(2) Intermediate

For civilization to thrive, is social control a necessity? Perhaps, but we must be mindful of people and groups who seek to manipulate us to our detriment.

Social control. It sounds very 1984-ish, doesn’t it?

It is, in some ways. In others, it’s natural and understandable.

It's something that is always pulling at you – the social equivalent of gravity. Even from long distances, it has an effect.

And it comes from everyone.

When we think of “social control,” we get the idea that there’s some monolithic, maleficent force specifically targeting us and trying to get us to bend.

It is not so simple.

Yes, there are diverse and powerful organizations which are trying to control you. It could be a news station, a top-followed Instagram account, a religious body, or a government.

Those organizations include individuals, all of whom have personal agendas, both hidden and open.

Those people may all pledge allegiance to a common goal, but even then, the purity of their commitment to the group and their interpretation of that group’s goal may differ, person to person.

If a group of people aligns tightly with a singular goal, or at least the messages they deliver (e.g., a news station’s regular broadcasts) echo this singular goal or plan, the effectiveness of that social control is heightened.

Given your life experiences, and by doing some imaginative math about how many different groups are trying to control you, it is clear that you are being pulled in many directions.

The way I see it, even more confusing is that none of these groups are evil or good.

Of course, you have a moral stance and will judge various influences as good, neutral, or evil, but from a bird’s eye view, there is simply an array of consequences that occur because of your actions and everyone else’s actions.

I’m not here to moralize, but I am here to argue from the point of this website’s goals. There are social controls that inhibit your sexual freedom and ability as a man to forge his destiny.

I’m here to point out some of the biggest influences that attempt to control you, as I believe them antithetical to the goal of having a free and abundant position in the sexual marketplace.

There are hundreds of influences being thrust upon you every day, but here are 14 of the most powerful social controls that I believe you should be aware of and resist, as they inhibit your ability to be the best man you can be.

These social controls try to do one thing: convince you to adopt a belief.

If they can convince you that X is bad and Y is good, then you will follow their agenda or reinforce their worldview. It’s that simple.

To make you aware of social control, I will explain what “they” try to make you believe, the motivation behind that attempt at social control; I'll provide examples of who will try to convince you of this control. As you’ll see, “they” can’t actually stop you from doing what you want, and in most cases, they can only convince you – through shame and fear – how to act.

Good-looking men face particular challenges in pickup. How do you compensate when a woman acts weird around you or thinks you’re too cocky or out of her league?

Hey guys! Welcome back.

So, my two previous articles have been focused on debunking the idea that looks are the primary factor in success with women.

• Do You Need Good Looks to Get Laid?
• Does Having Good Looks Come with Disadvantages?

I have presented many different arguments for why looks are not that important. I’ve also given examples on how good looks can backfire, referring to the pitfalls and difficulties good-looking guys face.

And I think this was a good subject to cover. It is helpful for not-so-good-looking guys to understand the effects of looks and the place they have in pickup and seduction – and that looks are NOT everything.

The pitfalls good-looking men face is something VERY rarely discussed, and I believe it was a beneficial discussion. Admittedly, however, I have realized that in my last post where I covered the pitfalls and the difficulties good-looking men face, there was more of a pessimistic tone. As a matter of fact, it was far less than optimistic, and at the cost of convincing less-good-looking guys that being is was not always a good thing, I have probably left the good-looking guys feeling bad. The previous posts may in fact have generated negative beliefs about good-looking guys.

The truth is, being good looking has its benefits, but also its pitfalls. And like everything else in pickup, it is all a matter of calibration. If you are good looking, or even more importantly, good looking to her, you must calibrate accordingly.

So, to enjoy these benefits, you will have to know how to play properly, and this is what this post is about. Now, pickup in general is the same for everyone, and you mostly will have to calibrate according to the girl. However, this post can help you adjust your game to who you are.

It’s a misconception that women are not attracted to aggressive men. The truth: women go nuts for aggressive men who show their sexual desire in the right way.

Have you ever noticed how well some guys do with women? If you’re a nice guy, you might see these dudes and wonder what makes them so special, and why women like them so much. Maybe you’ve seen them at nightclubs with a stunner in heels, or maybe you’ve seen your natural friend pull girls over and over again.

The chances are that – even though I’m not talking about one specific man – you can still picture the kind of dominant, masculine, and ultimately aggressive guy that I’m talking about.

A key reason these guys get women is because they show their desire. At a very basic level, any guy who wants a girl must show his desire towards her. A girl may throw indicators of interest and other signals towards a guy, but if he doesn’t show his desire, girls often move on.

There’s another key facet here that separates the average guy from the guy who actually succeeds often. Naturals, players, and men who know how the game works understand that it is actually their aggressiveness that distinguishes them from most men. That aggressiveness – their willingness to take risks with women and go after what they want – draws women into their world.

Aggressive guys get girls more often. If you’re gaming and you want women, you must show the women around you aggressive desire, and go after them aggressively.

The gift of gab can be learned, but it involves more than just words. True smooth talkers master a range of elements that culminate in a complete performance.

Smooth talkers have a deep understanding of what makes a great conversation.

A conversation’s “smoothness” is defined by how it handles transitions – how it moves from one topic to another or goes deeper into a particular topic. It is also defined by how the conversation’s errors are handled (e.g., awkward points, miscommunications, etc.).

The fewer “errors” in a conversation, and the better those errors are handled, the more smooth a conversation will feel. But transitions must also lead somewhere – a conversation can be smooth but boring, and that’s not worth much.

Thus there should be good emotions involved. A conversation shouldn’t only be smooth and fun, but also enriching.

You want the other person – or people – to walk away having learned something, felt a great connection with you, and gained more respect for your character.

What’s difficult to teach about conversation, of course, is the details.

“What do I say?”

If you expect me to tell you what to say, you’ll be disappointed. What to talk about depends on the environment, the context, the people. The occasional anecdote can be great if the context is right for it. But going in with pre-fabricated conversations can backfire, because a good conversation is dynamic. Conversations are note speeches.

What matters most is being able to start a conversation, then keep it going no matter where it goes. Context is everything with a conversation. The ability to make the conversation interesting depends on your familiarity with the context, whatever it may be.

There is one secret that I learned to developing good conversational skills, but it is not in and of itself the answer, only a force that propels you. At the end of this article, I will reveal it, but in order to utilize it, you’ve got to know the basics.

So, to start, I will teach you a system to learn how to smooth talk like a pro. If followed properly, people will seek out your company, because they know the value and the positive motions that will follow in the wake of your presence.

Let’s get to it.

Every man's actions when socializing are guided by 1 of 3 core aims. The wrong aim can sabotage him in social situations… but the right aim will give him wings.

When a man goes out to meet women, he has a certain aim he takes with him. That aim might be a conscious one; an aim he knows he has. Or it may be unconscious -- he doesn't know what his aim is. Yet whether he knows it or not, he carries that aim with him.

The aim a man takes out with him colors his experience. It colors his actions and behavior while out. And it colors his perception of what happens while he's out too.

The right aim leads to progress with women, as a man hones his abilities to socialize or familiarizes himself with new venues, types of women, or techniques. Or the right aim might lead him to a lot of fun. Or to get dates, get laid, and meet a future girlfriend.

The wrong aim leads him to a disappointing outing. On the worse end, he may end up depressed, disappointed, or beating himself up over the outing. This happens when he has an aim -- conscious or not -- and fails to achieve it.

If he takes the wrong aim with him too often, and fails to achieve it too frequently, it can tank his morale and cause him to give up. Most guys who quit the game do so because they spent too much time aimed at the wrong place.

There are three easy-to-identify aims a man can take with him out into the field. All other more complicated aims boil down to these three. Two of these aims are self-focused, while the third is other-focused.

In this article, I'm going to argue that too many men go out with other-focused aims when they should take self-focused aims with them instead.

I'm also going to show you how many naturals and men who are good with girls go out with very different aims than what most less experienced, more aspirational men take with them.

Feelings of security or fear largely influence how people play the game. Can these factors be used to predict whether someone will play red or black?

The red-black game is a simple reflection of how decision-making affects outcomes, like what’s called the “butterfly effect.” In Part 3, we started to see how trust, fear, and the outcomes of the red-black game are self-fulfilling prophecies.

Throughout my work story, the company CEO and my colleague Monica both played red at various points when I chose to play black. That created chaos for me because I was unprepared – and now, I was about to be defeated.

However, playing red all the time also invites total destruction. Now we’ll find out what led to Monica’s downfall.

To conclude the red-black game series, we’ll see that stability – or the appearance of stability – affects the perception and presence of trust and fear.

In the end, we’ll see that our own beliefs about the world create that reality, as well as the outcomes of the red-black game.

Men often think women don't like them for something unrelated. When in fact 'she's intimidated by you' is often the true cause of women's reserve.

Do you intimidate women?

Might you intimidate women even if you think you don't?

For years, a professionally successful friend of mine has struggled with women. He's a tall guy with a healthy bank account, a good head on his shoulders, and a rugged ex-Marine Corps background. On top of all that, he's studied game under many of the more notable seduction gurus that have come and gone.

This friend does direct day game, and everyone who's gone out with him tells me his game is very solid. It's no problem for him to attract attractive (and often much younger) women. He has little difficulty to get them out onto dates either. Many of them come home to his place after, and often he's able to kiss them and begin the escalation.

But there his efforts stop. Because almost every single woman he ends up this far with (and he gets this far with lots of girls) puts the brakes on hard and leaves. He can go almost a year without sleeping with a new girl sometimes, despite bringing girl after girl to his place and getting to the kiss.

He's tried taking it slow and stretching things out across multiple dates. He's tried going for it in one date. He tried an exercise I gave him, where his mission was to invite one girl home each day for 30 days, including women he'd just met on the street. It surprised him how easy it was to get girls back to his place -- yet none of these girls he pulled home slept with him.

He's tried technique after technique, method after method. He's tried abandoning seduction techniques and focusing on the gym or clothes or other physical attractive qualities. He's tried everything. He's mystified myself and a few other very experienced friends too... purely by dumb luck a guy who pulls as many women home as he does should sleep with one of them at least accidentally. But almost every single seduction of his ends the same way.

In the end though, it turned out there was one thing above all he had to fix.

Once he fixed it, he finally cleared his final hurdle to getting together with women he wanted.

That one thing was intimidate women less -- a problem he did not even realize he had.