(4) Advanced

A recent article on loneliness exploded to the top of Hacker News (the Reddit-like programming and entrepreneurship newsboard). The article clearly struck a chord. The thrust of the article was that the decline of the family has led to an epidemic of lonely people.

In the comment section below the article, a reader had this to say:

After numerous attempts to find a reasonable/semi-normal female "life-companion" I gave up at 50. I tried to overlook the hostility and conceit they had towards men in general at first, until neurosis and personality disorders would reveal themselves later - if the relationship got that far. I felt like I was in a competition and she was determined to "win".

It's many things, but the enmity and distrust that feminism has caused between men and women is by far the most significant contributor. Men are the "enemy" that must be defeated. Why are the majority of homeless white men? They surrendered.

It's a sentiment that seems to be bursting out of the stitches among more and more people. Women express similar sentiments as often as men -- this isn't a purely male issue.

At the core of it, the real center of the issue, is the cultural phenomenon of 'trust collapse'.

The great tragedy of our time is this breakdown in trust between the people... and, particular to this website's mission, the breakdown in trust between the sexes. When the sexes trust each other, anything is possible. When they do not, society comes undone at the seams.

The sexes have battled throughout history; a little tension is nothing new. Yet rarely does the fight grow as embittered as it's today become.

Today more and more women are distrustful toward men. They worry there are rapists behind every tree. They opine that women are paid less than men (and thus, implicitly undervalued). They jump when a stranger approaches, or chide men not to walk up to them in the first place. At the same time, they wonder where the good men have gone, and instruct men that now that they are ready to marry, it's time for those men to be ready too.

Just as women's trust in men has crumbled, so too has men's in women. Many men fear false accusations of harassment (described as "sometimes just a different perspective" in this article), false accusations of sexual assault, or false accusations of rape. Men with good careers walk on eggshells around female colleagues, wary not to become easy prey for unscrupulous corporate climbers (all a woman has to do is say a man did something to her, the same way the football player feigns injury to penalize his opponent and benefit his own team). Many men fear the power women wield in marriage courts, and the loss of their children and assets and lives in the event of a divorce. Some swear off marriage under current Western law; others swear off dating entirely. In a recent 'sexual harassment backlash' survey by the very feminist Lean In organization, 60% of male managers report now being uncomfortable mentoring, working alone with, or socializing outside of work with female employees.

While not everyone has caught it as bad as the more sensitive (and paranoid) among us, everyone has felt it to some extent. And plenty have felt it to large extent... between 2008 and 2018, a mere 10 year gap, the number of 18-29 year old men not having sex in America rocketed up from 10% of them to a whopping 28%.

As the relations between the sexes have increasingly frayed, more and more individuals have come out as preferring their own same sex instead. That number increased by 17% in only four years, between 2012 and 2016. Among millennials, in 2012, 5.8% were homosexual; just four years later, in 2016, a full 7.3% were out of the closet (so much for the ol' "only 1-2% of the population is gay" chestnut you used to hear, huh?). And the fertility rate in the U.S. hits new all-time lows pretty much every year.

How do make heads or tails of all this?

What is happening to the mating market in the West?

Is there any sense we can make of this at all, or is it all just a bunch of unfathomable deep civilizational processes, layers beneath layers, impossible to peel back?

Well, we're going to peel the layers back. And we'll see if we can arrive at an understanding of just what's afoot in all these tremors we've felt in the modern mating market.

Fortunately, there are white polished stones that lead the way us to follow. Let's see where those stones lead.

How do you meet a girl and get a date from a group or event... without standing around not knowing whom to talk to or what to do?

While I will always recommend you put cold approach (walking up to girls you don't know) first, you can excellently supplement the women you meet this way with girls you meet via groups and events.

If you are active enough socially, it can even be possible to make groups and events your primary channel to meet new women.

There are several benefits to getting your dates via events and group activities. The biggest is that women you meet this way are both more open to socializing, and less guarded. This typically means:

• It is easier to start conversations with them

• Conversations are faster to reach the hook point (where the girl begins to actively contribute / not want you to go)

• Women you meet this way can more readily agree to comply with your requests, move around with you, or go out with you

The interactions are also slower paced and less pressured, which means they aren't as 'do or die' as higher pressure street, bar, grocery, etc. approaches (or even class, office, or library approaches).

You have more time to make things happen in group and event situations; you don't need to move quite as fast, and the escalation windows don't close so quick. Attraction sticks around longer before expiring, too.

Below, we'll cover some tips and tactics to make getting dates from groups and events a breeze, and have a lot more fun at these places, too.

Sexual shame can debilitate you in bed, or make you fear intimacy (or feel bad about it after). However, there are 3 effective methods to overcome it.

On an article of Tony Depp's about reasons guys can't get laid, reader Anonym requests a piece on sexual shame:

"Hi,

you wrote "I was surprised how many men were ashamed of their sexuality." I wonder why do you wonder. The question for me is how can someone not to have sexual shame? What is more interesting that although this is a big topic which deserves series of articles, there are almost no articles about it on GC. There are many great detailed articles about huge amount of topics, but not about this sexual (and emotional) shame. There are articles about how to sexually liberate women, but not about how to sexually liberate yourself. I believe this is a big problem for many men, whatever the reason might be (conservative family background, religion, emotional traumas or feminist campaign against sexual violence). Perhaps an idea to consider. I believe I am not the only man who would appreciate it.

Thanks, Anonym"

I liked the topic. So I guess I beat Tony to the punch here.

There are, very roughly, two kinds of shame associated with sex:

1. There's sex regret, in which an individual has sex, then feels bad about it after. Sex regret is where you do the Walk of Shame after a night with someone you kind of wish you hadn't spent the night with, thinking back.

2. And then there's true blue sexual shame... in which an individual feels embarrassment often even so much as just thinking about sex, let alone pursuing it/engaging in it.

These two kinds of sexual shame are different sides of the same coin. Some part of the individual believes sex, or at least the sex he's thinking about or engaging in, is wrong.

Because he feels it's wrong, he feels ashamed to have engaged in it... or to have considered engaging in it.

In other words, sexual shame is the guilt or embarrassment an individual feels after engaging in a sex act, or when considering sex or being around something sexual in nature. This shame or guilt traces in most cases to a religious or ideological upbringing that implicitly or explicitly portrayed sex as 'dirty', 'irresponsible', or 'wrong'. Sexual shame, unaddressed, can lead to side effects that range from sexual dysfunction to depression and self-doubt.

If you're reading, I assume you don't want sexual shame.

Today we're going to talk about what causes this shame. We'll talk about the effects it has.

And then we'll discuss what you can do to free yourself of it.

You use force frames to make women (or other people) see things the way you see things. Each force frame consists of two parts: the pitch and the ditch.

Frame control is a crucial aspect of achieving your ends with other people.

He who controls the frame, controls how those within that frame perceive events.

Civilizations strive endlessly to control the frame through which the citizenry view the world. Every civilization exerts massive amounts of energy to ensure its population sees things the way it wants it to see things, and to label the way competitor civilizations see things as 'misguided', 'wrong', or even 'evil'. Every time you think another country does things the wrong way, and yours does them right, you think within the frame of your society.

Yet frame control extends to a far more granular level than that of civilizations.

Any time you interact with a group of people, frame control is at play.

Any time you interact with a single other person, frame control is at play.

When you talk to a girl, frame control is at play. Either you'll control the frame, or she will.

When women test, this is in part to see if you'll yield the frame. Women are not attracted to men who yield to their frames, but they will test (over and over) to see if you will. They must discover if you are a man strong of frame or weak of it.

There's a form of frame control you can use called 'force framing'.

Force frames are for when you want to frame something that isn't necessarily true, or the other party may not readily accept. However, you still want to impose the frame regardless.

The force frame is how you impose that frame despite the other party's 'opposition'.

hat do you do if a lover, girlfriend, or wife asks you for an open relationship… and you don't want one? How do you say no yet not look weak or cause reactance?

We've had a good deal of articles on Girls Chase that discuss entry into an open relationship. Either getting into one with an existing girlfriend, or how to find one open to it.

Today's article is on the other side of things. What do you do when your girl asks you to 'open up' the relationship... so she can have sex with other guys?

This can be tricky to deal with. Because when she hits you with it, you may not know:

• Does she mean it? Or is it a test?
• How do I say 'no' without looking jealous or weak?
• If I say 'no', will she do it anyway behind my back?

Much rides on your response. Get it wrong, and you may hurt her respect for you, or encourage her to sneak around behind you.

As you'll see in this article though, you can absolutely turn these requests down, and come out looking stronger for it. How it goes is all in how you frame things.

If you're instead looking for advice on how to get into an open relationship, check out this series on building non-monogamous relationships, or this article on what to look for in prospective polyamorous partners.

However, if what you'd like is to knock down any talk of your girl taking penis from other men, then read on, and let's handle that issue.

If you’ve ever been stuck in a rut – and got out of it – you may have noticed your emergence came with a change. Here’s why to embrace change rather than stagnate.

Trial and error is an essential process in learning about and developing yourself. It can apply to many aspects of life, especially with women and dating. It can be hard to admit that something you’re doing when it comes to dating may not be working in your favor.

Obviously, if you knew that, it wouldn’t be a problem, so to process this, it’s beneficial to think about your past relationships or hookups. If you realize that your current method in whatever you are pursuing isn’t benefiting you, then the natural response should be to change your method to get different results – ideally positive results.

This change can happen on many levels: your appearance, social circle, or daily activities. Change may even occur on a more personal level that could, in turn, shape your perspective on what type of women interest you. More importantly, know that you have many resources available to help you make the change necessary. In changing something about yourself, know that you don’t have to be a guinea pig.

Picking up girls in groups can be tedious (male competition, bitchy friends). These hit-and-run tactics soften up defenses and set you up for when you re-engage.

Hey guys. Welcome back. Today I decided to write a follow up to my group theory post and also reference my post on screening (sniper game) that I wrote two weeks ago. The reason is that both these subjects are related in that they cover the early phase of male-to-female interactions, namely the opening and the hook.

Screening for inaccessible girls will affect the dynamic of how you deal with a group. Those subjects are somewhat related. For example, if you screen for a group and one girl seems bitter, that will affect the way you deal with that group. Similarly, if the vibe of the group seems closed-off, that could also affect the dynamic of the group.

But I will not repeat myself too much, as this has already been covered. Today I want to review a technique that I've discussed before. Let’s talk about how to deal with groups and difficult groups.

Hit-and-run means going up to a girl, delivering some good material, and quickly getting out of the interaction. The idea is to:

• Create intrigue (by leaving, you create the “who is that guy” effect)

• Create comfort (by leaving, you communicate that you are not needy or pushy)

• Handle resistance – for instance, if you deliver a very direct sexual line and you leave before they are allowed to react, the effects will stick but the resistance will be dodged

• Create tension and stimulate her mentally by the fractionating effects

In a previous post where I wrote about hit-and-run, I discussed how you can use this technique to dodge the approach shield. This is when a girl acts bitchy when you approach her. By leaving a girl after you approach her, you communicate that you are not needy and pushy, which makes her more likely to accept your presence. Add intrigue to this, and you get a good mix.

In another post, I discuss how to use this concept to deliver very powerful sexual lines. Go in, deliver something juicy, and leave before she can resist. Enjoy the effects without the resistance.

And lastly, by doing lots of hit-and-runs to build social proof quickly via many quick interactions, you become perceived as the man who knows everybody – and more importantly every girl.

I will not be discussing many new ideas in this post but instead tie it all together in light of how to deal with groups, particularly those that pose a challenge (less-accessible groups).

So let’s discuss how you can use this hit-and-run strategy to deal with common but difficult scenarios.