Female Mind | Girls Chase

Female Mind

A look into the way women see love, life, lust, and relationships.

Why Some Guys Creep Women Out (and How to Easily Avoid This)

creep women out
Girls have guys read too much into things sometimes. Or even chase them around. The result? Women can become oversensitive to “creepy” behavior.

In my first post regarding the lessons I have learned from gaming in the gay environment, a user named Agent asked the following question:

Hey Alek,

Could you elaborate more on the creepy approaches vs. the good ones? It’s actually very interesting you were in a situation where you could examine the scene from a woman’s point of view. By the way, thank you for your reply in your previous post about approaching in day game! You mentioned very subtle approach signals from girls. I don’t seem to notice any except the very obvious ones. Could you expand here, on the subtle signs? ... Generally, I feel confident to approach when the girl is giving me strong eye contact and/or smiling. This does not happen that much often though.

To give you some context, this question was posted in a thread in which I covered some dating and seduction lessons I learned from spending time picking up women in LGBT venues. In that post, I briefly mentioned how being approached by gay men in those venues gave me some perspective on how to better calibrate my own approaches to women.

I will start this post by sharing a story of mine, then I’ll discuss a number of things that make an approach good or bad. At the end of this post, I will sum up what makes a good approach.

Early 20s Women vs. Late 20s Women: What's the Difference?

early 20s women
Early 20s women are different from women in their late 20s. How they differ makes a big impact on how you date them (and which age you prefer).

When I first started reading and eventually writing for Girls Chase, one of the things that always surprised me was when writers gave their perspective on dating women who were in their late 20s and 30s, and how different it was from dating women who were in their early 20s.

I was in my early 20s at the time – just a student of the game – and I always thought that older guys were exaggerating the differences just a few years can make. But now that I am older and have dated a few women in their late 20s and 30s, I’ve found that perhaps the men who have written about this phenomenon in the past have actually underestimated how stark these differences can get.

So that’s what I’m here to explore today.

But first, let me add a disclaimer: everything that I’m going to discuss with respect to mindset versus age is just a set of general guidelines designed to be a useful framework.

I know there will be exceptions, and I just want to say that I hear you. I have definitely been with girls who fall outside of the norm. I’ve dated younger girls who have had the dispositions of 45 year olds. And I’ve dated women in their mid thirties who have been nowhere close to having their acts together. But out of the thousands of dates that I’ve been on, these trends are definitely what I’ve seen in the majority of cases.

Women Don't Actually Follow Their Own Rules

women and rules
A woman’s rules are never absolute. Often they aren’t even guidelines. Once a man understands this, his entire way of interacting with women changes.

Ever have a girl tell you about some rule of hers?

Maybe she says she never has sex on the first date. Or perhaps a man needs to pay for meals with her to have any chance with her. Or she might tell you she never ever cheats on a boyfriend and will under no circumstances date one man until she’s broken up with the other.

If you’re new to dating, there’s a high chance you hear things like this from women and just accept it. “Okay, that’s her rule. I guess I can’t date this girl. Or I need to work within her rules.” You might give up on girls who offer you incompatible rules. Or you may slow way down on them because of this (“Guess I’d better take her on 20 dates first”).

But I’ll tell you a secret: once you’ve been around girls for a bit, you cease to pay much attention to women’s rules.

Then once you’ve been women for a while, you often start to get excited when women tell you their rules. A woman’s rules are an excellent chance to make her do the opposite of whatever it is she said she won’t do, and love every second of it.

Is this immoral though? Won’t it cause a crisis of self in the girl, if you make her bend or break her own rules? Shouldn’t you respect women’s rules?

No, and for one reason: women aren’t men. And what constitutes a ‘rule’ for her is very different from what constitutes a ‘rule’ for you.

5 Reasons Women are Far Dirtier Than Men Are

women are dirty
While women present themselves as reserved angels, the truth is they’re naughty little sexual imps – more so than most men.

Hey team, I know it’s been a little while. I hope you all have been doing well in my absence.

I have been having a lot of conversations lately about sexuality. And today I want to talk about something that very often surprises men who don’t have very much experience with women – and it still surprises some men who do!

It’s the fact that women are far dirtier, hornier, and more sexual than you could ever believe.

I’ve had the pleasure of being surrounded by a lot of women in my time, some of whom I’ve been romantically involved with and many of whom I haven’t. Some have been absolute bombshells, and some haven’t (though still attractive for the most part).

But the incredible gift and advantage of my situation has been that I’ve been able to glean a lot of perspectives on life, sex, and romance straight from the horse’s mouth.

It’s funny how honest a girl will be with you if you create an environment in which she knows you aren’t going to judge her. And if you have a few women in your life with whom you don’t have any sexual interest or chemistry, then she will feel comfortable being that much more honest.

So I want to share with you five statements that I’ve heard from countless women at different points in time about their kind – some of which have even surprised me.

I have found most of these statements to be applicable to nearly all of the women I’ve talked to at one point or another. However, there is a very important caveat to these statements that I will talk about after I share them with you.

And you *must* remember the caveat in order to get anything useful from this article.

Here we go.

What Gay Bars Teach You About Women, Dating, and Sex

gay bar meet girls
Gay bars are wonderful places to meet girls. But more than this, they teach you about women’s true nature – and sexuality.

Reading Hector’s fantastic piece on why women like homoerotic men, I must say that I agree with his points. I found his theory on how bi-sexual and homoerotic men can come across as more dominant very interesting.

I am personally not that bi-curious. That said, I am very comfortable with physical contact; I don’t mind if a gay guy touches me, even on intimate areas. It is “just touching,” after all. Some women find homoerotism hot – but not all. However, every woman does find men who are comfortable with their sexuality hot. If a man is comfortable with a dude touching him, one can easily conclude that he is not only a very sexual guy, but also very confident.

It also displays that one does not have stuck-up beliefs related to sex and that one is most likely not homophobic (women find homophobia very unsexy). It conveys non-judgmental attitudes in regards to sex, which helps women allow themselves to open up sexually to you.

So I decided to write a follow up with my own thoughts on this topic. Since 2011, after doing a sociology assessment with a lesbian girl in senior high school regarding the gay-environment, I have not only been fascinated by gay clubs, but I have also become a regular in them. There are a few reasons for this:

  • Many gay clubs have a better women/men ratio than straight clubs

  • Hotter women

  • More sexual vibe

  • Less bullshit (less “bitchshield”) – women have their guards down

Based on all this, gay clubs can seem like a paradise... but there are some downsides, too:

  • They can sometimes become sausage fests (for obvious reasons)

  • Gay guys can be serious cockblocks – directly messing things up for you (especially if they are into you)

  • Gay guys can oftentimes be ultra annoying – i.e., constantly popping up and wanting to drink/dance with your girl while you’re trying to seduce

  • Gay clubs can be chaotic

  • You never get “freebies” (as in ovulating horny girls); those usually go to places they are most likely to meet someone (not gay clubs) – in other words, in gay clubs, it is all about skills

  • You need to pass the “are you gay” test all the time – and believe me, women will test you hard on this one

  • You need to have a good response to the “why are you in a gay bar” question

But apart from all this, I find gay clubs interesting. The vibe is uniquely good and sexual in very intriguing way.

I can write many guides on meeting women in gay bars/clubs if so desired (let me know in the comments section).

I think it is pretty niche. However, there are valuable lessons I learned in gay bars that helped me tremendously in becoming better in all venues.

But the Girls in My Country are Different

girls in my country are different
You might think your countrywomen are different. But women are women, whether you meet them in the U.S., Jordan, India, or Saudi Arabia.

Some years ago – never mind how long precisely – a 9th-grade biology book fell into my hands. With my limited reading ability and understanding, combined with my weird curiosity, I skimmed through its pages. I discovered the nervous system, cardiovascular system, lymphatic system... and then the reproductive system.

It was shocking to first learn about the weird things we do in order to produce little people in such detailed, clinical fashion. What is even more shocking was to realize that in my (at the time) few years on this Earth, I had not once stopped to wonder where babies came from. I saw them popping up here and there all the time, seemingly out of nowhere, and that did not bother me at all!

Because I was so unfamiliar with sex, the entire act was a mystery to me. Almost mystical to me. Babies seemed to just spontaneously pop out of nowhere; I could not imagine a man and a woman undressing and doing what men and women do to make babies.

Even after my big realization, the “kids popping out of nowhere” theory still made more sense to me than the reality of two people getting all naked and going at it. My culture was too strict, imposing too many complications, too many taboos to actually allow such a thing to ever happen. The picture of an innocent couple all naked and banging was too farfetched to actualize. Not surprisingly, I adopted the mentality that maybe the girls in my country are just different!

Since coming to this realization many years ago, I have learned the truths about human sexuality. And I have learned that there is so much sex happening everywhere. Yes, EVERYWHERE! In fact, the amount of sex that happens everywhere happens on a much higher frequency than the number of babies popping out. And much of this sex that happens everywhere is instigated by women – everywhere. The things I’ve learned by personal experience have completely changed my paradigm.

What is Her Type? Deconstruct Her, and Find Out

what's her type?
If you want to know what her type is (so you may more easily date her), you’ll have to ask her a few questions, first.

“What’s her type?”

I have mixed views on the question.

In one way, you need to figure out her fantasy and then become that. You need to adapt to specific women. If she’s a fit snow bunny, it would behoove you to have spent some time at the gym (which is probably where you’d meet her anyways); also, maybe have a few tattoos, be a bit over-the-top with your masculinity, and a bit aloof.

At the same time, you can’t be every girl’s type. Even if you want to be the Übermensch of seduction, you can’t be everything at once.

But I think I’ve come up with a solution. There are three parts to this.

  1. Figure out her type

  2. Understand the difference between tokens and types

  3. Decide how far you want to go

Tactics Tuesdays: Don't Tell Her Why Not to Sleep with You

why not to sleep with you
If she starts trying to convince herself to go with you or sleep with you, should you correct her if she says things about you that aren’t true?

The inspiration for this post came from the exchange Davi shares of a scenario where he was just about to sleep with a girl he’d brought back home... Until he talked her out of it:

Girl: Look, I’ve got to go to work quite early in the morning...

Davi: Well, I’ll take care of it, don’t worry!

Girl: Oh yeah, you can take me with your car when you go to your regular work, right? Then, yeah I can stay.

Davi: I can call you an Uber. But no, I don’t own a car, and it’s just a student job, haha.

Girl: Really? Hmm... oh... mmm... then I think I should go home now.

At which point she left.

I’ve been here. I remember at one point a girl had asked me to swing by her friends’ place so she could pick up her cell phone. Finally, both of us in my car, she agreed to go back to my place with me, and was talking about how she’d get home in the morning. Then I said, kind of thinking out loud, “Oh wait, we still need to get your phone from your friends,” and she said oh yeah, I have to get that.

So, we drove to her friends’ house, there was an after party going on there, she ended up wandering off and making out with some other guy she knew there for a while, while I stood around awkwardly having drinks and trying to act natural and talk with her friends, until at last the girl I’d come with passed out on a couch, and I gave up and went home alone.

Shouldn’t have reminded her about the phone and just had her pick it up in the morning. Whoops.

All I had to do in that scenario – and all Davi had to do here – was keep my mouth shut.

I just couldn’t help myself though. I had to talk her out of sleeping with me.