3 Rules to Get Women to Respect You in a Relationship | Girls Chase

3 Rules to Get Women to Respect You in a Relationship

Chase Amante

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respect in a relationshipIn "Dating Narcissistic and Egotistical Women," dehjomz asks the following about the decline of respect in a relationship:

The problem I've faced is that I've ended up liking certain girls a great deal, but they have turned out to be selfish, cold, domineering, and narcissistic. But they were not that way in the beginning! They were quite charming and submissive and appealing to my emotions...which is why I selected them in the first place.

But unfortunately I've consistently suffered from the 1-year drop. Their charm fades, they become comfortable, and and then the real selfish, arrogant, dramatic, neurotic sides come out. I'm pretty much the same guy all the time...until faced with disrespect. In the beginning they were much more influenced by my words and my power and complied with what I wanted. But after the 1-year drop, they become more dominant, more readily resistant to my power, and instead do whatever they wanted, whenever, without any regard to my emotions. Hence arguments. I've tried everything, and no amount of logic or trying to frame things as "we're a team" works or changes the situation. They just don't care and instead they try to justify their rude behavior instead of showing empathy toward me and understanding why their rude behavior makes me mad and why I cannot tolerate it. They want to get their way, and they could give a fuck less about what they say or do to try and get under my skin. Being calm and ignoring doesn't help because I'm left wondering how this woman could have the audacity to act this way, to me of all people?

 

My response was, while this can happen with narcissistic women, yes, it can also happen with any woman - even women untouched by narcissism.

This is not solely a problem with the woman. It's quite often a problem with the relationship.

That is to say, what often happens with men is a general, gradual decline of respect in that relationship, where women come to view a partner they originally saw as powerful, dominant, sexual, and strong, as possessing less and less of these qualities... and more and more of their (distinctly unappealing) opposites.

The relationship falls apart and fails because the woman has stopped respecting the man - even if he hasn't changed a bit.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.

GET CHASE’S ONE DATE SYSTEM

Comments

Hunt's picture

Nice post Chase,

As I have worked on my fundamentals and became more attractive, I noticed that girls have been teasing me more (in jest). I am confused because the more I seem to improve my fundamentals and look more powerful and sexy, I get more of these. The teasings I get from girls often times are very strange, make no sense, and often contradict what other girls say. For example, I have been called: "The Swag Guy" "Muscles" "Faggot" "Stoned" and countless other little remarks that have seem to come out of nowhere. These are usually pretty young girls by the way. My usual reaction is to just ignore them, and I often times still sleep with these girls. I am not offended by any of these remarks because the girls are kidding, I am just confused because I assumed that as I appeared more dominant and powerful, girls would be more submissive around me.

Any thoughts on why girls are doing this? Is this a common thing, or is there a problem with my fundamentals do you think.

Hunt

Franco Lombardi's picture

Hey Hunt,

If you're still sleeping with these women, then it sounds like they are just shit testing you -- and it means you are passing with flying colors. In fact, in some cases it can mean that your fundamentals are so tight that you come across as "extremely suave," so the girl will try to test you to see if you're just gaming her by throwing you a curve ball (which is what those names you listed pretty much are) and see how you deal with it.

Ignoring these types of comments, moving the interaction forward, and eventually bedding these women is the correct way to handle it. And it seems like you are doing just that. So I wouldn't sweat the name-calling too much! ;)

Cheers,

Franco

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase. I remember reading before that you wrote a book about relationships but is was so out there that you couldnt get it published. Have you any intention of trying to get it released? I imagine topics would include respect like this article which I throughly enjoyes

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Glad you liked the article! The book's still on ice, and probably will be there for a while - I just don't have the bandwidth to mount a full marketing campaign presently and I'm not launching another book independently without that. The most important thing for now is getting GC earning enough revenue that I can build the team I need here writing more articles and driving more business growth, which frees up some time for me to focus on doing more business development and growing the platform.

Once that's done, and I have a bit more free time, I'll likely return to the relationship book, but I have a lot of work still to do on revenues, platform, and marketing before I can give any realistic thought to that just yet. It's not forgotten - just not very feasible currently, is all :)

Chase

Matt's picture

Great article Chase it helped out a lot,

I realized I was starting to lose that respect when my girlfriend after crying before i left to work at a summer camp for 3 months decided she would rather got to NYC with her friends than have me visit once those 3 months were up. At first I flipped out at her through text saying she should want to see me being that shes my girlfriend, then after reading you articles i realized ive been the incsecure one and started playing it cool like i had more important things to do, but what really helped is the shifting the power to my side as i became more assertive... she brought up our 6 month anniversary coming up and said she didnt want a present and just to take her out to dinner. i told her through text that she getting a little demanding cause i never said she gets to go to dinner and ill decide what we r doing, that made her take a step back...but my question Chase is do you think that the reason she would rather go to New york city has to do with the fact that i only called her 4 times in that 3 months and shes wondering if i miss her as much as she misses me??

Thanks for the help,

Matt

Anonymous's picture

My request is unrelated to this topic but I need help. My mental models are flawed. And so I need instruction to set me on the right track. Some insights. Some instruction.

What I’ve realized is my problem has never been being a closer. Once in a position to close I close. I escalate. Period. It’s fun, it’s sexy, it’s adrenaline inducing! But until a woman starts showing signs of submitting to me or hinting that she likes me, I feel afraid. I feel like I might lose her if I do something stupid to make her upset. I feel like I can't communicate any of this fear to the woman because she will lose attraction for me. And so, it's a catch 22 because I know if I don't make a confident move, she won't do it first, and her attraction will eventually fade, yet if I make a move and she doesn't go for it (rejects me) I immediately will feel as if I like her more than she likes me. And I HATE with a PASSION for a woman to find out that I liked her more than she likes me. My logical mind says I shouldn't care and that I should just laugh it off and say "whatever", but my emotional mind doesn't agree yet. It still hasn't gotten over dealing with the hurt and shame from an old ex-gf that I showed more emotion for and cared about more than she cared about me. And unfortunately since then I've been somewhat aloof (although this is diminishing slowly) and more reluctant to share my feelings (being the first one to share) for fear the other person doesn't feel the same way and might lose attraction from hearing my feelings. All of this emotional baggage I bring with me from my past and its impacting my seductions, and so I need help ridding my mental models of this virus.

It's taken me a while to identify what the fear comes from but I've identified it. But I don't know how to deal with it yet. It's a problem because once I feel this fear (of showing this aloof woman my feelings) I worry about the fear of loss, and my creativity is impacted and goes out the window and I cannot improvise properly to achieve the outcome I want (CONSISTENTLY moving things forward with a woman I really like). So I need instruction. A process to follow. Some kind of pre-visualization to prepare my emotional mind to PROPERLY deal with the fear of potentially losing women who aren't yet showing signs of submitting to me.

How to confidently but delicately broach the sexual vibe with such women and see how far I can take things? How to not worry whether she'll go for it (or if I'll come across as liking her more than she likes me) and instead focus on the task at hand? That’s what I want to accomplish…being a leader who consistently broach things sexually wherever I am with a woman I like without worrying or caring about whether or not I like her more than she likes me. I want a process that if I use it and things fail with the lady then I know it’s her and not my lack of skill (don’t want to try the same failed things numerous times and expect different results). Kinda weird that I can be courageous and confidently send things into over drive after signs of flirtation and submission, but yet be so fearful without such signs at all. The issue is I always look for such signs first to make a move, and without them I just have no clue what to do (in the heat of the moment).

Have you ever closed girls that showed no visual signs at all of liking to be in your presence? What was your mindset in dealing with them? How'd you handle these girls? Was there any difference (whether subtle or more substantial) than girls who showed more signs of wanting to be seduced? How'd you change their minds if they were on the fence by persisting? And did you notice after the fact that initially aloof girls were glad you persisted and showed your emotions first?

I want to change this fear of mine into courage so that I can capitalize on tremendous opportunities to connect with amazing women regardless of the signs they show me...

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

This is a common mental stumbling block for a lot of men who are relatively inexperienced and even for a good chunk of moderately experienced guys. It's a great topic, and I'd like to give it the full treatment in an article on this, but for now, here's the quick and dirty.

The issue you're running into is that it is more important for you to be LIKED by women than it is to get women in bed and roll around with them naked and have some hot, sweaty, passionate sex. It's a pretty bizarre mindset when you think about it that way, but it's incredibly common... if I had to guess, I would say that the majority of men on planet Earth value being liked over getting to sex.

Which is fine if all your goals line up, but they frequently don't. Because you get a guy whose #1 goal is "Be as Well-Liked as Possible" and #2 goal is "Get Laid!" But in order to do #2, you must often risk completely blowing up #1, because you're going to have to take risks and do things that some women will not like, like making a move on them.

Now, all this really does is screen out the women who aren't interested in you sexually/romantically, while screen in the women who ARE. The women who WANT you actually like you MORE because now you're satisfying their desires (to have you). The women who DON'T want you like you significantly LESS... obviously, you don't make such good platonic friend material.

You kind of need to get your head around this first though. When you make a move and lose a girl, you're almost never losing a girl you COULD HAVE slept with. You're almost always losing a girl you would NEVER have slept with who only wanted you as a friend. Women who are very attracted to you are very forgiving of you making moves. Even if they aren't ready, the normal response is to warmly and playfully slow you down... because this is what they want, just maybe not yet.

Anyway, I'll do a full article on it and run through some of the theory on it and flesh it out with some examples, but that's the gist.

As far as getting together with girls who've shown no sexual interest... absolutely. I've been shot down by women that I'd have sworn up and down were lusting like crazy for me, and I've taken more than my fair share of women as lovers who appeared right up until the moment I kissed them (and sometimes further) like they might like me platonically but certainly not sexually. In fact, a girlfriend I took in 2011 was this way - I had her in my apartment and while I knew she liked me as a person I was CERTAIN she was going to reject me and storm out when I went for the kiss. Certain of it. 6 years of approaching and dating and meeting and seducing women, and that's what my instincts told me. But I kissed her, and she kissed back. I took her clothes off, and faced no resistance. And then I took her to bed.

Many times a woman's actions betray her desires and intentions, but not always. There are women who love to flirt, but want nothing more. And there are women who are very interested in you, but are afraid to show it or don't know how. And there are even women who are so preoccupied, or so tuned out of any sexual frequencies, that they aren't expecting it all, no matter how much groundwork you laid, when you go in to escalate - and they must decide then and there, for or against?

If you only wait for the green lights, you're only getting a small portion of what you can get. It's worth pissing off some women who want you as a platonic guy pal in order to find and land the women who want you as more. In my mind, that's a good trade.

Chase

The Man of the Century's picture

Reading this gave a big smile spreading across.
Although it seems previous lessons are all revised to fit a given situation.

Nick's picture

What up Chase,
Awesome article, I was going to ask for one just like this! Unfortunately some things weren't clear for me; I have not had to many relationships yet so somethings seem "different". So some questions popped in my head while reading your article.

1.) Man I was kind of bummed when I read that you still have women who threaten to break up with you( not exactly you personally but someone like you who has trained to be very masculine,warm, and sexy and all kinds of things women dream of). Lets think of a man who is as good as you and has all the knowledge you do; the man knows how to keep women excited in relationships, have a balance with giving a women security, and knowing how to move relationships forward and when. So now a women is threatening to break up with him, why? He has got all areas covered, so what is he doing wrong? What's left to solve?Or is there a problem, maybe there isn't and it depends on factors outside of his control? Are these emotional outbursts from women inevitable?

2.) I have had relationships but I have never established rules(maybe unspoken rules). How do you go about that? Is it like " Hey babe, you seem like a cool chick, so yea, we can be exclusive , but like everyone I got rules and I am sure you do to, so lets share them". Is it best to establish them when she asks you to be exclusive to her? Are there any other wrong ways to do this besides not saying why you have these rules?

3.) In respect day by day maintenance 5 things are listed. The first three I can see why the man wouldn't like that. I am not so sure about the other two. The article makes it seem like these are bad things for a woman to ask if you are not in an open relationship. Why is it considered disrespectful? She has been best friends with a group of chicks for a long time. Maybe she just wants to go out and have fun, like a man would like to hangout with his buddies. Even if she is putting herself in a position where she can cheat, why would she when she has got a great man? I remember you saying that when a man chooses the right girl in a relationship then the only reason she will cheat is in reaction to him doing something wrong. If the man refuses to let her do these things, does that not make him seem like he trusts her? So a girlfriend asks if she can go to a club/bar with her girlfriends, or go on a three week travel with her friends, why are these red flags and that you should end the relationship?

This is fascinating stuff and so I am excited for your answers!

Thanks for all your previous answers to my questions,
Nick

Edit:Damn, right when I finalized this post another question popped in my head! Is there a way for members to look at the posts they made on articles( like a post history), so they have an easier time looking for answers to posts they have forgotten without searching through tons of articles cause they forgot where they posted it exactly?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Nick-

On break up threats - yeah, I actually don't get too many of these - actually, I threaten break up a lot more then I get threatened with it (only difference is that I mean it and they usually don't). Drama I still get, but I deliberately keep my relationships on the "insecure" side of the equation (which spawns most of the drama I see - most of the rest is just when a girl is horny) to prevent women becoming too attached. I've had women get a little too hurt with me in the past and I feel like the best way to run things now is to never let the woman start thinking she's going to rope me in forever.

Establishing rules, no, you'd just want to do it when a rule is crossed. Some things you'll never need to say; e.g., you probably don't need to tell most women, "When I'm in the bathroom using the toilet, please don't come in to brush your teeth," but when the need arises (and I had a girlfriend who would do this - had to start locking the damn bathroom door when I was in there), that's when you tell her: "Please don't come into the bathroom when I'm using the toilet. It's distracting, and I'd rather you didn't watch me wipe my ass." You'll explain different rules to different women because everyone has his or her own set of rules that he's used to following and any given girl is going to have some that agree with yours and some that do not, and you'll just have to correct her and get her on the same page as you when she's crossing one of your rules.

On partying / clubbing / travelling, etc., well, I've spent half a decade in nightclubs and on travel, and these are the two easiest places to stray, and the two places people most often go to stray. I've had girls who've told me things like, "I only go to nightclubs for the music! I NEVER meet men in nightclubs!" and then watched them get picked up at nightclubs (or done the picking up myself). I used to date girls I met in nightclubs. So I've had girls from the party scene, and I've had a fair number of them, and I've seen how enough of these relationships play out to know her intentions are rarely as innocent as she's making them out to be when she's a party girl. Actually, I've been meaning to write an article for here called "Why I Quit Dating Girls Who Go to Bars or Nightclubs (Ever)" about this. In the "How to Prevent Cheating" article, I highlighted this as one of the red flags that a girl is putting herself in position to cheat. As far as girls' nights out... I won't date girls who do these, but I have no qualms picking up other guys' girls who do ;) If it's a once-in-a-blue-moon thing, it's probably okay, unless she drinks heavily or has crazy/slutty friends. But if she's going out all the time with girlfriends, that also raises questions about the relationship - even my party girl girlfriends cut back heavily on clubbing while with me and stopped going altogether a few months in, and would only resume this when the relationship entered its death spiral and they needed to go get back in the swing of things again.

On members' comment posts: no, not right now. We've had a few other requests about that, so I'm aware it's something that needs building though - a "comment search" function that lists all comments (or lets you search just comments).

Chase

Ashley's picture

If she breaks your rule, say she brushes her teeth while you're on the loo, and you give her your reason but she says, well I'm ok with it, it's that big a deal.
What do you do, telling her its over would see a bit extreme wouldn't it? Will you ever find a girl who complies and agrees with every rule you have and if she does, where's the challenge to keep you attracted?

Anonymous's picture

Hi I am in high school and I have this problem that whenever I feel like I am losing a girl I text her more, am more needy, and show way too much emotion. I know I shouldn't be doing it and I am trying to stop myself but its really hard. I don't now I should respond over text to a girl who is testing me. I lost a girl over texts. It's horrible.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

When you're going through adolescence, your (and all your peers') brain is getting dosed heavily with chemicals and making you overreact emotionally to pretty much everything... when you look at brain scans, the brains of preteens actually look more similar to adult brain neuron activity than teenage brains do. Emotionally, it's just a weird, wild time, and it lasts about a decade, and then your brain calms back down again.

You probably just need to lose more girls by being needy and be aware that you're self-sabotaging. Once it's happened one too many times, a fear of being too needy will creep in to replace the fear of not chasing hard enough. Eventually you'll fear chasing so much more than not chasing that not chasing becomes your default behavior... but give it a bit of experience. Just keep meeting girls, and give yourself some permission to fail before you succeed.

It might help to review these articles, too:

Chase

Anonymous's picture

This article seems to answer the question "what to do after she disrespects you" instead of "how to prevent disrespect in the first place?" My issue isn't being too soft and being pushed around when they disrespect...my issue is being too HARSH, too volatile, too BAD. And so I don't know if there's a strategy to prevent or minimize disrespect in the first place, but I hate it with such a passion because I have to fight my emotions so very heavily to avoid unleashing RAGE on them...I do need to work on being warmer and more emotionally intelligent in-the-moment. I like the part about telling them what I don't like and why, and seeking to get their feedback.

Although your advice is to be the leader (which I think is good advice) I take issue with the part about her fearing that you will walk away at a moment's notice. Do you really want to rule your girl with 'fear of loss?' (That puts her on the one down position, no?)

And a bigger question is, is it truly love...do you really love someone but can say that you're willing to walk away from them at the drop of dime without working @ it? I can do that easily if the main thing the woman provides is sex, but if she provides emotional fulfillment and a deep connection, it wouldn't be so easy for me to just up and walk away at the slightest provocation. Maybe I'm too much of a "fixer" which leads me to another question...when women cause drama that threaten to wreak the relationship, is it better to initiate a "fix" to the drama to increase the peace, or to not buy into it at all, ever, and just tell her why her behavior is bad and that she needs to fix it on her own...and until she does, cut all communication and sex? Kinda hard to do this if you're married or living together already... Anyways, just my thoughts.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

On discouraging disrespect, the less "weakness" (uncertainty, mind-changing, doubt, letting others push you around, etc.) she sees from you, the less disrespect you'll see. Even if you never show weakness at all though (and everybody does at some point), she'll also disrespect if she starts feeling cornered or desperate and unable to get what she needs out of the relationship in any given moment.

You can always get better at not showing weakness and at keeping her needs fully topped off, but you'll never be perfect - which means disrespect is something that will still flare up periodically from time to time, , no matter how good you get at these.

As for fear of loss... any individual in a relationship can only feel one of two ways about the prospect of losing a mate:

  1. "I fear losing and do not want to lose him/her"
  2. "I think I'd be fine losing him/her"

The advice in this article was not to create fear of loss. Personally, I try as hard as I can to get my girlfriends into the #2 camp... makes life easier for me (they become less emotionally dependent and, thus, less dramatic; flip side is, commitment levels go down, but for me these days, that's not all that important). The point was that you want less fear of losing her than she has of losing you, preferably by needing her less, not by causing her to need you more.

As far as whether it's love when you can walk away or not, depends on your definition of love. For me, I define real love as "old people love," the kind of love where you deeply and genuinely care about someone as a person, and will do whatever is best for that person because you want her to have a good life. This is a little different from how most people think about love, which seems to be emotional dependency, where there is more of a selfish need of a person and an inability to let that person go. It's more closely related to infatuation ("new love" or "puppy love"; the kind of love that activates the same parts of the brain as addiction). I don't really consider this "love," since it frequently comes with no real knowledge of the other person at all (I've had a lot of girls tell me they loved me who knew virtually nothing about me; this kind of "love" is not dependent on actually knowing the person - it's all about wanting to breed with them).

Infatuation gets increasingly difficult to experience as you get more experience with women, because new women stop feeling like a scarce resource that need to be hung onto at all costs. Real love / old people love, however, it seems to be easier to experience, probably because all the neediness and dependency of normal relationships fades away and you're able to really get to know the other person without judging her or trying to squeeze her into the box you need her in to feel emotionally secure that she won't leave or do things you don't want. In that way, I'd say it's harder to be infatuated but easier to love when you're at a point when you can more easily walk away.

Chase

Brian48's picture

Nowadays seems to me that talking a tough game, yet being completely pussy whipped seems to be the new "thing". Seems like every guy I know and most of my friends just either don't know how to let go to the point that its embarrassing or just don't now how to put a chick in her place. At best the abuse goes back and forth, tic for tack like a catfight, I mean a man bickering back and forth with some chick just seems feminine to me, at worst the chick runs the guy completely. A lot of these guys get financial support from these chicks, so when he hits the scene with a black eye his girl gave him, he's still cool because they kissed and made up and she "lent" him 50 bucks.

You got guys who while living in denial refuse to admit their chick is a whore, well actually I don't know too many sluts w/o sum sucka ass wannabe signifigent other stalking her and following her around while she's on her quest for new meat. You even got your physically abusive guys who think they can beat some sense into their girl; I've never seen this work. Then you've got your guys who come inches of making it out the woods, only to be thrown the same crap ass pussy that he's been getting and roped right back in to the relationship.

I found in the past that when I'm caught up in a bunch of relationship drama, or I'm trying to hold on to some shit that don't never seem to work, back and forth and stuff, Its hard for me to focus or grow in other areas of my life. Plus I cant stand that tense and uneasy feeling you get when you know that things between you and your "girl" isn't right.

No, my pimp hand isn't the strongest, your articles have helped me a whole lot in fact, but it just blows me how the average dude is COMPLETLY FUCKING FAILING. Might be true what they say, they don't make men like they used to.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Brian-

Sure seems that way, I know. A lot of men don't know how to be men in the West. Cultures tend to be more male-centric when facing existential threats - when they face legitimate threats from far more powerful external adversaries, for example, or there is lots of disease or poverty. When life is good and the biggest threat is that the neighbor's iPhone is a more recent version than your iPhone and now yours looks dated by comparison, there's not much need for men to build and invent and protect and defend, so the culture shifts towards feminine ideals of egalitarianism and kindness and inclusion. Masculine ideals are discouraged, while feminine ideals are encouraged, so men become more feminine - they don't lead as much, don't make decisions as much, and retreat much more on the downside; on the upside, they're a lot more empathetic, caring, and inclusive, which won't save you from an antagonistic enemy country but makes for a more pleasant living environment when your borders are safe from external threats.

The reverse happens when threat levels reach a certain point - whereas in the West right now shaming of masculinity in men is widespread, in cultures facing external / existential threats, shaming of femininity in men is the norm instead.

Even still, if you look at the masculine cultures that exist today - say, in Asia, where women and men still have distinct sex-based roles, or South America, where machismo is still strong - you see a lot of guys who act like tough guys (they'd be shamed by their cultures if they didn't), but their women still mop the floor with them in relationships and marriages... they just do a better job of not showing it. And the women in these cultures regard a lot of their men as weak too... hiding behind an exterior of faux masculinity.

True strength and leadership I think is always rare, in every culture, during every age. The men of some cultures present a nice façade of masculinity, but are almost as clueless about being a man with their lovers and families and peers as Western men are today. Being a strong dude is much more a personal thing than a cultural thing, based on everything I've seen - I've met strong, solid men from nearly every culture, and plenty of middle-of-the-pack men who get pushed around by their peers, their women, their bosses, and everything else in their lives.

I think you just either figure it out and get your life handled, or you don't.

And at some point, you get disgusted with your weak guy friends and stop hanging out with them, and find stronger friends. And when you hear about guys being pushovers and women walking all over them, it's difficult to relate to because... you don't really know anyone like that. You only meet those guys in passing, and then they're gone.

Chase

Wolf's picture

Why does stating your sexual interest only work when a girl sees you lower than her? Wouldn't a girl that sees you higher value and you state you want to have sex with her, wouldnt she be turned on by a high value guy and sleep with him? Why would they sleep with a lower value guy if they think they are better than him. Only thing I can think of is low value= lover material and high value= boyfriend material, I know were not trying to be boyfriend material but we want to be high value also and be lovers.

To be honest I want to be higher value than 99.9 percent of women that I meet because of my ego. The .1 percent is if the girl has so much going for herself I cant compete at the moment and she can treat me like I king with all her money or whatever, which I guess will make her see me higher value anyway.

J just want to get a better understanding of this, why does it work for low value than high value? How do you even know if you're high value or low value to her? And does High value=boyfriend and low value= lover? Dont we want to be high value why would a girl sleep with someone lower than themselves? Thanks for the insight

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Wolf-

An easy way to think about it is like this:

  • If you are with a girl, and you tell her you want to sleep with her in no uncertain terms, is she chasing you, or are you chasing her?

  • Conversely, if you are with a girl, and she tells you she wants to sleep with you in no uncertain terms, are you chasing her, or is she the one chasing you?

The instant you tell someone, "I want to have sex with you," you've just shown all your cards and admitted that you are in pursuit. The best thing she can do for you value-wise is to say, "I totally want to have sex with you too," and then you're about equal in terms of value. If she doesn't say that, then she's higher value than you are. You're in pursuit, she's the object of your pursuit. You are not the prize; she is.

The problem with the "high value guy" stating it is that she doesn't actually know what your value is. She's trying to gauge it, but she can only do that based on the signals you give her. So, if you walk in surrounded by beautiful women, you must be a high value guy. If you then tell her you want to have sex with her, and she isn't very turned on by you already, then you probably don't know what you're doing with women, and she assumes there must be some other explanation for why all those women are around you (maybe you're the guy with the car and you just drove them all there, for instance, and are actually in all of their friend zones) and writes off your previous value displays as misreads on her part.

On reading how she perceives your value: just notice how she's talking to you, how respectful she is, how compliant she is, how intimidated she seems. If she does what you ask her to, is respectful, waves off people trying to interrupt her talking to you, and is nervous around you, she clearly sees you as high value. If she dismisses what you ask her to, is not respectful, lets people interrupt you and doesn't repeatedly apologize or end the interruption quickly, and is nonplussed by your presence, she sees you as lower status than herself. Not necessarily low status, but just not as high as her; e.g., she may think, "This kid's cute, but he probably couldn't keep up with me."

Women will sleep with a guy who's lower social status if it's easy and there are no social consequences sometimes, just as a man will sleep with a woman who's lower social status under similar conditions. e.g., the girl who's below your standards and you wouldn't want your buddies to see you get together with, but she's there and you can do it and no one's ever going to find out so... eh, why not. Women do the same thing.

Chase

Sort's picture

Hey Chase, great article!

Can you explain to me on a very sensitive and touchy subject, why some women like girlfriends who know that we are very sexual, smart, and strong, and who leads and listens well, to tell us many stories (whether they are true or not) to us men to feel empathy for their troubled lives such as stories on molestation, previous partner fighting that constantly resolved their problems in physical abuse and the such...

I have a very few theories as to why some of these women would decide to tell us these stories, and my hypothesis is that we "listen" enough and are strong enough to handle their emotional baggage. Although these types of confessions lead us to that white knight personality, how can we avoid becoming that white knight without rejecting these women (specifically close connected girlfriends/wifes) all ready emotionally damaged lives?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Sort-

Depends on the girl somewhat, and depends on you. Everyone has secrets, and humans universally want to connect with anyone they feel they can communicate themselves to without being judged. The less she believes you will judge her, and the more she wants to connect with you, the more she's going to open herself up about what she considers to be her deep, dark secrets. It's a bonding ritual.

There are certain personality types in women (e.g., borderline, histrionic, etc.) that tend to start sharing deeply personal stories very soon into relationships with people. There are other personality types (e.g., paranoid) that no matter how non-judgmental you strike them, they will never fully trust that you won't judge them and they won't tell you these things. A girl with a normal personality who doesn't have a super strong need to share but also doesn't have a powerful aversion to sharing will likely tell you about as much as she feels comfortable sharing with you based on how judgmental or not you come across.

If you're inclined to white knight - and I think most guys who care about the women in their lives have been inclined to ride to the rescue at one point or another; it feels good to do it, too - it seems like you really just need to have a few experiences trying to save a girl only to find that either you CAN'T save her because she doesn't WANT to be saved.. she NEEDS to be able to cry about how wretched her life is so that big strong men will come running; OR, you save her, only to watch her come to view herself as BETTER than you (now that she's all fixed, why would she want to be with that guy who was the kind of guy she'd date when she was BROKEN?), and - contrary to the eternal gratitude the white knight thinks he's earning with her - break up and leave him.

A few experiences like that, and as soon as you run into emotional baggage, if the girl's just relating a story and isn't emotional all the time, then you just say, "Okay, cool; well, that's part of her past. Anyway..."

And if it's more than a story, and she wants reams of sympathy, and she's constantly in crisis, and the problems never go away... you just roll your eyes in disgust and annoyance, and cut ties with her and move on to find someone who's going to be less of a drama queen and attention sink, and more of a rewarding partner to have instead.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

So what does it really mean to be the leader of a relationship? What are the gender roles? What should a man aspire to accomplish in his relationship and what is the woman’s role, what should she strive to accomplish? Who’s responsibility is it for the relationship to work out and who should take the initiative to discuss values, ideals, wants, needs, and to continually seek out tough conversation and leaving no stone unturned? Who’s responsibility is it to take action to fix problems when they arise? Who inspires the other person to move away (and how to do so?) away from a default sense of entitlement/self-absorption and instead into one of commitment and instruction, in order to work hard to achieve great ends? Who inspires who to change (change because operating in the default self-absorbed mindset will lead to failure, especially after the 1 year drop)? Who should be more serious than who? Who lets go of pride and puts the value of accomplishment (successful relationship) over short-term negative emotional spats?

In my view, and I may be wrong and I welcome debate is, what the leader should really do is more than just being a dominant and sexy entity. The leader should be goal-oriented and the leader should be that person who says: "fuck-it I’m stepping up to the plate and assuming responsibility and take whatever initiative is necessary." The leader has a clear goal in mind and does not waver or stray and instead repeatedly finds ways to solve problems/conflict, and to try to create a culture where open conversation occurs and the leader operates in a way where he/she doesn’t complain too much but instead foresees conflict before it arises and takes preemptive steps to minimize problems and maximize fulfillment of both parties.

Someone needs patience and the ability to remain calm during provocation, setback, drama, and fear. The leader doesnt want to walk away but he unafraid to so if he/she isn't getting what they need, such as respect, love, shared values, etc. Someone has to take the initiative to open up deep conversation about past hurt and tender needs and horrible dark fears and encourage the other person to do so too all the time even when it’s uncomfortable. Someone has to step up to the plate and have an accurate mental model in mind, with a process in place to accomplish success. Eventually both people should develop this ability to take initiative and tailor their actions to create unique happiness for the other person and maintain open lines of deep and honest communication.

But the issue is about perception. If the man takes the leadership role as I described above and shows up with the correct mental model and tries to guide the woman away from society’s fucked up sense of entitlement, and instead uses persistence, inspiration, dominance to get her operating with his model in mind...how will she perceive it? The reason I ask is women are interesting creatures. Conventional wisdom says men should treat relationships as secondary to other things going on in their life...that he should be less committed to it than the woman...that he should never make the woman feel too secure, because if he does she gets bored. Who wants to be bored? But if the man steps up to the plate and takes on all initiative to make the relationship shine (even when she is causing drama) wouldn’t his doing so inadvertently make the woman feel “secure” and cause her to be more likely to lose respect and become resentful? Wouldn't she feel like he is putting more effort into the relationship (and its success) than she is? Clearly relationships require strategy, and most people don’t put in the hard work required that’s so many fail. So in order for it to go right, people need to fix their mental models...

For me the whole point of pickup, dating, etc is to learn more about myself and my skills with women, and to eventually find a woman, forever. No one says it here on this website, but I assuming y’all have encountered a similar problem to mine where most women that I meet here in my city are ‘fun’ for a year or so but aren’t very good long-term candidates because of various issues. For me what I find usually is selfishness, and how they act out their negative emotions on others (by causing drama when the more logical and adult thing to do is talk things out), and so on. Many lack patience and aren't resilient enough to choose hard work over quitting. They see no need to really change the flawed mental models they have and they wonder why all their relationships have failed...

I’d like to hear your thoughts man. I’m starting to become more cynical man, I’m trying to stay positive, but I am slowly gravitating away from finding “the one” and instead focusing on just having fun for a year until the drop sets in and then going out and trying it all over again.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Some good thoughts in this comment.

Relationships are dramatically different depending on the women you enter into them with. e.g., a dependent girl vs. an independent one; a self-development-focused girl vs. one who's not; a predominantly rational girl vs. a predominantly emotional one.

For my relationships, I will only date high confidence, high self-improvement focused women because they're the only women who are both rational and analytical enough to realize when they're making a mistake, or really get the message when you make it clear to them that they are, and then FIX this so that they don't keep doing it.

There are lots of broken people out there… men and women. And you can't fix other people; not really. You can shore up their self-esteem, give them financial and emotional security, encourage them to overcome fears and other things holding them back… but at the end of the day if they don't want to change, you're just wasting your breath.

Most of the men I've talked to who grow cynical on relationships are dating women who are not like this. They keep trying to get the girl to change, but she never does. The rest of the guys I hear from who grow cynical are the ones who don't want to change THEMSELVES, but end up with girls who DO. Those guys do not understand why these women get fed up with them and eventually leave them, and think the girls have inscrutable problems.

Screen hard for women who are excited about self-improvement-type stuff. When you talk about new things you're trying, do they perk up and say, "Wow, THAT sounds interesting!" or do they shrug it off. When you point out something they're doing wrong, do they say, "Whoa, you're totally right; I'll change that," or do they ignore it and keep doing it.

I've never dated a non-rational / non-self-improvement-oriented woman in my life because we're just wholly incompatible, but I can imagine if you have or do it will probably drive you insane.

I think most people don't put enough of a focus on finding people they immediately click with and then just going at whatever pace felt most natural. Some of the happiest couples you will meet are the ones who saw each other and just KNEW they were perfect for each other, and they were married a few months, or even weeks, after they met. There's this kind of "figuring out" period that people try to have where they meet someone and then want to get to know them over a period of years, or something… I'm not really sure what that's all about. If she's the right girl for you, you tend to know it the instant you say "hi" to her. All the rest are people who settle into relationships with people they never intended to be their long-term mates but they just got comfortable and then it was too hard to leave so they said, "What the heck, I guess why not."

I would recommend not dating entitled women, either. Not all Western women are entitled; many girls from small towns, girls from more traditional parts of their countries, and girls who were raised in more traditional homes lack the entitlement mentalities that run rampant among the urban elite and the bar and club crowd. Of course, the girls without entitlement tend to marry sooner too - they're high quality and they know it, and everybody else does too, and unless they're pursuing an advanced degree or are very serious about their careers, they get snapped up. That means you usually need to date younger, or date women getting higher education (I rarely meet women with master's degrees who have attitude… entitlement mentality seems to be distinctly reserved for the only moderately successful; it seems to be an ego defense mechanism for those who imagine themselves as highly successful but aren't actually all that successful), or date women from countries where entitlement is not so rampant.

Chase

Wolf's picture

I really don't understand game to much. We also say you can spit good game if you have a tight "mouthpiece". There's like 100 things people say good game are but I don't know. I really hope you can make an article on getting good game, but in the mean time can you give me tips to make my verbal game tighter?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Wolf-

Having tight verbal game mostly comes from just talking to women enough that you have snappy learned responses to all the typical things they say. It's kind of like having tight martial arts reflexes, or tight basketball reflexes, or tight ping pong reflexes... it's almost entirely dependent on simply getting enough experience that your brain has seen all the patterns a hundred times apiece and can predict where things are going and is on top of them before they even happen.

You can check out articles like "The Conversationalist" and ""Pickup" Lines I'm Using" for some help nailing this down a little better, and you can watch talented comedians with good / snappy / non-insulting humor, or watch movies with good banter between the sexual male lead and other women (James Bond flicks are usually good for at least a few sessions of this)... but most of it just comes down to talking to enough girls and focusing on having sharp, snappy, effective replies when you need them.

Chase

Amir's picture

Hi Chase,

When I moved to Germany I met an amazing girl from Eastern Europe who was apparently used to being treated like crap. Once we hooked up, then started dating, and I was always showing my dominance and confidence, but apparently, it was a real turn-off for her, except the intimate part, she really liked it rough. In fact, when I tried to stay firm on my beliefs and said smth like "Okay, I see your point, but..." I saw pain and almost tears in her eyes. When I told her what to wear to make me like her, which, I would say, quite normal, explained my rules and my opinion about her trip to Octoberfest, and after all made her stay at home, she was at the edge of crying. I don't really feel like I did anything wrong, she is a woman and has to submit, it is natural, but after all she ended up with a complete pussy Norwegian. She is now in charge of their relationship, decides everything, and seems to be unbelievably happy with him! I really don't get how she preferred such a wimp over me, but she did, and now she doesn't even want to hear anything about dominant guys, she wants to be put on a pedestal and have a personal servant. What do you think about this? I am feeling really down, since I still love her, is there any chance to take her back? How should I apply all of there techniques when I never know what to expect and the next girl I find could be that messed up as well?

Thanks for your feedback

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Amir-

It's difficult to tell exactly what you were like in your relationship, but important to not confuse "acting" dominant with naturally just being dominant.

If you're not naturally a dominant person, you'll go through a learning phase where you basically end up being something of an inconsiderate, boorish asshole while you learn how to be both dominant and considerate of others. My guess is that's probably where you are right now... something like, "Okay, I see your point, but..." communicates that you're really just paying lip service to listening to her, and are mostly just focused on winning the argument.

e.g., imagine a debate between you and I, and it goes like this:

You: ... so, for that reason, I really think dominance depends on the woman.

Me: Okay, I see your point, but what you need to understand is that dominance is...

vs.

You: ... so, for that reason, I really think dominance depends on the woman.

Me: Hmm. So you're suggesting there are women out there who prefer non-dominant men?

You: Exactly.

Me: Okay then, well, I wouldn't disagree that women like non-dominant men for some things. Especially when rebounding from an overly controlling man, a non-dominant man she can boss around and call the shots with certainly feels like a breath of fresh air, doesn't he?

... and so on and so forth. You get the feeling.

One is a two-way communication in which you're understanding what she's talking about, why she thinks it, and then doing what a good leader does and leading her through all the possibilities to arrive at the likley correct answer.

The other one is more focused on just telling her how it is without ever really hearing what she's saying.

So, one piece of advice is, rather than steamroll women when they make arguments, let them say their piece and get it off their chests. Do everything you can to understand it. Then, instead of try to push your view on them, ask them questions that help them realize the holes in their arguments, and guide them to the right answer.

On rebounding: when a woman leaves a man who felt overly oppressive / domineering to her, she will tend to rebound with a man she can control. Women sometimes marry these men (if they're older; they won't marry them unless they reach the point where it's settle down time and they've given up on trying to rope in a sexy bad boy), but usually get tired of calling the shots and having a pushover for a boyfriend.

Then, those sexy bad boys that she decided she hated before start looking better and better...

Then, she dates one of them, until she finds herself incapable of getting what she wants from him, and in frustration breaks up. Then she starts dating a nice guy she can dominate, who allows her to rebuild her ego.

Then she gets bored again, and those sexy bad boys start looking really good again...

This goes on until she decides it's time to settle down. Although, in today's day and age, it frequently continues even after she settles down, too, at least with the most scattered / indecisive women!

Chase

Mike's picture

Hey Chase, i have a quick, rather long question.
I opted for the comment section for others to see your response ( hoping you do respond )
Well, here it is.

I live in a small town where reputation plays the biggest role in dating.
When men see me flirting with the same women they flirt with, they tend to make stories up, talk bad stuff about me to lower my value
thus ruining the competition for that girl.
Now i don`t do that and don`t care about those stories since 90% aren`t true.

But what hits me is that girls believe it and flee from me.

I did not find such an article about the directness so i am asking this:
- is it a good idea to be direct to the girl about those stories that she heard or might hear about me ?
This way i think to myself, i put a good defense before she knows those stories, or for when she knows it, to be glad she heard the honesty from me.

- is it good to do that while we are in the process of getting to know each other / flirting ??

Another question:
I use your "Thread Directing" technique to move the conversation to where i want it.
So is it a good idea to be direct and honest in how i see some things in life ?
Or for example to downplay my value in terms that i do not brag about my life, where i`ve been, the number of girls i`ve been with and stuff like that ?
I am not talking about showing emotions, but rather to just frame her into finding something about me and me to her - for example i frame her to ask me and to find out about me, and than for me to use that to screen her viewpoint.
How will she react to those situations ?

If you can make a post about this with many other scenarios that would just be amazing..

Thanks again.
Regards.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Mike-

If you have a chance to proactively shut down other men's attempts to sabotage you, this makes you look quite good and them very petty and weak and afraid when they do it.

So for instance, if you're talking to a girl and you know there's a chance other guys come along to play saboteur later on:

You: Hey, do you know that guy Phil?

Her: Yeah... he works over at the Outback Steakhouse, right?

You: Yeah. So anyway, this guy follows me around like a hawk, and any time he sees me talking to a girl, he goes up to her later and tells her I'm a wild crazy sex criminal because he thinks that's, like, a good technique for getting her all to himself. So far it just seems to piss the girls off and make him look petty, but, you know, if you hear any stories about me having orgies with barnyard animals, you might want to ask for some video evidence or something before you call me up asking me if I gave you monkey pox.

Her: Haha, okay, I got you.

Go with a more absurd example of whatever the guy's going to say. e.g., if he says you're socially awkward, tell her he's going to tell her that you pick your nose in front of old ladies and steal lunch money from children or other super awkward things. Then whatever he actually says is tamer than you extreme / absurdist example, and she just goes *yawn* whatever.

On value - yes, you'll want to only show enough value that you're interesting, but not so much that women think you're a showboat, or out of their league. These articles should help on what to talk about and how to talk about it:

Chase

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Mike-

If you have a chance to proactively shut down other men's attempts to sabotage you, this makes you look quite good and them very petty and weak and afraid when they do it.

So for instance, if you're talking to a girl and you know there's a chance other guys come along to play saboteur later on:

You: Hey, do you know that guy Phil?

Her: Yeah... he works over at the Outback Steakhouse, right?

You: Yeah. So anyway, this guy follows me around like a hawk, and any time he sees me talking to a girl, he goes up to her later and tells her I'm a wild crazy sex criminal because he thinks that's, like, a good technique for getting her all to himself. So far it just seems to piss the girls off and make him look petty, but, you know, if you hear any stories about me having orgies with barnyard animals, you might want to ask for some video evidence or something before you call me up asking me if I gave you monkey pox.

Her: Haha, okay, I got you.

Go with a more absurd example of whatever the guy's going to say. e.g., if he says you're socially awkward, tell her he's going to tell her that you pick your nose in front of old ladies and steal lunch money from children or other super awkward things. Then whatever he actually says is tamer than you extreme / absurdist example, and she just goes *yawn* whatever.

On value - yes, you'll want to only show enough value that you're interesting, but not so much that women think you're a showboat, or out of their league. These articles should help on what to talk about and how to talk about it:

Chase

Amir's picture

Hi Chase,

Well, she's incredibly smart and logical, works in IT, and doesn't need a strong man at all, since she can do everything on her own and gets a strong satisfaction from that. Also, she values her personal freedom really a lot, likes to spend time on her own, and can easily figure out this "hidden manipulation". And those rules I have for every girlfriend simply don't fit her, moreover, she wants to start her own business in future, because she just doesn't like to submit to anyone. I actually think that dominant men remind her about Russia and she is really disgusted by them.

I really doubt that the problem is with me being a bad leader. I heard a lot from her about her current boss, she really described him like you described a perfect leader, she admired him... but wouldn't want to spend her life with him, since she simply wants to lead herself. By the way, her father left her when she was a 2 yr old child, maybe, it has something to do with that?

To sum up, her personal ideal partner is a physically strong man who can be rough with her in the bedroom, but also with a sweet face and nice smile, who she can dominate. Only with this kind of men she feels respected and dominant, and at the same time satisfied in the bedroom. And she is absolutely fine with the disadvantages of those men.

Is it possible to change the mind of people like her or I should better try some other places?

Thank you!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Amir–

I have dated plenty of incredibly strong-willed women, with high intelligence, high-flying careers, and master’s degrees (usually economics or some kind of finance). They’re always quite beautiful, well-dressed, and personable, and they are socially dominant, and eat up and spit out most men for breakfast. They’re universally extremely pro-female and are constantly telling the women around them to take a harder edge and not put up with one ounce of crap from their men, and can’t understand women in relationships where they get pushed around. Men who try to dominate around them almost always end up dominated.

Yet, with me, they end up in the follower role, and not unhappily. I don’t use “hidden manipulation” in my relationships; I don’t argue with them much; and I don’t get into pointless arguments about, say, what men should do and what women should do all that much, because they always tend to have very firm opinions that men should do all kinds of things for women and women should do very little for men, while my opinions are the opposite, and we soon end up at one another’s throats.

I think what you’re really looking for is a “how to be authentically dominant in a relationship, without resorting to tricks or TRYING to be dominant” type of answer here. Sprezzatura is important there. Otherwise though, it’s never been really something I’ve thought about much, because I tend to have women do what I need them to in relationships (even if everybody else they date is wholly unable to).

These women will consistently tell you they DON’T want dominant men. They want to lead. They like smarter men, quieter men, etc. Just like your girl.

But their relationships with these guys rarely last long, and they often have affairs. They never fall in love with them, either; they fall in love with the authentically dominant guy. But they try to AVOID dominant men because they aren’t used to being out of control (and you IN control), and unless you are someone they legitimately view as more powerful than they are, in a way that they really respect and appreciate (because you are more powerful in all the ways they value most), they will not take on the follower role in the relationship and fall in love.

My female friends like this whom I don’t date or sleep with often proclaim that they have never been in love before in their entire lives. And I smile, because I know with me they would be, very quickly. The women I meet just like them always are. But I don’t know how you teach that, exactly… it’s the entire feel of the relationship, the feeling of being with you. You’ve got to be at once just about everything they’ve ever wanted in a man and much more. Their sights are set very high; you must be higher.

I’ll add an article on this to the post queue and see if I can find a way to teach or suggest how to become a man like this and run your relationships this way… but at the core, I believe it’s more about how driven you are, what you want out of your life, and what you’re trying to accomplish. You need a mission far grander than hers, far larger and more important, and it needs to be one she can see, feel, imagine, and, even if she can’t quite get behind it, she can feel the power in it and know that you are one of those few men out there who has more greatness in him than she has in her.

Meantime, no, you can’t change a woman’s mind when she is like this – she needs soft men she can control, or incredibly dominant men she cannot. Anything in between is not something she’s interested in.

Chase

Amir's picture

And, by the way, how can the dominance not be focused on winning the argument? What kind of leader could I be if she wins the arguments all the time? If she feels competent, smart and confident, she won't submit to me, and that's where my leadership ends, and her leadership starts. How is it possible to be dominant, when she is not submissive and doesn't want to be, even though every woman should be designed for being a man's servant by nature? I can respect her as a servant, but she is still my servant, not the other way around.

Please advise.
Thanks

Anonymous's picture

Powerful article. Love it fully.

Quick Question.

I have a girl i am flirting with and went out with a couple of times, and made a move to kiss on the FIRST DATE, which she rejected.

She said it`s all too fast and she just came out of a 2.5 years relationship.

Now i still keep in touch via phone and facebook, but i am worried of the following.

I see her constantly adding or being added by Men on facebook, and she constantly likes pictures, statuses, songs and even comments sometimes.

There are a couple men she makes that all to often.

Now what does that tell you about this girl ?

I need a bit help on this one.

I really like her, but she had an accident with her now ex-boy, and i know they are both attached in some way.

I am going to use this article for further process, but i need a way out of this whole facebook situation.

I tried framing her, that i had once a girl that was mad at me for liking and commenting on other girls pictures, but i still see this girl doing those likes and comments on men on facebook.

Thanks.
Regards.

Matt's picture

Great articles Chase

Just a few questions, you said that if you are calling your girlfriend or texting her more than she is then that can lead to her losing respect. So I know to solve this I have to stop texting her and wait for her to call or text me, but how long should i keep this up? A week, months, and in the end wouldnt this be considered playing games in the relationship?

Thanks for the feedback

Anonymous's picture

No, that's not playing games.

Personally, I resent this new easy connectivity we have with phones and text. If I don't text or phone you back right away, hold your horses. I will see you later anyway. If your text is something needing attention, I will reply back. But if you make a habit of sending me sweet nothings all day (or just nothings), I will eventually assume the next buzz is a nothing and not read it right away, when it might be that you had an accident.

Maybe she's that type of girl?

(Honestly, I really wish people will use self-restraint in their daily communications.)

Anonymous's picture

THIS:

"All I DO do for them, really, is listen to them, give them amazing conversation, inspire them to chase down their dreams (and help them figure out what those dreams are), be honest with them and refuse to promise them anything I cannot deliver, and make them orgasm... hard and often."

I know a woman who just left a relationship who saw his spending as a sign of his love. It wasn't the material stuff she was after, it was the sign that he loved her because he was a bad listener, self-interested, and sexually not there. But he valued his money, so she interpreted that as a sign of his affection. She was deeply unhappy and what she wanted most was the stuff I pasted up there.

Personally, I sincerely DETEST when someone buys me something to say they are sorry.

You did a great job in this article. Most articles talking about how men should have power, etc, miss the mark because it sends the message to be jerks and say rude things. The part that you say not to follow through on certain hypothetical threats told me all I needed to know that you got it right and you can see the value of human respect between the partners. It's not just about the man's respect, damn hers.

Good job!

David 's picture

clearly “gifts” are not one of your Main love languages.

Anonymous's picture

Good read overall, Ive definitely used some of these techniques in my own past relationship. Overall I wasn't very supplicating, rarely ever did anything that i didn't want to do. There were obviously times where I would do some things to make my girl happy, just because I cared for her. That being said, I was never a doormat, and never put up with her rude behavior or rarely put up with disrespect. However there is one thing you talked about that Im a little confused about. When you talked about her not allowing her to go party with her friends, doesn't that come off as a little insecure or that you don't seem to trust her. Wouldn't it make you seem more confident, and therefore shed would respect you more, if you let her go have fun with her friends. I get its always a gamble and it definitely matters how you approach this, but I guess thats where trust and if you set up the relationship the right way would come in. It only happened in my relationship like 2 or 3 times, and when she would go out with her friends, I would go out with mine.

Jake's picture

Should you have backup girls in place already in order to be willing to leave?

Kiandra's picture

It was a great article until I read the part that you never take her out but you make orgasm hard. lol  I just walked away from a man who told me he had all the same outdoor interests I had. At my age I"m ok with giving myself orgasms. If we have nothing else in common I walk! That is the difference between a woman knowing what she wants and a little girl! 

Jimbo's picture

So you don't need a man for sex but you need one to go camping? You can do outdoor activities just as well with your girlfriend. Why does it have to be a man for that?

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