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Every step of the way in dating and seduction, women have 'levels' you can unlock. And once you've unlocked a level, it stays unlocked.
In the back of your head, in every courtship you have, you must aim to unlock new levels.
A woman you've slept with is far easier to sleep with again than a woman you haven't slept with yet. This is because you've 'unlocked' the sex level with her. This is just one level, but look at how big a difference there is between women you have slept with and women you haven't.
With the woman you have slept with, you've done it together. She remembers doing it with you. And she won't have nearly the resistance to doing it with you again that a woman who's never been with you will.
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Every man realizes this... at least in principle. And at least with women they've already closed the deal with.
It's why men invest a lot more time and energy into booty calling ex-girlfriends and former friends-with-benefits than they do random women from social circle or work they haven't slept with. She might not be sleeping with you currently, but if she's slept with you before, she's a lot more likely to come for a shag than a girl who hasn't bedded down with you yet.
This principle of 'unlocked levels' is also why you see so many women hung up on their exes, even when they know the guy isn't what they want, even when they have seemingly better guys pursuing them they could sleep with (then date)... yet they go back to the ex anyway.
It's why women you hooked up with once back in high school or college, when you run into them 10 or 15 years later, are still significantly easier to bed than any random woman you've just met, all things being equal (e.g., commitment status, etc.).
Once you've unlocked the 'sex' level with a woman, it's permanently unlocked (more or less).
That doesn't mean just because you've slept with a girl before, you definitely can get a repeat at any point in the future. Sometimes doors close.
But it does mean it's going to be a heck of a lot easier for you with her than with a girl you haven't gotten intimate with yet. The doors you've opened are a lot more likely to stay open to you than random closed doors are to open on their own.
But it isn't just sex that works this 'unlock the levels' way.
It's everything.
Comments
Such a great article!
Such a great article! Istarted doing this recently. So on first dates, I started to do the following two things:
1.Use a cheek kiss at the meetings while holding her hips.
2."steal the first kiss, usually a quick peck on the lips whenever I can usually in the middle of the date.
Things started to go much more better on intimacy side. Since two "components" of it have already been taken out of the way.
Even if the first date doesn't end in sex and I may end up in boyfriend candidancy.I am sure to not end in friend zone.
It's especially useful in semi-conservative countries like North Africa and Japan. Where many guys don't do anything on the first date. So better to be categorised as "intimacy" man than asexual one. A défaut of lover Vs provoder.
Still learning and still growing!
Cheek Kiss, Hip Hold, and Stolen First Kiss
Witcher-
Yes, that's excellent!
Boyfriend zone isn't terrible. It's better than friend zone or "I don't really feel anything for that guy." There can be a bit of a hazy area between lover and boyfriend too, it's not clearly demarcated. So long as you're somewhere in that zone it's usually fine.
Sounds like you've built a few nice routines for your courtships.
Chase
Questions
Hey Chase,
1. How do you realistically talk to 20 or more women a week for day game if there aren't many around? I don't see too many chicks during my day, most I see are at college campuses. would you recommend them?
2. I see a lot of white women around and I'm not confident about approaching them, I don't like them that much either. should I approach them if that's the majority I see because there's so many of them compared to black girls that I see? and are black women and white women different when it comes to first date sex? like is one easier than the other? (talking about dating as a black man).
3. where did you go, how many times a week, and what times did you go you to approach 20+ women when you were doing day game?
4. is there a way to tell if a chick is with her boyfriend? I sometimes see a girl alone for a little, but then out of no where her boyfriend comes around the corner, one time a chicks father came out if no where. these are situations that I'd rather not be in, any way to avoid it and how to handle it?
5. is it weird or not for an older dude to be cold approaching women during day game as a rookie? I know if he has some skills it will be normal, but what if he is new to day game? isn't that weird because that's something late teens and 20 somethings do and should have figured out by an older age? does being an older day game rookie ruin success and does it look weird?
6. I asked you about if I should worry about not having fun after college, and you said mostly Indians worry about that, and that I shouldn't worry about it because I'm not that and that unless I plan on living the traditional boring life after college, then I should worry.
well I don't want to live the boring get married, picket fence life, working for a boss, etc.
so what would be the untraditional life that's fun for a guy like me that wants to be single and not fold to societal pressure?
I know becoming an entrepreneur is one of them, but in the mean time with a 9-5 while I work on my business. what would be the example of a fun non traditional life that doesn't follow that boring traditional one?
7. what makes us different from men who used to get girls that don't now because they're older?
for example, I talked to a successful black guy and he said he's slept with over 400 women, but one he hit around 40 women won't look at him at all, he gets no women now and he still has money. he did mention he gained some weight, nothing to drastic, like 20-40 pounds.
so he I guess was a natural, but now he can't get any girls attracted since he got 40.
so what would make us different than that guy who was a natural with a high lay count who now says no girls want him?
another thing black men have mentioned us cold approach. a good majority say that they don't want to get emabarresed or me too'd so they avoid but all together, they don't believe in it at all and are very against it also saying that it doesn't work like the old days.
the reason I mention that they're black is because I have always heard that we are looked at as very sexual by women and that we have high confidence.
so it's odd that one guy says that he slept with many women to now 0 and he's only 40 and many black guys are very against cold approach too.
any explanation on this? and what can we do to not have the same fate at 40?
8. lately girls do not want to get on the phone at all, it's like they're scared. they refuse to get on the phone and want to text all day.
I can tell that my conversations are pretty platonic because I don't know how to come out with a chase frame, sex talk, etc. without it being forced.
so how do you have interesting non platonic text conversations with girls? these are girls from real life and apps.
right now I'll talk about apps since these girls don't know about my voice and my smoothness over the phone.
I know you'll say meet them up, but here's another part. some of these girls live far from me, some times very far.
so getting to know them before driving far is very ideal to me than just texting and doing it, I plan to get them on the phone before a date.
so any idea on making convos non platonic and make them sexy and fun to get he on the dam phone?
also is there a way for a girl to fly to you from another state that's far? I've been on apps and was curious to see if it would work to get a girl to fly out to me because I have seen some really pretty girls, but some are like 8+ hours away by flight from me.
I figured if I could get a hotel or have them stay with me somewhere for a few days they would be down.
I'm not taking this serious or trying to make things a long distance relationship, but if I can get pretty girls to fly out and stay with me for a couple of days, I would like to know how to do that and pull it off.
how wound you even make it look normal that you were looking in her area If you're not currently there?
what would be the tips to get a girl to fly out to you if you met her on an app or online?
this is really just for fun and to see if I can really do it, because if I can then that would be even more pretty girls for me.
Thanks Chase!!
Re: Questions
SZ-
You need to go exploring and find places that have enough women.
If there is legitimately nowhere good in your city for day game (and there are some cities that are just terrible for day game... population size and population density being two of the biggest signs whether a city will be good for this or not), you may have to focus on social circle, nightlife, and/or online instead.
Or move.
White girls, if I was you I'd approach, unless you had some reason not to. Just keep an open mind as you do, if you're not usually approaching them, that "I will probably have to modify my game with them, so I need to talk to them and see how they respond to me and change and adapt as I go to get things in place that work with them."
I've never done much mass approaching with day game. My mass approaches always were (and still are, when on occasion I do them) at night. Day game's always been targeted for me. My friends who're primarily day gamers though, they tend to figure out a series of shopping streets, malls, or university campuses that have a lot of foot traffic, and rotate among them. One good shopping street can produce 10 approaches in an hour or two if you're doing 5-10 minutes per approach + scouting. I've known guys who will go out to a crowded street and just approach women non-stop for hours until they find a girl they can take home with them.
Hard to know for sure if a girl's with her boyfriend. There are some body language signs (proximity, hand-holding, etc.) but they aren't always surefire. Some people aren't into PDA and they might be dating and just not touchy. Or she might be all over him, but he's her gay friend or her 'like a brother' male friend and they just have a close relationship. No surefire tells. It's one of those things you can make a prediction about, then go talk to them and find out, and gradually improve your predictive abilities that way. But you never get to 100%.
It's always a little weird for a nervous, inexperienced guy to approach women.
You just have to push through it. There's a barrier there where guys are/feel/look weird on the one side, and are/feel/look cool and normal on the other. Most guys are too afraid of being, feeling, and looking weird to stand on the weird side of the barrier and push through to reach the other side. Hence why you see so few men actively day gaming.
There's this whole movement of people called 'childfree' where they're childless by choice. It's kind of a fascinating subculture... just from thinking about how non-reproductive behavior evolves in the first place and can become culturally prominent enough, even for brief windows before it dies out again, is fascinating. But they have this saying that "Being childree in your 30s is the same as being in your 20s, but with money." They also say that as they get older (40s, 50s, etc.) life basically stays the same as your 20s, except you have more money. So that is one option... if you get money handled.
If not, and you're stuck in the grind, I don't know. It seems like kind of a bleak thing for me, the 40-something guy, unmarried, no kids, all his friends are married off and no longer going out, he doesn't have any money so he can't live a carefree life, going to a deadend job everyday... that's depressing. The guys with families I think can justify it as "I've got to do this to provide for my family." The guys without them though, seems like those are the guys who go in and shoot up their offices one day. If that was me I'd just get out of that situation. Book a one-way ticket somewhere exotic and get a job making piña coladas or showing groups of tourists around. If you can't make a lot of money, that doesn't mean you have to stay put in a deadend job/area. There are always other options.
Of course, if you can do well (either as an entrepreneur, or climbing the ranks at some company, or some other way), then sure, you can live well pretty much anywhere.
(also, 'get my game good enough and the job won't matter' isn't really an option. Shagging random women is a neat hobby, but it isn't enough to compensate for general malaise elsewhere in your life. If you learn to paint, you can paint beautiful pictures, that you can then hang on your wall or put in a museum. If you learn to shag, unless you're knocking girls up or getting married or something, it's really sort of an endless procession of women, and pretty much every guy tires of it. Almost every guy I knwo who was formerly prolific has either wifed some girl up and started a family or has turned to hookers or has gone through a long period of celibacy. Guys just tire of the game after a while. The big reason you don't see 50-something PUAs is not because older men are unattractive, but because almost every guy passes a point where he's like "Yeah, I could go shag yet another new chick, but it's just not very exciting for me at this point anymore." You need something more than this to sustain yourself down the line in life)
Black guys being against cold approach... yes, you know, black men in general are much more attuned to how they look socially than pretty much any other race. They also generally (especially among African Americans) have a very present time-orientation. White guys, Asians, Indians, Hispanics, etc., even the more middle class Africans from Africa, will do things that make them look a little silly if they think it will get them somewhere in the future. African Americans tend to be thinking in the now, and tend not to want to do something that might make them look bad. Cat-calls at random women are fine, because that's acceptable among their buddies and if a girl acts disgusted it's funny. Main reason cat-calls are fine is because the guy is not really putting himself out there. If he has to go cold approach, he is putting himself out there, which means the woman may judge him inadequate and reject him. He isn't thinking "Well, if I go through enough of these rejections, I can learn how to get women much more consistently, at which point I will look a lot better than my buddies whenever we go out." Instead he is thinking "Naw man, I don't want to do that and look bad. No."
As for girls not wanting to get on the phone, I suggest just leaving them voicemails sometimes. Even if they are weird about it and reply to your voicemail with texts, you are still letting them hear your voice, which is very important.
There was a guy on the boards recently who recommended WhatsApp voice messages. That might be another alternative.
Platonic text conversations with women are not something I recommend. For one, they turn you into the girl's texting buddy. For another, they take up loads and loads of time, and... ain't nobody got time for that.
Chase
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