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Meeting and attracting members of the opposite sex.

What to Do When a Girl Starts Qualifying Herself

Chase Amante's picture
girl qualifying herselfA girl starts to qualify herself to you. What do you do? There are many mistakes guys make when women do this – you won’t want to make those. You WILL want to reward her.

Something I have seen a lot of beginner guys and even many intermediates get wrong is handling things when a girl starts to qualify herself.

There are many ways women will qualify themselves, but one of the ways a woman might do it is to excitedly tell you about an interest or quality of hers she thinks might interest you.

For example, she finds out that you travel and she starts talking about how she really loves travel, then spools off a list of places she's been to. Or she tells you she hasn't traveled much but she thinks travel is so interesting and tells you some place she really wants to go to.

A lot of beginners will treat this like "okay, she is trying to build commonalities with me; I should vibe with her on that."

There is some element of that in there, but what she is really doing here is qualifying herself.

And when a woman qualifies herself, you have to reward.

Tactics Tuesdays: Making Venue Transitions Fun

Chase Amante's picture
venue transitionsLeading a woman you like from one venue to another, or back to your place, can be risky. Her mood might change; wildcards can emerge. What must you do? Keep it fun.

Venue transitions are some of the most fraught moments in any seduction.

The time from when you leave one venue and are en route to another introduces a lot of variability -- and hence, many potential wildcards -- into what might have been to that point a smooth, steady, by-the-book seduction.

Every experienced guy has multiple stories of girls he had on-lock whom he then lost due to some dumb or ridiculous event outside his control during the transition.

It was all fine until he tried to get her out of there, then things went off the rails between spots.

There are, however, things you can do to keep the vibe as light and fun as possible during transitions.

This doesn't just make the transition more enjoyable. It also makes the transition less fragile.

Think of the transition as a bridge from one stage of the seduction to another.

You don't want to drive your car across a shaky bridge with loose wooden planks, do you?

Far better to drive across a solid brick-and-masonry construction that is guaranteed to get you safely across.

That's what a good transition is: a solid bridge from one stage to the next.

And 'fun' is the brick and masonry that makes transitions solid.

12 Mistakes that SCREW UP Conversations & Flirtations

Chase Amante's picture
conversation mistakesSome mistakes really doom a conversation. Make any of these too early on, and your impression will be toast – along with the conversation.

A while back a reader named Xander, talking about some of his flirtations, asked about mistakes people make in early conversation that spell the end of those conversations:

I have seen that if girl is attracted to guy every mistake he makes is forgiven to him and if she isn’t she will intentionally look for things she dislike and reasons to behave bad. [...] Many times, I was in situation that girl from the beginning starts to look for reasons to be annoyed. [...] Some examples: I would disagree about some irrelevant topic during conversation and girl would be really pissed off and even start to shake from anger. They would ask me for my age and if difference is higher then few years they would criticize me about too different for them, etc.

There is an element of that that is true; if someone simply doesn't like you, it will be a lot easier for you to trigger a negative reaction with that person than it would be if you were liked.

Why is that? Well, we tend to give the people we like the benefit of the doubt. If someone you like makes an error, you arrive at the most charitable assumption as to why.

When someone you dislike makes an error, however, you're a lot more likely to assume ugly reasons or motivations for it, or that you and this person just aren't compatible.

This is true even for very fair-minded individuals (and even more so for the hot-tempered among us!).

This article won't be completely focused on 'liking', but if you follow the steps in it you'll be more liked, too.

Our chief focus today is on mistakes that damage conversations with other people -- in particular, those mistakes you make early on, when that first impression is still subject to change.

We'll cover two types of conversation mistakes below:

  1. General mistakes that apply to all the conversations you'll have with anyone

  1. Flirtation mistakes that apply to your romantic conversations with prospective paramours

On with it!

First Time Having Sex with a Girl? Don't Be Too Rough

Chase Amante's picture
don't be too rough first time having sex with a girlFirst time sex that’s too rough or makes a girl feels slutty often backfires. The secret to passionate sex is to escalate to it over a series of encounters with her.

The first time you have sex with girls, you do not want it to be overly rough. Nor do you want to do anything to trigger feelings in a woman that you think she's a slut.

Yet I have noticed over the years that some guys are fairly (or even quite) rough during the first sexual encounter with a girl. They may do other things that imply to her they think she's a slut (such as using dirty talk where they might even tell her she's a slut. On the first night!).

Some possible reasons men do this with women include:

  1. They've watched a lot of porn and have conflated 'rough' and 'wild' with 'showing her a good time'

  1. They're just really physical, manly guys and think just being rough with a woman the first time is normal

  1. They may have had a girlfriend or FWB who liked it rough and gotten into the habit of being really rough during sex, and that's carried over into their hookups with new girls

  1. There's also the less-charitable interpretation is that they may not really care about the girl at all and are just using her to pump and dump (who cares if she has a good time or not!)

Regardless the reason for their roughness the first time they have sex with a girl, the fact is you should not be too rough the first time you bed her.

There are a variety of reasons for this. Some of them are quite important.

So, I hope you will read on -- and have better first encounters + avoid a lot of potential heartache for yourself and women.

Picking Up Girls: Take Her Number or Take Her Home?

Alek Rolstad's picture
pick up: take number or take home?When you’re out picking up girls, the question is: do you take her home now, or take her number to meet up with her later? It depends – on several things.

Hey guys. Welcome back.

Today I’ll cover a rarely discussed subject: when to go for numbers or try to seal the deal right there and then. Next week, I will discuss whether you should try to have sex with her that night or try to see her another time. Maybe she is at your place, and you could try to have sex with her, but some resistance is in the air. So when should you “give up” and go for another date?

The goal is to decrease potential pitfalls and increase your chances of sealing the deal, improving your consistency.

I am not going to lie. Whether you should go for it that night and when you should play it more calmly and opt for a day two can be hard to tell as a beginner or even as an intermediate.

I hope this post will help you with these assessments.

Tactics Tuesdays: The Lover Lens

Chase Amante's picture
lover lensNeed to make things more romantic/sexual? Want a girl to tell you how to seduce her? Use the lover lens… and let her tell you how her past lovers have done it.

One of the things I have discovered over the years is that seduction is definitely NOT "one size fits all."

If you always seduce in the same way you may not realize this.

You might even be consistently successful with your schtick, if you have it really locked in and use a broadly seductive approach to game.

However, there are little nuances that work better for one girl and worse for another. If you know what they are you're at an advantage, compared to men who don't.

How do you find such things out though?

After all, you can't just ask a girl for them... or can you?

In fact you can, with a little tactic we might dub 'the lover lens'.

Afraid to Talk to Hot Girls? Know THESE 5 Key Things

Chase Amante's picture
afraid to talk to hot girlsAre you scared to talk to hot girls? Don’t chicken out for the best-looking chicks. Use these 5 keys to chat up THE hottest girls today. After all – they’re only girls!

On a recent article of mine, a reader named Johnny writes

Hey Chase,

I noticed something in my approach with girls and even socialize.

I tend to hit on girls that are not super cute rather than going for the ones I find really good looking.

It isn't that I'm intimidated by hotter girls. I've eliminated almost all of my approach anxiety. I can chat them up, flirt with them.

But when it comes to pursuing them, I don't. And after drilling my thoughts, I realised that it's really about the fear of failure.

This is a very common sticking point guys have, especially guys who are active socializers enough to recognize their own patterns.

If you're regularly out there meeting new women, you may come to realize you're doing something like this over time: only approaching the 'cute' ones, because you are afraid to talk to hot girls.

Like our commenter, it might not even be that you are intimidated by the girl herself, but that you anticipate failure with her, and fear that failure... or don't even see a point to trying, because you KNOW (or so you think) that of course you will fail.

So you might as well stick to going for the girls you can get.

Well, it might blow your mind, but hot girls go for all KINDS of guys, including guys just like you... at least some of the time.

How're you going to find a good-looking girl who'll go out with little ol' you?

Step number one is you've got to talk to her. Because without that, you'll never get beyond a glance and a smile.

What can you do to get yourself approaching those knockouts and stunners you see, instead of letting them walk on by?

There are five (5) things you need to know that, once you know them, will make being afraid to talk to hot girls, or being afraid to fail with good-looking girls, a part of your distant past.

3 Reasons Women Will Resist You (+ How to Artfully Persist)

Alek Rolstad's picture
persistance through resistanceWomen may resist a man’s romantic advances due to three (3) different causes: low compliance, FSD, or ASC. Identify which your problem is to get things moving again.

Hey guys and welcome back.

Previously I discussed how to persist and calibrate your persistence. You’ve learned how to use the different forms of persistence and when to use them. Today I’ll discuss how you can deal with resistance through persistence by persisting the right way.

You will typically have to persist when dealing with resistance. Persisting is a form of resistance, broken down into:

  • Lack of compliance – (or attraction, not to be confused with rejection). See this post for details. It goes over how to tell whether you are dealing with a form of resistance or an outright rejection.

  • Anti-Slut Defense (ASD) – her resistance against your sexual move. It’s grounded in her fear of feeling or being perceived by others (you included) as a slut. See this post for more information.

  • Female State Control (FSC) – her defense mechanism against getting emotional (aroused) without feeling that this is a good choice for her. See this post.

Ideally, the key is to persist by increasing her compliance toward you. If you are using the passive and the passive-active form of persistence, which involve compliance building tools such as breaking rapport/disqualification and social proof and jealousy plots that deal with the cause of her resistance, you will skyrocket her level of full-blown compliance, making your persisted attempts more likely to work.

But how does one deal with the causes of resistance presented last time? This is what we’ll discuss and clarify here.

I am not going to share anything new or groundbreaking. I am saying this now for transparency.

This post is a recap of previous posts and builds a bridge between different concepts to give you a clear idea of how everything fits together. It’s crucial for full understanding and is often overlooked. Many guys ask me to write posts adding different concepts in context to provide information about how they all fit into the bigger scheme. This is one of those posts.

Today’s post is for players of all levels, although the level of details may make it more suitable for intermediate and advanced players.

So first, a recap.

Tactics Tuesdays: The Disruptor Destroyer

Chase Amante's picture
disruptor destroyerSo some guy wants to disrupt your conversation with a girl, either to talk to you or to take her for himself. If you can’t ignore him, what can you do? Destroy him!

Quick little tactic that absolutely wrecks anyone trying to butt into your conversation with a girl.

Every guy's been talking to a girl only to have some random dude rudely interrupt his conversation, either trying to talk to him or trying to talk to the girl.

Sometimes it's because the interloper is uncalibrated and just wanted to talk to you or her but did not know how to wait properly for an opening in the conversation to jump in.

Other times it may be because the interloper directly wants to steal your girl, and he's hoping to peel her off you, or to peel you offer her (either so his wingman can talk to her, or so he can back-turn you once he's gotten you to break circle and turn his attention to the girl, with you now out of the conversation).

My normal recommendation (and normal policy) is to just ignore the guy (see: Dealing with Disruptive Men).

Most guys won't be able to break into a conversation if you don't acknowledge them, especially if the girl is into you enough to follow your lead and ignore the guy so long as you're ignoring him too.

But what do you do if the guy is really loud, aggressive, and in your face?

What do you do if he approaches the girl first, and you can see she's about to crack and break circle to engage with him?

There's an alternate tactic you can use -- something of a disruption Plan B -- if you're quick enough on your feet.

I call it the 'Disruptor Destroyer'.

3 Ways Men Can Persist with Women

Alek Rolstad's picture
calibration persistenceThere are three (3) ways a man can persist with a woman: actively, passively, and with a mix of both flavors of persistence. He must calibrate his persistence for it to work, though.

Hey guys. Welcome back.

I have discussed calibration a lot lately. I wrote a series on basic calibration, covering these areas:

I followed up recently with advanced posts on calibration, addressing:

  • Information gathering

  • Managing arousal spikes (three posts)

Today I will add another layer to calibration: how you should persist with women.

Just how much should you push, and do you deal with her resistance? You can blindly press on until she says yes, without attempting to solve the root cause.

Sometimes things between you and a girl go smoothly on the first attempt.

Other times you will face some resistance (honestly, this happens more frequently when you are a beginner).

What causes resistance?

  • Lack of comfort or a social frame – she doesn’t feel it is right socially to hook up with you.

  • She fears feeling like a slut for being sexual around you or is afraid of being judged by others.

  • Lack of compliance (“attraction”) which you can increase by using many of the powerful tools we teach here).

Often, you can increase your chances by solving the issue at hand. If she feels a lack of comfort, set a strong social frame (show more rapport, make her invest in you, display higher social value, befriend her friends).

Next week, I will write a post about what tools to use to handle different types of resistance. I’ll focus on calibrating by using the right tools for each form of resistance.

But first, we need to discern the different forms of persistence. That is, different strategies of persistence. I’ll discuss the benefits of each and indicate when to use them.

This post is suited for seducers of all levels.