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What should you do when a woman hits you with a strong objection? Do you give up? Let her go? Or could you… address that objection, in a strong, smart way?Something a lot of guys are weak at is handling strong objections from women they like.
We can roughly break romantic objections down into several categories:
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Token: otherwise known as 'weak protests'. You can typically ignore these altogether, or handle them any number of ways. These aren't serious protests, and she's more or less swayed to your way of seeing things already. You bring her close to kiss her, for instance, and she weakly protests, "But I'll get lipstick on you..."
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Tentative: she might object; she isn't sure. She'll throw this objection out to see how you react. You're sneaking into somewhere off-limits with her, for example, and she whispers, "What if someone catches us?"
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Standard: your run-of-the-mill objection. Not necessarily super hard, but not something you can always easily just brush aside either. Think "I don't go to guys' places on the first date" or "Shouldn't you date women closer to your own age?" There are already many guides on Girls Chase to dealing with standard objections (I'll link them up a little below). These aren't the subject of this post.
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Strong: a firmly-held objection she's insistent on. You tell her, "Let's sit," and she says, "I told my friends I'd wait for them here." You invite her again and she just shakes her head and says, "I have to wait right here." You invite again and again she says, "I can't move from this spot, I promised I'd be here when they arrived." This kind of objection is our focus today.
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Absolute: she walks away or blocks you. Absolutely nothing you can do when she can't hear you anymore!
Token you don't have to worry about, unless you're the most tentative beginner ever.
Tentative is easy to overcome with any kind of playful response or halfway conviction: "No one'll catch us, don't worry," or, "If anyone catches us I'll beat him up. Come on."
And absolute objections, well, nothing you can do there. You're not omnipotent. Can't talk to women who aren't around you and you have no way to contact. Women like this are just gone.
Standard and strong objections are the ones that trip a lot of guys up.
In today's article, we'll talk about handling strong.
Comments
Can this be used for girls who give objections for dates?
Chase,
I want to ask about objections that man gets when tries to schedule date. Often, I run into inexperienced girls that only date the most attractive men they are 100% sure about or less often into girls they don’t find me value/attainable enough for date. So, when I ask them for even the simplest date, they give me standard or strong objections i.e. make excuses, for example: she is busy, it is too cold or too hot outside so she doesn’t want to go out from house, she has to travel back to her home town, she is shy these days, she does’t like the kind of date I offer her, etc. Real reason is that she doesn’t want to date me/or strongly resists and she doesn’t want to say that directly but it is easier to her to make excuses.
My questions are simple: Can objections that girl gives because she doesn’t want to date (or strongly resists) be treated on the same way like the objections when she resists to pulling or escalation i.e. using the tech described in this and the other articles about overcoming objections? Or should I just accept that girl is not interested and move on? Currently I use ice breaker text, 3 scheduler texts and ball in her court text for setting up date via texting or if I am in field I ask her 3 times. If that doesn’t work I move on.
Using UNDER for Date Resistance
Xander-
Well, the tricky part is this is a high-investment approach.
It uses a lot of investment on your part. And it assumes a fairly sizeable amount of investment already on hers.
Most women refusing to go out with you are fairly uninvested in you. So it will feel uncalibrated trying to use this system with them, where you are attempting to unpack and dive deep on things with this person you have no real deep connection with.
A few exceptions though: if she's a girl you know well, perhaps as a friend (maybe a friend zone girl); or she's someone you talk with every day, etc.
If she's a gal you barely know though, I don't see a good way to pull this off, and you'll just come across a bit awkward.
For your situation where girls are giving you excuses, you have other options though:
If she says she doesn't want to go out from her house: "Cool, I'll come there. Do you have popcorn? If not I'll pick some up on the way." If she says she doesn't like your kind of date: "Hmm. What kinds of dates DO you like?"
If that isn't doing the trick then you probably just aren't attracting these women enough when you meet. Check your fundamentals and your game and see if you can find a few culprits in need of tweaking.
Chase
Discover Vs Enumerate
This is such a well thought through system Chase. I love how it can be applied to any situation where both parties want to figure out how to get to a win-win situation.
For me the part I still can't get my head around is the Discover/Enumerate steps. Discovery and Enumeration steps seem like they're like one step (proposing what happens if you did this). What do we mean by alternatives here if asking them what happens if they do something they're objecting to is already an alternative?
Also, how can we be more creative in coming up with alternatives/suggestions? Are there ways we can target this?
And lastly what can help us to get better at the nailing down step? Is there a way to get better at going meta and understanding someone's answer is not their real answer? What are the signs an answer is not a real answer?
Thank you so much
Discover vs. Enumerate; How to Come Up with Alternatives
AFQ-
Sure, I'll clarify.
'Discover' is what would actually happen if you did the thing you don't want to do?
'Enumerate' is here are some different alternatives we could perhaps do instead.
"What would happen if I sat you on my lap?" --> she will air out her reservations (discovery).
"How about if I sat on your lap?" "What if I just had you rest your head on my shoulder." --> these are other options to use instead (enumerate).
As for coming up with more creative solutions... I have a few go-to ways to come up with these:
So for example:
The formulas are easy to remember.
The actual best solutions you just need a little time and experience to come up with.
e.g., the first time I had a girl near-naked in my bed but turned away from me I couldn't escalate to sex before I couldn't kiss her mouth, and that was always the first step in escalation for inexperienced me. The next day I realized I could've just kissed her shoulder from behind and escalated that way. A few months later I found myself in that exact situation with a new girl, and started kissing her shoulder, and escalated seamlessly from there.
Over time, as you handle objections, you'll build up a bank of alternative suggestions that often work, and will know which ones to use with what objections.
Chase
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