"Just the Tip" and 4 Other Foot-in-the-Door Techniques

When she isn’t ready for the whole thing, sometimes you can get in with just the tip. But you can use this tactic in many more ways than just sex.

Time for a fun post.

In psychology, there's a form of compliance known as the ‘foot-in-the-door' technique. The basic premise of it is once you get someone to agree to something little, you can easily expand it to a great deal more. Just like getting your foot in the door enough for you to then widen the door.

We've talked about a few of these over the years. “Just sit for five minutes”, for instance, I talked about in “Don't Let Her Go.”

Today, I'm going to give you a template for this form of compliance. And I'll give you five (5) common examples of when and how to use this.

The foot-in-the-door technique dates back since time immemorial. Salesmen and seducers have use it to woo their prospects likely as long as we've had language.

Yet the first mention of it in the research literature dates to 1966's study “Compliance without pressure: the foot-in-the-door technique.” Researchers sent men to knock on housewives' to try to get these women to agree to a big favor. There were four variations on how they sought agreement:

1. Some of the researchers asked for a smaller favor first (“May I ask you a few questions about X?”). Then they had the woman comply with the smaller request. Then, after compliance, they asked for the big piece of compliance they wanted.
   

2. Some of the researchers asked for a smaller favor first, but then didn't actually make the woman comply with this request. Then they asked for their big piece of compliance.
   

3. Some of the researchers spent time around the woman to get her familiar with them, without asking for a small favor request. Then they made the big ask.
   

4. And a fourth group of researchers did not ask for a favor or spend time around the woman. They just went straight into the big ask.
   

The results were clear:

• 52.8% of women asked to comply with the small favor and who were then asked the questions also complied with the big ask

• 33.3% of women asked to comply with the small favor but who were not then asked the questions also complied with the big ask

• 27.8% of women who were simply familiar with the researcher, with no small favor request, also complied with the big ask

• 22.2% of women who were asked to comply with the big ask straightaway complied with it
  

If you ask her for a smaller piece of compliance first and actually have her carry it out, you get almost double the compliance with your big request (even if she's familiar with you) than if you hadn't asked for the smaller thing first.

This is a pretty damn powerful way to get her to say yes.

Neat, right?

The Psychology of Foot-in-the-Door

There's a lot that goes into foot-in-the-door compliance.

But the psychological elements we care most about are:

• Precedent
• Backward rationalization
• And the path of least resistance
  

While she might not agree to your big request if you ask it first, asking for something smaller and getting her to agree with it (and carry it out – very important) does these good things for you:

• It establishes precedent. She's begun a habit of complying with you. When she has to decide whether to comply with her next request, she will now ask herself, “Is this a man I comply with or not?” and, “Is this issue the type of issue I comply with on?” When she's able to answer “yes” to both questions, the odds she answers “yes” to your next compliance request go up a lot.

• It causes her to backward rationalize you as someone she listens to. People tend to make decisions and come up with reasons for them after the fact. Once she's already agreed to a small piece of compliance with you, she will then need to justify this to herself. And the justification she comes up with (“He's cute, so I said yes” “Well, I guess I like this guy” “I'm having fun and decided to go along with it”) lowers her walls to you... which makes it easier for you to get more compliance from her after.

• It makes saying “yes” the path of least resistance. Same deal as with a yes-ladder. The more she says “yes” to you, the easier it gets for her to keep saying “yes.”
  

Mix these factors up together, and you have a pretty powerful way to get women to do all kinds of things with you: just ask them to do something smaller first.

To get you started using a little foot-in-the-door, I'm going to give you five (5) of the most common times you'll use this. Some of these you've heard before... but how often do you use them, and do you use them deliberately?

Add these simple little tactics to your repertoire, and you'll become a much more persuasive man... with much more compliant women around him.

#1: Just the Tip

That's all. Nothing more.

“Just the tip” is so classic a tactic that it's known by almost everyone.

And yet... it still works.

If you don't know this tactic, all it is is this: when you've got a girl naked, but she is refusing sex, you just tell her, “Just the tip.” Or you give her the longer version: “Just the tip. Just to see how it feels.”

Even though every girl has heard this before, it still works. Sort of like Netflix and chill. Why's it work? Well, it cuts right to the heart of the conflict she's in:

• She's taken her clothes off with you and is into you. So clearly she WANTS your penis in her

• Yet she also has doubts and reservations about you. Or else she wouldn't be resisting sex

“Just the tip” allows her to have what she wants (you inside her) while letting her address her logical concerns (she gets to tell herself well, he won't really be inside me... it's just the tip after all!).

The thing to understand is that when she's at this point, she's essentially of two minds, and those two minds are dialoguing with each other. One mind is saying, “Yes, just give in! Enjoy the sensation!” while the other mind is saying, “Let's hold up a second. There's more I need to figure out.”

“Just the tip” handles the logical mind (“Hmm, well if it IS just the tip I guess I could still continue to make up my mind and back out at that point... it isn't full-on sex”) while telling the primal mind it will get what it wants (“Yes! Sensation from this man!”). It excites the primal mind while bringing the logical mind closer to the primal mind's position in the dialogue.

Then of course, once your tip is into her, her primal brain is going, “Oh yes! This is great! MORE!” and its argument overpowers the logical mind. Which by that point is going, “Sigh, oh well. I guess he's already in me anyway. And I do so want to feel the whole thing. Okay fine, let's do it.”

“Just the tip” then, as we'll see with the rest of these tactics, is in fact often a way for you to help her primal mind (which wants you) win.

#2: Sit for Five Minutes

We talked about “just sit for five minutes” in “Don't Let Her Go.” And that's one of the times you'll use it: when she's about to leave. But it's not the only time. You can use this:

• To have girls you've approached on the street stop walking and sit with you

• To have girls you've met in a coffee shop talk for a while before they rush out the door

• To have girls you've met in the bar stop dancing or step away from their friends

• To convince girls who were about to leave to hold on and wait a few minutes

Say you've met a girl in line for coffee on your way to work in the morning. The conversation is good, but you don't think you've made enough of an impression for her to agree to a date with you (or not flake on you later if she does agree now). What do you do? Get her to spend five minutes with you first:

[she's collected her order and is about to leave]

You: Hey, let's sit for five minutes.

Her: I have to run off to work.

You: Five minutes won't kill you. I want to finish my Danish without it falling all over me as I walk. Let's sit.

Her: Okay.

“Sit with me 5 minutes.” Hard for her to say no to that.

And now you've got five minutes to flirt, build some commonalities, and ease any reservations she has with you.

Note that you don't necessarily need to give her a reason why she should stay and sit. Telling her why you need to stay and sit, and then saying “let's sit” is reason enough... the communication is that the two of you are doing things together, and if you're going to sit she ought to too. Much of the time this will be enough. If she starts to object, then you can start giving her reasons why she should stay.

Regardless, once you've gotten this initial bit of compliance – you've broken her out of her routine, moved her, and had her follow your lead – it's a lot easier to get more compliance (like her agreeing to a date she's less likely to flake on... or asking her to spend more time with you on an instant date, if she doesn't need to rush off somewhere).

#3: We'll Just be There 30 Minutes

Want a girl to go somewhere she isn't sure she wants to go?

Tell her you'll just be there for 30 minutes.

Works great with dates, works great with girlfriends... works great with girls you've only just met:

You: Let's go to the waffle house and grab a bite, I'm starving.

Her: I should stay here in the club with my friends.

You: We'll just go 30 minutes. Then we'll come back.

Her: Okay.

Of course, once she's there, if she has a good time, she'll be open to doing more with you. And she'll have already complied on something smaller, but still somewhat big (changing venues with you).

This is the simplest way to take the pressure off. 30 minutes isn't long. It isn't four hours and it isn't all night. But, once she gets there, if she realizes she's enjoying herself, she'll be a lot more likely to stick around (or accompany you elsewhere).

#4: Just Meet Me One Time

This is a somewhat less effective compliance tactic, since you'll usually have to use it at a distance. But it can work when other things aren't working at times. If you have a girl who is still in communication with you, but declining all your date invites, “just meet me one time” may be able to do the trick. It works best if you get her on the phone.

Example:

You: Let's get food this week. What's your schedule like?

Her: I'm actually pretty busy this week.

You: Just meet me one time. It can be two hours. Or an hour. Stop making me chase you around, it's exhausting.

Her: Haha... well, I'm just really busy.

You: Oh come on. Come meet me for two hours. If you hate it you never have to see me again. What days are you LESS busy?

Her: I could maybe meet on Saturday.

You: By maybe do you mean “Yes I can meet on Saturday” or are you still waffling?

Her: Um, I can meet on Saturday.

You: Okay good. What time?

Best if you can get some more buy-in here, like moving her off of “maybe” and onto “definitely.” Makes it less likely she'll flake.

You'll have a tougher time of this over text. Without voice tone, it's tough for her to tell what your delivery is... and it's hard for this to not look like begging. Especially if she's already ambivalent about you and declining your date invites... she's not going to interpret your requests in the best light. You can still try it, but you'll have much better luck with this method over the phone.

Thus, my recommendation is, if she's dodging over text, switch over to phone calls first, and if that isn't enough, try this foot-in-the-door technique to get her out on a date.

#5: Just Kiss Me for Two Seconds

If she's refusing to kiss you, this is an easy way to breeze past the kiss barrier.

Just tell her to kiss you for two or three seconds.

“Just want to see what it's like.”

This is rather carefully refined. I used to try to make this work with, “Just a quick little kiss,” but it almost always gets turned down. With “Just one kiss” or “Just a little kiss” you're asking for a yes/no on the kiss itself. She's already turned down a kiss, so the path of least resistance is for her to go along with it, and you'll usually get another no. And now she's said no multiple times, and further cemented her resistance.

But if you switch to “Just kiss me for two seconds”, you get a lot more successful kisses. When she does kiss you, make it a quick little peck on the lips, then go back to talking normally. Same drill as with the manhandle kiss. Peck on the lips, then back to what you were doing before. But now, the barrier's been broken. And you can go for another kiss in another minute or two. And she will be much less resistant, because now she's already done it.

There are two sorts of deliveries that work for most of these compliance attempts.

One is playful bemusement. You're almost teasing her, and slightly confused. But still insisting. Think Ryan Reynolds or Robert Downey, Jr. trying to convince someone who was being resistant. Just picture one of those men saying, “Oh come on. We'll just go for 30 minutes and we'll come back later. Let's go.”

The other is romantic-serious. Just imagine a sexy romantic delivery for this... envision the stereotypical Latin lover, if you need a mental image. This works better with certain types of girls, and for certain settings. “Just the tip”, for example, you want to be more turned on, romantic, and serious, not confused and playful. The kiss could go either way, depending on the mood you had set. The others you could do romantic-serious too, if it was congruent with your presentation.

Don't beg, plead, or beseech. Don't be overly serious without a romantic (or sexual) tinge. Make playfully bemused, or romantically serious, for best effect.

Recap

To sum up, the foot-in-the-door technique is a neat way to grease the compliance wheels for more and bigger compliance later on. It gets a girl ready to do more for you later by asking her to do something smaller for you now. And its effects are significant: you'll almost double your compliance rate going from ‘familiar' to ‘complied with earlier request’.

The psychological reasons the technique is so effective include:

• The precedent it sets
• The backward rationalization it produces
• The path of least resistance it sets you and her onto
  

In this article, we covered five (5) example FITD scenarios you can use:

1. Just the Tip
2. Sit for Five Minutes
3. We’ll Just be There 30 Minutes
4. Just Meet Me One Time
5. Just Kiss Me for Two Seconds
   

... although these are themselves “just the tip” (this time, of the iceberg). You can come up with all sorts of foot-in-the-door tactics for all sorts of situations.

And finally, we gave you a couple of deliveries you can use for these:

• Playful bemusement, and
• Romantic-seriousness
  

Hope you’ve enjoyed the article.

And, have fun with the technique! Use it well.

Chase Amante