(4) Advanced

When you have more than one girlfriend, a few rules are key: she may suspect you see other women, but you must never give her PROOF.

Welcome back to the Harem Series!

In Part 1, I shared the vital importance of Queen Theory, and why every woman you’re dating emotionally must feel like your #1 woman at all times.

I also recently wrote an article where we talked about the core differences between monogamy and non-monogamy: getting bored and losing interest versus dealing with jealousy, respectively. In that article, I discussed how to prevent boredom from seeping into your monogamous relationships. So now we’ll discuss how to prevent jealousy in non-monogamous relationships, and the importance of being discreet.

This article was inspired by something I witnessed one night while in one of the cafes I frequent. I know a few of the regulars who go there. There’s a cute girl, Rebecca, who is sought after by some of the guys, including my friend Rob. Rob has been after Rebecca for over a year, but she’s never paid him any heed, even though they were friends. Eventually Rob moved on, and a few months later started to date a new woman, Elizabeth, whom he brings to the café from time to time after she gets off work. I’ve met Elizabeth, and she’s cute, fun, and cool.

However, this act sparked a new interest in Rob – from Rebecca! After all, preselection is one of the surest signs of an attractive man, and girls are copy cats; they want what other women have. This caused Rebecca to start pestering Rob and his business partner Dave on afternoons while they were both working when Elizabeth wasn’t there yet.

That night, I witnessed Dave take a chance and seduce Rebecca just to see how far he could get. Elizabeth wasn’t there, and Rob was playing a video game on his computer, facing Dave across the table. Rebecca went right along with Dave and did it in her own way; she placed herself on Dave’s lap right in front of Rob while she and Dave were flirting with each other. And I got a second-row seat to the action as well. It got to the point where Dave was massaging her back and putting his fingers in her mouth while she was giving him sultry looks. Rebecca was openly talking with Dave about great sex, and Dave could have taken her out to the back right then and there and shagged her if he wanted.

She was having fun, but she was also doing all this because of her jealousy for Rob and Elizabeth. Rebecca really wanted to make sure he saw how desirable she was to his business partner. Some guys might ask “Why didn’t Rebecca just get with Rob when she had the chance?” Well, it doesn’t always work that way with women. The point of this story is also to show you how jealousy can manifest – and it can cause some extreme behavior.

There are 8 kinds of orgasm a woman can experience. And with this routine, you can communicate your sexual expertise to her – and leave her dripping to hook up with you.

Hey, guys! Today I will post a technique that I have been using since 2009! And it is probably my most successful technique. It’s a real gem, folks! Not only that, but many other skilled seducers I know of have gotten laid with this exact technique over the past year. It truly is a powerhouse.

This will be a long post, but not because there’s too much to remember. I really want to give you every detail and cover the theoretical background and potential pitfalls (and how to avoid them). I’ve also included some good examples as well as good sex talk transitions you can use. Do not get freaked out. That said, this post is best fit for intermediate to advanced seducers. Depending on your level, I will share variations of this technique. I will also suggest, for those of you who are truly advanced, ways you can further spice it up.

Not too long ago, I shared a very detailed report on the forums.

In that thread, a poster named “yash” made the following request:

“Could you go more in detail on The 8 Types of Orgasms? I don't think I've seen an article on that ever on the main site, plus I haven't seen it in the boards, but I would love to know the process for how to pull each one of them off.”

Yash is right. I haven’t shared it on the main site, which is why I will do it now. Last time I posted it was on mASF in 2010 (the pickup forum back in the day where all the legends were made – a place that no longer exists). So yeah, a revisited version is in order.

The routine (or gambit) was one of my first sex-talk routines, and it is still one of my favorites. When I discovered and wrote down my theory on sexual prizing, I had to make a routine based on it. That was the “8 Types of Orgasm” routine. I have of course made many gambits based on the concept of sexual prizing, but this is the classic version.

Even though I made it when I was 16, it truly rocked my world. Girls would go easily from orange to green… and not just green… I mean they’d go straight luck-o’-the-Irish chartreuse! I used it 2 weekends ago, first on Thursday with a super-hot, introverted, 20-year-old girl who did not show me much attention at first. But she lighted right up after this routine. I used it again Saturday as a 1-shot-1-kill on a 21-year-old chick who literally asked me to take her home right away.

I am about to share something juicy.

First things first. I do not consider this technique super advanced, as I pulled it off successfully when I was intermediate (still with a few failures, which you will not experience that much if you are an advanced player – but again, failures are what transform you into a calibrated seduction master).

With that in mind, let us get on with it.

What women say they want and what they actually choose often doesn’t line up. Why is so much of what women really want unconscious?

One of the most challenging aspects of psychological science is how often people say they want one thing, only to choose something else.

I saw this routinely back in my tire salesman days. A customer would come in and say he wanted the cheapest set of tires we had. I’d ask him about what he wanted his driving experience to be like; I’d discover he wanted great road traction and a comfortable ride; and he’d proceed to purchase a premium set of tires with excellent traction and ride comfort instead.

This “what you say you want vs. what you actually want” issue manifests in all sorts of ways in psychological science, too. Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel’s 2008 speed dating study “Do people know what they initially desire in a romantic partner?” found no matter how strong someone insisted a preference was (e.g., “I will only date a girl if she is beautiful” “I won’t date a guy unless he makes a lot of money”), that person was no more likely to pick someone who matched the preference in a live event than average.

In his chapter in The Adapted Mind: Evolutionary Psychology and the Generation of Culture, on how women evaluate mate prospects, Bruce J. Ellis unfurls a host of items on how women select their mates. One of the most important things Ellis talks about, though, is some of the paradoxes in mate selection. For instance, much research finds women are drawn to men who are socially dominant: men who dominate their social environments. These men tend to be cooler, more aloof, and more detached. Yet a lot of other research finds women are drawn to men who are warm, personal, and caring. How do those two connect?

We’ll talk about Ellis’s solutions to the warmth-dominance paradox below. But first we need to pose a question: do people actually know what they want?

To be able to lead – whether men, women, or both – you must be certain. And to be certain, you must have three (3) elements in place.

Two candidates are about to give their speeches for president of the Interfraternity Council. The IFC is the board that governs all the fraternities on campus. It controls how and when rush proceeds (the process by which fraternities and sororities recruit members) and deals with disciplinary action.

It's not that important of a position, since at this school, they're quite liberal with control, but it's still a position. And men, well, they like titles. It makes them feel important. They respect them. Women? They yearn for men with position. It gets them wet.

So these two men want it.

The first candidate is the former vice president and has been given the opportunity to speak first.

“Hey guys! As you know, I was vice president for the past year and hopefully have lived up to the duties given to that position. As you saw, I tried to reestablish the philanthropic duties of vice president and actually held a fundraiser, something no vice president in recent memory has done. Also, I oversaw a judicial board hearing and carried it out quickly and efficiently, another duty of vice president that hasn’t been fulfilled in recent years. I’ve seen how the executive board works. I’ve worked with the president closely, helped him facilitate almost every duty of the council, seen how all the paperwork gets dealt with, and have even met with administrators in an effort to better understand what the school wants from us.

I hope that you’ve noticed my hard work and dedication and will do me the honor of voting me in as president of the council. Thank you very much!”

All women have a wild side. But they won’t show it except to certain types of men. The pleasure-loving man knows how to bring this side out.

When you’re head-to-head against another guy over a girl, the last thing you want to do is try to best him at what he’s good at. Beat him on your terms, instead.

Commenting under my article “If a Girl Has Sex with You Fast, is She a Slut?”, Mike asked:

“Hey chase, please I have a question to ask. I want to know how to compete with guys more handsome than me. Thanks.”

It’s a good question. It echoes similar questions I’ve answered in articles and in the comments before, such as:

• How do you compete with men who are famous?

• How do you compete with guys she already knows?

• How do you compete with bad boys when you’re not a bad boy?

I don’t want to spoil the whole article, but the way you win, of course, is by not trying to beat that guy at what he’s good at.

Instead, what you must do to win is change the rules of engagement.

With the right tweaks, you can put a guy on the defensive and emerge victorious for the girl, despite almost any number of on-paper advantages he might seem to have over you.

If you want to do something, but you never take action do it... what is that? It’s a case where you have the interest – but lack the desire.

A friend who has been consulting with me about the dating world visited me recently for a weekend – and brought some interesting stories to share. He graduated from college last year and moved to a new city, landing a prestigious job at a highly respected global firm with a six-figure starting pay and great benefits (right out of school!). Basically, he fulfilled the career dream he had since before college, and now he lives in a beautiful new apartment in a great part of town, with lots of space and lots of money.

Regarding this side of his life, he’s completely fulfilled – well, sort of. He likes his life on paper, but after actually speaking to him about the details, I discovered he feels immersed in soul-killing consumerism. He liked my tiny, modest apartment with its very human and soulful feel. Before leaving, he said my vibe had rubbed off on him – he felt sweeter and more relaxed.

Yet on the dating field, he hasn’t gone on a single date since moving to his new city. He has been following Girls Chase for almost two years and has since improved on his vibe and does cold approach occasionally. However, he has yet to ask out a girl in his new town. He tells me that he’s waiting to become more fit (he goes to the gym regularly and is still looking for new clothes) to present himself better. He’s also working on his fundamentals and is pursuing new hobbies and meet-ups where he might meet women. He also laments that there are no women in his area he really has a desire for. In other words, he doesn’t find them attractive, so they’re not even worth approaching or pursuing.

I will note that he did enjoy the look of women in my area – so location is a factor indeed!

He wanted to know what he could do to start dating women, and I told him that right now, there’s nothing he can really do, because no matter what I tell him, he’s not actually going to do it. How did I deduce this? I told him that in this moment in his life, he doesn’t want to date or learn to be with women badly enough; his focus is still on building his career, not learning to attract women.

In fact, his desire, as it was during college, remains in climbing his career and making lots of money – a big factor in his choice of city – while he merely has an interest in learning about women and dating. I told him nothing would happen for him until he actually held a real desire to be with a woman; for now, a sufficient desire doesn’t exist in him. I told him he’s waiting for a “perfect moment” that will never actually arrive.

What he actually needs to do to make any progress is to get the ball rolling, but his desire to grow career-wise suffocates that process.

I wanted to break down why things were the way they were for him, and thus came about the topic of this article. It’s a little abstract but very useful in deducing people’s intentions.

One of the great life lessons I am getting ever more acquainted with is that what people say they want or like, and what they actually, truly want – and what they actually do – are often very different things. This is what we’re going to talk about today: why these inconsistencies exist and how they show up.