(4) Advanced

As men, we often want to solve every little detail when it comes to women, especially when we are feeling cynical (when we don’t try in life). You don’t think you deserve it, you don’t want to hear confirmation that you suck, you just want to stay deaf, dumb, and blind. How can things ever work out unless you hold the MAGIC answers? How can you ever be good enough unless you can prove it? How can you progress at all if you don’t know everything there is to know?

You think you are doomed because you don’t know it all, and so you want all the details; you want to have it all figured out ahead of time. But what if I told you, the details will only get you to the fight. What if I told you that the fight you will then enter will suck and hurt, and all your obsessive planning will be minimally useful from this point on. Would you still rush to know it all, knowing it will only get you out of the frying pan and into the fire?

Sometimes we feel so compelled towards our desire for solutions and the truth that we cannot help but feel the allure of being a cynic, at least temporarily. So in this article I am going to explain to you why positivity is more valuable than every little detail about something you can find... and we’ll also discuss why it’s such an important tool to master and practical applications of it in our dating lives.

Since my last article on the rebellious mind dealt with the concepts of uncertainty and unknowableness – topics which are always uncomfortable for us since human beings tend to be “truth seekers” who want a final answer (hence: science, religion, philosophy, etc.) – I figured I’d delve into a topic normally cloaked in unknowableness today too.

Specifically, I want to talk about the conflicts of interest inherent in romance and seduction, some of which are effectively irresolvable.

There are many simpler aspects of meeting and having relationships with women that are resolvable, such as:

• How to ask a girl out
• How to text a girl
• How to get a date
• How to sleep with girls
• How to begin a relationship
• How to manage your relationship

These all fall into tactical, operational, or, in the case of the last three (or a particularly tricky situation on the first three), some degree of strategic.

However, there are problems in romance that are unresolvable because you and the girl simply have end objectives that are too different, or even in active opposition.

These occur at the romance equivalent of “high strategy”, and if yours and hers are diametrically opposed, then one of you must submit his wants to the other’s wants, or the relationship will fail.

I suppose I should caveat then that these are normally unresolvable conflicts of interest – from time to time, one of you may cave to the other and give in to that other’s desire for where the relationship goes (or where it doesn’t go), but unless one party abandons what is in his or her best interests, these conflicts do not resolve in any way other than you and her going your separate ways and meeting other people.

Unless you hack your way around them, which we’ll also talk about (a little later), rather than address them head on again and again and again like what most people try and fail to do.

In “When to Throw the Ball into Her Court (and When Not To)”, a reader writes:

“You have some vague guides on believing certain things as well as some articles on what you should believe. You have some important ideas like independence and having conviction spread out throughout your site. What your website really lacks though is a guide to psychological strength. What it is, how you get it, why its more important then fundamentals (or at least as important). Many of your articles peripherally address this concept. What do I mean though by psychological strength? A great question, I’m glad you asked. I love concision so I’m going to describe it in two words. Irreverence and identity. I believe that true leadership and independence only comes from uprooting everything that influenced you in your past. Deconstructing your beliefs. Consciously assessing all your beliefs and finally replacing your previously held beliefs with new ones. These new beliefs are what give you conviction in your life. You form a new belief in yourself, a self-concept, self-respect, and self-adoration. Finally leading to self-actualization. It starts with irreverence and a challenging mentality of everything and finishes with an identity.
Ciao”

I have considered writing on this topic before, but shied away from it because I honestly don’t think it’s something that most people aspire to.

It’s also not something I have consciously learned to any degree, which makes me skeptical of its teachability – I don’t generally like talking about things that in my case are more natural ability than they are adopted qualities.

However, I suppose it’s at least worth having up for anyone curious for curiosity’s sake, so heck... why not talk about it.

Caveats out of the way then, allow me to present the psychological qualities of irreverence, personal conviction, and psychological independence – and how you perhaps may develop them if you choose to.

In my previous article in this series, “Game Imbalance Hypothesis”, I discussed why men moving from highly competitive sexual markets generally have an easier time in less competitive sexual markets, and why men moving from less competitive sexual markets generally have a tougher time in more competitive ones.

A reminder that sexual markets can include:

• Different countries or continents

• Different cities within a country

• Different neighborhoods in a city

• Different venues within a neighborhood

What we’ll talk about today splits into two (2) things:

1. How you navigate these more competitive markets with tougher sexual selection criteria when you are a new entrant hailing from a less competitive environment
   

2. How you differentiate between a competitive-but-good sexual marketplace versus a marketplace where it’s difficult to find new or quality partners simply because there aren’t many available to be had
   

The latter is needed is because knowing how to navigate tougher markets is not enough. You need to know if you’re even dealing with a market that IS a tough market – or if it’s simply a locale without much of a market in the first place.

If you’re at all well-read or attentive on the subject of relationships, I’m sure you’ve noticed a ubiquitous trend: across cultures, across history, in nearly every relationship out there, women wear men down.

This used to be called ‘betaization’ in the seduction community, because it was the process of the male become the beta (#2) in the relationship to the female’s alpha (#1).

Give women time, and they pull this off with just about every guy.

Oh, sure, you see the exceptions – the guy who lords over his domain like a king, with a warm and doting long-term girlfriend or wife (or, sometimes, a submissive and cowering one).

But boy is it ever rare, rare, rare.

What makes it so rare? How is it that women so gradually and steadily work even the mightiest of men under their thumbs?

And if you’d like to remain the king of your castle... the lord of your domain... what can you do to prevent this – and how do you sidestep this taming process that nearly every man in a long-term relationship, given enough time, almost inevitably submits to?

‘Respect’ is a thing we get a lot of questions on around here. Most regularly, how to command it. How do you make others respect you?

The easy answer is, you earn it. But that’s only half of the equation.

The other half is that you demand it.

Some will pay you respect you do not demand. But others will only respect you if you yank the respect out of their gullet with both hands.

And whenever someone has a problem with respect, it’s always because he’s lacking on one (or both) sides of the equation:

1. He isn’t demanding respect, or
2. He hasn’t earned it yet
   

Ever deal with a girlfriend causing drama by just trying to get her to forget it?

This can seem the expedient path, but rarely is it the most prudent one.

It is just human nature that we don’t want to forget the things that got the better of us. We dwell on the past to avoid getting bested again in the future.

However, in order to make sure the old wounds are not sabotaging us in the present, we have to remember that moving forwards is more important than reminding ourselves of the past.

We get stuck in a perpetual loop after bad things have happened sometimes, and that is okay, but sometimes we just need a little help to step outside of those troubles so we can start seeing ourselves acting normal again before we get past it.

Girls are just like anyone else when it comes to the past because they don’t know how to address the same issues if faced with them again in the future. When they face them again they will gain a heightened awareness of how fragile their situation is and worry about it.

Most guys address these concerns the wrong way: they make promises, ignore the looming possibility of reoccurrence of the issue, and target her “focusing on the past” as the problem to be eradicated. The only problem with that is GETTING HIT ONCE IS ENOUGH to double the pain when hit TWICE, so a girl is going exaggerate the importance of the issue if it is ignored.

Girls often mention the past because they are afraid that a positive stream of events they are having will be interrupted by the same BS. In order to help girls move past this, don’t make promises, don’t ignore that it can happen again, and don’t treat her memory and caution as the problem.