Fixing Your Woman's Bad Behavior with Sex

Want the most enjoyable way to fix a girlfriend’s bad behavior? Do it with sex! However, you must be careful to do this the RIGHT way…

I was too late with yesterday’s Recommended Reading list to make Tactics Tuesdays this week. But we’ll still cover a useful tactic for your relationships regardless.

Today’s tactic focuses on fixing a female partner’s behavioral problem through a mix of calling a problem out both before and during (good, but not great) sex.

This is an ‘intermediate’ level tactic and up. I don’t suggest it for beginners... you need to be fairly dominant already with women to pull it off, and you need fairly solid social calibration/timing. If you’re still building your confidence around women, save this tactic for once you’ve built up more.

You’ll also want to save this for your more girlfriend-level relationships. Using it with friends with benefits is too much; while it’s a great technique for behavior-shaping, it also communicates to the girl that you are really looking out for her, and this is a bit too much for casual relationships.

The gist of the technique is you will tell a girl to knock off a bad behavior... then begin sex with her... then, when the sex is good (but not before then), you’ll tell her in a dominant-yet-protective way that you want her to cut off the behavior and how it is for her own good.

Before we get to the technique though, we need to talk about one aspect of it.

What About ‘No Sex After Drama’?

This tactic is close to being a violation of the ‘no sex after drama’ rule, which I laid out for you in my article on dating and relationship precedent. Sex after drama (SAD) is usually a no-no because it reinforces dramatic behavior – it forges a connection in a woman’s mind between ‘cause problems for my man’ and ‘get wildly hot, passionate, satisfying sex’.

Choosing SAD is essentially instructing a woman to give you a more passionate, yet also far more chaotic and unstable, relationship, over a somewhat more relaxed but less headache-inducing one.

We’re going to use sex here to fix bad behavior, which is not quite the same thing as drama, but is in the ballpark. If you don’t execute the technique as described, you risk forging a ‘bad behavior = great sex’ connection for her.

To avoid creating a ‘bad behavior = great sex’ connection, you must do this technique as I lay it out, and only as I lay it out.

Get the details wrong, and you’ll see more of the behavior you want to discourage, not less.

This is why I don’t recommend this technique for beginners.

Fixing Problem Behavior with Sex: The Steps

Here are the steps to the technique:

1. Call out the problem behavior (“Don’t smoke. Take that cigarette out of your mouth, it’s disgusting”)

2. Immediately after you call out the problem behavior, take her for sex in a dominant way (e.g., walk up to her, bend her over, and lift her skirt up or pull her pants down)

3. Go straight into sex, with minimal or no foreplay

4. Wait until she is clearly enjoying the sex and immersed in it, having a good time of it; until you reach that point, just focus on the sex

5. Once she’s into it and enjoying herself, reinforce the thing you don’t want to do, and show her why you’re saying it to protect her (“I don’t want to see you smoking. It’s terrible for your health, it makes your skin look awful, and it makes you smell bad and taste bad. Throw your cigarettes away”)

6. Then finish. Don’t worry about trying to give her an orgasm. If she has one as you’re finishing though, that’s fine too. The sex should be good, but not phenomenal (much of the sexual technique recommendations on Girls Chase revolve around giving women orgasmic sex. This specific technique, however, is not in the ‘orgasmic camp’)
   

If you can, also combine physical reinforcement with your calling out of the problem behavior. Take the cigarette out of her mouth if you want her to stop smoking, turn her phone off if you want her to not be on her phone all the time, move her hand away from her mouth if you want her to not chew on her fingernails, gently but firmly shut her mouth if she was saying something flip to you, etc.

You want to start the sex immediately. It reinforces the dominance of you instructing her to not do something, and causes her to submit. Telling her not to do something on its own without reinforcement may get you pushback/resistance. Telling her to do something, then following it up immediately by bending her over is instead sexy and reinforces that you like her and are saying it because you care about her.

She’ll be a lot more receptive when she’s receiving you.

Obviously, the technique doesn’t work this way in public (well, in most circumstances). However, you can lead into it if you’re in public, and seed for later. For instance:

1. (in public) Call out the problem behavior (“Don’t smoke. Take that cigarette out of your mouth, it’s disgusting”)

2. Wait until the two of you are alone later. Then call it out again, even though she isn’t necessarily exhibiting the behavior right now (“Hey, I was serious earlier when I told you I don’t want you smoking. It tastes gross and it turns your lungs black”)

3. Then proceed with the rest of the steps as normal (beginning with step #2 from the steps above)
   

You want the sex to be pleasurable for her, because you reinforce that listening to you feels good. You don’t want it too incredible though, lest it stand out to her as a rare instance of exceptional sex, and plant the idea in her mind that one of the only ways she knows to trigger exceptional sex from you is to exhibit some behavior you do not like.

So make it feel good. But don’t make it amazing.

Use the tactic right, and not only will she work to change her behavior, but you’ll notice she is on better behavior around you in general after this.

What If She Refuses Sex?

This is another reason this technique is only for intermediates on up.

If your timing is off, you may try to use this technique when she won’t be receptive to it. You might tell her to shut off her phone, or quit giving you lip, then try to get amorous with her, only for her to rebuff you.

A lot of this comes down to calibration. If you’re not at a point yet where you can reliably intuit whether a woman will receive you or not, you’re not ready to use this technique.

However, even guys with strong intuitions about whether a woman will or won’t receive them get the read wrong, or hit resistance. So what do you do?

My response in these situations is typically to make a dismissive sign/gesture (e.g., wave my hand dismissively, with an annoyed look on my face, and an “Eh, whatever!”) and repeat my stricture as I walk off (“Don’t be so rude!”). You’re basically treating her like she is boring and annoying (since, I mean, if she won’t put out, especially when she is in the wrong, she is being annoying and boring).

Then, whenever we next have sex, during the escalation to sex, I will make the same proscription as earlier to her, just in a softer tone: “Hey. You don’t have to be so rude with me, you know. You can be nice instead.” Then return to the escalation.

You can then proceed with the technique per usual once you’re intimate.

Why Does This Tactic Work?

This tactic gets to the heart of something every woman desires: to be dominated by a man who cares about and is protective of her.

Dominance in and of itself is attractive. But if it isn’t coupled with a sense that the man dominating her cares about her and wants to protect her, it quickly leads to regret. Many cases of sex regret and false rape accusations occur after a woman engages in dominating or demeaning sex she enjoys at the time but regrets after when she concludes the man did not cherish her and simply humiliated her for his own fleeting pleasure.

Being protective of a woman is nice, but not attractive in and of itself. However, when combined with dominance, it becomes a reassuring behavior that tells a woman the man dominating her does indeed cherish her.

This asshole/nice guy divide can even be boiled down to “assholes dominate women without cherishing them; nice guys cherish women without dominating them.” The most attractive man to women is neither the asshole nor the nice guy, but the genuine man who dominates a woman while also cherishing her.

There are some additional items that contribute to the effectiveness of this technique too.

A woman’s body releases oxytocin during sex. Oxytocin is the ‘trust hormone’ – the more of it in her system, the more trusting of and receptive to you she becomes.

If you simply tell a woman “Don’t do that”, you will never be as effective as if you tell her “Don’t do that, because I care about you” at the same time as you are flooding her body with trust hormone.

Finally, you wait until the sex is good before you repeat your proscription because you want to wait until the oxytocin flows and she’s entered a trance-like state (the deeper into pleasure a woman gets, the more various parts of her brain ‘shut down’ and put her into a sort of trance), where she is less likely to resist your suggestion and instead will accept it.

Again, you do not make the sex ‘incredible’. You want to avoid conditioning her to see bad behavior as a way to incredible sex. You only make the sex satisfying/good... not great.

What Can You Use This Tactic For?

You can use this tactic for all sorts of bad behavior:

• “Don’t smoke cigarettes” (bad for her health/hair/skin; smells/tastes gross)

• “Don’t drink at home” (makes her a drunk; you don’t want her to be an alcoholic)
  

• “Don’t be rude to me” (undermines the relationship; sours you both on each other)

• “Turn off your phone when I’m talking to you” (makes her more ADD; discourages the two of you from communicating)

• “Don’t bite your fingernails” (makes them look terrible; she’d look so much more beautiful with nice nails)

• “Don’t get passive-aggressive” (undermines the relationship; makes herself feel bad; she can get what she wants more easily by just asking for it)

• “Don’t be late all the time” (forces herself to rush too much when she’s late; reduces the time you spend together, and how often you want to see her)

• “Don’t diss me to your friends” (makes her look bad by proxy; her friends will cause problems for her in the relationship / try to undermine it)

... and so on. There are all sorts of problems you can use this tactic to combat. Those above are just a handful of ideas to get you thinking.

Just remember, you’re telling her you don’t want her to do something, and what you’re telling her is the best thing to do for her.

And you’re giving her some good (but not great) sex after.

Preferably from behind, since you’re trying to make it good but not super intimate. And it’s easier to be dominant and tell girls things you want them to do/not do when you’re taking them from behind. Can even grab a big fistful of her hair and yank her head back toward you while you tell her the thing you want her to do/not do.

Have fun with this. Use it well. And make sure to follow the steps – if you can’t follow the steps, don’t do the technique, lest you set the wrong anchors.

Done right though, there’s no better, more enjoyable way to get a woman to straighten out her behavior for you, with a smile on her face.

Chase Amante