There have been many articles written on this site about fidelity (or lack thereof) and on unraveling what society has told you in order to reveal the true nature and promiscuity of women. These are articles like:
- Sexual Awakening: How to Have Her Doing Almost Anything in Bed
- There’s Always Another Man In Her Life
- Girl Has a Boyfriend? 3 Things to Do and 7 Things NOT To
- How to Steal a Girl from Under Her Boyfriend’s Nose
- How to Prevent Cheating by Your Girlfriend
- Why I Quit Dating Girls Who Club, Party, or Drink
- What Women Think About Their Husbands
- Walk the Line
And lately a lot of men in my life have been realizing that a woman’s relationship status is often tenuous and – even more concerning – actually a poor indicator as to whether or not she would actually sleep with you (even if that status is “married”). It’s definitely an unsettling realization to come to. But, unsettling by whose standards? Certainly not by Mother Nature’s.
Up until this point we have yet to fully cover why women want multiple partners. But believe it or not, it’s actually in a woman’s best interest to sleep with multiple men. So today I’m going to cover why women take on – or desire to take on – multiple partners and how we as men can adapt, understand, and come to terms with that fact.
The Nature of Women
Human beings have always tried to claim dominion over nature. Throughout the ages we have tried to impose our will on the natural world and demonstrate that we have control over it:
- We’ve built cities
- We’ve harvested natural resources for energy and production
- We’ve mechanized the production and killing of animals for food
- We’ve used plants to create pharmaceutical drugs
- We’ve captured wild animals and placed them in zoos
- We’ve even tamed wild animals for the role of our companions
These are all testaments to the great spirit and industriousness of mankind. However, through all of this creation, domination, and rational thinking, human beings have conveniently forgotten one all-important fact about ourselves: we are still animals.
We exist because we are part of the ecosystem that is the natural world. In the words of late Alan Watts, “We don’t come into the world. We come out of it.” And this is no truer than considering the fact that biologically, humans are more similar to chimpanzees and bonobos than these two ape species are similar to any other type of ape (gorillas, orangutans, etc.). We are even more similar to these apes than African and Indian elephants are similar to each other.
So in essence, it’s important to understand that we didn’t evolve from apes; we are apes. And we have all of the behavioral and sexual interactions and patterns that we see in our ape cousins – the behavior of our females being no different.
Female Promiscuity and Multiple Partners
Team, I think that the mark of a true man is the ability to admit when he is wrong or has made a mistake. And I have made a mistake. Not an egregious mistake, but a mistake nonetheless.
In many of my articles I’ve talked about the nature of female promiscuity and how women are very lustful beings who love sex. That, of course, has not changed.
I’ve also talked about how females take on the biological burden as well, and how it’s in their biological interest to only copulate with a few men and to refrain from having a very high number of partners in exchange for protection and the strong genes of dominant men. This idea remains intact as well.
However, I’ve also reasoned that based on these facts, one could extrapolate that men were always the sexual aggressors, having to demonstrate value in order to win the affection of a choosey female. But recent science has just turned this idea entirely on its head.
A collection of recent studies has shown that females also seek out sex for biologically advantageous reasons. Essentially, the biological rationale for this female behavior goes like this:
Sleeping with more (sexy, strong) men means that there are more men who are attached to and want to look after the female.
If there are more men who want to look after the female, those men will turn into men who are invested in the well-being of a potential child.
If there are more men invested in the well being of the child, there will be more resources to bring up a strong, healthy child and to cultivate a healthy family.
As an interesting aside, human females are the only species who can have conceptive sex at any point during the menstruation period – which means they can have sex (and conceive) absolutely whenever they want to. So they can take full advantage of this biological imperative. Perhaps some women are even compelled to follow the example of female bonobos, which have sex while they’re pregnant to confuse males as to who the actual father is and compel all of them into investing their resources.
Monogamy is a Recent Development
If you want to have a more in-depth look at how promiscuity manifests itself in human beings (particularly in more “tribal” cultures) watch this video:
Besides the points I’ve already covered, the major takeaways from this video are:
The monogamous relationship is a very recent human development. Modern humans have existed for over 200,000 years – but monogamy has only been around for 10,000. Basically it came about from the development of agriculture, where we needed a reliable life partner to help cultivate and run a farm with us.
Cultures that don’t slut shame have incomprehensible amounts of sex. Some cultures that live closer to the hunter-gatherer or village style of living have sexual liberty as one of their tenets. And for these cultures, women will sleep with dozens – sometimes hundreds – of men without thinking twice. Some of these cultures even believe that you need the sperm of several men to make a child. And sometimes the father isn’t even involved in raising the child; the child is brought up by a large family unit on the woman’s side.
Women in more basic cultures don’t sleep with random men. What really struck me is that women in these more basic cultures don’t just sleep with random men. They sleep with men in their community with whom they are familiar and whom they trust. I’m sure this is partly because there are few unfamiliar men, but the idea of comfort and rapport is still very interesting.
Modern views of sexuality in the West make us depressed and frustrated. Going against your nature is a great way to feel stifled and unhappy. And that is exactly what is happening with dating in America and the West. Go figure.
Based on our Western upbringing, most men are shocked with how many women have, are, or will cheat on their boyfriend or husband. But based on the facts, you really can’t blame them. Remaining faithful requires confidence in the value of your partner and a rational decision to keep it in your pants. That’s why Chase doesn’t date girls who club/party.
Your willpower is limited (ego depletion), so if you’re placed in an environment of constant temptation, you will eventually cave. The urge is just too strong sometimes – the primitive brain is much, much older (and stronger) than the rational one.
What About Love?
Some guys may be disillusioned right now. But Colt, what about the power of love?
Some men are hopeless romantics. Others just like the idea of a life partner whom they can grow and journey with. And you can still do that despite this information. Just because humans have the urge to be promiscuous doesn’t mean that love suddenly doesn’t exist anymore.
Oxytocin is the bonding chemical in our bodies. And there’s a whole lot of it released when he have sex, cuddle, or even share an empathetic moment with another person – especially a romantic partner. And unlike men, women aren’t driven by an uncontrollable urge to have sex with anything that moves. They do have a very strong sex drive, but there are many other factors at play when they make sexual and romantic decisions.
So long-term relationships are certainly possible – but the key to a successful long-term relationship is growth and consistent attraction. I’ve mentioned before that the best relationships I’ve seen are those where each partner hasn’t fully won the other one over. They are constantly challenging each other and pushing each other to keep improving and keep attracting the other person.
Once this quality is lost, the relationship only goes downhill. It suffers from problems like the 2 year drop and leads eventually to the parties splitting off or ceasing to be faithful to one another.
So really, love is a combination of chemical releases and rational decisions. So as long as you keep that in mind, do keep believing in it.
How to Move Forward
I’ve given you a lot of information today about the true nature of women. So now the question is: how do you move forward? How do you make yourself a strong, effective man now that you understand the kind of environment that you’re in? Do these things:
Accept that you’re not the only man in her life. Accept the atmosphere of our Western culture, which is to appear monogamous (or even single), but to actually sleep with multiple people behind the scenes. That’s just the way things are. The quicker you accept it, the happier you’ll be. Most importantly: don’t be bitter.
Understand your role in her life. Sometimes you want to be the boyfriend, but maybe that role is already taken by someone you will never meet. Sometimes you want to be the secret lover, but that position is already filled – which is why she is making you wine and dine her. You must understand that women often have very limited sexual availability. And to that end, you will only fit into the role that she is currently lacking in her life. Sometimes you can upgrade or dictate that role, but you have to get her to chase you and be a higher-value man than all of the other men in her life.
Date multiple women. The two mistakes that less experienced guys make are to think that:
- They are the only men in her life. Just because she is the only girl in your life doesn’t mean that you’re the only guy in hers. Even if she makes it seem like you’re the only guy in her life, the chances are still slim if you live in a reasonably sized town and the girl is at least cute.
- She talks to one guy at a time. I would say that the average girl has about ten men or so pursuing her at any given time. So when you’re pursuing a girl, this fact is good motivation to never neglect to move fast. If you don’t, you’ll just become another man in the pack who is desperately vying for her attention and affection.
Because of these two facts, it’s important to continue to approach and pursue multiple women at the same time. This is the only way you will get maximum return for your efforts. And once you do that, you can set yourself up to date multiple women. Not only will this keep you happy, but it’ll allow you to have an absolute abundance mentality and eliminate any desperation or chasing behavior when you encounter new girls.
Don’t try to convince white knights of the error of their ways. This is a good way to drive yourself insane. Not everyone is going to believe you when you try to reveal the truth to them. In fact, most people won’t believe you. What happens to every soothsayer in every fable and allegory that you can think of right now? Yeah. Exactly. Just be satisfied in living your unconventional life and find camaraderie with those who have also seen the light.
If you want to keep your woman, never stop improving. Attraction never stops. The interplay between masculine and feminine energy never stops. So that means you shouldn’t ever stop either. No matter how solid you think your relationship is, never get complacent. Because no matter how good you are, there’s always a guy out there who’s better. And if you don’t keep your girl satisfied with bonding, adventure, and sex, she could be his girl before you have time to blink.
Decide on your values. If she tells you that she has a boyfriend, sometimes she means that he is someone she loves and is faithful to. Sometimes when she tells you she has a boyfriend, it a challenge to see if you’ll keep being sexual with her. Other times, she won’t know why she said it, and will just wait to see what you do.
Some men have absolutely no qualms with sleeping with a girl who’s spoken for. They reason that the responsibility lies solely with the girl – which it mostly does – so they go ahead and do the deed. Others figure that women can easily get swept up in a whirlwind of emotion that they may regret in retrospect, so they shoulder the responsibility to prevent that scenario (and prevent any drama/backlash for themselves).
There are arguments for both sides. But the only man you don’t want to be is the one who isn’t sure. Be decisive about what kind of person you are, set the tone with the girl, and leave the guesswork to more timid souls.
Wrapping Up: She Still Wants a Strong Man
Don’t let the fact that women want multiple partners mislead you; this is not an excuse to slack off or to stop improving yourself. Just because girls want multiple partners doesn’t mean that they (most of them) will sleep with just any old guy who happens to cross their path. They still want strong, sexy men. They may want multiple strong men, but strong men nevertheless.
So understand that you need to put yourself in the top 5% of men who get all of the spoils. Reading this site is a phenomenal first step. But simply reading it isn’t going to be enough. You have to act.
I knew that she had been sleeping with one of the senior teachers. She was gorgeous, and always met me with that kind, innocent smile. I always knew that I needed to make her mine. Everyone told me that she wasn’t that kind of girl, but I wanted to try anyway. I invited her over to my place to do some late night work. I remember how distracting it was to look at her low-cut dress while we were trying to finish the new web project. Why was she wearing a low-cut dress anyway?
I remember there was a moment when we laughed about how our boss spilled milk on himself earlier. I kept telling myself she wasn’t that kind of girl. But I grabbed her neck anyway. I pulled her in and kissed her. When we woke up the next morning, she rolled over and kissed me on the cheek. She told me that she had always admired me. She loved that I always pushed myself harder than anyone else – just like the senior teacher. She told me she had been waiting for me to do something.
She was that kind of girl.
In the words of one of my favorite leadership gurus: “Don’t tell me how much you’ve learned or how great the information was. Tell me what you’re doing differently.”