Female Mind | Girls Chase

Female Mind

A look into the way women see love, life, lust, and relationships.

How to Kickstart Behavior Change in Girlfriends or Lovers

girlfriend behavior modification
So you want to modify a girlfriend’s behavior. Yet if you come out and say, “I want you to change,” you’ll offend. You must employ subtler means.

I was talking with my best friend the other day. He’s married but still occasionally reads Girls Chase. Plus, we talk all the time, so he’s bound to hear about girls and then talk about them.

One of his particular interests in relationship management right now is using social media to change the behavior of one’s girlfriend or wife.

We’ve discussed operant conditioning with relationships before. Encourage and reward what behavior you like; ignore the behavior you don’t.

But what we haven’t discussed too much is how to get the ball rolling with operant conditioning – how do you show her what you want her to do?

After a long talk on the phone with my buddy, we came up with a good system for guys in relationships to follow.

When Your Girl Kisses Another Guy (and Other Messy Situations)

makes out with another guy
What do you do when your girl makes out with another man? You could challenge him, pull her away, jet yourself… but what’s best?

It is an unfortunate scenario when your girl flirts with another guy in front of you. This post will have a very report-like tone, as I will use a case study to discuss this issue and present solutions. I will also discuss the implications of the choices I make in the narrative so you’ll get to see how the concepts are applied in real life.

No matter how experienced you are, you will face situations like these, and knowing how to deal with them is key. Therefore, I hope this post will be useful to any of you who have had, or may experience, times when your date, girlfriend, or booty call ends up flirting explicitly with a guy right in front of you.

Note that in this article, I am not talking about random girls you just met in a club. These require different strategies, although some of the concepts here may apply.

How to Tell a Girl Who's Beautiful from One Who's Made Up

natural beauty vs. makeup
Women use makeup, hair, dress, and behavior to make you think they’re prettier and more sexually receptive than they are. But you don’t need to be fooled.

After I’d been meeting girls in bars and on the street for a few years, I decided to undertake a project. I wanted to become instant and good at differentiating naturally beautiful girls from all the rest. And there were a few reasons I decided to do this.

If you aren’t too experienced with women yet, or you haven’t paid much attention to this, there’s a lot women can do to make themselves look more attractive than they naturally are. And in fact, often this ‘artificial beauty’ commands men’s attention more than natural beauty does. I discussed this in “You’re Passing Up the Hottest, Coolest Girls”; how, quite often, a guy will go for the flashy girl with red lips and a low neckline over the girl who actually has the prettier face and better breasts, but who does not advertise these.

My suggestion is for you to switch it up. Rather than go for the girl who makes herself look better and more sexually receptive than she is, you go for the girl who is genuinely beautiful, and genuinely receptive, yet isn’t angling for your attention as much.

Of course, that’s hard to do if you don’t know what you’re looking for. The hair, makeup, and clothes industry is designed to trick the male brain. It is hard to not be spellbound by the woman in flashy attire, with flashy hair, and flashy makeup.

Thus, if you’d like to see past the illusion, you must train to attune to certain things.

Yes, Hotter Girls are Higher Maintenance

hot girls are high maintenance
Hot girls are (usually) higher maintenance. The reason? Higher dating market value means she can demand more – and will.

I had a beautiful, intelligent, ambitious girlfriend in the room with me when I finally got through to the state’s Department of Revenue to ask about a somewhat large tax bill I’d gotten. It was a weird tax situation, where I thought I’d paid all the taxes I owed, and yet I received this letter saying I had back taxes and need to pay now or they were going to come and get me.

So I called the department, got a very nice, jovial guy on the phone, he looked through my record, and was as stumped as I was. He admitted several times my case was outside his usual depth and he suggested I get legal counsel to look at this issue. He was as unsure about whether I actually was legally obligated to pay this tax or not.

Anyway, I got off the phone and my girlfriend, who’d been lying on the bed, said, “Well?” And I said well, the guy at the tax department doesn’t know either. So I can get some legal counsel and see what they have to say. Or I can just pay it and be done with it. Or I could...

And then she flipped out. “You don’t owe that tax. And you would just pay it? I just lost a lot of respect for you,” she told me. And then she stormed out of the room.

I didn’t have a chance to say well wait a second, I think there’s a pretty good chance I actually DO owe this tax. I didn’t get to mention that I just got new information and was in the process of processing my options, and since she asked me immediately she heard Chase thinking out loud.

She simply immediately sprung to, “He shouldn’t have to pay this. I think he is just going to roll over and pay it anyway. Therefore, he is weak. Thus, I am disgusted with him. Why am I with a weak man?”

(for the record, the odds I would actually pay something, no matter how large or small, without making sure I absolutely owed it first are near-zero. But I will not rule out an option until I’ve examined all my options)

I eventually explained the situation, and this girlfriend chilled back out. But not before she’d locked herself in a room to make it impossible for me to resolve the situation with her, leaving me to stew with the negative emotions she’d just dumped on me. Thanks, babe.

You might be thinking Man, that girlfriend sounds like a bitch! Well, every girlfriend I take has a low tolerance for perceived weakness. Yet it’s not just me either... every man I know with a genuinely hot girlfriend deals with stuff like this too. It is not a fluke; it’s a pattern: hotter girls are higher maintenance.

The God and the Goddess: A Theosophy of the Sexes

theosophy of sexes
Theosophy is the study of divine wisdom. And what can be more divine than the coupling of male with female?

Theology is the study of God or gods. The primary question in Theology is the nature of God.

Theosophy, on the other hand, is the study of divine wisdom and actions with the intent to reveal deep truths about ourselves, our divine nature, and our behavior. This is an article born of my fascination with the subject; it explores how our masculine divinity works in contrast and in cahoots with feminine divinity. I hope you enjoy the read, and I hope that perhaps these conceits might ring true and light a few bulbs in your mind that haven’t occurred to you before.

Sometimes all it takes is a good story to illustrate something poetically that is difficult to tackle logically. I will be speaking poetically a lot and will occasionally put my metaphors into the context of this website in order to keep it practical with respect to women, dating, sex, and relationships.

If you happen upon a few paradoxes as we go, that’s a good sign. That’s how these things work.

Why Some Guys Creep Women Out (and How to Easily Avoid This)

creep women out
Girls have guys read too much into things sometimes. Or even chase them around. The result? Women can become oversensitive to “creepy” behavior.

In my first post regarding the lessons I have learned from gaming in the gay environment, a user named Agent asked the following question:

Hey Alek,

Could you elaborate more on the creepy approaches vs. the good ones? It’s actually very interesting you were in a situation where you could examine the scene from a woman’s point of view. By the way, thank you for your reply in your previous post about approaching in day game! You mentioned very subtle approach signals from girls. I don’t seem to notice any except the very obvious ones. Could you expand here, on the subtle signs? ... Generally, I feel confident to approach when the girl is giving me strong eye contact and/or smiling. This does not happen that much often though.

To give you some context, this question was posted in a thread in which I covered some dating and seduction lessons I learned from spending time picking up women in LGBT venues. In that post, I briefly mentioned how being approached by gay men in those venues gave me some perspective on how to better calibrate my own approaches to women.

I will start this post by sharing a story of mine, then I’ll discuss a number of things that make an approach good or bad. At the end of this post, I will sum up what makes a good approach.

Early 20s Women vs. Late 20s Women: What's the Difference?

early 20s women
Early 20s women are different from women in their late 20s. How they differ makes a big impact on how you date them (and which age you prefer).

When I first started reading and eventually writing for Girls Chase, one of the things that always surprised me was when writers gave their perspective on dating women who were in their late 20s and 30s, and how different it was from dating women who were in their early 20s.

I was in my early 20s at the time – just a student of the game – and I always thought that older guys were exaggerating the differences just a few years can make. But now that I am older and have dated a few women in their late 20s and 30s, I’ve found that perhaps the men who have written about this phenomenon in the past have actually underestimated how stark these differences can get.

So that’s what I’m here to explore today.

But first, let me add a disclaimer: everything that I’m going to discuss with respect to mindset versus age is just a set of general guidelines designed to be a useful framework.

I know there will be exceptions, and I just want to say that I hear you. I have definitely been with girls who fall outside of the norm. I’ve dated younger girls who have had the dispositions of 45 year olds. And I’ve dated women in their mid thirties who have been nowhere close to having their acts together. But out of the thousands of dates that I’ve been on, these trends are definitely what I’ve seen in the majority of cases.

Women Don't Actually Follow Their Own Rules

women and rules
A woman’s rules are never absolute. Often they aren’t even guidelines. Once a man understands this, his entire way of interacting with women changes.

Ever have a girl tell you about some rule of hers?

Maybe she says she never has sex on the first date. Or perhaps a man needs to pay for meals with her to have any chance with her. Or she might tell you she never ever cheats on a boyfriend and will under no circumstances date one man until she’s broken up with the other.

If you’re new to dating, there’s a high chance you hear things like this from women and just accept it. “Okay, that’s her rule. I guess I can’t date this girl. Or I need to work within her rules.” You might give up on girls who offer you incompatible rules. Or you may slow way down on them because of this (“Guess I’d better take her on 20 dates first”).

But I’ll tell you a secret: once you’ve been around girls for a bit, you cease to pay much attention to women’s rules.

Then once you’ve been women for a while, you often start to get excited when women tell you their rules. A woman’s rules are an excellent chance to make her do the opposite of whatever it is she said she won’t do, and love every second of it.

Is this immoral though? Won’t it cause a crisis of self in the girl, if you make her bend or break her own rules? Shouldn’t you respect women’s rules?

No, and for one reason: women aren’t men. And what constitutes a ‘rule’ for her is very different from what constitutes a ‘rule’ for you.