What Sex to Have in New Relationships | Girls Chase

What Sex to Have in New Relationships

Chase Amante

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Chase Amante's picture

sex in new relationshipsWhen you've bedded a new girl, everything's great. You're on the 'new relationship high'... you and this new paramour are into each other, entranced, and enjoying every minute.

Something that likely does not pop up a whole lot in your mind is "What sex should I have with this new gal?" You might occasionally have sex ideas bubble up in your head you then walk back, because "I don't know if she'd go for that." But if you're like most guys, most of the time you'll think about new relationship sex in one or both of these ways:

  • "There are a few things I like. Let's see if she'll do them."

  • "I'm pretty happy with what I'm getting with her. I'm going to keep doing that."

Whether you're a BDSM guy or you just like regular sex with a side of blow jobs (or not even that... maybe just straight up missionary with a little doggy style thrown in for variety here and there), you'll settle into whatever you settle into. Within 3-4 weeks with her your sexual pattern will be pretty established.

Except... the new relationship is an ideal time to push the boundaries on what you can do with a woman sexually. It's an ideal time to see what she's willing to do with you, and to try out new things with a woman you've wanted to try but haven't yet.

It's hard to get too experimental with a one-night stand. And once a relationship is established, most women put the brakes on experimentation too.

But early on into a new relationship? You're in both laboratory and pleasure dome, rolled into one.


SZ's picture

So basically make your first impression the best and try out a lot of things eh?

what about freaky things that you don't know if girls will like?

I had other questions as well.

1. You have any new tips for being sexy for 2019-2020? An update of sorts?

Was just curious because I know the last article was from a while ago and I feel that I could use more tips on that.

2. What can I do to be more attractive to all women? I can get women different women, but it's not as consistent as I need it to be to improve at all. There's majority of white girls where I'm at, and I can get some, but it seems more or less they have to really like Black men, same for latinas as well.

I'm trying to make it easier for me to get better results.

I also get no app matches with white or latina women at all, I don't know if that matters or not, or if I need to work on something more. Does that relate to real life? Do other race women look at me the same as app girls?

anyway, what would you say is a way to have universal attractiveness as a Black man to get girls from all over?

3. Still can't get over the mental fog of women not wanting men at 30 unless they have a lot of money or status. Idk why, but I just can't picture 20 something year old women liking older men even early 30s without them at least already being good with women or have status, money, and fame.

I've heard women say this too, and then you have dating apps that are against men that are 30 by charging them more money and putting them in a group of older women so younger women can't see them.

30 sounds like an uphill battle in seduction, then add the fact that I really don't know people single and getting better with women this age either.

They mostly got out the game by then.

Is there a way I can stop this limiting belief? why would a girl pick an older guy that doesn't have those things I stated over a younger guy?

I want to get past this belief but I haven't seen a reason why from any anecdotal data to go from. Hoping maybe you can help me with this.

4. what can I do to fix my edge? I'm in a weird spot with this.

so I have girls tell me I'm cold, I'm standoffish, and I've also had them tell me I'm a good guy (safe), I'm not hard (as in treating women like complete shit, like calling them out or treating them like a thug)

so it's all different answers that I get from chicks, but I know I do have an edge, but I'm missing something else.

I'm not a thug, but I'm definitely not a square either. I'm a chill laid back dude who goes with the flow.

but I think since I'm not doing thug shit, a lot of chicks might get a boring vibe from me.

Even though I grew up rough, won a lot of fights, worked out a lot, took up a fighting sport, went to the club a lot, drink, etc.

but they keep saying I'm a good guy.

I try to not smile a lot and only smile with my mouth, I try to be serious, I'm the strong silent type.

but they keep wanting me to either talk more and be a dancing monkey or they want me to act like a thug dude I'm guessing.

I feel like this is stopping girls from fuckin and making me lose lays because they think I'm some goody too shoes. Which I'm not mad don't try to be, I don't even take women on dates or buy them anything or even tell them I want to be with them or compliment them. I just fuck them and they want my validation, so how am I such a goody person?

how can I stop them from thinking this, saying this, and how do I act without being fake or over doing it?

5. what to do if people keep saying you're quiet? I'm just relaxing and not going out my way to be a dancing monkey, so it's like I'd that what they want me to do? talk and talk? never was my style.

I've actually tried talking a lot and asking questions, then they say I talk too much.

so what is the best thing to do when people keep saying you're quiet while still using the law of least effort?


SZ's picture


I just read a message you left on the boards and wanted to ask about it.

do you think every guy should have a "gotta get a notch, at whatever the cost" phase to get better?

does it matter what age you are, like can a older guy go through that phase?

and is there a certain notch count where you should be done with that phase?

I find myself being picky like how you said more advance dudes are about laying everything, but I want more notches. I'm paranoid off of lower fruit women, so I wanted to know if that phase is the way to go for me?


Chase Amante's picture


Yes, try everything you want out. Even the freaky stuff. If she doesn't like it, no big deal. Sandwich it between stuff she does like (give her reliable good orgasms in doggy one session... try something freaky the next session... give her reliable orgasms in missionary the session after that).

No, nothing has changed about being sexy. Fashions have changed a bit. You may want to poke around on some fashion blogs for the latest sexy male fashions. Otherwise, what makes a man sexy is the same stuff it has been for the last 200,000 years. Probably won't change any time in the next 100-200,000 years after today, too. You're good for a while.

Apps are different from real life. See here.

anyway, what would you say is a way to have universal attractiveness as a Black man to get girls from all over?

Have insanely tight fundamentals.

Have insanely tight game.

With those two things in order, you will have attractiveness as universal as you can get it.

but I just can't picture 20 something year old women liking older men even early 30s without them at least already being good with women or  have status, money, and fame.

Translation: "I just can't picture a woman being attracted to a man unless he is attractive in some way."

Well yeah. That is how it goes.

You can get good with women. Or you can get status, money, or fame, or leverage some other way to get women.

But you are going to need some way to get women, if you want to get women.

Is there a way I can stop this limiting belief?

Reach age 30. Start picking up 20-something women.

Limiting belief = stopped.

why would a girl pick an older guy that doesn't have those things I stated over a younger guy?

See here. Also here. And here. Here too.

so I have girls tell me I'm cold, I'm standoffish, and I've also had them tell me I'm a good guy (safe), I'm not hard (as in treating women like complete shit, like calling them out or treating them like a thug)

This is a weird vibe issue I see guys run into from time to time.

The simple answer is you are not sexy, and you need to build a sexy vibe.

The longer answer is... there are some guys who no matter how much I have talked to about this, they cannot ever build a sexy vibe. They seem to be immune to it. I have worked with guys in-person, over the web, you name it, and in-person is the easiest by far, but even in-person I have worked with guys who just cannot be sexy, and no matter what I tell them to try it continues to come out in an un-sexy way. When they try to be sexy it just looks silly. Or serious.

I'm convinced the issue is something with how the guy thinks about sexiness. But I still have not figured it out.

I don't know what to tell you, other than "You need to figure out how to make yourself sexy."

I cannot do it for you. "Sexy" is as much a series of internal realizations as it is external transformations.

You have to arrive at those realizations on your own.

Most guys can be prompted to this just by pointing it out to them and saying, "You need to get sexy."

The light bulb goes off, and they go, "Ohhhhh! Yes, now that I think about that, I have seen that, and I know what it looks like, and I know how to get there."

But some guys that doesn't happen with.

And the best thing I can say for those guys, at this point, is, "You've gotta turn it over in your head until it clicks."

Until then, do this.

what to do if people keep saying you're quiet?

Smile and wink.

There's nothing wrong with being the charming quiet guy.

do you think every guy should have a "gotta get a notch, at whatever the cost" phase to get better?

does it matter what age you are, like can a older guy go through that phase?

and is there a certain notch count where you should be done with that phase?

I find myself being picky like how you said more advance dudes are about laying everything, but I want more notches. I'm paranoid off of lower fruit women, so I wanted to know if that phase is the way to go for me?

If he aspires to a high lay count and a serious degree of skill with women, yes. It's mandatory.

If he just wants to be a normal dude and have a few nice lays and get a nice girlfriend/wife, not needed. He can do that without racking up a ton of notches.

No, the age doesn't matter. I have seen many guys go through that phase between ages 45-55 when they'd been married their whole lives and only ever slept with a handful of (or one) women before.

Guys finish with it at different lay counts. Depends on the guy, his goals, any issues he is trying to work through via shagging, etc.

As for whether that phase is the phase for you -- that is up for you to decide.


SZ's picture

Just seen your replies Chase.

I know that I ask the same questions from time to time and it seems mind boggling that nothing has changed. I feel the same exact way as well.

I told you I still get girls that act different in person, but they don't want to go out.

I read your article about being taken seriously so many times I can't tell you.


1. Act like an author figure with women.

2. I am showing that I am busy as possible. Girls have told me that I seem busy before.

3. I don't act like a friend, nor do I communicate with girls like that. I ask for the number, get the date, they agree, then flake. I don't try to talk all day or hang out with them like a friend.

4. I make sure girls know not to waste my time nor will I do anything I don't want to either.

So I do pretty much everything from that article and it still isn't working.

It's gotten to the point where I even tried to do the opposite where I try to text all day and talk on the phone.

Same result.

I know that this stuff has been going on for a very long time, but can I really take all the responsibility for this? I can't control women and have them change.

Since that article I have been putting in the work approaching, I thought very hard about my impression with girls and what I could have done wrong, I analyze everything to do better next time.

These girls seem to like me, I move them, they give me compliance, etc. I'm sexy, touch is good, they don't make funny faces, I ask for the date before the number. I read these articles all the time and try to do everything the way it is laid out.

And how I'm sure you're like "dude, this has been going on for a long time", I feel the exact same way which is why I ended up in a relationship for years, I was tired of it.

Now I'm dealing with this all over again, even with girls from apps where a lot of guys seem to be doing well off of and getting notches from.

It may seem that I'm not trying, but I am, this has been going on for a long time and I agree as well, but I wasn't just saying fuck it and not using the advice you gave me.

I make sure to do my best on approach, I make sure I get compliance, they act very attracted to me and are into me, ask for the date, get the date, then I try to set it up, then they flake.

I mean what else can I do? It's up to them if they want to see me again, I have no control besides on what I can do.

From what I see I'm doing well with everything else.

Should I feel bad about myself for this still not being fixed after so long? I don't feel good about this not getting fixed at all.

Only things I can think of is to move faster and approach a lot more women.

I'm telling you that I've been working on this for some time and not bullshitting. I wish it was because I was being lazy, but it's not. These women are just not acting the same after the approach.

Guess I'm asking what else I can do? but I made this message because I wanted you to know that yes, this is something that has been going on for quite a while and I've been trying to make things work since then, but I make sure to do those things that are from that article and whatever else you tell me.

If you have any advice please let me know, but just know that I didn't give up and still try.


SZ's picture

Could you explain this for me Chase?

So I just read your last email and you said this,

"If any given day you walk down the street, you pass 50 different attractive young women, and 3 of them check you out and signal some interest, that's your current baseline."

It got me thinking about me while walking around women.

So it doesn't happen a lot, but it happens at the most random times.

I'll have girls not show interest for a while, then they will show interest while I'm walking around.

I can't give definite numbers because I don't walk by 50 women often.

But for example while I was in college and walked around campus.

I didn't have any girl show any interest in me or signal anything to me to approach.

So another time I was at a college get together and had all the girls there checking me out, I was the only one no one knew though, but they all checked me out and acted like I was some celebrity asking, "who's that?" in a sexy voice and them asking me who I was.

So that was the same school and I looked the same.

So why aren't women showing me interest more consistently?

The only fundamentals I really need to work on are losing weight, building more muscle, default attractive facial expressions, and maybe tighter shirts once I lose fat and get muscle.

But other than that, I dress very nice, wear well fitting clothes, always have a fresh cut, I have a muscular build, I'm tall, move slow, etc.

So what else can I do to get more interest and approach invitations while walking around campus and everywhere else?

What is a good sexy default facial expression to have to get opened more?

What more can I really do? because if I just fix those few things I'd be near perfect, so I think I need to solve this before I even get there to get more experience.

Let me know your thoughts!


James D's picture

Hey Chase!
Hope you're hood man.

I wanted to ask you how did you train to become such a fantastic writer?
Which resources did you use to learn, how did you know which areas to improve on?
Especially for articles, do you have some format you follow?

I'm 19, in my first year of college, and I found a few blogs hiring writers and i think I can manage some decent content there but I want to build the skill of writing first.
Thank you man!

Chase Amante's picture


For me, Step #1 is just "read a lot." As you read, you expose yourself to literary techniques, words, turns of phrase, narrative framing and structure, and many useful writing elements.

Step #2 is "have a desired emotional effect you want to have." For me every piece of writing is driven by emotion; I know what I want the reader to feel. It is all built around that. Then there is some factual/logical piece of it, that either supports the emotion, or is supported by the emotion. For instance, I want a guy to go open more girls. So I will write a piece on opening, to give him a fresh new tactic he can use for that, meanwhile I will write the piece with an emotional thrust designed to excite him to get out and open more girls.

I had a few flashes when younger due to just #s 1 and 2. But I still put out a lot of middling quality work then too. So when I was 18 I decided to start writing short stories every day. I did that for a while, hewing to the style of my favorite fiction author (H.P. Lovecraft). I started off very derivative, but wasn't worried about it, since everyone starts that way (and in fact, Lovecraft's early stuff is itself derivative, of Edgar Allen Poe, Lord Dunsany, etc.).

I talk about my approach to structuring articles in this post. Hector also has some great tips in that thread.

I will also say -- participating in forums made a big difference for me too. I spent a lot of time replying to guys' posts on forums, racking my brain for worthwhile and useful things to point out, to both give positive feedback and valuable critique. I did that consciously, to improve my ability to analyze, to write well, give quality feedback, and be able to come across as both knowledgeable and credible. It gets easier the more you do it. Forum posting replies led to making original forum contributions... which I did not want to do unless I had original ideas or tactics to share. That led to writing articles. If you read my article history on Girls Chase, it starts off with me doing mostly shorter articles, then progresses to longer and longer ones. It got easier and easier for me to write longer pieces as I wrote more.

When you're starting out, focus on short, easy stuff: short stories, forum posts/replies, anything that allows you to craft a full post with not too many words. This will teach you structure, pacing, framing, all the other stuff you need.

As you get better, and can write faster, and think as you write, you'll be able to do longer and bigger pieces, and complete them faster and faster, too.

Break a leg (quill), man!


Bond's picture

Hey Chase,

I just got into a relationship and executed each of the above religiously xD Feels amazing. Last time we were out, my girlfriend pulled me in a deserted alley on her own (broad day light!) and took a condom out and asked to be fucked.
I'm loving anal but it takes some time to prepare her so I'm getting lazy hahaha.

I wanted to ask you about freelancing. I followed your advise on which skills to pursue and right now I'm learning to code in Python and I'll get into copywriting soon.
What do you think of the folks who say that freelancing is getting saturated? This is kind of at the back of my mind and kind of bothers me while I'm learning those skills.

I'm ending my 1st year of uni and the plan is to (hopefully) make enough money off freelancing by graduation so I can begin the "travel the world" dream.
I'm almost done learning Python syntax, add another few months of practice to really solidify the concepts and I guess by the end of this year I might make some money off freelancing.
I'll be tackling PHP next year.
I want to graduate with these 3 skills: Python, PHP and Copywriting.
I'm working my ass off of course but I'd still like your insight on how saturated freelancing is getting.

Oh, and I got your voice product . I love it. Yesterday, my girlfriend told me that the first time she met me, she literally got wet hearing me talk. Damn this feels good. Thanks so much.

Chase Amante's picture


Very happy to hear all this :) Great work on your voice. Girlfriend sounds like she is well broken-in ;)

I've never gotten into it with enough frequency to see this myself, but I've had some pals tell me if you give a girl anal enough, she eventually reaches a point where you can basically just pop it in and go (with lube... although I've seen a few guys claim past a certain point you do not need lube. Not sure what they are doing there / what that is all about though). Presumably that would only be once she reaches the point where she has such strong positive anchors to it her sphincter starts opening up at the very thought of your cock going in...

Re: freelancing -- I will just say, that among the middle tier and top, for pretty much everything, there remains a huge dearth of highly skilled freelancers. I do a lot of hiring and at this point I will usually hire four people to every job, give them all the same trial task, then evaluate them against each other to find the best. Even with hiring the best candidates, usually only one or none of them is seriously good. Numerous times I have done trial jobs, hired four people who seemed high-skilled, and wasn't satisfied with any of them.

The bottom is definitely crowded. The middle less so. At the top tiers of any skill even moderately in-demand skill set, however, it is definitely a seller's market. There's a lot more demand for high-skilled freelancers than there are freelancers to meet that demand.

Keep raising your skills in Python and copywriting and you'll reach a point where you can't beat the offers back with a stick. Quite possibly before you even reach an "advanced" level with either (though you should keep improving anyway -- especially if you want the highest money-earning gigs with the best-to-work-for clients).

Good luck, man ;)


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