How to Get Started at Picking Up Girls

Every time I need to hear something, an article appears that says exactly that. If I didn't know better I would think that Chase was reading my mind.

I recently realized that I plan things to much. I plan things about making money, getting girls, and all sorts of other things, and never act on them. I realize that every time that I try to change something, I become afraid of the enormity of what I wish to undertake; planning allows me to feel like I'm doing something without any of the fear, because planning is in the abstract.

I realize there is something I am more afraid of though.

I realized I am more afraid of not living the life that I wanted just because I did not work hard enough.

Last year I met a girl when I was in the midst of a deep depression, one so bad I regularly thought of suicide. I tried and tried to get her to fall for me, against all odds, not realizing that what I was doing was pushing her farther away all the time.

This is when I found GirlsChase. I am now out of my depression. I changed a lot of things based on this site; fashion, hitting the gym more, etc. But I realized they are all things that it takes very little interpersonal stuff to do. I was reflecting on my interactions with that girl a couple a days back. I came to realize not what I wanted, but what I didn't.

I never wanted to feel that way again.

On the same day I listened to Eminem's song "8-mile" and one of the lyrics hit me:

"I got all the ingredients, all I need is the courage."

It describes me exactly. Come to think of it, like in the article, courage is really just overriding your emotions to achieve your goals. Several social circle girls have shown signs of interest in me, not surprising, as I took this sites advice on how to become more attractive; but I was too much of a coward to go after them. Come to think of it, I have been a coward pretty much my entire life.

I don't want to be a coward anymore.

I now realize that the only way out of cowardice is courage. I was afraid of messing up, I was afraid of making a fool of myself. I'm getting into pick up, not only for the obvious goal of sleeping with a lot of women, but of becoming the type of person that can.

I want to thank you, Chase, and all of the other writers at GirlsChase, for showing me the type of person that I can become.

One word Chase : Excellent.
I really appreciate the post and its beyond all my expectations.
Thanks for having taken time to look into the matter and write a post about it.
This was really good. Thanks again Chase.

Hey,

I wanted to see your ideas on one thing that is part of me and I feel miserable about it. No matter what happens I feel like a loser in my heart.

I get something awesome done? Haha, good, but still I think that I am kind of inherent loser, and it only happened to be like this.

I fail? Oh, yeah, because I am a loser.

And this way I pick one excuse after another, that seem to be impossible to crush and they are at emotional level that "I am supposed to be a loser".

Recently I found out that this is connected mostly with my socializing with procrastinators and those people who look at life like "Meh? Girls... Don't think too much, you will somehow get one on your joystick one day and will have to please her all the time." I go into wars about it and actually keep battling everything they tell me and I get this "Meh" response all the time.

But I think there is more about it, but I don't seem to find it out at least easily. I feel like I always SHOULD lose and conform with losers, when actually my logical goals are far bigger, but emotions stand in my way and emotions tell me "loser, loser, hahaha" to me all the time and in the most important moments with girls when I actually have one telling me she would like me to visit her at her place for a chat or tea... I feel like "she will see that you're piece of shit, don't go" when logically I know it's allright cause I handled similar situations well, but those emotions keep dragging me down like crazy... All of it feels wrong, mostly when I succeed at things others struggle with they bring up it "you are wrong" and I bring them "you are wrong".

What I did, I reduced contact with them to minimum, but still I feel needs for validation of peers and some other "loser" traits and can very much relate to Alec Baldwin speech last phrase "Because a loser is a loser" (understand: no matter what you try to do about it).

Would like to get your feedback. :)

When i go out with a girl at a cafe or at a park bench, all of the time i am waiting for her to sit down first and than for me to place myself right next to her.

Sometimes a girl would suggest that i sit across her and i comply ( this is minus points here i guess )

So next time i am with a girl, at a cafe, a park bench, or at my home:

-Should i wait for her to sit down first and place myself next to her?
-Should i sit down first and it won`t matter where she sits down?
-Should i sit down first and command her to sit next to me ?

Or what else ?
What are your thoughts on this one Chase.

There is not that much. Just ask yourself, do you want tomorrow to beone day closer to mastery, or at the same level and actually unimproving. Whether you want to be blown when real challenge comes or you want to know how to win even when you emotions say 'I will fail'. Real men has to learn to act even when they don't feel like it. :) https://www.deming.org/theman/theories/fourteenpoints seems appliable to pick up too. Mostly 2nd - Adopt the new philosophy. What popular culture doesn't talk much about is the need to change yourself when you want your life to change. It is so painful to declare that something about you is not good enough that it's much better to let you fail again and again. Wanna be rich? At first think how much of yourself you will have to change, your attitudes, behaviours, pretty much anything to get there and you may very well find out that you don't want to pay for it that much. But if the thing 'Life will get wasted' doesn't trigger any motivation and when you know that you waste today, it means you waste part of your life (life is long streak of days)... Then no motivational quote will ever make you do the thing, I guess.

I would paraphrase your question "Do you want it?" to "How bad actually you want it?". Because you most likely won't do a thing if you don't want it bad enough, if it is not the thing you wish to do by accepting to risk it all in order to do that one amazing thing :]

Hi Chase,
I'm wondering if you could help me I've been reading your articles for a while now and I'm seeing great success at 19 years of age I've always been good with girls from the age of 16 and all this useful information has just made the whole process a lot easier and made more attractive females more attainable, I am forever thankful for that. There is just one query I have about women, you see I hook up with a lot of girls that have boyfriends which is great but leads me to question are women faithful? Now this question is being asked to quench the thirst of my inquisitive side because I am of the mindset that worry about yourself and leave women to do them, aslong as I score it's all good. But my theory is this women and men are extremely similar by nature we just adopt different methods they want sex as much, want the best possible partner just like we want the most attractive women. Now lets look at ourselves if we were with an attractive woman and then an absolutely stunning women was available for sex we would most likely if the chance of being caught is nil partake in the activity surely the same is for women? I think it's worth considering the females ability to crave over celebrities which from my own research is due to the idealisation and model of a seeming perfect male which suggests if your girlfriend likes say "channing Tatum" you are the best available guy - if he was to show up chances are your old news? Your thoughts on the matter would be greatly appreciated maybe at the tender age of 19 the girls I mix with are more likely to cheat and when I get older I could see a change in the curve, who knows !!

I guess this is more than just girls. It's training yourself to be the man who acts when he "doesn't feel like it", who downplays all this sweet stuff of "what my gut says" and is master of his own life.

It's not that much about girls as such. It's much more about getting yourself to do the right thing when you know that it's right without waiting for emotions or others to scream it at your face.

I think, this is what it's all about. The thing that most folks won't master in their lives just waiting and waiting for right thing and state to appear... somehow...?

"The problem here is that because emotions are so fleeting and difficult to control, unless you’re someone who is constantly and unfailingly excited (in which case, this strategy might actually work for you), you’re going to be waiting a long time, and people relying more on rational decision making and less on their emotions will be making you eat their dust."

Well, again it depends. Some businessmen who try a lot of different ideas often end up that those seemingly the most irrational ideas become the most profitable later, and those who seemed "okay" are now not that worthy putting time in. So then those "rational" people are eating dust, or doing what's already done. But again, with pick up you either have a skill, or not, and most likely the guy with more reference points will win and if he is more analytic about his past experiences this is true too, cause "throw everything at the wall" approach may be useful for some cases, but only if you're pure beginner who doesn't know a thing, but even then you should use it for stack reference points, not "for waiting it SOMEHOW happen". This "somehow" is fashionable these days, as you don't need to do a thing.

But I get the point, anyway. Even when you fail against weaker opponent it's more likely to have more wins in long term than not. But again, life is tricky and we can never know what waits around the corner, so this man who does a thing may crash quickly or get into some circumstances and die, but maybe it's better than live a mundane life, who knows. Of course, it shouldn't be an excuse.

The biggest win men get from your site is losing the sense of "somehowness" and start living the life of a man who lives more by design than by chance. This is empowering as I see much of frustration in the West coming from people waiting for right moment and feeling helpless about the things they can actually very well control and be happier about accomplishments made by them, not by chance (at those rare cases when it happens that good enough girl just falls in his lap).

And the most important thing to get you doing anything. REASON. You need to find the one that feels important enough to you, that losing it would be a shame, just like - do you really wanna miss meeting a dream girl? Do you really wanna get the average life and die without doing anything special? And so on. And then when you start pick up - read GirlsChase from time to time about situations that matter to you and to shorten your living curve.

First off I realized that for a while now the comments have been taking a lot longer to get a reply. I hope everyone and everything is going great on the back-end of GC. And Dave, bro I hope you doing great yourself too. What's up with you lately. I dont need to know all the details, I'm just curious and concerned. Its coming down to Christmas so I guess everyone has gotten a little busy than usual. Just like myself :-)

Anyways, as my title states, I've always had the issue where I get girls who are interested in me from the beginning who I dont find all that attractive. And then I meet another set of girls that I am crazy attracted to but they are only polite or worse dismissive to me.

The girls that find me attractive I usually find unattractive but I still like them, but only as friends. I friend zone these girls. These girls that like me always tend to be on the less attractive side, they usually are smart girls but not so much in the beauty department.

And the girls that I find attractive are the top quality girls: beauty, and intelligence. They dont want me.

So the result is that I end up behaving really attractive to the girls I dont like (who like me) while pedestalizing the hotter girls ( who dont like me ).

I feel like putting on my dunce cap. I could have gotten girlfriends and been laid before. This girl I met two years ago was so fond of me that she literally texted me saying " I want to fuck you ". I also had this girl calling to me at school everyday who I saw as just a friend until she grew cold on me. Now that same girl has upgraded: she is getting better grades in school, plays netball and is the Leader now, and has moved from mediocre in looks to stunning in a short time span.

I want to just finally get up and go after those girls who are less attractive than myself, even for the experience. And stop chasing the girls that never like me back.

What's Going On

It would also be great to know how to stop getting all this auto rejection from girls. The ones I want as just friends. When I dont take action they grow cold on me and I feel depressed that im back at square one because I couldn't get the hot girls and gave up the free lunch ( girls who like me ).

So how do I be just friends with a girl who is just dying to fuck me silly? I like them as friends so losing them to auto rejection is a big no no.

How do I force myself to lower my standards and also go after the girls I don't find attractive ( who want me ) ?

I learned a lot of lessons the hard way. I think I'm just blind to how much I like a girl until she doesn't like me. I have trouble liking what likes me. And its easy for me to love what I dont got. In the end I do realize that im slow on the update. I end up realizing too late that I actually do care about those girls wanted me until they grew cold. So what do I do? Many of them are also real sweet hearts that I would love having around for a long time.

Troy

I get the idea you're trying to express, but most likely all this stuff of "Stick with it" or anything is about learning to lead. And not to lead girl to bed, but at first lead yourself to do the thing - to approach her AT ALL. And this is how it goes: You must need to learn leading YOURSELF as a first step. Fleeting by emotions or getting blown by any tiny wind of life doesn't help you a bit.

So, maybe there will appear an article on "how to lead yourself". ? Would be kind of interesting read, as I see guys trapped in victim mentality struggling with this a lot and don't even thinking they can do anything more than just submit to every emotion all the time.

And when they simply "don't feel like it" they never do a thing, and when they never do, they never feel like it, and when they never feel like it, they never do a thing... So breaking vicious cycle would look like starting to get the fuck done by leading yourself at first, unless mediocrity life is all that you desire.

And yeah, most guys who know the right stuff, but act like they don't, are most likely those who desire living the mediocrity life. If not - they would change their actions and if they don't change their actions because of "no proofs of such kind of success" they should look at male figures as role models of the men they actually wanna be or at least you...

Cause in big picture current day will be forgotten, approaching girls most likely will have no significant hurting consequences which could be a reason to be fearful about..

I don't talk about men with diseases or disabilities, it's sensitive topic, but if man is healthy normal guy... He must at first learn to lead HIMSELF. Then a girl. Only then.

Just like saying goes: to get loved by others, first get loved by yourself.