Sex Drive Compatibility, Drive Collapses, & Relationship Sex Issues | Girls Chase

Sex Drive Compatibility, Drive Collapses, & Relationship Sex Issues

Chase Amante

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sex drive compatibilityYou want to date someone long-term. But is she sexually compatible? Most people don't check… yet this is perhaps the #1 most important compatibility of all.

I spoke recently with an experienced seducer who was having some issues with a girlfriend of his. The relationship had begun normally, with the girl having a normal sex drive, but then at one point it changed.

After the change, his woman almost never wanted normal sex with him. This was well-traveled girl who'd experimented sexually with all kinds of men and had a history of stopping having sex with prior boyfriends of hers.

The seducer would notice flashes of desire come across his woman in inconvenient and novel situations (like say a crowded dinner with friends in the heart of downtown). She'd suddenly want some spontaneous, inconvenient sex.

He'd instead try to get her somewhere private. But a 20-minute drive to privacy later and her sex drive would be gone, never to wake up again that night, no matter what he did.

This was a guy who's been with many women and never had a problem turning most of his prior girlfriends on before. But with this girl he was in a sexual desert.

There's a problem with incompatible sex drives that most guys do not realize until they find themselves in a sex drive incompatibility scenario.

Often even when they're IN that scenario, they refuse to see it.

They tell themselves they can fix it.

That they must be doing something wrong themselves.

The fact is we tend to assume that others' sexual reactions to us are a result of us.

When in actuality a whole lot of the way someone reacts is in large part directed by that person's underlying sex drive.

And sex drives are a thing you really cannot change.

You can't train them. You can't 'wake them up' long-term (yes, there is sexual awakening. But it tends to be fleeting; the sex drive spike it brings last maybe 5-10 years).

You can only enjoy drives if they're compatible... or gnash your teeth endlessly if they're not.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.

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Comments

stef jaen diaz's picture

"Infidelity. The final option is to simply take other women on the side and not tell her."
Yes and also be careful you do not get AIDS or give it to your partner or something like that,lol, in my mind, the problem I have with infidelity has more to do with the STD risk than on any emotional damage (I know for other people it is the other way around). Well they are not incompatible at the end and one thing would just add insult to the injury.
Everything else, Awesome article!!

Danny's picture

Chase, this was a phenomenal eye opening piece. This saved me years of therapy and helped me understand a previous relationship that left a huge impact one me where the issue was this mis matched compatibility. My ex was the low drive annoyed type and really made me doubt myself and I ruminated on why for so many years but thi article opened my eyes and this quote from the article “The thing is: when this happens, it is almost NEVER your fault -- and almost ALWAYS a fault of an incompatibility between your and the partner's sex drive.” This quote was the emotional catharsis that I needed period. This quote has made me feel so much better you can’t imagine thank you so much for all the amazing insights and value that you provide.

Ambiance 's picture

Hey Chase, fantastic article. I always love your anecdotes and the tiers you come up with for something. I am a very sex drive guy, little under the insatiable metric. Does this mean I should be dating a girl with a very high sex drive? I thought these girls weren’t ideal for the girlfriend role, due to typically having more partners and the consequences of that.

I’ve always screened for Curious/Inquisitive girls within the 2-6 partner mark, and am currently involved with one. 95% of the time I initiate sex and often meet resistance, but we still fuck 5-10 times a week, 21 months in (btw, your recent article on locking in on the clit works WONDERS).

So is there a better partner out there? I don’t love the idea of dating a female version of me, at least when it comes to partner count (a girl as intelligent, gorgeous, hysterical, and seductive as I would be heaven if she existed ;) )

Kevin Bogard's picture

Cid K's picture

Excellent article as always Chase! I'd love to read a "how to not get a girl pregnant" article if it's something you could do.

Tim90's picture

Hey Chase, does a girl who uses vibrators/dildos make her on the higher end of the spectrum?
Thanks,
Tim

stef jaen diaz's picture

It would be interesting to analize the demographics of who is buying all those sex toys (big horse shaped dildos) during the lockdowns, that may give us some estimate about true human(female) nature.

Loukas's picture

Very useful piece! If I had to one article to read from your relationship content, this would be it.
A comment:
Moderate-low myself, like 2-3 times a week is just fine. I used to be moderate-high when younger and bang girls to the floor for 45min to 1 hr, mostly every other day, but now I prefer work, as I still have shit to do. The first time I had a higher sex drive girlfriend, boy was it disturbing!! (I was in the middle of young aggressiveness and adult ambitions) The sole reason I parted with her was that I could not work. Ok she was cluster B an the sex was beyond the roof, but seeing my output diminish.... unacceptable.
An observation:
I found another edition of the low to very low, once every 1-2-3 weeks low, but with a very strong need to orgasm everytime,.She bursts to tears if she does not, to release the tension.
I struggled at first just like you described in the article, but then I accepted it as it was and lowered my expectations, as it had benefits on my productivity and it was (is) controllable. I know I can forget about sex when there is no time for it and everything will be fine. (low to very low girls are usually very fidel and care for marriage, b/c dicks, who cares!)
She is now carrying my child and is soon to be taken as a wife. I made the sincere choice and its working pretty well. So this is my observation, your writing here was too linear, it made sense ( I wouldn't expect anything else from a masterful logician like you) but it misses the non linearities, e.g. her and my case. I'm ten years older than her and as my sex drive falls we'll meet on the middle. Unless she turns into a cougar of course, in which case I'll have to up my game, or get rid of her an dfind someone that suits me then.

Kudos once again, great stuff!!

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