Female Mind

Most guys who learn pickup end up with a girlfriend, often very quickly. But what if you don’t want to settle just yet? These tips will help you avoid getting attached.

Finding that one girl you’d want to be your special unicorn and be with forever and ever is not easy.

I’ve dated hundreds of women in my life, and I still haven’t found “the perfect girl.” There’s no such thing as perfection. Even the most beautiful diamond is just a rock. And the closer you look at it, the more flaws you’ll find.

However, it’s my hope that every one of you finds your dream girl, and you travel to Southern France (or wherever) together and make a dozen babies.

Until then, I believe that every man should date a large variety of women. Otherwise, how will you know when you’ve found one you can tolerate, and even enjoy, for what may be the rest of your mortal life?

Name a woman's behavior to alter it. Most people aren't conscious of what they're doing or why… when you make her conscious, you change her trajectory.

People do all sorts of things without being conscious they're doing them.

They engage in behaviors -- often behaviors they don't themselves feel good about -- driven by emotions they're barely aware of.

You, however, at the very least by reading this site, are a student of human behavior. You're more conscious of the things you do and why... and you are more conscious of what those around you do, and why.

And when you point out to someone what he is doing, and make him conscious of it, often that is going to affect whether and how much he continues to do that thing.

If what he's doing is something negative, that shows a trait like jealousy or insecurity, you pointing it out is going to tend to motivate him to assert control over that behavior.

You can use this 'behavior naming' with women to help nudge them into fixing or quitting bad behavior they engage in around you.

Times have changed in regards to sexual liberalism among women. Particularly, anti-slut defense is becoming less prevalent. But should we stop using ASD-busters?

I initially planned to keep up with my COVID-19 related posts. However, I received a fascinating response from a reader about my first article on dating apps (where I share my perspective that I do not like them).

The question was posed by user doncgiovanni:

“Hey,

In this article, you said anti-slut defense is ALMOST a thing of the past. I read a couple of your articles on sex talk and gambits. The crucial part of them always seems to be framing women as not sluts, rather expressing their sexuality.

Do you find this not so necessary anymore? I’m finding more and more girls in alternative circles just owning their “slutness” and not giving a damn... which is great :)

Do you think it’s cool to just skip this part with some girls/most girls? How do you go about it?

By the way, love your articles, contributions to this scene.”

DG

Women often resist sexual approaches so they are not perceived as sluts or “easy” in their peers' and friends’ eyes, and the eyes of potential lovers. And many men dislike “easy women” for various reasons. So a defense mechanism occurs that makes women turn down sexual moves, and act more asexual than they really are. It’s as if they were “hiding” their sexuality.

Society has traditionally controlled and suppressed female sexuality for centuries. To understand why, review my earlier article on anti-slut defense (ASD).

In today’s Western world (this may be different in non-Western countries), women seem looser around sexuality because of cultural changes. Pop music, political discourse, and youth culture all motivate sexual behavior.

Dealing with ASD (removing her barriers about being sexual with a guy) and making her comfortable being sexual with you is a major part of the game. It’s usually done by:

• Reframing sex as natural and not a big deal

• Framing sex as positive rather than something that should be judged negatively

• Framing sexual liberalism as good and healthy

• Framing yourself as a sexual guy who is nonjudgmental

• Pointing out how unfair and detrimental it is to judge women for their sexuality

• Communicating low-keyness

Our reader is asking a good, straightforward question. If ASD is diminishing — if not disappearing from Western female minds — then why still worry about it? Why would I still advocate using ASD-busting techniques, like communicating sexually liberal ideals and low-keyness?

There are multiple reasons.

We typically advise against men opening up about their weaknesses to women they date. But won’t showing a little insecurity strengthen a relationship? No, and here’s why.

As a follow up to my article on the right and wrong ways to be vulnerable, a reader was curious why it’s important not to be vulnerable about certain things in your own life when dealing with women.

The anonymous reader commented on vulnerability below:

“So the thesis of the article is that it’s best not to be vulnerable unless it’s occasional and share something that you can easily attribute to something external? I wouldn’t be able to talk about what a struggle my adolescent life is because of depression? Or how my Asian parents did a poor job raising me, and it led to me having low self-esteem? We really can’t share our past traumas under any circumstance without losing our women? We have to pretend like everything is okay, and we never had any struggle in our lives past or current even if that’s not the case? What if you just make it seem like it was in the past, but you’re a different man now, and the only reason you’re actually telling her is because it feels good to share it with someone else instead of keeping it bottled in? I feel like men constantly have to do a lot of posturing just for the sake of attracting and keeping women interested in them whereas women don’t really have that concern.”

On the boards the other day, I read two similar comments about how unfair and inferior it is to be a male in today’s society.

The first comment:

“Women date up. Men date down. Men have to fear that their penis doesn’t [measure] up. Women can be relatively skinny and have unlimited abundance with[out] having to work for it. Men have to work to be providers. Women have so many options that they can choose and compare between looks, social status, wealth, dick size, confidence, and alpha male [status]. Women only seem to compete for looks, sometimes status, and only provide pussy. Being feminine does not seem to add any additional value to our lives. Yet we have to compete on various levels of value just to be good enough. Social media and Tinder has made 5/10s with unlimited abundance.”

HOW IS THIS FAIR?

And the second comment:

“Men are expected to give women pleasure, strength, attention, validation, and security to prevent them from cheating, etc. Yet, women basically give nothing in return besides pussy. That is what bothers me the most. Not only do women reap more rewards in the sexual marketplace, they don’t even have to try as much.”

Is this really how it works?

In this article, I want to dive in further and discuss what this means. I’ll clarify and expand on my response to the comments about the article.

If you have an agreement with a woman, then time passes, and she wants to renegotiate for yet more favorable terms… what do you do?

A woman writes on Reddit about her relationship:

I’ll try to keep this short... my fiancé and I have been together for 5 years now. I knew very early in the relationship I had no intention of taking his last name. After the first year or so of dating when we talked about the future I mentioned I wouldn't want to take his last name because I like my last name. I’m second generation Italian and my last name reflects that. It’s an important aspect of who I am and my fiancé at the time understood. I said I probably would be fine if any kids we had had his last name and we dropped the conversation since it was so early in the relationship.

Fast forward four years we are obviously much closer to actually having kids then when we had that initial conversation. I mentioned today that I’m not sure I want the kids to just have his last name. I explained that it didn’t seem fair for them to be half genetically mine, and for me to carry them for nine months but for their names only to reflect him. I listed some options other people do, hyphenating the names, using one last name as a middle name, making a new combined last name, etc. To be clear this would only be for the kids I’m not asking him to change his name.

He said this wasn’t fair because he had already “compromised” by saying I could keep my name and that I told him the kids could have his last name so I can’t change my mind. I told him I’ve changed my mind as we have matured and the prospect of kids has become more real (which in my mind seems more fair then holding me to an off hand comment several years ago) but he is still extremely upset and not talking to me.

Now, Reddit, as you might expect, being Reddit, is in full support of this woman.

I'm not really interested in whether she should take your name, or the kids should take her name, or you hyphenate last names, or whatever. The whole situation is frankly a little ridiculous.

Regardless, my interest in this seemingly petty affair is this: what do you if you've already established something in a relationship, and then your woman decides to unilaterally change it?

The guy here was obviously upset. But look how he reacted: he just went off and sulked.

This is not the way you deal with someone attempting to renegotiate previously settled terms.

When a woman wants to pull a switcheroo on you, you don't beg, plead, or sulk.

Instead, if you can't shut it down, or talk it out calmly, you pull a switcheroo right back.

Sometimes you want to open up to a girl and tell her your fears and weaknesses. But this behavior itself is a weakness – and you should not indulge it.

I have seen a certain behavior since I got into the seduction community that seems to be fairly common.

It is a behavior of men seeking to bond with women by opening up about their weaknesses, foibles, and fears. Or else seeking to use women as de facto therapists.

The end result is rarely what the man hopes for: instead, it hardens the woman on the man, turns her against him, and leads to him (the man) getting hurt.

Every time I see a man do this, my reaction is, "Why would you do that?"

And a lot of the time the man will answer with, "I thought she would care about me," or, "I just wanted to feel accepted," or, "I thought it was safe to open up to her."

Or they will say, "I thought women liked vulnerability."

It is true, women do like vulnerability. However, they like strong vulnerability.

They despise weakness.

Women are not cruel by default. But they very often are cruel to men they view as weak. This is an important principle to understand: women are kind to strong men, and cruel to weak men. This is because women adore strong men, and women despise weak men.

Even women with good hearts. Even women who do not want to hurt anyone. If you show weakness (not vulnerability, but weakness) to a woman, she is going to feel the emotion of disgust. She may be self-aware enough to resist this emotion, and recognize an injured soul and tell herself to feel compassion for you, but she is still going to be disgusted nevertheless.

You must not go around showing or flaunting weaknesses to women.

Especially not women you want to sleep with or have any kind of ongoing relationship with.

Sensual habits get women to open up more authentically with you. If you can show you’re a cool guy she can trust with her own sensuality, she'll drop her shields.

Today we’ll discuss seductive habits and how they can help you with women.

A seductive habit is a small action or motion you repeat that gives you flavor for a girl. Much like a raw piece of meat can be made tastier by marinating it in spices, good seductive habits run deep in your behaviors, making your more exciting.

Instead of a woman saying, “Oh, it’s the same-old-same-old, I don’t need it, thanks,” it makes a woman say, “My God! How did you make this taste so good!”