Don't Ask Women Stupid, Needy Questions | Girls Chase

Don't Ask Women Stupid, Needy Questions

Chase Amante

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  • 101 Likes
  • 81 Comments

Thu, 09/24/2020 - 14:46

41
stupid questionsThere are these stupid, clueless, needy questions men ask women. Perhaps you've asked some yourself. Yet these questions are pure sabotage for your seductions.

This is really more for new guys than anyone else.

Though I have still sometimes seen intermediate guys making these mistakes too.

In school, you probably learned "There are no stupid questions."

Well, that might be true in school. However, in dating, it is not. Because when it comes to women, there are absolutely a lot of very stupid questions that you should not ask.

We're not talking about questions like "How old are you?" or "How many guys have you been with?" that various stern women claim men should "never ask a lady!" or that "don't matter!" on various feminist-leaning blogs or news sites around the web. Those questions are actually perfectly fine; I suggest you ask both regularly (the second works better after sex, though).

However, there exists a certain class of question that, when you ask from it, conveys a degree of neediness, uncertainty, and lack of leadership that repels women like oil does water.

These questions are the ones we can, for our purposes, safely dub stupid questions.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.

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Comments

Train's picture

Must be a good sign that I physically cringed at some of these questions, hahaha. Almost like a simp detector test, aha.

1984's picture

same here. I cringed so hard that I almost had facial crams.

Robin blue's picture

Hi Chase. I have been struggling with auto rejection for quite some time now. I am naturally a cold person and find it difficult to be interested in people, even the ones i like. It seems i come across as a dick without even meaning to. If there was award for most missunderstood person, I will probably win it. I have read your articles on auto rejection many times.

Currently a girl at work i really liked very much. She was giving me many iois too. I asked her out, she was excited at it but said no giving some logistical excuse. Seems like she wanted me to be more persistent but i gave up after that. She is in classic auto rejection and hurt now, i have seen this too many times and it’s always hurtful to see.

Regarding the article above the things you listed from a-d is it fine to do when girl is in auto rejection? That is to come across as more eager or like you like her too much. Really my question is how to turn auto rejection around without coming across as needy, weak and pathetic. She is really closed off now. I plan to tell her friend that your friend is angry with me and i like your friend. This has worked in the past for me. Your help will be appreciated.

Lastly, do you offer any calls or online coaching, specifically addressing this problem? I will be interested in that. Thank you.

Chase Amante's picture

Robin-

Ah yeah. The old "No, I'm not available now... but please, ask me again later!" routine.

Never been a big fan of those games myself. Same thing that happened to you used to happen to me all the time when I did social circle... ask her out, she's excited but demures, you say, "Cool, no worries," and never bother to ask again. Then she gets all pouty about it and goes ice cold on you. I used to just roll my eyes over it and say, "Women!"

What I shifted to eventually was telling her, "Cool, well, we should trade contact info sometime in case you change your mind." And her eyes would brighten and she'd say sure! And then you just ping her every so often, same as any other girl in your phone, until she comes out. Add in the occasional in-person flirtation/ask.

For turning around auto-rejection, check this article out:

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Turn Around a Girl in Auto-Rejection

And for coaching, yes, we have coaches who work with guys on coming out of their shells socially. Hector, Cody, and Tony in particular all deal with it -- shoot an email to rob@girlschase.com if you'd like Rob (our 'man on the phones' who can fill you in on the different coaches, their strengths, programs, etc. -- Rob's from our forums) to fill you in on those, and he'll get you up to speed.

Good luck with the office gal ;)

Chase

P.S. Oh yes, and -- no, don't ask these questions. You force her to cement in her mind that you're out. You also get completely useless answers. Women don't know why they rejected you; the backward rationalize their reasons. Works the same way as when you're arguing with a woman in a relationship, and she gives you these complex reasons why she's so angry, and after you waste a few days trying to resolve the issues she calms down and tells you actually she didn't care about any of that, the real reason she was mad was because you came over late for the third time in a row and didn't text and she started to feel like you didn't really care about her.

Bob3434322's picture

“Do you think you'd ever go out with a guy like me?”
is very similar to
"What do you think of me so far? (amplify what she likes) And is that good?"

“What kind of guy are you looking to date?”
is similar to
"What do you find sexiest in a guy?"

"What's your favorite sex position?"
is similar to
"What makes sex satisfying to you?"

All things which have been recommended on this site in the past.
Might be worth to point out.

Chase Amante's picture

Bob-

Issues here are partly context, partly subtext:

  • "Would you ever go out with me?" is a yes/no question straight up asking her to approve or deny of your chances with her.

  • "What do you think of me?" is an open-ended question asked on a high point once things are going well with her, which serves as a kind of barometer of her interest, because she can say almost anything

  • "What kind of guy are you looking to date?" is asking her a question about whom she wants to date -- something perceived as formal, as if this guy is formally courting her to be his long-term partner. Very heavy, a lot of pressure in this question

  • "What do you find sexiest in a guy?" is asking her about sex appeal -- almost the opposite of dating. You want to know what turns her on and makes her start thinking about sex. The focus here is not on securing a long-term commitment from her, but in generating arousal

  • "What's your favorite sex position?" could be okay if it's in a more general sex conversation. Most guys I've seen use it just drop it anywhere, and it misunderstands that for most women, it's not so much the position they think about as the foreplay and atmosphere that leads up to it

  • "What makes sex satisfying to you?" is an open-ended question where she gets to think about the whole experience of sex and tell you what turns her on most

See how the former is all either tonedeaf OR is framing you as desiring a long-term commitment from her... while the latter is open to interpretation OR focuses on arousing her?

This is the kind of line you want to walk in your seductions: on the open-ended/arousing side, not on the close-ended/pressured side.

Chase

Ben's picture

I don't think i've ever asked women any of these questions,but I may have asked why haven't we gone out yet to a girl I knew who thought I was cute just because I felt like throwing it out there and I wasn't that into her so I wasn't worried about the effects afterwards haha.
How do you deal with women who are reluctant to answer any questions that probe into who she is,her lifestyle,and her past? Or if they ask you why you want to know or why are you asking that question and you just state that you're curious,but she still doesn't feel like answering. Because it's very common for women to not want to answer specific questions from a guy if she barely knows him or is neutral towards him. This site encourages you to do things fast like building a connection,getting a woman home and then sleeping with her during windows,but how do you handle a woman who doesn't want to answer questions that help you find out about her? Does this indicate anything about her character or her experience levels with dating or does it mean you haven't built enough trust and comfort with her? But how would you do that if you are both just meeting on a first date? To build a trust level with girls from social circle can take me months to years.

Chase Amante's picture

Ben-

Hmm, interesting!

Maybe it's because you're doing social circle.

I've asked thousands and thousands of women all manner of probing questions and I don't think I've ever had more than 3 or 4 push back or say they didn't want to answer or act like I was being over-curious.

I will say when I've done social circle, it is obvious there is a lot more guardedness and caution in women you talk to than there is in cold approach. In cold approach, it is very free; you can ask women anything. In a big group I almost get the sense there is this question in their minds of, "Well how much can I trust you with this information?"

You really shouldn't be deep diving much in general social circle anyway. That is best reserved for dates.

If it's happening for you with cold approach, you might want to look at whether you're going too deep right away, rather than starting superficial and peeling back the layers of the onion gradually... or if there is something about the way you come across that makes you seem a little less trustworthy.

Chase

Neal's picture

Hey Chase, should a guy break off texting a girl, if she replies late?

I.e., you text her in the morning, and she replies at night. And when you take her at night, she replies 1.5 or 2.5 days later in the morning.

Chase Amante's picture

Neal-

Depends.

Does she come out for dates, and have sex when she does?

Chase

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