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Chase Amante's picture


Interesting note on your split! Yeah, I have a few friends who are total 100% relationship agnostic types and I imagine they'd probably see it that way too. "Hey, if she gets pregnant, that's on her if she decides to keep it. None of my business..."

As to the female providers, that's a great question. I've had that plenty too. Where you're telling her you won't settle down, won't commit, etc., but she's paying for things, giving you things, and the like.

The interesting thing is often the women who are doing this are women who've been provided for themselves in previous relationships. I had girlfriends whose prior boyfriends doted on them and bought them all kinds of expensive things, yet with me they were the ones paying for things for me. You see the dynamic in the trophy wife whose husband buys her things, who then turns around and pays for things for her broke-but-sexy lover... but it occurs even in more standard relationships too.

I think it just shakes out as "here is another way to sweeten the deal." Guys provide for women to sweeten the deal so the girl will stick around; when women provide for men, it's the same thing, the girl sweetening the deal so the guy won't leave.

And it works! If you're shagging two equally beautiful women, who are equally nice, but one of them cooks you meals and pays for trips with you and buys you clothes and brings you snacks, and the other one doesn't, you're probably going to have a softer spot in your heart for the one who provides for you than the one who doesn't.

The easy way to think about it I guess is "If someone wants someone else to stick around, buying/paying for things is one way to increase the odds that person does so."

There's also the love languages consideration, which was another topic on here recently. If 'gifts' are one of her primary love languages, she is going to feel like she's expressing her affection for you by shelling out cash.