Female Mind | Girls Chase

Female Mind

A look into the way women see love, life, lust, and relationships.

Women with Small Dating Pools

dating poolOne of the things that dawns on you after years of cold approaching is that some women are much easier to date and bed than other women are. Further, it dawns on you that the factors that make a woman easier to date and bed are not always ones obvious to guys who don't approach a lot of women.

You learn counterintuitive truths like that very beautiful women are nicer and friendlier to strangers than mediocre-looking women are. Or that the most physically attractive women usually try to blend in more, while the most eye-catching women tend to be lower down on the looks scale but are far more deliberately flashy. You learn it's usually better to move faster than it is to wait around until some girl is 'ready' to date you (which, if it doesn't happen fast, most likely won't ever happen). You discover women have more respect for men who challenge them and ask them for favors than they do for men who go out of their ways to do favors for them.

You learn to look for signs a woman wants you to approach, as well as for signs you should stay away from her. You learn to tell how a girl shows interest in you and which women want you for sex.

Another thing you figure out, sooner or later, is how important the size of a woman's dating pool is to the odds you date or sleep with her.

Female State Control: More Causes and Solutions

female state control
In our ongoing exploration of Female State Control (FSC), we’ve identified several causes and solutions. But wait, there’s more! Let’s fill in those missing pieces.

Welcome back! This is a continuation of our discussion on Female State Control (FSC). If you'd like to catch up, here are the articles to date:

  1. Female State Control (FSC): Theoretical Causes and Effects
  2. Female State Control (FSC): Preemptive Measures
  3. Female State Control (FSC): Social Frame and Comfort
  4. Female State Control Vaccines: Social Frame
  5. The Social Dynamics of Female State Control in Pickup
  6. Female State Control Vaccines: Rapport and Fractionation
  7. Female State Control Vaccines: Investment
  8. How to Take Women Home Without Having the Right Social Frame
  9. Social Acceptability and Sexual Acceptability in Dating
  10. How Too Much High Value Can Trigger Female State Control

Last week, we mentioned other social factors that can trigger Female State Control that are not related to a lack of social frame. Today we will discuss other reasons why women may hold themselves back and control their state when they are getting aroused by you.

If you’ve been tagging along up until now, you probably know that FSC and social frame are subjects I’ve discussed a lot lately. But for those of you who are new to our discussion, FSC is the phenomenon of women controlling their state: holding back, turning cold, and ejecting when they get stimulated/aroused by a guy. It can happen with a guy she doesn't consider socially acceptable to hook up with (if her friends are likely to find out, for example).

You can view this post as an overview covering everything I haven’t had a chance to mention in my earlier posts on FSC. Many points listed here may be small; however, they are still significant. I will not discuss rare and uncommon situations but instead will look at common interactions that I believe many of you will face or have faced before.

As I cover these points, I’ll do my best to present reliable solutions to the problems. As we will see, not every issue covered will have an answer (and you may not always want to fix it, especially if the problem is significant). However, I will try to compensate with some discussion and analysis.

Does Sex Damage Women's Long-Term Potential?

sex damage women
Do you make a woman worse as a future girlfriend, wife, or mother when you go to bed with her? Many people think you do.

On my article about player guilt, Ben asked:

Could  you address the final issue that you bring- that sleeping with women  damages their ability to have long term relationships?

You made a fairly convincing case that emotionally, assuming you are  going to flirt and go out and attract women, not sleeping with them  isn't doing them any favors.

Maybe we really shouldn't be going out and flirting with most girls  (excluding the ones who need an emotional escape or similar i guess)  from an emotional standpoint?

More importantly though, how do you justify flirting with girls then  sleeping with them, knowing it damages their ability to have long term  relationships? This bothers me more than the emotional aspect.

-ben

The issue he's talking about was where I paraphrased some 'web wisdom' thrown about about women. Some of it says sex is liberating to women. Some says sex is violent, oppressive, and patriarchal. Some say sex is empowering. Some say it ruins women for the long-term. Those aren't my opinions; they are however common tropes you will run into on the Internet.

Ben's question, though, is one worth exploring... particularly as it ties into the concept of player guilt (which that article Ben commented on was about). If you sleep with a woman, are you damaging her future potential as a girlfriend, wife, and mother?

A growing movement online seems to have arrived at the conclusion "yes, sex damages women's futures."

The men who arrive at this conclusion though follow a chain of logic that proceeds thus:

  1. Women with higher numbers of sex partners are, on average, worse partners and mothers

  2. Therefore, when men have sex with women, they degrade women's abilities to be competent partners and mothers

While we do have plenty of evidence that women are less faithful the more partners they have, and we've all heard anecdotes of irresponsible man-crazy single mothers ditching their kids to chase the homme du jour, there's a big causal jump between those two points. This casual leap of faith is where guys trip themselves up.

That is to say, women with high partner counts are (on average) worse as mothers and partners. This is true.

Yet their partner counts are a symptom of what makes them worse in these roles -- partner count is not the cause.

And when you take a woman to bed, you are also not 'the cause'.

How Too Much High Value Can Trigger Female State Control

female state control
In our series on Female State Control (FSC), we’ve learned how high value and social frame can bypass FSC, but can too much of it actually work against you?

Hey, guys. Today I will continue my discussion on social frame and female state control (FSC). However, I will take a different angle. We will discuss some other reasons why FSC is socially useful.

We’ve discussed FSC and social frame a lot lately, but if you are new to this, check out the previous articles.

In a nutshell, FSC is the phenomenon that happens when women control their state while feeling stimulated or aroused and do not feel ready to allow themselves to be captivated by an attractive guy. If you’ve encountered a situation where everything seems to be going well, the vibe is good, and things are escalating fast... then out of the blue, the girl:

  • Disappears
  • Wants to go dance
  • Turns cold
  • Acts weird in general

...or any other action that communicates that she is actively trying to de-escalate the vibe. That's FSC.

It happens because she feels things are going too fast, she is losing control, or she is getting stimulated by a guy who she does not feel “allowed” to hook up with. By “allowed” we refer to social frame as defining whether a woman feels allowed on a social level to hook up with a guy. If you have a strong social frame, it will help overcome a lack of her feeling allowed to get carried away by you. It also makes it easier for her to backward-rationalize her attraction for you socially.

Today, let’s discuss other social reasons why women control their state when they are around you. We’ll focus on the social aspects like in my previous posts on social frame, but the reasons covered here are not due to a lack of social frame but something else, or the opposite. You might have too good of a social frame. Okay, this may seem counterintuitive, but everything in pickup can be a double-edged sword.

I will also try to suggest solutions for each of the causes.

Let’s get to it.

There’s Always One Final Shit Test Before Sex

shit test before sex
Women test men to ensure they aren’t with a loser or impostor. The final shit test before sex can be a real doozy, so make sure you’re not caught off guard.

I approached her on the street in the rain. She was a sexy young Asian girl who walked past quickly. I turned and caught up to her and opened. She smiled but said she was in a rush. I quickly asked if she was single; we had a quick one minute exchange, and I grabbed her number.

We texted in a flirty way, and she was pretty invested in the texting. I set up a date for the following week on a Tuesday (one of my standard dates). We went to an art gallery then walked over to have drinks. However, the vibe on this date felt different from most others. It was fast, and she was touching me often. At times, I got the sense that she was getting impatient when she started looking at her watch repeatedly. At this point, I hadn’t even gone through my sex talk stack yet; once I began to bring it up, she told me that most of her friends were gay men and she was super nonjudgmental.

Well, okay, neat.

She looked at her watch a third time and was quiet.

We had only met for an hour and change, but I figured what the hell; let’s try pulling anyway, and I went for it.

I just invited her home. “So I think I want to show you my art, and I have this really awesome beer you’ll love that I brought from Canada. We can sit on my rooftop and have drinks. Let’s get out of here.”

“Are you inviting me over to have sex with you?” She replied.

With a deadpan face, I said, “Yes.” And smiled.

Without stopping, she said “Okay” and started getting up to leave.

The moment we walked into my apartment building, I kissed her. It was on before we even got into my place.

I passed her shit test, and we screwed all night.

Do Women Want to Be DOMINATED in the Bedroom?

Do women like being dominated in bed? The answer is obvious, isn’t it?

Of course there will be many protests to the opposite, but usually these are protests of TIMING or CONTEXT.

“I don’t like it rough... all the time.”

Right, but 9/10 times? 8/10 times? What we talking here?

My stance on this has gotten a little softer over the years. I used to be the “If you don’t split her open every time, you’re a bitch,” but then I've also encountered some situations where I’d go too hard and it’d make girls feel like a fleshlight... which they love, but maybe just not YET.

Some girls need to be warmed up to the really crazy, dominant sex.

But once they’re comfortable and trust you... the doors EXPLODE.

Watch the video and see why.

Should You Expect a Falling Out After She Goes on Vacation?

relationship time apart
With certain types of relationships, don’t expect things to go back to business as usual after she returns from a vacation or is away from you very long.

Over the years as you grow in the game and experience more women, you see many patterns in male and female dynamics. Men and women have different agendas. A woman’s ultimate agenda is to find and keep a provider, especially one who is high-value (but still attainable) and one she can commit to monogamously.

Monogamy is virtually the only acceptable social frame for a woman as far as dating and relationships go. Other relationship models likely don’t fit so well with the world view held by her family, friends, and peers. So she most likely always has the monogamy goal in mind, despite what she’s doing with a guy or guys in the moment.

If you’re in a committed, monogamous, and stable relationship that’s going well (this is an important condition distinction), you might not experience the pattern I describe below. Similarly, if you’re dating a girl but haven’t yet slept with her, you might be able to avoid this situation. Finally, if she already has a provider, you’re just having sex, and she’s not emotionally intertwined, you can escape unharmed.

However, for nearly every other scenario, a girl taking a vacation without you equates to the impending doom of whatever it is you have going with her. I’ve found that when a girl you’re seeing takes a vacation — like a 1-2 week vacation to a faraway place — there’s a good chance you won’t see her again. At least your relationship can fundamentally change once she returns from her trip.

This concept applies mostly to these setups:

It’s also true regardless of how much you both communicate with each other during the trip. This naturally tends to dip a little during trips per the nature of the above setups.

It can be a strange phenomenon to observe. But we have to remember that when a woman sees you regularly, she feels emotionally tied to you, especially if you’re giving her a great experience.

This fades away once she experiences a little distance.

You're Worried About Stuff She Doesn't Care About

she doesn't care
You might worry what she'll think of your clothes, hair, mood, or your place. But she doesn't always care about this stuff as much as you think.

There are many things men often think women care about... that they really, absolutely do NOT.

It's one of the biggest mental blocks that holds men back with women. Guy worries about something women don't care about, and proceeds to not try. "I'm too X; she won't want me. So I won't try." "I'm not Y enough; she won't want me. So I won't try." Meanwhile the reality is she doesn't care about X or Y, or not to the extent you think she does.

I have a friend who was prolific with women years back and took some time off from proper dating. He's now getting back into the swing of meeting new girls. The other day he had a sexy girl eye him up hard... another guy was hitting on her friend, and this girl wanted my buddy. But he had a few reasons to not go for her: he had to finish some work he had a deadline for, and also... his place was too dingy and dirty. He'll switch to a newer, nicer apartment in a few days and prefers to wait to pick up until then.

The work thing is understandable. But the apartment thing stuck out at me.

Because women (most women) do not care about a dingy apartment when they are into you enough.

I have slept with plenty of women in small, crummy apartments or hotel rooms.

I have shagged women in friends' filthy, crumb-filled, stained sheets that hadn't been changed in months.

I have shagged women on the dirt outside, shagged them on rocks, have gone raw on countless women I just met (most objections I've gotten to that have come during or after, rather than before). I have shagged women after not having showered for a week. I have shagged women when I had body odor they complained about (but not enough to stop the sex. Also, just for the record, my body odor is usually not bad. Not sure why it occasionally is. Diet? Stress? Who knows?). This is all stuff about which a whole lot of guys would say "Oh no, I couldn't possibly have sex with her now, because X!"

Women will tell you they care about all this stuff. But mating itself is a dirty act, and once a woman decides she wants you, dirty stuff she'd have told you would be a deal breaker other times largely stops mattering.

I grew up compulsively clean, too. It took me time to get over that, and to realize all but the most germophobic women do not care about it, when they want you. I get a kick out of dirty lays today. It's a bit of a thrill to be some girl's dirty man. Many guys these days are too tidy to be that for her. (that said, I do usually try to keep things clean. If only for my own peace of mind)

However, this article isn't just about being a dirty lover. It's about ALL the stuff guys use to talk themselves out of taking action... yet that girls don't actually care about.

There is a lot more stuff guys think women care about that they don't than dirty apartments, sheets, showers, or smells.

Female State Control Vaccines: Investment

investment and social frame
We know how getting a girl to invest in you makes it easier to get her to do what you want. But can investment also overcome a lack of social frame?

Hey, guys! Welcome back to our final article on social frame (although I may write more about it in the future if something new comes up).

Social frame is a conceptual bundle covering the social part of seduction and whether she feels it's socially okay for her to hook up with you. It considers whether you are the type of guy she usually hooks up with and whether you match with her on a level that is socially acceptable to hook up with.

Our goal with establishing a social frame is to make her feel allowed to hook up with you.

Escalation and other forms of stimulation are about making her feel a desire to hook up with us. But if she does not feel allowed to hook up with us, she may pull the plug and control her state. We have labeled this “female state control” (FSC). If you want to find out more, read my previous posts on the subject.

(This is all closely related to Chase's post on floors and ceilings; the concept is VERY relatable to social frame and female state control.)

Having a proper social frame makes her feel allowed to hook up with you, reducing the chance of her controlling her state. Or at least it buffers the FSC mechanism.

Previously we discussed three dimensions of social frame:

Today we will discuss the fourth dimension: investment. This is nothing new to the more advanced seducer, but its connection to social frame and FSC is what may be new to them. So read this. Beginners may learn the fundamentals or at least receive links to great in-depth posts.

Social Acceptability and Sexual Acceptability in Dating

social and sexual acceptability
The more acceptable a match a woman thinks you are for her, the better your odds with her are. Here's what you must do for her to mark you 'acceptable'.

Since I started this website, we've always stressed the importance of fundamentals. Fundamentals range from your posture, facial expressions, and voice, to how you walk and move, your hairstyle, your facial hair, your clothes, your fitness, and physique. Also included: social fundamentals like sprezzatura, and how well you stick to the Law of Least Effort. All are great, and you will do better with women the better you get on each. But why are they important?

Fundamentals help so much because they make you more attractive. Get your fundamentals good enough, and you can even overcome your disadvantages. Girl doesn't usually like men of your height, weight, race, job type? Get your fundamentals good enough, and it becomes "Wow, you're not like the other [whatever you are]!" Why would this be, though? How do fundamentals overcome deep-seated biases in partner choice?

The way fundamentals do this is by raising either (or both of) your social acceptability or your sexual acceptability. Acceptability is a topic Alek's been discussing in his "Female State Control" series, under the name of 'social frame'. I want to unpack this concept more here, and look at a few of the different ways 'acceptability' can go. Because not all sorts of acceptability are created equal.