Why Women Want Multiple Partners | Girls Chase

Why Women Want Multiple Partners

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There have been many articles written on this site about fidelity (or lack thereof) and on unraveling what society has told you in order to reveal the true nature and promiscuity of women. These are articles like:

And lately a lot of men in my life have been realizing that a woman’s relationship status is often tenuous and – even more concerning – actually a poor indicator as to whether or not she would actually sleep with you (even if that status is “married”). It’s definitely an unsettling realization to come to. But, unsettling by whose standards? Certainly not by Mother Nature’s.

multiple partners

Up until this point we have yet to fully cover why women want multiple partners. But believe it or not, it’s actually in a woman’s best interest to sleep with multiple men. So today I’m going to cover why women take on – or desire to take on – multiple partners and how we as men can adapt, understand, and come to terms with that fact.

Colt WilliamsAbout the Author: Colt Williams

Raised in the American Midwest, Colt Williams made a name for himself in dating with a style based on soulful poetic seductions and playful dance floor antics. His style is all about inspiring girls and drawing them into one’s world. You can book phone coaching with him here, or get a copy of his guide to getting laid on Tinder, the product of months of study and experimentation by him on the medium.

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Comments

Sam2's picture

Colt,

Based on your second point on "How to move forward" would you say that whether you get what you want with a woman is also a matter of timing (apart from simply a matter of attraction)? Is it possible that simply somoene else got the job before you irrespectively of your high value as a man? Alternatively, is it possible for a woman to be in a phase of sexual unavailability (i.e. a "I am-the-man-of-my-life kind of phase) during a specific period of her life no matter how attractive you are to her?

IrishConrad's picture

I think timing plays a huge part in this when navigating the dating world. Especially if she has multiple men pursuing her at all times:

"I would say that the average girl has about ten men or so pursuing her at any given time. So when you’re pursuing a girl, this fact is good motivation to never neglect to move fast. If you don’t, you’ll just become another man in the pack who is desperately vying for her attention and affection."

Lets assume out of the 10 men:

5-6 are orbiters whom she will never sleep with. The men in her life that are waiting at her beck and call.

1-2 are close guy friends. She's known him for a long time. Maybe since high school or college. He's seen her date multiple guys and does not judge. Hell, she's even slept with his friends. He doesn't care, doesn't judge. She keep him around.

That leaves with you with about 2-3 guys that are real competition, maybe that number is high. Maybe it's just one. But if just one in her life is pumping her full or orgasms and making her chase at any point in her life....good luck, you better have your frame tight and have leave a musty trail of beast like sexual attraction in your wake.

That's why I like your timing question. If she is unsure for a second about any of the 2-3 guys that she see's as potential sexual partners, you have your window...move fast.

Even if you are that top 5% of men our there. or that 1-3 guys she talks to at any given time that she'll sleep with.....timing plays a big part.

Assuming it's a timing thing or she's not receptive for any given reason, I simply have to tell myself, "be better than you were yesterday, never stop improving"

Anonymous's picture

Great article Colt! It does unnerve me a little however. While I have no problem sleeping with multiple girls at this stage of my life, I eventually would like to find the girl of my dreams and settle down.

Does this mean that even if we get married, there is a good chance she will cheat? I still have some expectations of fidelity in marriages.

Nuncle's picture

Hi Colt

Do women not sometimes fall for one particular man the way men do for women sometimes?

If she feels this particular man is her "soulmate" or whatever does this not create a strong enough bond to keep her faithful for a few years?

Furthermore, does not the principle "love is blind", which certainly applies to men in love, allow her to ignore the fact that her beloved is not necessarily a stereotypical alpha?

If this girl with ten men in her life meets a new man with whom she has an extraordinary chemistry or sense of connection does this not trump and diminish her connection to the other 10?

I have on a few occassions totally fallen for a girl at work or in social circle and she isn't generally an obvious alpha female. Sure there are the really hot, fashionable, stylish (you might say dominant) girls in the same circle and of course I lust after those and see them as a prize but I don't go crazy for them. If I fall for someone those "high-value" girls quickly become pretty irrelevant in my mind.

Is it different for women?

Cheers.

Wallflower's picture

Of course we fall in love, I personally fall in love once every few years, but hard, hard hard and then no one else can be a substitute for that person. I have to have him. And it is a frustrating situation because sometimes geography and other matters do not allow us to be together. And ouch it hurts when this happens, you feel so miserable. The worst thing ever and no amount of male attention then matters, I don't want these other men. Sad, but true. Hope this helps.

Nuncle's picture

Thanks for the perspective, Wallflower. That pretty much mirrors my experience.

Bassman's picture

Hey hfr4, yes it is WAY different for women. Sure there are times when a woman will be "love blind" or find her "soulmate". To translate those phrases it's when she finds a charming and sexy, dominate, high value man that never waivers. But the truth is, most men aren't that and most women have an abundance mentality because they always have options. Most men don't have an abundance mentality.

You can see where I'm going with this. For example, give a new car to a rather poor person and usually he's going to become very attached to it, at least for a while. Now give that same car to a wealthy person and I guarantee that he won't cherish it as much as the less wealthy person. If he wrecks it or loses it, he might be upset for a minute but he can and will replace it in no time. But the poor person on the other hand will take it pretty badly and his life will be affected much more. He won't be able to replace it very quickly if at all and will be upset for sometime.

There are exceptions but for the most part that's how it goes when it comes to relationships. The wealthy mentality is usually the woman and the poor mentality the guy.

That's why as a man you have to keep your skills up even when in a committed relationship. When the relationship ends, those "high value" girls that you didn't care about or flirt with are all of a sudden not going to look so irrelevant to you and now they aren't going to want anything to do with a desperate guy that was never paying them any mind before. Believe me I have been there. Now I play the game using their rules and usually the girls that I was flirty and friendly with are the first easy options for me if the girl I'm with decides she's found a better option than me.

Don't chase 'em, replace 'em.

Nuncle's picture

Thanks Bassman, that is a cogent and logical argument but I am not convinced it always holds true, at least for me.

If the powerful emotions I experience when I fall for someone (roughly once every five years) are purely down to a lack of abundance then that is very deeply buried in my subconscious. At no point do I think or get the feeling "Ooooh I need to hold on to this one as no one else will have me!" Indeed, usually I don't actually get her because I totally lose my cool around her.

And also, I have had a fair few offers from some very sweet/nice/attractive women that I have not got at all excited about and have turned down/dumped.

And I have enjoyed many a good flirt with some of those "high value" barbie doll types (women tend to enjoy my company) without falling for them.

Anonymous's picture

If they want multiple partners, what's the point in falling in love with a woman? It seems as though there really is no point in love or monogamy (other than raiding children). The way I see it now; since women have so much more sexual opportunities than men, they don't fall as hard because men are easily replaceable (especially to the ones I love, party girls)., and that means., to me atleast, they'll never really love me or care if I'm around because they'll just find someone else.

wardog's picture

Hey Colt,

i find this article a bit contradictory within itself and towards what is written on this site in other posts. Here is why:

In this post http://www.girlschase.com/content/why-madonna-whore-intimately-linked-west
Chase explains the advantages that monogamous relationships have over nonmonogamous relationships for a society and he concludes, that those societies, in which it is common for women to sleep with many different partners (matriarchal ones), a lack of motivation for the males to build and compete, leads to a lack of development in these societies as a whole. Where in contrast to that, the patriarchial societies, where women are not as promiscuous, men do have this motivation. As we look at these societies, we can easily verify that. Matriarchal Societies are poorly evolved, Patriarchial Societies are among the highest evolved.

Yet, these poorly evolved societies are always used as an example to proove, that monogamy as a concept is flawed and the true nature of humans is to be promiscous. I think this is very short sighted. Humans are animals, yes. We are not only creatures of the mind, but also are subject to our urges, because we in fact are not different from animals in this respect. But nonetheless, i refuse your statement that we are apes. Besides all similarities, we're not apes, we're humans, that is something very different. What makes us so successfull as animals is our mind and the very purpose of our highly developed brain, is to make sure, that our urges are getting satisfied, preferably in a way, that is most beneficial for us. One of the true powers of our mind, is to not only know, how to satisfy our need NOW, but also how to satisfy them in the future. For every action i take now, there may be consequences in the future and our brain tries to evaluate them. Some people are better at this then others (http://www.girlschase.com/content/time-orientation-and-suitable-romantic-pairings).

The more primitive an animal is, the more it lacks the ability to evaluate the consequences of its actions for the future. So what works for an ape society, which is much more present oriented compared to human society, may not work for a highly evolved human society.

It might be beneficial for some monkeys or human tribes in the jungle to fuck mutiple partners and no one cares who the father is because the whole tribe cares for each other anyway and thus it's the most effective way to secure the further existance of this tribe. But in our western society, things don't work that way, again, i recommend reading Chase's first article linked above. The strategy to fuck as many strong and sexy men as possible in order to secure future support, will completely backfire in our society, because usually no man would be willing to support a woman, that carries out other mens babies. Our society doesn't work that way and women in our society know. From the linked website you're taking the information from:

'[…] not only do human females seek out multiple sexual partners as an evolutionary strategy, they opportunistically shift that strategy depending on the environmental context (more on that below). In other words, female sexuality is not so much blindly promiscuous as it is pragmatic.'

Yet you're saying 'it’s actually in a woman’s best interest to sleep with multiple men.' The very source you're citing says differently. What it says is, that it depends.

You can't just go ahead and say 'Hey, ape ladies are fucking different ape guys all the time, so it's the right thing for human ladies to do, too. It's in their nature. Deal with it.'
We are humans, not apes. We have a highly developed mind, that is part of our very nature and it's purpose is to shift us away from momentarily satisfying our urges towards future orientation.
Otherwise it would be anarchy out there. Our mind is there to keep our animal in place, that is one of the key ingredients for highly evolved societies and it is a key quality i expect from the people i let into my life, from my friends as well as the women i consider for relationships.

So is it actually in a woman’s best interest to sleep with multiple men?
- It depends.
Based on the facts, can i blame them when they cheat?
- Yes i can.

I find some of the messages in this article very confusing and in contrast to what is usually tought on this website. Chase is one of the people here with zero tolerance towards cheating, and so am i and now you come along and say hey, no one to blame, all nature. At the same time you say '[...] unlike men, women aren’t driven by an uncontrollable urge to have sex with anything that moves.' Which means, if they do it, they are to blame (just like men i may add). I can't really grasp your standpoint from what you're writing, it seems contradictory to me.
Cheating is a conscious decision and a woman knows very well what she's doing when she's cheating. So she is in fact very much to blame.
Then you go ahead and tell people to 'Accept that you’re not the only man in her life', from the context it isn't really clear under which circumstances, but i really hope you don't mean if you think you're in monogamous relationship. Because what would be the point of that?

Finally you say that 'Modern views of sexuality in the West make us depressed and frustrated.'
Again you reason, because they're against our nature, leaving out the very reason, why our views on sexuality in our society are that way (because they proved beneficial for our society, that's also a part of evolution).
Also, basically i think it's wrong to just say that our urges ( in this case fucking everyone we find attractive) are our nature, while everything else that we do/want/think is not. If these modern views on sexuality weren't in our nature, we wouldn't be able to have them in the first place (cognitive function is nature too).

So all in all i'm having my problems with this article, but maybe you can clarify some things that might stem from my misunderstanding of what you wanted to communicate.

One more thing, i really whish, if you're writing an arcticle that makes use of scientific claim in the future again, use more references and whenever possible, use the original reference.

Cheers!

notapartygirl's picture

wardog I agree with you about the contradictions, as well as that we are human, not apes.

I have a high sex drive but I am also a deeply emotional and needful person, just as a lot of other women (and men) are. And being human rather than animal means that we can make intelligent decisions about whether to nurture a beneficial relationship or allow our desires for self-fulfillment to rule.

My baby and I may be suffering from massive overdoses of oxytocin but that's the whole point... In those moments with him I get "high" and I've become drug-dependent, and I would not trade that bond for anything else in the world.

We do bend the edges a little bit now and then, but only within the rules that we have developed for our relationship, and only to keep the spark burning hot between the two of us. That's just something that we've worked out.

Maybe I'm different from most girls out there. But whatever else I may want or my baby may want, at the end of the day I want to know that HE is there waiting for ME, and so that's the one thing in my life that makes all of my sexual decisions for me.

As you pointed out wardog, why should examples from poorly evolved societies be leveraged over highly evolved ones? That's devolution rather than progress.

But on the other side of the human equation, I'm going to email my baby the link to Chase's article Are You a Dirty Man? Well, You Should Be. Not that my man doesn't already know.

ilana's picture

This was a really fun read, and thank you for sharing. IT's about time we get this discussion going already!

The only concern I have is with this bit of info, which, as I understand, having actively conceived three children after an intense and newly formed educational relationship with my reproductive system, is not accurate:

"As an interesting aside, human females are the only species who can have conceptive sex at any point during the menstruation period – which means they can have sex (and conceive) absolutely whenever they want to."

No we can't. We have to be within a window of ovulation in order for conception to occur. No egg present = no conception. If there's some new info about my body I'm not aware of I'm quite happy to have my perspective changed!

Chase Amante's picture

Ilana-

Colt seems to be referring to some "possibly but not definitely" research that's been coming out the last few years. Here's an article on one such study:

Semen May Trigger Ovulation

There's a fair bit of theorizing right now that women may release eggs spontaneously (off-cycle) in especially passionate encounters, like taking up with a new partner, having an affair, make-up sex after a big argument, or reconnecting with an old flame or a present beau who's been away for a time.

Anecdotally, I've seen pregnancies happen when the girl was indisputably past her ovulation window, but she and her guy had just gotten back together after a huge argument and had wild sex, or the guy just came back from a big trip and she'd been anticipating his return for a week or more.

It would seem to make sense - that the female body would take advantage of especially exciting encounters to make sure it doesn't lose the sperm it gets from whatever man is causing her to be this excited.

However, for right now, it's hypothesis. Fun hypothesis, but as-of-yet unproven.

Chase

coolg1's picture

If your theories are correct, then there is no use of men dating/marrying women. Man wants his wife for him alone and more or less like a dominating partner in the relationship. He wants relationship for his offsprings and creating a family that is ideal as shown in Abrahamic religions like Judaism or Christianity. When we deviates, like in this feminist society, it is total disaster for men and children, while women - they degrades themselves justifying the proverbial eve. Men are the one who does more suicides because, we are the more responsible ones and sometimes cannot tolerate the cheating or polygamy of women in their lives. Women OTOH brainwashed by western feminist values pursue multiple partners and believes they have achieved "equality". If in your society, your men "came to accept this fact" that women are polygamous and are cool with it, this is what can be called becoming a female in every aspect. Men are to be the guiding patrons of the society. Our rules and patriarchy is the correct solution for humanity.

Tracy's picture

This is just for me and I can't speak for all women. I dated the same guy in High School and only had sex with him until I got pregnant and rushed out and married him. I miscarried but now was married. I tried making it work but after six months of misery I met this wonderful guy and had an affair.
To my surprise our marriage got better and the sex both at home and out became fantastic. I stopped the affair and soon home life went to shit. A few months of that and another affair and again the marriage became better.
That is when my husband caught us. Surprisingly he accepted it and our sex life blossomed. However, I told him if I caught him with another woman it was over. I just can't stand the thought of him having sex with anyone else. Ten years later and I have kept almost constant lovers, at least one at a time but sometimes more.
Different men satisfy different things for me. Some are very loving and gentle and some are very physical. I can't think of living without having more than one man.
I disagree with the opinion that women are designed to be with only one man. That is an outdated stereotype.

wardog's picture

I hope your man finds GC one day, maybe he'll grow some balls.

Candice's picture

Tracy, my situation is much like yours. My husband and I are separated because I couldn't stand being tied down to only one man. He does not want a divorce and said he would never date any other women and could accept me having special men friends. I agree with you that some of us women are just wired to have multiple men. I do not have much feelings for these men other than my sexual satisfaction and I still love my husband very much and love sex with him. I usually have an average of once every month or so with another guy and it also has put a certain energy into our marriage. Some of my special guys have met my husband and have became friends, this is very nice and I have had guys stay with us for a few days. We have had this arrangement for almost 6 years and it works great for us. What little jealousy my husband had is totally gone now and he is accustomed to it now. Its so wonderful !!!!

Billy's picture

Congrats to both of you ladies on finding men without a pair of balls. No quality man with a spine is going to accept his woman sleeping with other men. Take a hard look, gentleman. This is why an extremely large portion of women are to be avoided.

Tracy's picture

I tried but having just one lover is totally boring. I married and cheated and when he found out he left me. I found a man that is OK with me having other lovers, within reason, and I am happy as I could ever be. No man owns me, I am sorry I cheated on my first husband. I made it clear from the start with my second that monogamy is not for me. However, there is no way I would allow him to cheat on me.

Lana's picture

I have been in a 2 year long distance with my boyfriend that one day I am sure I will likely marry. I would never dream of cheating on him, I'd hate myself for it. I feel no need for multiple partners, I only need him. And I expect the same from him for me. That is how I prefer my lifestyle.

I am not disgusted with others for their own decisions; I am disgusted with this article in hinting that all women are looking for multiple men or are talking with multiple men. Thats just not true. I met the love of my life, and I'll wait for him; and I would not betray that or the meaningful relationship we have. Plenty of men have attempted to take interest in me, especially when/if they know my boyfriend lives across the country and they see a potential opening. But I want one man, my man and so these other men mean nothing to me in anything further than general friendship at most.

Again, im not hitting down women who are like in this article. Again, thats a personal life decision. I dislike how this article makes it seem like ALL women fit into a fitted category and how we are all wanting the same things. Not so.

The Real Truth's picture

Most single women just like Sleeping around with all different kinds of men all the time every chance they get since they just Don't Know how to Commit to just Only One Man.

Hanna Schmitz hannaschmitz13@outlook.com's picture

Fact:But women,like men,do and will screw anything that moves.

The Truth Is's picture

Tramp stamp women are all over the place these days since they like sleeping around with all different men which they just don't know how to be faithful anymore since many of us good men had this happened to us already especially when many of us were the faithful ones in the relationship. They will always be the biggest cheaters since they like to party all the time every chance they get which makes these type of women very horrible altogether.

LIPS's picture

short version- all women are whores

LR's picture

Pinterest is the worst. Women will pin photos of hot men who are nearly naked to naked.

Truth Is's picture

Well most women like sleeping around with different men all the time and they very much enjoy it as well which makes them very pathetic low life losers anyway since this is the reason why they will just never commit to just ONLY ONE MAN. I have no respect at all for these type of women since they are a real loss cause altogether. Since i had this happened to me which i was a very good husband to my wife which i showed her a lot of love and attention all the time and i was very caring and had a lot of respect for her which unfortunately it still wasn't good enough for that low life pig since i was the very committed one in my relationship at that time. Now finding love for me again is very hard since i will never be able to trust a woman again after what happened to me.

LR's picture

Women are driven by uncontrollable urges to have sex with every guy they see but need to be controlled by others.

Mister E's picture

There's no way I'm going to pay and support a female knowing she has and rotates men for sexual satisfaction. I'll pass on that BS.

DANBY CHAN's picture

First off, assuming a man who has an affair with some woman is more likely to help nurture her off spring and thus female polygamy via evolution is insane. It doesn’t weigh in the fact the ma,e characters could also become jealous and threaten herself or off spring. What if the me. Killed each other and she were left with no support? Why, by every account, are children significantly less likely to be abused in a two parent house hold compared to a single parent on?
It sounds to me like loose men and women would like to believe this stuff so they can live loosely and demand respect for it.
I think flirting outside of a relationship is good, lightly, that is, but being dishonest, deceptive and unfaithful in the name of satisfying some base sexual urge is highly destructive. Not only are you hurting your partner, if you live with any integrity or compassion, you’re hurting yourself and preventing higher consciousness.
If these are arrangements both partners are not only comfortable with, but mutually enjoy, then do as you wish. IN GENERAL, this isn’t how things work. If you can cheat freely but can’t stand the idea of your spouse being unfaithful without being enraged, don’t think this article is the hard proof that you’re healthy, you’re probably a narcissist with some major personality flaws. If sex becomes an issue in a relationship cheating and lying might make things exciting, it’s naighty, okay, but you lose the deep emotional and spiritual union which is KUNDALINI in union with out opposite. At that sexual plateau it’s to,e to reach inward and become deeper and communicate more completely and truthfully. You’re like the glut who eats to live, it feels good to fill that space but that isn’t the end all and it isn’t the most rewarding.
Not to mention the affect on a family unit. You’re life isn’t just cumming a lot, we are obligated to create a positive and healthy environment for children and that starts in the home they grow up in with the parents who raise them.
If you’re a player, play, but don’t rationalize this behavior as if this is just the way it is and we should embrace it without a seconds thought. Sex is a powerful thing and it has real life consequences on your mental and physical health. I see your point and anyone living in reality understands the potential in every person to be this way but just because we all are wired to enjoy the way heroin feels doesn’t mean wisespread heroine abuse would benefit us.

Retarded, stupid, awful article's picture

From a female that gets constant offers for sex and doesn't want any boyfriend. My relationships have been abusive, codependent, with needy men, men using me, men that were obsessive, controlling, possessive. Most men would never allow me to be having all of this sex you're saying women want to have

Mister E.'s picture

Of course most men won't be okay with you cheating on them. That's why women who cheat do it sneakily and behind their backs. Those who want open relationships are a minority. And even if a woman wants to stay honest, she can just rotate relationships every two months, breaking up with old, shacking up with new, and she'd be having six men a year.

AW's picture

With so many women that are gay and bi nowadays which they're going to bed with other women as well. Save that one for the Jerry Springer show.

Billy's picture

I will put this as simple as possible for the men out there. This article is full of contradictory information and is probably the worst thing you could follow. From the beginning, if a woman isn't exclusive with you, walk away. You will thank both me and yourself later.

 

Quote:

------

Sleeping with more (sexy, strong) men means that there are more men who are attached to and want to look after the female.

If there are more men who want to look after the female, those men will turn into men who are invested in the well-being of a potential child.

If there are more men invested in the well being of the child, there will be more resources to bring up a strong, healthy child and to cultivate a healthy family.

------

 

The above quote is irrelevant. No modern man with a spine and high intelligence is going to take care of a woman who is sleeping around and the same goes for looking after a child that is not biologically his own. We are not pure animals anymore. We have emotions and advanced logic and reasoning skills. The author goes out of the way to point this out and cites our capacity for advanced civilization and culture. Then it goes downhill with the jungle animal references. Pretending like these references to the animal kingdom are still relevant is false. About the only thing that is true that this article states is that humans have reasonably high sex drives and are capable of sex for more than just procreation. Don't even get me started on the "we are apes" statement about evolution. No one with an actual understanding of evolution would state this and it is probably the biggest scientific myth out there. Humans had a common ape ancestor. That is all.

 

Women that sleep around before marriage or permanent committed relationships outside marriage are more likely to cheat, divorce, and be unsatisfied. If you are interested in a woman for the long term you should stay far away from anyone who has had multiple partners. This disqualifies most modern women but it is something you need to accept.

 

I suggest men be honest with themselves on what they want from women and make the informed decision themselves. Past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior and a woman's past absolutely matters. I guess this is a tough pill to swallow but hold your nose.

 

I have included these statistics below:

 

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2018/10/sexual-partners-and-m...

 

https://www.medicaldaily.com/sex-marriage-premarital-sex-divorce-rate-se...

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