Truly hot women are scarce in the world of online dating apps. If
you want to meet them, give your swiping finger a rest and focus on
your in-real-life game.
Contents
1. The Complaints of Men and Women
2. Tinder Is a Female-Controlled Market
3. Tinder Is a Male-Oriented System
Throughout 2017, I’ve noticed two strong trends that have put questions in my mind about the future direction of teaching and practicing social arts.
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The increasing reliance of men on Tinder and dating apps as their main resource to meet women; many of these men are frustrated with their results on the app
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The simultaneous frustration in women who meet men using dating apps like Tinder
The conclusion I’ve derived from both observations is that Tinder is now well on its way out of the limelight, and guys are far better off in the long term if they learn to meet, date, and sleep with women without using these apps.
Now, I’m not saying Tinder doesn’t have any utility. We have posted some great guides on Girls Chase on how to use Tinder. I’ve even used them myself, meeting, dating, and having sex with girls using the methods described therein. I’ve seen it work for men around me, too.
So the crux of this article is not to argue that you should never use Tinder, because it definitely has its uses, particularly for guys who just want to get laid without spending the time necessary to meet women elsewhere. If Tinder and similar apps get you everything you want with the quality of women you desire, great.
My point with this post is that guys can get better-quality women if they take the time to learn to meet them in person rather than relying solely on online and app-based dating systems. In short, when you get good at meeting girls in person, there’s little reason to use Tinder to meet them.
The Complaints of Men and Women in the World of Tinder
These days, I see everybody complaining about Tinder.
Men Don’t Like Tinder
Men have complained about Tinder recently as an example of the MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) community. Because they don’t see success on Tinder, they believe women are:
- Biased
- Fake
- Superficial
- Not into them, for a variety of stupid reasons
They use Tinder to justify all kinds of victim mentalities and limiting beliefs about women. “See how I never match with blonde girls? That means that blonde girls don’t like Asian/Indian/Black/Alien/Dinosaur men.”
Unfortunately, Tinder is an easy way for any man to feel unattractive, especially when he only matches with women far less attractive than what he would like.
Don’t settle for less – just get off Tinder!
Women Don’t Like Tinder
The vast majority of women don’t like Tinder, either. The primary reasons for this are two-fold:
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They keep meeting men who don’t want any form of commitment, and only want to keep banging girls from Tinder.
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They meet guys who might fit their preferences but don’t have game utility. Even after meeting these men, they feel less than satisfied – that the man is less attractive and sexy than they had imagined.
Tinder Is a Female-Controlled Market
By and large, Tinder is a market controlled by women, as they can use Tinder to vet out guys who meet their preferences and only message the sexiest ones. By default, this means that only the elite of men in online and app dating get matches, entirely based on the strength of their photos and profile statements.
It provides women a very limited world view into the world of dating sexy men. Many of these guys get so inundated with messages that they rarely reply to the women in question.
The Greatest Tinder Market – Girls Who Are 6s and 7s Hook Up with 8+ Guys
Tinder is inherently limited as a system. Unless you are a truly stunningly attractive man, and you happen to fit a woman’s dating preferences right off the bat, Tinder is pretty useless.
What it is useful for is for average girls to have a shot at the highest tier of men. Girls who are 6s and 7s on the attractiveness scale use Tinder to screw guys who wouldn’t even look at them at a party. Simply put, girls who are 8s in real life can go on tinder and be 10s. Thus, one of the best uses for Tinder is for less attractive women to have a shot at extremely attractive men, even though many of these men might only intend to sleep with them once to fulfill a sexual need, then never contact them again.
What do truly hot girls do, though? They stay off Tinder altogether. Some of these women just pluck men from their Instagram. Others go to important events and network with sexy, ambitious men alongside their clients. Some use their social circle and connections to meet high-value men. Others go to parties, nightclubs, and company events, either as part of an organization or as invited guests.
She’s waiting for you on the streets,
not on a screen.
The one thing they don’t do is waste time on Tinder and dating apps.
The Minority Question
It’s a proven fact now, through many studies all over the web, that minorities have a much harder time on Tinder than traditionally attractive groups of men. The problem is that Tinder and online dating is rooted in women’s preferences. Specifically, women look for their “ideal man” based on how they view their ideal boyfriend to be – from his looks (based entirely on pictures), his vibe and his profile statements.
What Tinder removes is the opportunity to make this impression in person, allowing a minority man to skip right past a woman’s mental preferences and hit her at the root of her desire, making her consider the fact that her ideal man might not look like how she envisioned, but she’ll consider him based entirely on his presentation, persona, and game.
To date, I’ve used Tinder for the better part of 2017 as well as part of 2016, and I’ve yet to meet and sleep with girls who are more attractive than the ones I meet in real life through day game and night game. I’m a visible minority, mainly Pakistani in origin, and I look very Middle Eastern. I hook up with attractive women many times over the course of any given year, and I have to say that most of the women who I’ve hooked up with by meeting them in real life through a variety of means would look right past me and swipe left on the dating apps. This has held true for whatever dating app I’ve used, from Tinder to Bumble to Coffee Meets Bagel, and now The League, which I’m experimenting with.
For example, I hooked up with a couple of blonde bombshells in 2017, and I guarantee you that I’d never have met them through Tinder because I don’t fit their default preference. However, when they’ve met me in real life, many of them are enamored with me and have ended up in my bed – or me in theirs.
Tinder Is a Male-Oriented System
Here’s how the typical Tinder date goes down:
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You meet for a drink
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You have two drinks, talking about nothing in particular – no real connection
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You invite the girl back to your place
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The two of you have some whatever sex
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You may or may not contact the girl again
In other words, Tinder now means a guy is looking for some meaningless sex. This is low value in the world of women, simply because it’s not a clear path to a commitment.
Let’s make this into an equation:
Tinder = Looking for Meaningless Sex = Low Value to Women
The female mating strategy is all about her getting that awesome guy and making him commit to her. On the other hand, a girl going on Tinder to bang tons of dudes – of course, it happens, but it’s a very male mating strategy. Rarely does this bring women true satisfaction with their dating pursuits, because they want commitment most of all, not sex. Sex is usually a fleeting desire for women, and many of the women who do have casual sex like this rarely want to meet the same guy again.
The number-one fantasy for women is getting the wild guy to commit to them – the guy who is out for wild, fun times with many women who find him immensely attractive, who then meets “the one” and commits to her.
In short, women have discovered that Tinder isn’t really working in their favor, but more in that of the male mating strategy – i.e., promoting tons of meaningless sex.
I’ve talked to a couple of my friends from Girls Chase about this, and we believe it introduces a lot of negative emotions in general because low-value guys with little or no game get abundance with women, leaving women even more frustrated because these men never commit to the girls they meet. I’ll note that I have other friends, men and women, who have met on Tinder and found relationships with each other but, by and large, it’s rare. Most guys head to Tinder to find sex, not relationships with stellar women.
Tinder Removes Game Utility
One of the biggest drawbacks of Tinder is how it removes some of the most critical skills needed in effective game.
Essentially, it is a crutch that men can use to escape the need to:
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Have excellent fundamentals and technique – required for photos and profile, sure, but what about in real life?
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Get her phone number after she becomes interested in a guy, and facilitate a meet
Instead, men use Tinder and similar apps to escape the need to learn one of the hardest parts of meeting women. Like I stated with my section on minorities, regarding getting a woman on a date, Tinder profoundly inhibits a man’s ability to make an impression on her in the moment and allow her to sidestep her preferences in favor of taking a chance with an unconventionally sexy guy.
The Growth of Niche Apps
While Tinder is clearly on its way out, like MySpace and Xanga in the early 2000s, there have also been a host of other apps that are trying to take its place. In 2016 and early 2017 I used an app called Coffee Meets Bagel extensively and met quite a few women. Since then, I’ve also played around with apps like Bumble (where women initiate conversations – and are usually extremely bad at it) and The League, which links to your LinkedIn profile and allows you to meet professional women.
I expect that this trend will continue to grow in popularity.
Here’s a post from The Daily Mail about an app called Grabble, based on fashion. And here’s an article from WaPo discussing the growth of niche apps.
I’ve experimented with niche apps such as The League, which has been marginally successful for meeting the women I’d like to date but is still limited in quality. There’s simply no comparison between the women I’ve met on a niche app versus those I’ve met in real life.
The Solution to the Tinder Problem – Meet Girls in Real Life
So, we’ve established that Tinder and online dating has its problems. Here’s how you can combat them – first, by meeting girls in real life, and if the topic comes up, talking trash about using dating apps to meet women.
Tell Girls “I’m Not on Tinder” to Demonstrate Value
Currently, one of the best ways to sub-communicate to girls that you are a high-value guy is to simply tell them you’re not on Tinder.
When you meet girls and the subject of Tinder and online dating comes up, saying “I’m not on Tinder” is a power move, sub-communicating to girls “that shit is lame; I’m cooler than that.” She will understand that you’re a guy who’s playing the game at a level beyond Tinder, looking to meet truly high-quality women in person, through sheer skill of attraction, rather than relying on an app as a crutch.
Note: to say “I never use Tinder” is different to telling a girl you’re not on Tinder altogether. “I never use Tinder” implies you have it, like other guys, so the effect loses its potency.
Talk Trash About Tinder and Get Laid
You can win women over by talking trash about Tinder and ordinary, drunk, app-based hookups. Prize yourself with contrast. Specifically, how you’re not even on Tinder, and how you as a guy operate beyond just looking for a simple hookup, but rather a real connection and great sex with a special woman.
When she meets a man head and shoulders
above the rest.
Consider that 10 years ago, there wasn’t a “hookup culture” in the public sphere. There were no articles, media, or any kind of information out in the zeitgeist that talked about hookups and fuckboys, even if they existed. All hookups were “secret society” and kept on the down-low to protect women from appearing like sluts (which is bad for a woman’s reputation).
However, thanks to dating apps, there have been 5 years of hookup culture that girls are aware of and primed to game against. Because of Tinder, hookups are getting harder because girls define themselves as “not a hookup girl.”
To be a hookup guy in 2007, you had to have mad game. Now, we’re 5 years into no-game hookups. Women want real game and Tinder simply doesn’t require it. They want to be won over by a guy and have him commit to them.
Because of Tinder and similar apps, we have a dating zeitgeist that forces women to say:
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I’m not into hookups
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I don’t like fuckboys
Thus, a man can contrast himself by talking trash on Tinder. When the topic comes up, here’s what you can talk about:
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How superficial it is
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How you don’t like to base your choice on a just a picture and/or Photoshop skills
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That superficial texting is boring
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You can tell a girl, “One can end up sleeping with people just because they are there and seem reasonable. But I want to hook up with a girl I have electricity with, who makes me excited to take home when I just met her, you know?”
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Transition into why you believe vibe, sexual vibe, and persona matters, and how look is very common, or transition into why the process matters, such as, “The sex starts when you first meet, and the interaction before the sex will have an impact on it.”
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Remember, these days, girls are obsessed with not ending up with a fuckboy, even if they secretly like him. If a girl asks if you’re a serial shagger, the answer she is looking for is, “No, I’m not on Tinder, I don’t believe in that stuff. I like meeting cool, sexy women in real life.”
Tinder Feels Like Less Effort If You Haven’t Put in the Work to Learn Cold Approach
In conclusion, Tinder is a bad dating system for most men. Unfortunately, it will only get worse with time, even with the growth of niche apps – and eventually, people will get frustrated with that, too. The reason for this, as I described before, is because Tinder is still rooted in a girl’s preferences and her world view. Tinder does not get her the result she desires with men, and it doesn’t get results for you as a man, either.
There’s a small minority of photogenic men who kill it on Tinder, and always will on dating apps. I used to know a guy like this – he was a male model, extremely good-looking, white and blonde with killer blue eyes, and posted his professional modeling pictures on his Tinder. He got dozens of matches daily, and many times the women he matched with also messaged him first.
However, he barely uses Tinder. He showed me his profile with thousands of matches, after opening his app after a month of no use. He never went out with any of the women from the app. Why didn’t he meet women on Tinder? Because he met all his women in real life, which he enjoyed far more than looking through his matches and setting up dates. Not only that, he met sexier women in real life easily, rather than sifting through hundreds of messages and matches with average girls.
Hot girls use Tinder in the same way – they simply avoid it and like meeting men in person through their networks, events, and connections.
In-real-life game still seems to be the ideal solution. It gives you higher quality and better return rates for what – eventually – becomes less effort, once you get good enough.
From my own experience, having used Tinder and Coffee Meets Bagel extensively through 2016 and 2017, I have yet to go out with a girl who was more than a 7.5 on the looks scale. Most women were instead somewhere in the 6-7 range in appearance, and on the latter side of that is where I kept women as multiple long-term relationships.
Many of the women I’ve met online have also been serial daters. Their expectations for a guy are very high despite their appearances, and women feel like they have unlimited options with better men if there’s even one thing that you don’t execute well. Finally, the flakiness with hotter women on dating apps is prodigious. It’s been difficult to get women out on dates from Tinder – let alone match with them – if their attractiveness passes a certain threshold and they have many options with men.
However, with that in mind, most of the women I’ve met and gone on dates with in person have been 7s, 8s, and 9s on my scale. I fought hard for them and won. Simply stated, there was no question in my mind as to which method netted better results with better girls. The girls have been more attractive, smarter, more ambitious, dressier and classier, and have been far more attracted to me because of the way I approached them to begin with, rather than relying on an app to do that work for me.
Most guys try online game because it feels like less effort. However, it’s only less effort if you haven’t put in the work to learn cold approach. For the men who learn how to game outside of online systems and get good at it, there’s a world of hotter, sexier women waiting for you.
Yes, Tinder has its uses, but I challenge you to get off the app, get off your phone, and start meeting women in real life. It’s certainly harder to learn, but the payoff is far greater.
Varoon
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