Male vs. Female Mating Motivations Laid Bare | Girls Chase

Male vs. Female Mating Motivations Laid Bare

Chase Amante

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female mating motivations
You might think men and women approach mating in similar ways. And on some aspects they do. On others, they're very different.

We live in a world where we're constantly told men and women are interchangeable and that men's wants are women's wants and women's wants are men's. In some cases for some things this is true... but in many cases and for many things it isn't.

The trouble this error-filled belief system can lead to is multi-layered. If you have a girlfriend, a female friend, a friend-with-benefits, or wife you think is "just like you" whom you think thinks about things "just like I do" and whom you believe wants "all the same things I do", you'll be a lot more open to and uncritical toward her suggestions. That's fine for things where there is no conflict of interest between your and her life and mating motivations.

Where there is conflict, however, her positions may quickly mislead you... without you, if you hold this "men and women are basically the same and largely interchangeable" philosophy, even fully realizing you've allowed yourself to be misled.

It's crucial for your power and sanity as a man to realize that while a good woman's advice can often be prudent, it isn't always... and that there are differences between male and female motivations, and you must always keep these in mind.

You need to know when sex differences enter into play. And you need to be wary of when the counsel you receive may be biased against what is truly in your interests due to competing sexual interests.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.



Zanardi's picture

Another insightful article written by you.


I agree with you in one aspect. People, men or women, are egotistical at the core. Meaning they firstly think about themselves. This is a good thing, because it helped us survive. So, if us, men, are egotistical, why shouldn't they be?


All is fair.

uForia's picture

You're on the side where what you give each other is in total alignment: you enjoy their sex and companionship, and they enjoy yours. You're not in the place the provider is, where he provides resources in exchange for sex. The equivalent exchange the lover engages in is a far healthier exchange; you can maintain this as the alpha provider, too, so long as you continually deemphasize provision (and it is just 'there' as a part of the relationship, rather than the main event) and refuse to allow women to renegotiate the relationship as a 'provision-for-sex' arrangement.

You know what else we call a provision-for-sex arrangement? It's the deal you make with sex workers. On a risk-adjusted basis, sleeping with high-end escorts is a lot cheaper than being a provider. I think this frame should be made abundantly clear whenever women propose that 'renegotiation'. But it's not just about money, it's about time as well because money is ultimately the ability to buy another person's time. It happens a lot in marriage where the woman asks you to do chores (which is generally something that's tradable for money) and she'll give you sex in return. As soon as that arrangement is accepted the relationship is instantly doomed.

Mmmmkkkk's picture

In my opinion sex and companionship from a lover is enough for a woman only when she is young and wants to explore her sexuality. However even then women dont get as much from sex as men get, so it is not an equal exchange unless every time the man comes he can make her cum too if you're thinking purely in terms of equal exchange. Realistically most men will not make her cum, it is more likely he will cum and then sure sex is enjoyable for women but men and women are not the same biologically so if the man isnt providing women with something additional then he is selfish and is short changing her. 

Women also naturally want to have children as they get older, you cant replace that with "sex and companionship." Its just the way nature works. 

I think if you're a man and offer the role of the lover, you have to be prepared for the woman to leave you, and you cant be mad at her if you dont want to give her children, because giving her children means you now have to be the provider. 

The saying goes all is fair in love and war. Yes women are self serving, so are men of course. This article is also true if you reverse the genders. 

In another article Chase mentioned he only dates women younger than 30, I'm guessing the reason behind it is that he knows that it is not enough for a woman at 30 or older just to have sex and companionship. 

Yes us women are not like men. If we were, you men wouldnt be happy, you'd find life too boring. 


Franco Lombardi's picture


You're not wrong here. If the Lover only wants to provide sexual pleasure, he can't realistically expect the woman to stay around forever (since she requires a Provider). Most women also want children, so if the Lover does not want a child, it should be expected that she'll eventually move on to find a man that does want one.

This is still separate from the situation that is being presented in the above article: should a Provider provide for another Lover's child? If I was the Provider in this situation, my answer would be an adamant "no" because the only way this would have happened is if the woman did this discreetly without my knowledge since I absolutely would not have allowed it. However, the real answer is: it depends on the Provider-in-question's perspective. If he sees no problem in raising another man's genetic child, then fair play to him. Ultimately, the burden falls on him since the woman deceived him and he is not bound legally to raise a child that is not biologically his, so if he wants to place that burden on himself and continue raising that child, then he is more than welcome to do so.

In my view, the woman is taking an enormous risk by impregnating herself with a Lover's child and then secretly expecting a different Provider to take care of it. It is deceitful (assuming she purposely hid it, which is usually the case), and the Provider is not legally bound to financially provide for the child. In a "disaster" scenario, she would be relying on the courts to force her Lover to pay for child support after her Provider leaves and refuses to support her and the child. This is assuming the Lover even has the money to provide for the child at all.

Ultimately, the act of attempting to secretly get a man who does not want to raise another man's child to actually raise another man's child is a self-serving one for women, and it bears its own risks. If the man finds out, then he ultimately possesses the right to completely abandon that woman and the child if he feels that is better self-serving to him in the long run. He is not bound by the law, and he is not bound by any social repercussions if he chooses not to be.

All is fair in love and war. :)

- Franco

Rain's picture

Hi Franco,

DNA testing is only a recent thing, going back before that, how would the guy know? I'm not sure its as "risky" a move with those thoughts in mind, and considering through evolution that if that's what the average woman is programmed to do, it' s no where near as risky as you're making it out to be? So there'd be alot more women doing this, based on their programming?

Feldina's picture

Actually Franco, believe it or not, in every state in the U.S,  a provider in this scenario would still be legally obligated to pay child support for the child if he chose to divorce the woman after learning that the child is not biologically his. Its true, I couldnt believe it either:

Henrik's picture

Very interesting read, thanks for another great article! When you asked, "Who should be obligated to care for the child?" I was a bit split at first as I'll more likely be the biologic father in that situation and would not want to be obligated to care for the child, at the same time I don't think the husband should be obligated either. If I was the husband or the biological father, I would push the obligation to the other party, though looking from the outside I would say that the husband has zero obligation to stay. Moral is good, double moral is twice as good :D 

I'm wondering what goes into women's thinking when they chose provider strategies themselves. Normally I only see it expressed as the man being either a lover or a provider, but I've dated quite a few girls using provider strategies on me. The girls will pay for my meals, help me out when they see an opportunity to help, pay for weekend trips together, fly to a different country to meet me etc. I'm very honest with all the girls that I'm not interested in a relationship and that I'm still sleeping with other girls. I suspect it might be because they know I easily can get sex from other girls, so they'll do extra things to keep me around but I'm not sure if it's correct or what thinking is behind it. I never ask them for any of these things, they do it because they want to, and will even sometimes protest if I try to pay. 

Franco Lombardi's picture

Loved this one, Chase. Great article!

Anonymous 's picture

Hello Chase,

Please answer this for me.

I was wondering if you knew of any way to protect yourself against skin stds? and if you should go monk mode forever and quit your pick up dreams if you catch any of them.

I have caught two before, but luckily they are the ones that go away after some time and not the one that never goes away.

The thing is that the girls I caught it from never showed signs they had anything on their skins and they have never mentioned anything about it after some time.

and this one girl I have seen for years, never showed one sign and never mentioned anything about it.

There's times where I was so close to their areas that I never saw a bump or any kind of rash.

One I got one from I was not really seeing and wore a condom, but it came into contact everywhere else, the other I was seeing for a long time and she's a dirty bitch.

So it seems relationship or not, protection or not, you can't avoid these kinds of stds, and you can't even see them on the which makes it worse.

so it got me thinking there's no way that I can really avoid this if I choose to settle down or if I choose to keep sleeping with other women.

because there's no way to tell and it also makes me worry about catching the worse one that never goes away that you can get in your mouth or genital.

so I'm lost on how to keep a sane mind with this.

1. What do you do if you get a skin std? do you just get out the dating game? is there a way to protect yourself and others until it goes away? or if God forbid a person gets the one that never goes away, are they doomed to never date again because an evil girl gave it to them?

2. How do we protect ourselves from this? how can we be safe? it doesn't matter the girls background, if it's a relationship or not, it can still happen, a lot of the times they don't even show signs ever. How do we keep ourselves safe from these stds and how can we tell if they could have one? How do we get over the paranoia and enjoy a normal dating life without fear?

Thank You

SZ's picture

Hey Chase,

1. What do you suggest to do if you want things, but you don't want to do the work? like going out 4 days a week, approaching women, dating, going to the gym, learning a skill, or even working?

what if you want to have the end result, but really don't want to put in the work and want to just be lazy?

how do you beat the laziness and keep it off? sure you can do it for a week or even a month, but how do you keep that same motivation until you reach your goals and how do you fight your laziness without it being such a struggle every time and willing yourself to do it for a long time.

2. I know you don't know much about college game, and hector has refused to answer me when I asked him in the past lol, but this question is for more of a social question.

so I have no friends here and I don't know anyone.

It seems that there are really only 2 ways to get girls in college, social circle as in joining a group or frat, or cold approach, I guess girls in class count, but you can only sleep with so many from there.

I'm just trying to figure out how do you cold approach on campus? I'm older, but I am a student there so that helps, and I look young with good fundamentals, but I've tried doing cold approach there and the girls are all closed off; they don't even look my way, so it makes me very hesitant to approach.

I also don't want to walk around campus alone looking like a thirsty dude.

I think of approaching girls on campus like how you said a guy looks approaching many girls in the mall, it just doesn't look normal.

but my options seem limited and I want to sleep with a good amount of girls without having to rely on joining a club or frat.

so the key here is to keep my reputation good while still getting girls.

so what would a good amount of women to approach and how many in an area would be good enough without looking like you're a horn dog trying to chase tail all over campus while still getting a lot of chicks?

what's a good strategy to use for cold approach while on campus?

3. how do you break free from the fear of how you will feel or look after rejection?

so this is something kind of different, I don't fear approaching, I fear how will I look and how will I feel after I get rejected.

because no one can avoid rejection, understandable, but what If other girls see or hear about it? what if it makes you feel bad and not want to approach anymore? what if you fear of looking like a horn dog to others if you push on and ask other girls out but still keep getting rejected?

I'm tired of the feeling of that, I don't want to worry about what others think or anything else, but I also don't want to look thirsty or have a bad reputation either because of striking out with so many girls in day game.

how can I fix that situation because I've been dealing get with this for a long time.

thanks chase

SZ's picture

So I thought about it, and I think the question about rejection is more about me being Self-conscious about myself, people have told me that I'm that way a lot, it's to the point I was asked why am I ashamed of myself?

I think low of myself and always talk about my flaws and how old and out of shape I am, it's like I don't like myself because of not having thing I believe I should have by now.

so I'm wondering is there a way to not be ashamed of yourself and stop being self conscious and to like yourself?


SZ's picture

I forgot to ask Chase,

1. Will having outcome independence help as a beginner to picking up girls? it seems hard to have because we do need to get laid in order to get experience and we haven't reached abundance mindset yet either.

so we're hungry and thirsty to get good, but how do we combine it with outcome independence? it feels good not to really care, but at the same time, as a beginner we don't want to lie to ourselves and act like we don't want to have sex?

so is there a way to really want dates and sex as a beginner while being outcome independent?

what's the right way to implement that?

2. so with beating depression, it's mostly replacing bad thoughts with good ones right?

so if I have a lot of student loan debt, instead of worrying about it every waking moment, I just tell myself to relax and say that I'll pay it how I can and still live my life, get in shape, be healthy, get dates, have plenty sex with beautiful girls, find a way to make more money, go on vacations, etc. until I can find a way to pay off my debt faster.

is that how it works?


Anonymous 's picture

This was a great article Chase! Very good. I had a few questions about the article.

1. Is there a way to be red pill and a lover forever? can we just stay in shape and not settle down? and I don't mean this out of bitterness, but out of women are always going to play games? how do we do this forever even if we get married and have kids?

2. I feel it's just a woman gene on being more selfish than men, it seems men will do anything to make their woman happy, but women aren't like that and if they are, it's for them. why are women so selfish? I don't think this needs to be an article because I believe it'll bring too much negative female attention.

3. how do you not sign birth certificates and have everything go smooth? I don't know if this is true, but I heard that you don't have to sign the certificate and if you do that's your child even if it's not. so how do you do this without causing drama and her seeing this? can you really leave without singing it?

4. why do celebrities marry?

5. do you have to be married and have kids to succeed in corporate world and other ventures? heard they like that.

6. I remember you saying some time a go women look at you funny for not having children. I think it was 40 or so? hard question to ask, but it just seems having children or getting married is a no win situation, if she wants to she can put you on child support or divorce you when she feels like it. with that being said is there a way to have kids and not be put on child support? is there a way to not have kids as an older man and not get looked at as weird? I'm actually really interested in the not paying child support part. what's your plan for yourself Chase logically with this stuff? do you plan to have kids and get married? or just have kids? I liked to know your process of what you think older you would do with women.

Thank You Chase

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