7 Rules on How to Be the Alpha Provider | Girls Chase

7 Rules on How to Be the Alpha Provider

how to be an alpha providerLast week, I tackled the common pickup / manosphere belief that the ‘alpha provider’ is a myth: both why men in these communities often think this way, as well as why men who actually are alpha providers don’t usually find their ways into such communities to bother providing themselves as counterexamples to the claims of their non-existence.

Today we dive into the ‘how to’ side of things.

How do you avoid the gradual erosion of authority in a long-term relationship with a woman, and instead retain her attraction, respect, and deference?

How do you continue to be the lover, even when you assume the role of provider as well?

I’ve broken it down here into seven (7) rules: four of them external/behavior based, and three of them internal/mentality based.

We’ll start with behavior, and move to mentalities.

Here we go.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

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Comments

Alexander Abraham's picture

I'll be reading this one for ages, thanks a TON!

A lot of this has helped me understand a few things that I've been doing right by accident and with everything else. Definitely been waiting on this article for a week and it was well worth the wait.

Seriously, thanks a mega-ton, Chase! :D

sin's picture

Just thanks. I have been reading here for a while and got some reference points in the meantime, so in a way there was little new in this article regarding most parts.

Still this article was very helpful, as in the whole is more than the sum of its pieces. It`s a strong encouragement to go on with confidence, to see things boilt down this way. Makes me realize I might be ready to settle for something close to monogamous in the not too distant future.

The part about living in an environment, where the sex ratios are in your favour, doing more traveling then her and outearning her were golden!

China might soon start blocking your site in an attempt to prevent a new rise in birthrates and overall virility. :-)

MnM's picture

Hey Chase!

Great article as always. My question isn't related to the topic but I wanted to make sure my message was read :)

How do you react when a girl gives you a compliment? For example, I get "you have beautiful eyes" line a lot from women. I usually try to smile playfully and give her a compliment back ( "You have beautiful eyes as well" if I think this is true) But, I feel like there must be something more to it.

I used to downgrade every compliment. A girl would say to me my hair looks like a model from a shampoo commercial and I would say it's not that great I just try to take care of it a bit. But then sometimes I get why can't you take a compliment or something like that.

What is the most socially savvy way to take a compliment and not come off across either bragging or fake?

Would be awesome if you could shed some light on this small matter :)

Love the website, keep up the good work!

Seppuku's picture

Hey man,

Not sure what Chase would say, but here is my take. This is an invitation for you to take the lead.

1. React sexy. Sexy slow smile, say "thank you" like if you're used to getting that all the time, maybe a wink.
2. Don't compliment back. It will be perceived as reactive, rather than genuine. Compliment her unprompted, on your own initiative, or not at all.
3. Instead, take this as an invitation to take the leadership in the interaction. You take it now in your own hands from now on, and lead this to an instant date, a phone number, etc...

I hope this helps!

Seppuku

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Seppuku-

Couldn't have said it better. Perfect!

-C

sin's picture

Maybe I can be of help till Chase finds time. Just say "Thank you", look her in the eyes and show her the feelings she invoked in you. (typically happiness and/or surprise)

I had the same problem many years ago. Since I do it this way, it always worked well.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Sin-

Yep, this is right on. All you need to do.

Chase

anony mouse's picture

What about that attention radius thing you were writing on once.
It seems to me that you should be curious and cautious - so the aim is to notice a lot of, have broad attention radius. Another point - while doing so you get scattered and others see you as scared...
Is the main goal to notice as much as possible, while keeping your attention radius to seem low, when actually it's pretty high? Or should you just be scanning slowly...?

Another topic - every person more or less is defined by the habits, we are exposed to same scenarios every day (wake up, shower, meals, working time, socializing) and so on. Wouldn't be the great article to have is the one which would outline main routines man must manage to raise his self esteem (perception of how much in control of his life he is)? You don't really need to go in super-depth here, but going through things like:
* Best hygiene practices
* Skills every man must have, otherwise he is seen as "mama guy"
* Experiences every man should go through, to become the "alpha" (I hate this word) guy
...
and something like this, in the sense of routines a man striving to get better with girls should master, to make his path easier and his oveall life more awesome.
I know you don't want to become another ArtOfManliness site, but some broader light on these topics would be welcome, as much as your article on time managment was quite good read.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anony Mouse-

I love that topic suggestion. Just added it to the queue.

Yes, with awareness radius, typically you want to scan more slowly, use your peripheral vision more, and see more while displaying a smaller awareness radius.

On the other hand, if you need to withdraw attention (say, a girl’s behaving badly), that’s a situation where you want a wider awareness radius.

Chase

Tony F's picture

This article hit the nail on the head on a lot of things I've had on my mind lately. I have been following GirlsChase for a while now, and I literally owe my success with the women I've slept with in the past two years to this site. However, one of the things in my head that has been bothering me was this exact topic. Are we all doomed for one short term relationship after the other if we want to remain Alpha? This breaks it down and shows that is not the case.

Andrey's picture

Chase,
Thank you for another excellent article. Although I never had more than a 1.5-2 yr relationship.. I have a couple of gals who I can absolutely say I fill that role. So far I'm half way through the article, every single point you brought up my frame is totally strong with it. You just reassured me that I wasn't living a mirage;)
Seize the day and much thanks!

Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase,

Thanks for this article.
Reading half way, I already find myself laughing at the humorous undertone yet solid advice and saying, "Good point!" Really great article bro

About commitment points, Is that where rule #5 comes in?
But how do we make sure she knows we haven't passed it yet, remaining untamed, but without being awkward and saying it outright?

Also, if we moved in with a girl, then our home logistics is cut; and she finds out a lot more about us while living together (a.k.a. losing intrigue).

Something to be concerned about?

Thanks,
Lawliet

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Lawliet-

Sure, I'd say #5 fits the 'don't pass a commitment point' rule pretty well.

A woman will judge whether you've passed a commitment point primarily by your behavior. If she can tell you've given up any desire to ever be with another woman and have totally committed yourself to her, unconditionally, no matter what she might do, you've passed it. If she knows if she cheated on you, you'd cry, then tell her, "Okay, we can still make this work," you've passed it.

You don't have to be non-monogamous (though you can be); there's nothing specific you HAVE to do, other than this: don't throw out your contingency plans, and assume it'll 100% be perfect and happy forever. So long as she can tell you're her guy, yet if the time comes when you're not her guy, it won't be the end of your world, you haven't passed the commitment point.

Chase

Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase,

Before I forget, I realize that I'm investing time in making myself better with women (thanks to all of you guys!) but not so financially.

What about business?
Sure pickup, we can go out and pick up and hone our women skills, but business, we can't just go out and start 20 businesses in a day as we do in approaching.

I earned some money from my retail job, and personally, it's killing me.
The same routine again in the same place, I feel zombiotic, a robot.
Being stuck in a 4x4m (office) or a 8x10m warehouse, now imagine 30 years, 50? Or even 60 till retirement down the road.
Looking back, 2/3 of my life will be involved in that same room.
I...just won't be satisfied with that. No.

Some people I chat up in public are. They happily exclaim to be glad living a regular life of 9-5 and then go home and see their kids, and I can't blame them.
Similarity is comfort for folks; it's safe and relaxing (respectively) and keeps things simple.

But I'm discontent.
Yeah, I'm a terrible son of bitch.

I'm currently saving most of my income, and was hoping to invest in my future, create a flowing source of income later on, so I can be free and travel too. It's easier said than done given the abstractness of the path (i.e. practically, what is step 1, 2, 3? This is clear in approaching, but in business, I'm not sure).

I heard that teaching English abroad is good idea for easy on travelling the world, but then I'll have to learn every single language of every single country, which can be a little overwhelming.

Stocks investment is risky, you said in a comment. And I realize real estate investment takes decades to even the cost, let alone profit (ex. buy a $500,000 duplex, rent it for $1000 a month, wait 50 years to earn back $500,000).

Optimally, a source of income while I'm travelling would be great.
But besides joining the local gang, and making a name for myself as drug overlord, how can I head down that road?

Sorry for going offtopic.

Yours,
Lawliet

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Lawliet-

Check these two forum posts out:

If you're still thinking about investing, read Nassim Taleb, as well as Malcolm Gladwell's book (I think it was Outliers) where he discusses hedge fund managers' success in the 1980s versus the 1990s (verdict: no skill involved, it's completely random - they're all just gamblers. Might as well buy a lotto ticket or book a trip to Vegas).

Chase

Lawliet's picture

Just too funny to pass up ;)

"like" my balls while I have sex with 20 lesbians but we don’t do that either
Like facebook likes? 100 Likes for the biggest cajones around town!

Lawliet

simflip10's picture

Hey Chase,

What drove you in the beginning to want to get good w/ girls, like what made you really want it? I'm a beginner btw.

Also in the pickup-catch-22-ambiguous-value article, you talked about how it doesn't help to overcome in-the-moment fears of talking to girls one bit by thinking of the future rewards. So the best way to do it is to just use the ambiguity squasher of "I don't know how this will go but let's try it out" & just toughen up & do it?

Caz you got it that you can't just go & practice this on your own like w/ basketball & I'm more of a perfectionist, so how can I grow to putting myself out there even w/ the social embarrassment?

I guess that also ties into my next question - I saw in a comment you mentioned you're an ENFJ on Meyers Brigg (half E, half I) & I'm pretty much the same, except INFJ w/ the half-half thing. In the beginning of talking to girls, were you more sensitive to being rejected? I feel like i'm too oversensitive to rejection & wanting to be liked. How can I lessen this & not care so much?

Lastly when you talk about wanting the skillset w/ girls, how did you think about it as a beginner - Do you go out to pick up girls or do you go out to work on your skills w/ girls?

Thanks again - Simflip10

simflip10's picture

Actually Chase I just remembered in some article where you said something motivated you to keep going thru all the rejections, or rather it was worth a 1000 rejections or something like that. I can't remember the article tho, hoping you'll link it for me - simflip10

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Simflip-

Well, initially, I’d learned how to tell stories and how to have a sense of humor in junior high, but I had a lot of social anxiety and no friends. So, when I turned 16, I started to get the idea that I should start talking to girls and asking girls out on dates and try to improve. Was too scared to ask girls out, and by the time 18 rolled around, I decided I’d move to a beach town, get a job, and go to the club every night to meet girls until I had that skill down. After a single night at an 18-and-over club, I came away depressed at how far off I was, and gave up for 4 years. But the “I must learn this as a skill” seed was set, and a little before my 22nd birthday I finally resolved to get serious about it.

There’s not really a good way to practice talking to girls with zero risk of social embarrassment – best way is here:

How Naturals Meet Girls and Get Laid

If you want a graduated learning curve, where you’re gradually progressing from less-to-more difficult, I suggest you begin with the Newbie Assignment… that starts off very digestible, and moves gradually up.

I was hyper afraid of rejection when I started. That’s why it took me 6 years to go from “I ought to do this” to seriously saying “Okay, screw it, I’m doing it.” The reason I worked so hard to cultivate humor and tell stories and look cool in high school was it was the only way for me to gain social approval.

As for me at the outset, it was to gain a skillset, yes – I had my “one special girl” I really wanted, and I knew I’d never get her unless I got “caught up”, skill-wise, with the other guys she was dating, all of whom were far more experienced and socially skilled than I was. But at the same time, as soon as I’d actually meet cute girls and want to ask them out or actually ask them out, I forgot about that other girl and really got caught up on the new girls, and failing hurt. So, mix of “I’ve got to get the skill” but also “I really want to get [whatever girl I was talking to].”

Much different these days. I don’t take it personal if girls reject me. Just figure I went in wrong / the girl’s a little guarded / maybe I look a little scrubby / etc. Then just go meet another girl instead.

As for the rejections article… it’s not ringing a bell. I’ve probably just written too much to remember it all these days, I guess…

Chase

simflip10's picture

Wow, this feels a lot like me, like literally the same thing of being too afraid & i'm just about to turn 23 & I'm super scared of rejection & so on, & I try to look cool (succeed sometimes lol) & be more & more likeable to get social approval, but by being conscious of this I'm trying to stop less & less. All in all, I can really relate to this. Thanks for answering my ?'s

Sz's picture

Chase, i read your article about getting younger women as an older man, you said you should have your own business, be retired, or be high up in where you work. I'm almost at that 33 year old point, and I am nowhere near close to that. I do not have any special skills at all, I don't have a business, I am no where near close to retiring, and I am not high up where I work, I don't even have a stable job right now.

What can I do to get younger women when I don't have these things? I wish I knew about this when I was younger, but I can't think about that. What can a guy like me do to get younger women when I don't have those three things? I feel hopeless. I havent even been able to approaching women like i want to yet.
is it too late?

What can I do now to get younger women when I don't have those things, and how can I get those things?

Thanks

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