What Sex to Have in New Relationships

When you've bedded a new girl, everything's great. You're on the 'new relationship high'... you and this new paramour are into each other, entranced, and enjoying every minute.

Something that likely does not pop up a whole lot in your mind is "What sex should I have with this new gal?" You might occasionally have sex ideas bubble up in your head you then walk back, because "I don't know if she'd go for that." But if you're like most guys, most of the time you'll think about new relationship sex in one or both of these ways:

• "There are a few things I like. Let's see if she'll do them."

• "I'm pretty happy with what I'm getting with her. I'm going to keep doing that."

Whether you're a BDSM guy or you just like regular sex with a side of blow jobs (or not even that... maybe just straight up missionary with a little doggy style thrown in for variety here and there), you'll settle into whatever you settle into. Within 3-4 weeks with her your sexual pattern will be pretty established.

Except... the new relationship is an ideal time to push the boundaries on what you can do with a woman sexually. It's an ideal time to see what she's willing to do with you, and to try out new things with a woman you've wanted to try but haven't yet.

It's hard to get too experimental with a one-night stand. And once a relationship is established, most women put the brakes on experimentation too.

But early on into a new relationship? You're in both laboratory and pleasure dome, rolled into one.

 

New Relationship Openness

In terms of familiarity, we can roughly break down your relationship with a girl into three chunks:

1. First Time Lovers. The first time you sleep together you're strangers. She's unfamiliar with you, self-conscious, and a little on-guard. This is not the ideal time to experiment. It's easy for her to take things the wrong way, or to feel shame later about too-risqué things she did with a man she barely knew. Few women (even the highly experienced) are completely without shame. If you'd like to keep seeing her, make the first night good, but don't get too totally wild.

2. New Lovers. She's been with you twice (or more). Not so long she's settled into a distinct pattern with you. But long enough she isn't so worried you'll judge her gross or disgusting or slutty and smear her reputation. She's started to trust you. Yet she also does not know what to expect with you. What's normal for you? What will you accept as normal for her? What can she try with you that she's always wanted to try, but never could (or lacked the confidence to) with prior mates? Now's the time for her to try it.

3. Old Lovers. It's been some time, and the novelty's no longer there. If you've done things right, and the match is good, there's still plenty of passion. But the energy of exploring someone new has gone, and the drive to push against your and her sexual boundaries has largely dissipated. Some women in long-term relationships become more prudish. Others don't... but get busy or lazy or comfortable with what they're familiar with, and don't have the motivation to experiment further. Either way, once she's been with you a while, you'll discover it's often not easy to get her doing anything you haven't done with her at least semi-regularly since the beginning.

There are notable exceptions.

Sometimes with a woman you've been with for ages, she'll suddenly decide she really wants to try something new she read about/watched/heard about one way or another.

With young and very inexperienced women, you may cause (or be present for) a sexual awakening in the girl, where she becomes fascinating with sex and wants to try everything. In this case, her most open period for sex actually comes later, rather than earlier -- once her gateway to sex truly opens up.

And occasionally with a first-time lover you will happen on a legitimate nymphomaniac, who is without shame, and willing and delighted to do anything and everything you could want to do, the very first night. Those are fun encounters.

For the most part though, the rule holds: the easiest time you'll have opening up a woman's sexuality and exploring things with her is past the first few times in bed, but before the relationship's established any real patterns or great familiarity.

 

Wilder Sex in Newer Relationships

"But you know, I'm not really in to all this wild sex, Chase. I'm happy with the stuff I like."

Yeah, sure, I get that. I think most guys are. Me too.

Here's the thing: there are certain benefits to pushing the boundaries on sex a bit in a newer relationship.

Benefits like:

• You open her up to what you want to do with her later. Let's say you're not super crazy about threesomes, but you'd like to be able to have them sometimes. When's it going to be easier to get her to agree to a threesome... 5 weeks in, when she's comfortable with you yet still feels like 'anything goes', and as if you're an open-minded guy she can try new things out with? Or two years in, when she's angling for a wife role with you, and trying her best to seem conservative and wifely. Sure, sometimes the gal angling to win you over will use sex to try to get there (I have a buddy whose woman used a threesome to help rope him back in when it seemed like the relationship was on its way out). But the easiest time is generally going to be early on.

• You can condition her to do things you like. If you're a fan of blow jobs, or spontaneous outdoors sex, it's going to be a lot easier to build habits of her doing this regularly if you start early than if you wait until later to set those habits. There's no guarantee a woman will stick to a habit forever -- if she really doesn't enjoy whatever it is, she's likely to quit doing it at some point (so whatever it is, if you want her to keep doing it, make sure she enjoys it!). However, you stand a much better chance of building a habit she sticks to if you begin sooner than later.

• You avoid the "He's too tame for me" trap. "This guy is too wild for me sexually. I can't keep up," said no girl ever. Women are naughtier than men. They fantasize about (and will enjoy) all kinds of things that would shock most sexually not-super-experienced men. The female sex drive can basically get going for anything remotely sexual (including, according to one memorable study, two chimpanzees making chimp love in the jungle), and the taboo excites women. No woman is going to think you're 'too wild' for her, unless you are literally bouncing off the walls. However, many a man has been thought 'too tame' by a new girlfriend, usually without him even realizing it (this even happened to me, with one girlfriend I took at a point in time when I was admittedly getting a little lazy in the sack. I gave her orgasms, and gave her some fun and new sexual experiences, but didn't push the envelope a whole lot with her. Found out later her ex-fiancé trained her on all sorts of sexual things, and I hadn't met expectations she had for things I hadn't even realized she had expectations for. You can bet I do a much more thorough job of figuring out every expectation a woman has about sex and making sure I exceed it these days).

• You establish yourself as one of the more sexual men she's been with. The simple fact is, a man's sex drive is his power drive. A horny, sexual man who is also sexually exciting and creative and good in the bedroom comes across a powerful man. A man who isn't these things seems, well... kind of limp. Just like his penis. Women want powerful men, and for a woman, sex and power are linked. Thus why women who want to attack you will go right for your sexual prowess: "What a creep" "Women don't like guys who do that you know" "I don't know what woman would want you" "What kind of woman would even date that guy" "He probably doesn't even get laid" "Go back to your mother's basement" "He's embarrassed about his microscopic penis", and so on. When a woman wants to attack a man, she'll often go straight for his sexual success and sexual prowess, which serve as a mirror for his overall ability and power as a man. Establish yourself as a man of strong sexual prowess and success, and women can't help viewing you as a strong and successful man.

• You make the early relationship more notable and memorable to her. If you stick around with her long-term, she is going to look back on the early days of the relationship and reminisce at times. Some things you don't really want her reminiscing on, like "We had so much fun going on trips and out to restaurants back then, and now we never do", because then she is either going to press you to do those things often again (and you may be too busy with work or no longer in that in-love honeymoon period wanting to do that all the time with her anymore, so it's a burden) or she is going to sulk and feel like the relationship is "not like it was" and you "don't love her like you did" (thus why I recommend you do as little aside from sex and conversation as possible for the first 3-6 months of a new relationship. Then you can mix in more of that stuff later... if you want to). However, if she is reminiscing on fun early sex you had, so long as your sex life is still okay and you've made her feel comfortable/confident initiating sex, she can just come to you and tell you what she wants or make it happen herself. It's a nice, simple way for her to reminisce on the early relationship, then come relive it with you, and reassure herself "We've still got it. The relationship is still what it was even at the beginning."

This is all stupendous stuff, right?

You want these benefits.

All you have to do to get them? Shag your new girl. In a variety of fun and different, interesting, memorable ways.

Not too awful a chore, right?

 

What Sex to Have in New Relationships

The obvious answer is "all of it."

Just have all the different kinds of sex that remotely interests you. Do it all at least once. Preferably more than once.

Make it fun for her, make it mutual. Don't be imperious about it. If she isn't receptive to it, you may need to open her mind to it before she's ready for it.

However, if you're not super creative about sex, you might not have a lot of things come to mind. There are all the standard positions to try, of course. Everyone does missionary (and make sure you've read my article on how to make a girl orgasm in that position) and rear-entry (doggy style). Though even doggy style I've had resistance from with girls who were inexperienced enough ("No, I can't do that!"). So you may need to start small and work your way up.

If you need ideas to try, here are a bunch:

• Oral sex. Make sure she blows you, and if you like to eat girls out, do that too (some women, especially the inexperienced, can be a little resistant to it).

• Different standard positions. Rear-entry (doggy style), woman-on-top (cowgirl / reverse cowgirl), girl on the bed while you're standing up, seated face-to-face sex, legs over shoulders sex, spooning sex... all the standard stuff.

• Bath and shower sex. If you or her have a bathtub, run a bath and shag her in it. The sex itself isn't great, but the experience is. Shower sex is another must-do (and especially handy for when she's on her period).

• Special blow jobs. I have a buddy whose favorite thing to do sexually is to work at his desk while a girl crouches under his desk and sucks him off. He makes it a point to have new girlfriends do this for him. I know guys who've had girls sneak under the tablecloth at a restaurant to suck them off there, and friends who like getting road head (always been a little wary of that one though. What if you have to hit the brakes too hard and she bites down?). 69 is on this list too, as is the hot-cold blow job (give her a hot drink and a cold drink... she takes a sip of the hot drink and sucks for a while. Then takes a sip of the cold drink and sucks for a while. Then back to the hot drink).

• Public sex. I've shagged girls on not-so-deserted beaches, atop waterfalls, and in dark alleys as people wandered by unaware. Doesn't really do much for me personally, but women sure love it, so it's a nice thing to do now and then.

• Anal sex. Even if you think it's gross, it's probably worth doing at least once with her just to say you've been there. Don't worry, you won't turn gay from anal (just like blow jobs and hand jobs don't turn you gay).

• Movie star sex. Try a few sex positions that feel like you're in a movie. I like 'tit push' positions for this -- anything where you're pushing her breasts up against a non-wall/bed surface of some sort, like the shower door, a picture window, or a big mirror. You can put on formal attire and do this (especially fun with foreign girls -- have them put on the traditional garb of their people), and shag with that on. Or the one where you go inside her standing up, face-to-face, with her back against the wall. Not remotely practical, but it's pretty fun, and they do it in the movies, so nice to do.

• Rough sex. Everything from just pushing extra hard into her during the kiss, to holding her down, to thrusting very hard, to spanking her and yanking her hair, to thinks like biting, slapping, and choking. Obligatory "be careful with choking, of course" since accidents are not something you want here. And before you start slapping women around you should probably make sure they're okay with it. BDSM also goes here, and everyone should at least try tying his woman up once.

• Threesomes. While some girls may come around to threesomes later on in a relationship, it's usually less work to get threesomes earlier on when a woman hasn't settled into her patterns yet. Watch some steamy threesome porn and ask her if she'd like to try it.

• Make your own porn and watch it. It's never as good as the professionals, since you don't have all the angles. But it can be a fun little thing to do.

• Hand-under-butt sex. This both makes it easier to shag her harder and deeper, and also increases the stimulation for you and her both. To pull it off, you'll get into a missionary position, but with your hand firmly under her butt, holding her butt in the palm of your hand (with the backside of your hand pressed into the bed or floor). You will basically be thrusting your penis toward your hand, of course with her vagina and butt sandwiched in between. You can optionally put your other arm behind her back... this is easiest to do when you switch from the woman-on-top (facing toward you) position to missionary. Put one hand under her rear, and your other arm behind her back, them move her into missionary. This position is very exciting for her, and it'll be pretty stimulating for you as well.

Much of this you can do later in your relationship as well.

However, you should be trying as much of this as you can out early on, without making a circus of it, or turning it into a chore. Maybe try one new or interesting thing every other time you see her.

If you do so, you will establish in her mind a pretty wild romp in the early days of the relationship, and make it hard for her to see you as anything other than a powerful, sexual guy.

 

Conclusion

Most guys have their standard sexual repertoires they enjoy.

You have your go-to positions, and maybe a few kinks you like, and you stick mainly to that.

Yet, in the early days of a relationship, it pays to be expansive with the sort of things you do with girls sexually.

By doing so, you:

• Open women up to the things you like
• Condition them to do what you like to do
• Avoid any chance of seeming 'too tame'
• Establish yourself as a powerful, sexual man
• Make the early relationship more notable and memorable

You may even find as you try new things out that you stumble on a few things you very much enjoy, and decide to continue doing with her (and with future lovers).

So, break out of the bubble a bit, test some boundaries, and see what you can get away with with the women you bed -- once you've converted them into regular partners, of course.

Chase