The Genuine Man, Part 1: The Arrogant Man | Girls Chase

The Genuine Man, Part 1: The Arrogant Man

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Hector Castillo's picture

When I first read Chase’s article on being a genuine man, “Secrets to Getting Girls: Better than Jerk”, my mind instinctively rebelled against the notion. “I enjoy being the badboy jerk! It’s part of my identity! Anyone who doesn’t like jerks is just a pussy!”

When you are the jerk, you spike attraction ridiculously hard, especially if your competition is a bunch of wimps, and you rarely feel weak. You’re always the strongest man in the room. Or, if you’re not, you’ll take him down. You will inevitably crush all competition with brute arrogant force and win.

Or so I thought.

Comments

Anonymous's picture

Making jokes at others' expense? Looks like you are likely to
be a social reject if you go that way

Author
Hector Castillo's picture

Execute the advice given in this article for three months and then come back with some concrete data to refute my hypothesis :)

Good luck!

- Hector

tampu's picture

You Rock, Hector!!!!!
Never did I read like this before
So true! Set the wild things out in wise awAreness

Author
Hector Castillo's picture

Glad you enjoyed it, buba!

- Hector

Anonymous's picture

Hmmm...a better title for this article would have been, "How to Be Assertive" which does require a mix of arrogance and initiative. The problem when being wholly arrogant is you make enemies fast and find yourself excluded from social circles fast. It also shows lack of social intelligence.

Author
Hector Castillo's picture

Not sure if you read the intro, but this is part of a series, so this gives an incomplete picture of the larger "genuine man" picture.

Just to look forward to it, this series has ten parts. This is part 1. Don't worry, there's much, much more.

- Hector

Rdawg's picture

"Listen to Kendrick Lamar’s “Money Trees” or G-Eazy’s“ I Mean It” and tell me you don’t feel like swinging your elephant dick around the room."

I second that ;)

Great article Hector! I love reading your articles. Every nice guy that has ever been stepped on in their life or taken advantage of should be reading this article.

Keep the articles coming, they are always a fun read!

Rdawg

Author
Hector Castillo's picture

Haha thanks, dawg! Glad you enjoyed it!

Many more to come!

- Hector

Anonymous's picture

Went through this exact process a year ago when I almost thought of myself as god ... Without doing the extremes I would have never developed . Great article :)

Author
Hector Castillo's picture

You got it and you get it :)

Readers who doubt the process, here's another example of someone who understands the point of this article.

- Hector

Thomas's picture

Hi Hector, probably one of most useful and fun to read articles I've seen on this site! I've immediately set to work implementing your advice into my life and I've had a blast doing so! although my flatmate noted I've "been a real dick lately" ;) One question: I've just been named captain of my rugby team which is a pretty big responsibility, any advice on using this stuff in conjunction with leadership roles like this or any other situation where respect from your peers is vital to success?

cheers,

Thomas

Author
Hector Castillo's picture

Glad it was informative and entertaining!

The comment you heard from your roommate is better translated as

"You've started demanding more in life; I'm feeling that push and resistance from you. What's going on?!"

You WANT to hear comments like this from people. It means they're developing a respect and fear of you, which is good.

As for leadership, the best experience I can draw from for advice is being president of my fraternity. I was pretty much the archetype of ultra-authoritative rule at first; when guys would act up in meetings or go in circles, I'd cut them off immediately, move forward and get shit done.

I reduced the average meeting time from 3 hours to an hour and a half.

I called people out incessantly and held everyone to a higher standard.

I completed all paperwork and other required duties of president faster and more efficiently than anyone else ever did.

I even kept us from getting in trouble on campus when meeting with campus administrators, because I could hold frame better than anyone in my fraternity.

Unfortunately, my fraternity didn't change. They didn't become more ambitious or more motivated to bring us to the top. Did I see hints of change? Sure, but I myself could not change it all alone.

Towards the end of my presidency, I became a more laid back, "authoritative when necessary but mostly detached president." Shit still got done, but my guys feared me less and loved me more.

This is the ideal "authoritative and democratic" leader. But this only worked because I finally understood my team.

With your rugby team, you're dealing with much more aggressive and manly men. And more importantly, there's a much more clear goal with your rugby team: win games.

With my fraternity, I never had a clear "goal," which made leading much more difficult. So for your rugby team, you can apply the advice in this article by going to the extremes of authoritative behavior and then tone down according to the results you see. And the results are clear - did you win? Did they work as a team?

Be a super big authoritarian dick and order people around. See if it works. If it doesn't, tone down the arrogance. Adjust. Adjust. Adjust.

- Hector

B's picture

Wow.

Author
Hector Castillo's picture

Vince Offer would be proud.

Lobo Feroz's picture

Hola Héctor, ¿qué tal estas? Magnífico artículo!

I don't usually comment here but I will for this article since you recommended Dark Tranquillity which is one of my favorite bands - "Misery's Crown" is a great song to sing to all these emotional vampires that surround us.

I've been there doing the arrogance vs humility dance, and found a good balance in the middle wich I like to call Presence, or being mindful of your place in the world, calibrating the pendulum to whichever end bests suits your interests and gets you towards your goal at hand, depending on the situation.

Though I agree that it's useful to go to the other end of the spectrum if all your previous life you've been in one of the extremes.

I'd like to comment one specific paragraph of yours, where you reject the "accept who you are". There's a psychological term called "toxic shame", defined as being ashamed of who you are, and some people try to overcome this toxic shame by improving themselves and achieveing more and more, never truly accepting themselves even after a myriad of successes.

For people that never manage to accept themselves, there lies ahead a never-ending road of chasing achievements, be it the next sexual conquest, bigger biceps or the next promotion.

"Accepting who you are" needs not to be at odds with "improving yourself in every way possible". It means being happy with who you are already, and being aware that in order to improve your results you need to improve your skills and capabilities.

Kinda like knowing that you are at point A is really useful if you want to go to point B. Obviously you need to start moving to reach point B but it's not healthy to bash yourself over in the head for being in point A.

Just accept that you're there, appreciate yourself for who you are right now, and then start moving.

Regards,

Lobo

Author
Hector Castillo's picture

Hola Lobo,

Dark Tranquility, hell ya ;) "A Thousand Words to Say But One" is one of my all-time favorites. Misery's Crown is great, too!

In regards to toxic shame, I could give you a big response, but as I mentioned to another commenter, this article is part of a TEN part series ;)

I will address everything you cover in upcoming articles. They're all written and it all spans close to 200 font-size-12 pages. They will be published in time.

But just as a sneak peak to my overarching argument, it is

"Most people aren't ready for the balanced philosophy you suggest."

But if they work hard enough, they will begin to truly know how to balance motivation with self-love, not just comprehend the healthiness of such a way.

Patience ;)

- Hector

Bond's picture

Hector, I don't know whether its your writing style or anything else
but it I really motivating! I mean, I literally felt the urge to become arrogant
just by having gone through the post.
You are doing amazingly great Hector! And there's no words to describe
how I love your writing style!
Keep it up man!

Author
Hector Castillo's picture

Hey, Bond!

I'm glad to hear my goal is being accomplished. I aim for a writing style that balances

1. Clear and direct argument
2. Motivation
3. Entertainment

In that order of importance.

The way I write is the way that I talk to myself, just a bit adjusted to a mass audience. If you're interested in adopting the language and clarity that I utilize, my biggest writing inspirations are

- Tucker Max (directness and entertainment)

- Motivational Speakers like Eric Thomas, Greg Plitt, guys from RSD, Les Brown, et (mostly any motivational video on Youtube)

- Friedrich Nietzsche (for all three aspects named)

- The Pali Canon (for simplicity and clarity of philosophy)

- Orson Scott Card (for all three aspects named)

I learned how to write from these sources and incessant practice. If you want to embody this motivation, clarity, and fun in your own head, begin to speak to yourself the way that writers/speakers who inspire you speak and write.

I'm thrilled my writing inspires you :) Now go act and practice!

- Hector

go10's picture

Wow. I can totally relate to all this. I've been through that arrogant phase of challenging authority in a kind of a subtle way.
And yeah metal..can never get enough of that.

Love your articles man! They motivate me. keep them coming.

Author
Hector Castillo's picture

Great to hear homie, and metal4lyfe.

Lucky you, the second part is already up! :)

- Hector

Joby's picture

Hector, there is this class I attend once a week where
there is this really sexy guy , whom all the girls are crazy about.
Is it worth trying to get those girls attention?
How would you react if you were in my place?
Other guys try to be friends with the sexy guy and the latter feels quite superior about it.
Should I be in his group, where anyway he gets all the attention?
Is it better to be in the group where you definitely are not the leader ? Or stand apart but be considered as an anti social?
My question here is not really about the girls ( There are others anyway ) but
more about if I should be in his group just because he's the cool one and attracts
hot girls near him( Like the other guys ) OR be on my own, at high risk of not
getting any of those girls to like me but having the satisfaction of being my own leader?
And how may I be viewed if I choose to be apart?
Lots of questions here but I hope you can help me, Hector, as you inspire me in
a great way.

Author
Hector Castillo's picture

You can learn a LOT from spending time with this guy and he certainly has control of the pussy market right now. If you want to join his portfolio and get a few shares from him, you would not only learn his investing strategies but get some good returns (excuse the investment metaphors, I've been reading Buffet's letters to Berkshire Hathaway all morning haha :P)

But you would also gain a lot going stag and trying to create your own social circle. I would only suggest this strategy if you are CLOSE to his level of sexiness and seduction skills. You may even gain his respect and become a friend by consequence if he notices your skills (I've done this with many other seducers on campus; I knew they were ballers but went my own way and never sucked up to them, and now that I'm the most well-known man on campus and nearly the most prolific, I strike up friendships quickly with them). If you're not near his level, though, you may spend a lot of time with research and development when you could just cut out a lot of that time by learning quickly from him.

Personally, I did the solo route. All I had was Tucker Max's books and a school of ~7,000 students to experiment with. I spent my first year as a single dude just trying random shit and sometimes it worked, but often I was just some prick who was obviously trying too hard. I've been doing this 6 years and probably could have cut the learning curve in half by just swallowing my big-dick-ego and learning from some dude, but hey, learning on your own is the most permanent way - you learn slowly and never forgot your lessons.

But I'm just projecting profit right now and not giving you any strategies!

If

- You're not close to his level
- Want an easier time
- Are willing to swallow your pride
- Want to have more "fun"

Then join his group; this may involve some sucking up, but not too much, or you're going to scare him away with how low-value you are, because you come off as having nothing to offer being overly desperate.

If

- You're close to his level
- Don't like him personally
- Want to learn slowly but much more surely
- Want to be your own man and learn hardcore independence now

Then fuck him, go your own way. This would involve being very casually nice to him, but never giving him any attention and focusing on building your own circles. Like I said, this may attract him since he's so used to getting attention, and you may end up his peer instead of his bitch, a much better scenario (he'll give you advice but conversationally, instead of instructionally, and give much more; it'll be more vague, because he'll assume you see past his personal lexicon for social dynamics, but the lessons will be more abundant).

Hope this helps!

- Hector

Anonymous's picture

Please tell me how I may delete my account on the boards. I would like to know, but it is not mentioned in the help menu

Franco Lombardi's picture

Anon,

Private message me on the boards with the account you want removed. I can take care of it for you.

- Franco

Anonymous's picture

I can already feel more confident (even if it's not full fledged legit confidence), being a bit of dick lets me feel more in control and I don't feel as inauthentic. Up until now I've been that nice kid (humility without backbone) but now I'm testing this advice and I'm seeing good progress. Thanks for the article.

Author
Hector Castillo's picture

I love hearing that! Glad you're enjoying the journey!

- Hector

Qb-1's picture

Sick article man. You're quickly becoming my favorite author on here. I totally agree with what you're saying and already have a rep for being kind of a dick at my school. I'm ready to step it up to the next level of arrogance and assholery. Is there any way to minimize the damage to my rep and social fallout or do I just have to deal with it in the pursuit of greatness? I'm a freshman at my high school so I will be gaming in this extended social circle for the next few years. Thanks bro

Author
Hector Castillo's picture

My future articles in this series will address all of this :)

- Hector

Author
Hector Castillo's picture

My future articles in this series will address all of this :)

- Hector

Anonymous's picture

Amazing article.
I think the main audience you're offering this to is men who are overly nice. Article is cool, but to make it more complete, I guess one piece of advice is somewhat missing.
If a guy was overly nice and starts acting like this he will feel super embarrassed and in most cases revert to old behavior and feel pity on himself for ever trying being jerk. Why? Because people who know him as nice guy will consider this as "cute guy is rebelling, so pathetic...!".
Even if he manages to brush it off, he may run in some situations where his beliefs are seriously challenged. It's nice to act as jerk and think it will play out and it sometimes will. Socially inept individuals will think he is confident man and socially adept will think he is in his journey of maturity and will later be normal, so those folks may not interfere...
But.. From time to time for such guy it's absolutely possible to run into scenario where people will challenge him seriously. If a guy is still "I am not like that, I am faking it" deep down, his incogruence may look like a death for him. He will go home and cry into his pillow... And in such case he will think that this behavior backfired and abandon it completely.
What challenges may happen in real life?
1. Insults and offers to prove something about himself... Those can be dismissed with wild smile "Are you kidding little baby?".
2. Physical attacks, which are quite possible if you assume power over other man. Sometimes you don't even need to go this far. If you're acting like a jerk and are pussy inside some physical attack will be absolutely frightening. Let's say you're hanging out with your girl in a club, bunch of dummies see you posturing how great dickass you're and then that gang approaches him and tells him: "are you strong man?", then our hero says something along lines "have doubts? go and fuck yourself, dude" and then offended males may start grabbing your girl's ass or teasing you in some way where it's obvious that physical power advantage is on their side... And he ends up looking like a pussy sooner than later. He thinks:
- If I defend her, I will be chasing and I may get hurt.
- If I don't defend her, I won't look as a man.
And in such situation our hero may really go to his mama :)

Jimbo's picture

That's what I was thinking. Being too much of a dick can easily provoke other guys in a physical way. I wanted to punch the author's face when reading certain passages.

I don't know, maybe some people can take that; I can't. If someone behaves this shitty with me I'd either escalate and settle things right there or cross him off my list once and for all, short of him apologizing.

Find other ways to build confidence or whatever you're trying to do that don't include publicly insulting me.

Anonymous's picture

Hey-
How often are you gonna come out with these articles? Just curious, really looking forward to the next ones :)

Author
Hector Castillo's picture

They're all written and submitted; just a matter of editing and formatting.

I.e., very soon :)

And like I've mentioned, this whole series spans close to 200 pages, so be prepared for an adventure. It gets pretty wild towards the end. There's one article that I wrote that I really think is gonna ruffle some feathers and hopefully wake some homies up!

Hope my verbosity is well-received!

- Hector

Anonymous's picture

Be careful with the "Make jokes at other’s expense" a buddy of mine tried that at a party recently, made a joke about the wrong person and walk out of that party with a black eye.

Author
Hector Castillo's picture

Yep, certainly can happen. I've been in more "almost fights" than I can count (and because of Tae Kwon Do, plenty of sparring matches, so I know the feeling of being a fight, though maybe not as intense as an actual fight).

Never actually gotten into a legit throwdown because

1. I always talk my way out of it
2. I punk his ass out

When you make a joke about the wrong person, you stick with your fucking guns.

"Yeah, so I made that joke? What about it?"

or

"Hey man, I can tell you're upset but it was just a joke. Relax."

With the first response, you just punk him out, stare him down, and don't back off. I've been face to face with an aggressive dude who wants to fights tons of times and when I do this, he always backed off, even when he was bigger, stronger, and probably more martially experienced. It's such a rush to punk a dude down and win the fight before it even starts.

The second response, you're a bit more understanding and you instead put HIM on the spot for being socially uncalibrated (i.e., it was funny , so it was socially calibrated, but you take yourself too seriously and have no sense of humor, thus YOU'RE the awkward guy here).

If you want to avoid conflict, then ya, watch what you say, but I can guarantee you will never reach the heights you could had you pushed those social linguistic boundaries.

Of course, this entire series is about becoming a Genuine Man, not a jerk, so just remember that we're working towards a goal, and not too concerned with the short-term effects, negative or positive (and that's how you should see the journey of learning seduction and relationship management).

- Hecor

J Wick's picture

Fun tip- visualize your monster dick swinging around when you walk. Literally walk like its swinging around with some weight and feel the testosterone flow from your pores.

Of Mice & Men's album, Restoring Force, is a must listen to if you're into heavy.
Take a listen to Caribou Lou by Tech N9ne for something more laid back.

Yelawolf, excellent rapper
Metallica, classic bad asses

Implementing your advice has injected some inspiration and energy into life. I remembering being a kid and practicing things (drums, skateboarding, drawing etc.) with the intention of becoming fucking famous and crazy skilled and having the most outlandish and crazy shit because I wanted it. Being worthy or realistic never entered the equation for a moment. Going about things that way, I would go big or go home all the time, making mistakes because I was going all-out over my skill level and got good quick. Something I forgot to do over time when "reality" started sinking in.

mok's picture

And what d you do when you meet another arrogant man?
how do you d to take him down?

Author
Hector Castillo's picture

I cover this exact scenario in one of the later articles ;)

- Hector

Anonymous's picture

In which article exactly? I quickly went through the Genuine Man series
but i'm not finding it.
Anyway, you rock Hector!

JoeT's picture

A fun little article, Hector. A bit on the boyish side. There's a lot of immaturity I see, but I would put it on your age and social demographic. I don't recommend adding rap to your playlist. Most women here in LA will laugh at you if you're playing it in your car. Especially corny rap like Kendrick Lamar. Death metal is testosterone. If it's whiny to you, it's because you listen to Darkest Hour. Most of it is the epitome of manliness. Most rap is actually pussy sh*t. Rapping about your pink tee and matching sneakers... it's whack.

It was a light, fun read. Not too shabby.

Author
Hector Castillo's picture

Hey, JoeT.

I appreciate the condescension but you do have a point ;) I've been told by a friend that my writing and game style is very New Money - flashy and overly proud of the pussy wealth. But as I've responded to many other comments, this is a series that draws a big picture - one might even call it a story?

By the end of this series, I hope to communicate a way of acting like you carry around that 19th century celery.

Curious to see watcha think by article 10,

Hector

George K's picture

Recently, I've started using the technique and I want to know if I am doing it right. The other day, I made fun of girlfriend because she was wearing high heels and she sucked at it so I walked a little bit faster than her to make her walk faster and teased her: "shouldn't you know how to wear high heels?"

My question is, does teasing people count as being arrogant? Because I make fun of people all the time for not being able to do simple stuff, so I want to know if saying stuff like "you can't even do that!?" is considered being arrogant.

Another question is that, how empathetic should I be during interactions? Being arrogant is fun but I don't want overdo it that I become a sociopath who can't empathize. So I want to know when I should and should not be arrogant.

Sam2's picture

Great article and very fun to read, Hector.

I don't know if you believe in the impact of zodiac signs in a man's personality, but just out of curiosity, are you a Scorpio?

I seem to have by nature many of the personality traits you mention above (directness, complete freedom of expression, standing my ground, passionate debating etc) and when people learn my zodiac sign (which is Scorpio), they go "yeah, expectedly what else could you be except Scorpio...)

Author
Hector Castillo's picture

My mother has read Tarot cards for over 30 years and I'm well informed into the culture. Now, whether I buy into or not is uncertain - I certainly am curious about how massive-scale forces affect us in powerful but unseen ways (e.g., the balance of fundamental forces at the time of your incubation and birth MAY impact your wiring - I mean, we don't even understand gravity on a quantum level yet, and we have no idea how the other 3 known forces affect us daily on both the massive/quantum levels). Of course, it would be an appeal to ignorance to use this vacuum of information to presuppose the truth of our assumptions; gotta watch yo fallacies. Nevertheless, progress always comes about after we hypothesize SOMETHING, so wishing ain't all bad.

That being said, I'm a Taurus with a Pisces moon and certainly fit those personality dynamics quite consistently.

But since it's important to women and others that you mention, it's worth being mildly educated in, if just for conversational fodder. However, next time they call you out on being a typical "Scorpio," ask them what their moon is and see if they even know what that is ;)

As a historical note, we can pretty much thank astrology for a fuckton of astronomical breakthroughs, no limited to Kepler, Galileo, and all those homies whoonly made their discoveries because aristocrats wanted to know how much pussy they'd get, or how much more money they could exploit from the populace.

- Hector

xxyyzz's picture

Hi Hector,

I have one question. You write: "As you may notice, it’s about believing you’re the greatest thing to happen to women since the clitoris, even if that’s not true!"

How is it possible to believe in something you know it is not truth? It seems like to beleive it means to lie myself. But it is difficult to convince myself because I know that in this situation I am manipulating myself.

What other option do I have, if I have developed a systematic critical and scientific thinking that always seek to find truth and replace the wrong ideas with the more realistic and accurate ones?

If you tell me this sentence (i.e. that you are the best thing to happen to women"), my first reaction is that it obviously cannot be truth. It cannot be proven and it is not logical (obviously, women have various tastes). But you can find counterevidence very easily. Crtitcal thinking works automatically. I am a thinking man. Not someone who can blindly believe in something (and to lie himself to believe it)..

Just some guy's picture

By reading this article, I realize that my recent state isn't what you called "genuine". So I'm so glad to try working being a jerk, but...

Does that mean that I should abandon all the things (specifically the me that's been harnished through the earlier articles before this...) and try to be a straight tyrannic man who who gets what he wants no matter which circumstance?

To be more detailed about this should I abandon:

·My slowness and stillness manner (speech and walk)
·Being a conversationalist
·Implying and subtle attraction (giving hints to her about being interested)
·My serious, mysterious and quiet vibe (energy; first impression)

Thanks

no limits's picture

in love with this article.

do you have any books to suggest which could help with this topic?

or any movies to emulate the actors?

keep up the great work!!!!!

Anonymous 's picture

Hector,

I read through this article a few times. And it was quite pleasurable to read and it does indeed hit on quite a few emotions. I don't doubt that this has been very useful to you and to a lot of people you know. Having said that, giving it out as general advice is very questionable.

By your own definition, one of the actionable elements of arrogance is to assume you will attain what you desire. Or to attempt tasks which are far beyond your skill level. This sounds dangerously close to the attitude of "Fake it till you make it". Admittedly, it's not the same exact thing. But a lot of the main elements are still present.

From a Psychological standpoint, this is only an effective strategy given that you view your own capabilities as lower than they actually are.

An example of someone for whom this advice would be good is a man with low self-esteem. He might believe he's a shitty conversationalist, when in fact, he's pretty decent. However, for someone who actually is bad at socializing, this won't work. In fact, not only is he likely to fail, but it might make him feel even less competent than ever before.

The same is true for any other skill you might apply the "fake it till you make it" attitude towards.
Ex If you think you're a shitty musician and you're afraid of choking on stage, the mentality of "arrogance" would be greatly helpful if you're actually talented. Not so much so if you really do suck.

There is lots of research to prove this. If you're interested in finding out more, pick up the book "Confidence" by Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic Ph.D. It goes into detail of what studies have found about building confidence (which is by your own definition, a huge part of what a "genuine man" is!).

I don't actually disagree with the main premise though. I believe the end result (i.e. "arrogance") is very useful. Particularly in seduction. However, cultivating it by just jumping straight into the deep end will not work for most people.

P.S.
As I hinted at before, in the long run, you're actually right. A "genuine man" is someone who has true confidence. It just seems that the roadmap you've presented for attaining genuinity isn't applicable to everyone.

SBM's picture

So, I've tried this whole being arrogant thing, and I just got one question, how do you respond to people who tell you to "get off your high horse"? Cause I've been told this countless amounts of times.

May's picture

Can't help but laugh when remembering of the times that I thought that I could get every single fucking girl. Good for building confidence & arrogance but not good as a way to see reality. Good Post.

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