Tactics Tuesdays: How to Deal with "You Need To..." | Girls Chase

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Deal with "You Need To..."

Chase Amante

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deal with you need to
You meet a girl, and she tells you "You need to dress better when you go out" or "You shouldn't talk to girls that way." Can this be salvaged – or is your goose cooked?

Sometimes you meet a girl who hits you with a demand, a critique, or an instruction.

Sometimes it's in a flirtatious way. Others it's with attitude (whether annoyed, or of the schoolmarm variety). Either way, the words of the thing will look like these:

  • "You need to start dressing better and not wear t-shirts so much."

  • "You shouldn't walk up to girls and make fun of them before you know them."

  • "You have to do something about the way you talk to people. It's too assertive."

  • "You should be more respectful about how you talk to women."

  • "You need to trim your beard. It's too long."

  • "You should stop wearing torn jeans. It's not fashionable anymore."

... and any of a variety of similar instructions or critiques.

Again, the tone can vary: sometimes she's flirty; sometimes she acts like an adult lecturing a clueless kid.

There are a variety of ways to respond to these critiques. Most of these ways aren't that great.

However, there are a few excellent ways to respond to these, that are pretty much always what you want to go for.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.



Mrm's picture

Such good understanding of social dynamics! Every time I read your articles it is like a small revelation. Things I know instinctively but couldn't put into words. Other sources that deal with social intelligence usually give useful but general, abstract suggestions (eg you should figure out what the other person values and provide that value). But you give practical, specific advice along with general advice. Kudos to you my friend!

I think you should write books targeted to a more mainstream audience. It's great to find a niche and dominate it. You're doing a fantastic job on that. However most people won't care about doing better with girls (unfortunately).  And you really are on par with the masters of the self-help community (eg Robert Greene). I think if you wrote a book about social intelligence and marketed the hell out of it you could easily climb to best seller status. Just a wishfull suggestion from a loyal reader :)

Jimbo's picture

Great tips. The writing and the temperate analysis of the social skills and tricks have a "good old Chase" feel to them.

Dale's picture

Wish I'd read this article before asking Jan out (however, Chase hadn't been born then). I did take her advice to grow my hair out (it was a decade out of style by then), but didn't try following up...

Emerald Archer's picture

Hi Chase,

How can you apply these same principles to people that tell you "you need to/should/have to..." that you aren't trying to seduce, like family and friends?

I notice I get a lot of these especially from family. I guess they somehow feel jujstified that because they're family, they have the right to consistently tell you what choices you should be making in life, how you need to be doing this with your life and not that blah blah blah. Basically, just beng real busybodies. Any tips?


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