(4) Advanced

‘Respect’ is a thing we get a lot of questions on around here. Most regularly, how to command it. How do you make others respect you?

The easy answer is, you earn it. But that’s only half of the equation.

The other half is that you demand it.

Some will pay you respect you do not demand. But others will only respect you if you yank the respect out of their gullet with both hands.

And whenever someone has a problem with respect, it’s always because he’s lacking on one (or both) sides of the equation:

1. He isn’t demanding respect, or
2. He hasn’t earned it yet
   

Ever deal with a girlfriend causing drama by just trying to get her to forget it?

This can seem the expedient path, but rarely is it the most prudent one.

It is just human nature that we don’t want to forget the things that got the better of us. We dwell on the past to avoid getting bested again in the future.

However, in order to make sure the old wounds are not sabotaging us in the present, we have to remember that moving forwards is more important than reminding ourselves of the past.

We get stuck in a perpetual loop after bad things have happened sometimes, and that is okay, but sometimes we just need a little help to step outside of those troubles so we can start seeing ourselves acting normal again before we get past it.

Girls are just like anyone else when it comes to the past because they don’t know how to address the same issues if faced with them again in the future. When they face them again they will gain a heightened awareness of how fragile their situation is and worry about it.

Most guys address these concerns the wrong way: they make promises, ignore the looming possibility of reoccurrence of the issue, and target her “focusing on the past” as the problem to be eradicated. The only problem with that is GETTING HIT ONCE IS ENOUGH to double the pain when hit TWICE, so a girl is going exaggerate the importance of the issue if it is ignored.

Girls often mention the past because they are afraid that a positive stream of events they are having will be interrupted by the same BS. In order to help girls move past this, don’t make promises, don’t ignore that it can happen again, and don’t treat her memory and caution as the problem.

Commenting on “I Can’t Get Girls Because Girls Only Want [BLANK]”, TR asks the following about girls who appear to like you, yet ultimately sabotage their interactions with you due to hang-ups:

“I've noticed that even though I can have an outstanding interaction with a woman that clearly likes me, when it comes to closing she may still sabotage herself. This usually happens with women much taller than I am, and though I have no doubt that she really likes me, I'm also pretty certain that the height thing makes her a bit insecure. These women consistently fall over hard for me afterwards (lack of control + attraction is dynamite) but they have that mental block that sabotages them more often than not.

Do you think you could post up a follow-up article on how to handle things like this? Perhaps it has to do with setting the right frames, or maybe it's just a matter of letting go and looking for the right girls instead.”

This is a great topic, and it's something you'll run into repeatedly if you're out meeting women fairly often: those girls who clearly like you, are into you, are attracted to you... yet who just won't let themselves do anything with you.

It's a disconcerting affair the first couple of times you run into it. "I can tell she likes me," you say to youself. "Why the heck is she rejecting me?"

Ultimately, the problem always comes down to the same thing: attainability.

And no matter how swell a guy you are, how friendly, likeable, or attractive, for one reason or the other, she just doesn't view you as all that attainable... and ends up auto-rejecting.

While you can't always prevent this, once you understand why it's happening you can avoid it sometimes - either by preventing the problem from occurring in the first place, or by recognizing when it is occurring, and nipping it in the bud before it becomes something more dooming.

In Part 3 of my 3-part series on compliance, I’ll be discussing how to say no to people who want compliance out of you – and when specifically to say it (as opposed to saying yes).

You can read Parts 1 and 2 of the series here:

1. How to Get Her to Say “Yes”
2. What If She Says No?
   

Turning down compliance is actually an especially dicey area for most. Even for experienced guys... even for men who are naturals socially... you will run into the odd situation here and there where you aren’t sure whether to say yes or no, and aren’t sure how to say no even if you probably should.

Tell me you’ve been here before: there’s a really cute girl, and you really dig her, yet the dynamic you have with her is just that you’re chasing her a little bit too much... yet, you sense that if you let up even a bit, she’s going to vanish off into the ether.

And then, out of the blue, she says: “Can you wait here a minute? I have to go make a phone call,” then turns to go leave.

Can you say no to this? Should you? What’s your play?

You can sense that letting her do this only worsens your position with her and moves you farther away from getting anywhere with her... but you just don’t know what else to do.

Note from Chase: this is the full style consultation from Darius of SexyStyleForJoe.com for our winner of the “Styled for Summer” contest we ran from late June to early July. Darius has gone provided a full head-to-toe fashion breakdown for our winner here, in a post overflowing with juicy fashion tips.

If you’re interested in a fashion consult with Darius yourself, I’ve included a link in the footer of the post you can find out more information about this via. And if you enjoy Darius’s work, also be sure to see his Girls Chase article on summer fashion. Here’s Darius.

Hey guys,

It’s been a few weeks since the #StyledForSummer contest ended and before everything else I’d like to thank those who entered on Twitter! It was fascinating and quite challenging to share insights on how to help improve your personal style in 140 characters for, as you’ll notice soon, I usually get quite “wordy” on the subject. But hopefully those quick tips didn’t go to waste.

This is a follow-up article to the contest, and I’m very happy to say that the winner of #StyledForSummer decided to share his prize and gave permission to publish his consultation as an article here on Girls Chase.

Even though it’s not exactly the same as getting a personal, in-depth analysis of your looks and how to improve them, I’m sure that every reader who’s looking to improve his style will benefit from reading on (hint: guys of shorter stature, pay attention, there will be some gems for you here!).

Before we begin, I’d like to explain what happens before the actual consultation so that everything makes more sense. A consultation starts with a short questionnaire to determine a person’s style preferences, stronger points, weaknesses (we all have parts of our bodies we are proud of and aspects we’d rather not draw attention to), budget, and target audience.

This is one of the reasons why you’ll see certain suggestions and recommendations, and why in this consultation, ironically, we focused more on autumn to spring looks than styles for summer.

Lastly, you’ll notice that pictures are heavily cropped and kept in lower resolution. I am very grateful to the winner for agreeing to share his consultation, and I think it just makes sense to remove any identifying aspects that are not absolutely essential for readers to fully comprehend and learn from this article. By the way, if you find this article helpful, please say a big thank you to the winner!

And now, let’s look at the consultation.

What do these men have in common?

• The wealthy investment banker or self-made multimillionaire business owner lounging in the VIP section of the nightclub with bottles of champagne, or skating about town in his brightly colored Lamborghini.

• The sexy Mediterranean man, a silky accent rolling off of his Spanish or Italian or Greek lips, a specific flair about him that makes him seem rich with experience, intrigue, and hints of the romantic.

• The enigmatic artist, a lone writer or fervent painter, who exists outside the system – neither retail worker nor manual laborer nor cubicle desk jockey, but creative, tortured soul consumed by his demons, and by a passion few keep past their first decade of life.

All these men have various different things going for them that trigger an assortment of different attraction triggers in women:

• Conspicuous consumption, in the case of the wealthy man in VIP or a sports car

• The novelty effect, in the case of the sexy Mediterranean man

• Byronic characteristics, in the case of the flawed, creative artist

Yet, there is also something about each man that the majority of men a woman meets lacks.

It is not something he is, so much...

It is something he offers her.

This thing he offers her is an adventure – one of romance, one of excitement, one of the unknown. One that seems to step right out of the romance novels women turn the pages of with ardor when no one is around to watch them (frequently slipping a hand delicately into their panties as they do so).

Adventure is the great equalizer, and it is the reason you will see overweight, balding, non-rich men ending up with women that trim, good-looking, well-off men struggle to get. Not because the former man is better, per se... but because he offered her something the latter may not have even known was important to bother offering.

I want to make a brief side trip from seduction today to talk about a broader social distinction you will run into that it’s vitally important to understand.

That is the distinction between artificial hierarchies and personal appeal.

In the broader social arena, when it comes to getting hired on jobs, or dealing with legal issues, or negotiating mano-e-mano, or differentiating even between social circle game and cold approach pickup, you’ll find that most people seem to be stronger in one area – navigating and leveraging artificial hierarchies, or appealing to and swaying individuals personally – than they are the other.

And when you’re in your element, you will often find things easier; conversely, when you’re out of it, things will often become fiendishly hard and you will not know why.

The reason why frequently is because you’re trying to achieve your objectives using the wrong strategy for the situation at hand... because each of these two types of power structures require very different approaches.

Very few people ever come to grasp this well enough to move fluidly back and forth between the two.