(4) Advanced

The coolest guy in the room… every guy wants to be him. Yet you can't "try hard" to get there. The secret to his cool is what he does do – and what he doesn't.

When you go out to socialize, you quickly discover image is a big part of things. People make quick evaluations of you drawn from your clothes, how you carry yourself, your company and how those around you interact with you, and other signals. Those evaluations - often, snap judgments - affect how people treat you unless and until you give them reason to change their minds.

If they think you look cool, they may stare at you, try to get close to you, bump into you, or talk to you. Women may hover near you and send you approach invitations (or, sometimes, approach you themselves). Men may strike up a conversation or try to include you in what they are doing.

If they think you look lame, they may laugh at you with their friends or try to distance themselves from you. Women who think you look lame may roll their eyes at you or close their body language up to discourage you making an approach. Men who think you look lame may try to tool you to improve their position and ladder climb up over you.

And in any large group, most of the people there won't even be of much interest to most of the other people. These people - those neither at the top of the coolness hierarchy or at the bottom of it - are in the 'fuzzy middle'. They mostly just end up ignored, mentally classed as 'background noise' by other people making their evaluations.

Your mission is often going to be to not be the lame guy at the bottom, or one of the invisible guys in the middle.

Rather (often), you are going to want to make yourself the coolest guy in the room.

In the realm of seduction, chaos is a certainty. There’s no way around it. But if you embrace it and go with the flow, you might find a way through.

I love this book series called “Introducing...”.

It covers many subjects, from Freud to sociology to Islam. The copy I own is on chaos theory.

Your first introduction to the concept may have been via Jeff Goldblum’s character in Jurassic Park. Chaos theory is a branch of mathematics that deals with complex systems, the behavior of which are highly sensitive to slight changes in conditions. Small alterations can give rise to strikingly great consequences – otherwise known as the butterfly effect.

What blew my mind is that this branch of study is, in essence, a scientific validation of Eastern philosophy and religion, namely Buddhism, Hinduism, and Tao. Moreover, it all applies to seduction and how we can sort out the chaos, the flakes, the rejections, and the random insanity of the game.

For years, I’ve been arguing with “normies” about how science is essentially a modern religion, with its own set of dogmas. Claims to find “the truth” from irrefutable empirical evidence often fail to explain the seemingly random manifestations of chaos in linear, deterministic systems. 

Like, why did that hilarious joke you copy-pasted piss her off rather than attract her? It was part of the system. It should have worked but it had the opposite of its intended effect.

For example, even with all our modern scientific equipment, we still can’t accurately predict the weather or the ups and downs of animal populations. There’s no way to mathematically account for disease, war, famine, or the avalanche set off by a single snowflake. Not accurately enough to forgo wearing a jacket, anyway.

Great Man Theory states that men with outsize power can have outsize impacts on society and history. Does this theory have legs – or is it all illusion?

Early this year, Science Daily (a website I like) claimed a new study on spiders 'debunked' the "19th-century notion that highly influential individuals use their power" to shape history. This theory these spiders had debunked was Great Man Theory.

I'd heard of Great Man Theory a few times over the years. I never gave it much thought. However the Science Daily article piqued my interest. If there is one thing the media has taught me (and the media has taught me many things), it is that the word 'debunked' usually signals something is, by contrast, actually worth looking into.

If you want a common man to dismiss something as obviously wrong, just tell him it's been debunked. Then he will know - devote thought to this, and your membership in the world of good thinkers is gravely imperiled. Abandon these lines of inquiry now... lest you be tossed into the 'gullible idiots box' and excluded forever from the society of the educated and informed.

Of course, if you are a contrarian - as I am - these veiled warnings that a thing is intellectually off limits only interest you in it more. They make you want to investigate a thing. To learn all about it, as well as its counterclaims.

This new interest in Great Man Theory led me down a rabbit hole that, in only a short time, changed my thinking on a profound, important topic that affects the way a man views his place in the world.

Information is good to have, and plans can be useful. Nevertheless, sometimes it goes too far – into the realm of mental masturbation.

There's a term from the mid-2000-naughts, somewhat less popular now, called 'mental masturbation'. Mental masturbation is any line of thought people spend time on that is, for all intents and purposes, useless. It doesn't help achieve any goals or shed any worthwhile insight. The mind is engaged, but its output is worthless.

I never much liked the term. It's crude, and often dismissive. Most things, at some level, are worth thinking about. When the 'mental masturbation' meme took over mASF (the now-defunct pick up artist community forum) years back, it fast became overused to the point of inanity. New, shy guys would ask some question or other, and veterans would tell them "That question is just mental masturbation!" Which to me always sounded like the natural's retort: "Who cares about those details. Just talk to girls!" Useful for some, but a door shut in the face of others.

Yet there's certainly something to the 'mental masturbation' concept... because there absolutely is a limit beyond which continued focus on the details is pointless:

• You're worried about getting a girl pregnant, but you haven't been laid in four months? Mental masturbation.

• You're trying to dream up a new way to hook up with sorority girls, yet you've never hooked up with a sorority girl before? Mental masturbation.

• You're thinking about how cool it'd be to have a playboy lifestyle, when you mostly stay at home with no social or romantic life? Mental masturbation.

It's important to realize when you've slid into mental masturbation... if only to stop wasting your time (and perhaps others') with go-nowhere fantasies and lines of inquiry.

Want the most enjoyable way to fix a girlfriend’s bad behavior? Do it with sex! However, you must be careful to do this the RIGHT way…

I was too late with yesterday’s Recommended Reading list to make Tactics Tuesdays this week. But we’ll still cover a useful tactic for your relationships regardless.

Today’s tactic focuses on fixing a female partner’s behavioral problem through a mix of calling a problem out both before and during (good, but not great) sex.

This is an ‘intermediate’ level tactic and up. I don’t suggest it for beginners... you need to be fairly dominant already with women to pull it off, and you need fairly solid social calibration/timing. If you’re still building your confidence around women, save this tactic for once you’ve built up more.

You’ll also want to save this for your more girlfriend-level relationships. Using it with friends with benefits is too much; while it’s a great technique for behavior-shaping, it also communicates to the girl that you are really looking out for her, and this is a bit too much for casual relationships.

The gist of the technique is you will tell a girl to knock off a bad behavior... then begin sex with her... then, when the sex is good (but not before then), you’ll tell her in a dominant-yet-protective way that you want her to cut off the behavior and how it is for her own good.

Before we get to the technique though, we need to talk about one aspect of it.

Simultaneous orgasm is a major booster to sexual satisfaction and in-love feelings. An easy way to make her feel more in-love: cum in her at the same time she cums.

Know one of the easiest ways to make a woman fall completely in love with you?

Ejaculate in her right as she climaxes.

I had a girlfriend I hadn’t finished inside of for a while. She was paranoid about getting pregnant. Either I’d finish in her mouth or on her belly or (on rare occasions) in a condom inside her... which are always weaker orgasms for me because condoms just aren’t any fun. The sex through all this was still good; however, it was not phenomenal.

Then at one point I yielded to my passions and ejaculated in her as she climaxed (then had to reassure her for a few minutes after “Don’t worry, you’re not going to get pregnant, you’re not ovulating...”). She got super flirty, happy, and horny for me – much more visibly than usual. She came over again that night; more great sex, but she was still afraid of me finishing in her. So after I gave her a few orgasms from vaginal sex I switched her to anal. I had her bring her knees up into the anal sex orgasm position, and very soon she had a thunderous climax and I finished in her in the midst of her cumming.

She was even hornier and flirtier the next time I saw her, with those huge beaming smiles women only give you when they are thinking about really good sex. She told me “I don’t know why I am so horny all of a sudden!”

But I knew. Incidentally, that next time in bed, I did not match my ejaculation to her climax... and her extreme horniness disappeared.

Matching ejaculations to women’s orgasms has been something I’ve done pretty much forever. I’ve had girlfriends remark on it in wonder: “We always finish at the same time!” And when I’ve asked, they’ve claimed it hasn’t happened for them with any other guy.

I never understood why more men don’t do this. It’s the single greatest, easiest, and most fun way to make women obsessed with your cock and head-over-heels in-love with you.

Yet almost no guy (if the women I’ve talked to about it are to be believed) does it. (and yes, it does work with condoms... though of course going bareback always adds a dimension to sex that isn’t otherwise there)

A mature relationship (older than a few years) often requires a more cooperative approach to behavior problem solving than younger relationships do.

On my article on how to erase your jealousy, a reader comments:

“Chase,

I’ve noticed that in this article and in others, you appear to be open to breaking up with a girl fairly hastily (at least compared to most people) in favor of a higher mission and/or replacing her if things aren’t going well.

This totally makes sense to me in the context of shorter relationships. But what about longer ones? What if I’ve been dating someone for 5+ years and an undesirable behavior comes up. I feel as though just being ready to end it in favor of a higher purpose would be a bit more difficult and perhaps even unreasonable (i.e. given that I’ve spent so much time on it, it would be worth it to put a little more effort into making it work than just a few short talks, and if those don’t work, an ultimatum). Have you had experience in this situation before? What was it like?”

It’s a good question.

First, I should clarify (in case it isn’t already clear) that I am not from the hardcore “if she does anything you even slightly dislike, NEXT her immediately!” camp. These things aren’t always clear when you communicate them over text on the Internet.

In my case, when there’s a problem in a relationship, I make it very clear to a woman what she needs to change. If I like her and want to continue the relationship, and the bad behavior is not too egregious, I will work with her over time to change the behavior. We’ll talk about that in this article (changing behavior over a bit of time).

If on the other hand the behavior is simply deal breaker behavior, then yes, as soon as I see it, she’ll be headed toward the door. But that sort of behavior always manifests itself in the first few weeks or, at most, month. This assumes you run your early relationships as I suggest, and keep things to just the two of you without involving other people, and are somewhat tough to be with at first (so you get to see her true colors). If you’re accommodating and you let her lead things then yes, you’ll have no idea who she is until six months in or maybe after your first kid. Then you’ve got problems.

Assuming you handle the early relationship well though, and screen well, you will end up in long-term relationships with some pretty amazing women who fit you pretty well.

Yet, sooner or later, people change. She gets stressed out, and her stress causes her to become disrespectful or insulting toward you. Her diet goes to hell and she packs on some extra weight, or she bears you a few children and the weight is slow to come off after the latest kid. She gets extra busy at work and has less and less time for you. Her best friend becomes single again and wants her to go out a lot like they did when they were both single, and she’s begun to go with it.

You’re years into the relationship. You might live together, be married, and/or have children. Regardless, you’re hugely invested in her at this point and have made all sorts of changes and adjustments to your life to accommodate the relationship (i.e., you probably don’t party with your pals as much, travel so much to exotic locales on guys’ vacations, or hang out all weekend at the sports bar anymore, I’m guessing).

Now she’s suddenly not behaving well. But you don’t want to just ditch her and walk. So what do you do?