear and learn more about this.

Why You Should Keep Your Cool

The thing is, there actually is a practical aspect to this that leads to higher success. If you see the importance and benefits of keeping your head cool in tricky situations – perhaps through awareness of it – you will at least try to relax when tricky situations occur.

So I believe that keeping your head cool is key. Here is why.

It’s Sexy

As a man, you are supposed to be dominant and lead things. You cannot resolve all her problems, nor should you. If her friend is feeling sad or she lost her jacket, offer your help but do not assume full responsibility over it. That is try-hard. Help her out, and if it is concerning her friend, ask the friend if there is anything you can do to help her out. Most of the time, they will say no but like you even more, which is good. Obviously, if you do hold the solution to the “wildcard”, you should solve it. For example: she has no money left to get home, so you invite her back to your place. Hehe.

However, even though you are not supposed to be a full-blown leader and solve every issue (if you can’t solve them, what can you do?), you must still display the right attitude. That is being a confident, dominant man.

A good leader is a confident one. A confident leader is a guy who keeps his head cool in tricky situations. Doing so communicates mental strength. It communicates intelligence. It communicates dominance. Women not only find all this attractive, it makes them feel safe around you. You have good emotional self-control. I cannot emphasize how important this is. Self-control equals strength, which equals sexiness.

Think about it. An unfortunate event takes place. Which man will a girl find attractive? The pussy who has an emotional outburst or the guy who stays cool? The answer should be pretty obvious.

Leave emotional outbursts to the unattractive.

But another key thing to note is that, if you react to the wildcard, you feed the problem. By reacting to it, you publicly acknowledge that it’s a problem. People, being social copycats, will mimic this behavior. You are stressed? Well, you will most likely make other people more stressed. And in the seduction process, say, when you are about to pull and something comes up (she lost her damn jacket), you surely don’t want to stress her out even more than she already is. Nobody benefits.

And again, which guy will make her feel most safe and make her feel that “everything is alright”? The guy who reacts or the guy who stays cool? The answer is obvious. The latter guy will make her feel better – or at least he’ll make her feel “less bad”. People chase good feelings.

It’s Beneficial

If you take a decision-making class, either in the military or at a university (I know business studies and political science offer those), or if you work in an environment that requires good decision-making skills before you even get to learn about biases, mathematical models, and all that stuff, the first thing you learn is the role of emotions in decision making.

I know, I know, there are cases where emotions can help one make better decisions. But negative emotions, particularly emotions with high valence (strong emotions), tend to cloud people’s judgment (this is something we all more or less know).

Keeping your head cool will increase your chances of making more rational choices. Nothing shocking here, either. You will process more variables, uncover alternative solutions, and more importantly, you will understand the situation better, as emotions also cloud one’s perception. All these elements affect the decision-making process.

Keep your head cool when wildcards come into play, and you will much more likely make better calls.

Let us now recap this article.

Recap

Again, you become more cool-headed when you have experience dealing with issues (especially similar issues) in the past, because situations will become more familiar to you, which will make you more comfortable when they occur. This is another argument for why field experience is so important!

However, things like meditation – before hitting the field (as preparation) and while in field (I shared some examples in my article on state control) – can help you in the process.

But more importantly, you need to understand that in most cases, wildcards, even though they suck, rarely lead to anything truly dramatic. And if the situation is truly dramatic, you will know.

If it is not dramatic and the worst thing that happens is you lose a girl (no, not referring to death), then it’s alright. Having this in mind really helps me chill the hell out.

We also discussed why it was key to keep your head cool:

• It is sexy

• It leads to better decisions

This was it for today. Next week we will cover the different variables that one should take into consideration when making decisions in field.

Questions and comments are welcome, as always.

Best,

Alek