Should You Pay for a Date? | Page 6 | Girls Chase

Should You Pay for a Date?

Chase Amante

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pay for a dateIt used to be the way things always were in America: if a man and a woman went on a date, the man paid. No two ways about it.

It's now not quite as ubiquitous as it used to be, but it is still a very common mindset. Many women expect men to pay for the first date. Many men would even feel embarrassed to not pay for the first date. Of course they pay for dates! That's just how it's done, and anything else would be classless and rude.

It remains the status quo to a large extent in countries around the world, in fact: I've heard many Latin women gripe about how they'll never see a man again if he doesn't pay for the first date, and when I've asked Asian women if the Asian guys they see on dates pay for them, they respond with, "Of course!" Even the guys they claim they only like as friends and will never date pay for them.

Everywhere you go, men pay for women. A lot of hoopla was made in the States about "going Dutch," which meant splitting the bill, but even the fact that it had to be given a name made it seem like some sort of big, extraordinary event.

Men are still expected to pay for dates.

I intend to show you today, however, that not only is paying for women unnecessary – it actually hurts your odds of ending up with a girl! Bear with me if that seems to insult your sensibilities a bit – before you pass judgment, allow me to invite you to come along down this rabbit hole with me.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.



Lala's picture

Ha all the guys on here that ask a women to pay on a first date are a joke. We all know guys hate the word "cheap" but that's what you are. Or you can't afford it..let the girl know ahead of time, so she can decide whether your're worth it. I would be so turned off if a guy asked me to go half or pay on first date. Just ew. If you can't afford to pay don't ask the girl out in the first place. I actually embarrassed for the guys on here that keep making excuses for why it's acceptable. What a joke. You are not a real man. Guys with money are hot, it's a basic instinct to want a provider, no ill intent. If you can't be that for the girl then she will find someone else who can provide that stability for her. Lets be real. No girl wants a broke ass. She make money and want her man to contribute as well.

alfa male's picture

Solution if a woman is to cheap to pay, cant afford to pay or don't want to pay on a first date. Treat them the same way they treat us. Treat them like trash when there cheap, just discard them with the rubbish, that's the kind of disrespect men get all the time from woman. It amazes me how some woman think they can just demand respect when they prove to men there irresponsible.

nicole's picture

I still can't beleave us sisters, now known as feminist & where all feminists woman if we like it or not, as there has never been a traditional woman since we got the right to vote a century ago. Us feminists are till justify prostitution them selves on a first date. Sisters you got your equal rights, now take some responsibility. I keep hearing from my friends where are all the good men gone. Well there everywhere only they don't want you & are not looking for prostitutes like you. Sisters if your looking for a short fat man, no job, no education, no ambition who will flake out on any future responsibilities, I'm sure this type of man is desperate enough to pay for a prostitute like you, you dimwit.

Diego's picture

Hey Chase,

first of all I want to thank you for writing this blog, it's a sort of bible for me. I love the way you explain things giving reasons for everything you write, without just saying "do like this" as many other blogs do.

About this post I want to ask you one thing:
when leaving a bar/ice cream shop/any other places with the girl I've been out with and moving toward the cashier, many girls just grab their wallet and ask to pay/split and I'm fine with these ones.

The problem comes with girls who act like they are not even thinking about paying/splitting, i.e. they not even take their wallet out of their bag and they just stare at you and the barman or they start looking at their phone.
It sounds so bad to just say "we have to split"/"pay for your part".

If a girl acts like this but I still want to use your technique, what should I do?

Thanks Chase!


Jon in's picture

If a girl does not pull out her purse to pay, then she is being selfish. If a guy did this to a girl she would make a stink about it. You need to make a stink about it, tell her she is being a selfish hypocrite & sexist double standards are not exceptable in the 21st century. If she apologises for treating you like trash, except her apology, If she argues the point then you, have nothing to lose, just pay your own share & walk off. You would have to think your self as desperate to want a second date with a leach. You need to get over this attitude that men need to be nice to all woman, if woman don't deserve to be treated well then treat them the same way there treating you, which is like trash.

Jimbo's picture

Paying doesn't work --or at least decreases your chances of closing the deal-- because it's part of the whole pathetic, supplicating, please-like-me, I'd-do-anything-for-you, niceguy act, and that's just plain unattractive because it signals scarcity mentality and low value.

It also increases the formality of the date (like, "See? This is an official date. We're playing by the rules of it!") Nothing kills attraction and creates the brother-sister vibe like such formality.

Also as you said, it does put your firmly into 'provider' territory.

Jimbo's picture

Oh what do you know, I already commented on this one! Good points in here too.

G Schwartz's picture

tl;dr: DON'T-DON'T-DON'T (!!!!) reach for your pocket like you're a bloody ATM!

Just made that mistake for the LAST time!
Last week with one Russian chick. First date was flawless, conversing, little kino. Blasting music on way home. FUN.
But I paid...
Next week a casual short date after work, great again. But I paid again.
She didn't even look at the bill, just rushed to the toilette. Two days after that - Gone! Cold as F$%ing ICE, I tell you! Girl had been texting me back and answering every time. After that - Nothing!

Did a little looking back, and paying had NEVER got me anywhere (with the exception of my gold-digging Ex).

Besides, girls want you to pay, and girls don't know what they want, therefore -

Dipply morn the loss of our comrades' money and lays.

Ahem's picture

Chase, first of all, what you wrote here is definitely NOT science. It's just an opinion of a guy that had a bunch of experiences and conducted a small survey among other guys and blah-blah-blah. Chances are you didn't even get to the top of the iceberg of male/female mating schemes vs money.
Secondly, as a girl, and a beautiful one, I have no problems paying for anybody, and I mean it. Right now I'm supporting my boyfriend who just lost his job and things have been going really bad for him. However, he paid for me during our first dates.
I don't even consider guys that don't pay for me on the first date. Later, we can go Dutch, I can pay for him if I'm interested, no problemo. And, it should be so - after all, women can earn money nowadays! You can afford it. But if he asks me out... Well, let's just say, I was on two dates where the guys pretended like it was okay for me to pay for them when I offered to go Dutch (I do it only when I'm NOT interested in the guy and want to make sure he doesn't think that I owe him, read on, I'll tell you why I am careful with that). I was disgusted. It's a reflex. I am disgusted when I meet cheap people. If I'm generous, how can I date/be friends with a person (I hate even greedy girls) that doesn't even bother to oblige with the rules, traditions/doesn't have a big heart. It's an immediate turn-off.
Now, why do I always claim to pay for myself? Ah! Because one time I had an outrageous experience. I met this guy in London, we've been walking around for 8 hours or so, had a nice time together, discussed many things, etc. Then we went to a pub, he paid for the both of us, secretly, when I actually wasn't looking. Afterwards I went to the loo and asked for the bill (my share was 8.50 pounds) and was greatly surprised when the waitress told me he'd already paid. I was, Wow, OK, well, nice of him, but why didn't he discuss it with me? Anyways, to cut the story short, he saw me back to my hotel in the centre of London, mind you! On the way, he said he wanted to go check my room out, etc. I politely declined and did that several times. And then! he said, Okay, well, you can just return the money later. I didn't even get it at first, but when I did, I was so shocked I took out my wallet and gave him 10 pounds. He said something about the change, but I said, Keep it. I was so disgusted! Actually, he tried to buy my sex for 8.50! I don't even know what's more disgusting: the price tag or the fact. :-))))))))))))) Honestly... My friends still joke about that, and when I came back from London, I heard it was a new fashion out there, to ask a girl out and then leave her to pay he bill either with her wallet or her body. Very 'nice.'
So, you know, I don't hang out with guys that don't pay for me on first dates. I can be just an ice-cream and a fun talk, but when he doesn't... I just know he's not the guy. You can always spot a greedy man, and like you said in another article, I want to have high-quality people around me. That's basically it. Cheers!

Jimbo's picture

8 hours and he didn't close the deal? You bet he (and you) felt resentful!

Here's the list of people who "court" for eight hours with friendly conversation without escalating:

1) Gays.

Jimbo's picture

Here's something you could sing on your boyfriend's birthday lol:

Jon in's picture

Just pay your own way on a first date you cheap skate, once your in a relationship maybe he will treat you some times once you have earnt his respect. Stop making rules for men that suit woman, most woman won't ask & pay so stop the sexist double standard of who ask should pay rubbish. Men are sick or woman making rules that suit them selves now that most single woman earn as much or more than single men. If you realy want respect stop acting like a prostitute on a first date, insist on equal generosity & if you like him let him know you would be happy to go out again. This will show him you respect him & it won't matter to him if you get into bed on the first date as now he's going to think more long term rather than a short term one night stand. To me you came across as a prostitute & he treated you like one. Eight hours waisting his time, you did not contribute anything & you would not give him the sex he paid for, that sounds like fraude to me, collecting the money but not providing the service.

Jimbo's picture

That other guy is right. If you don't want to be considered a prostitute, then stop flaunting the prospect of sex/relationship in exchange for him paying for shit. If he pays, he should expect to get laid. When I pay for something, I expect to get something in return. You don't just go to the store and give the clerk money and then leave. So yes, that other guy did nothing wrong.

サーフデビル's picture

Recently I was experimenting with this dating website and had a few offers. The problem is this girl wanted me to visit her for $200. That is too close to escort prices with no reward. This article made me realize maybe I should just go back to day game instead of financially bargaining. Unless your Bill Gates, American women especially, have a high price on their fucking pussy. Over seas though.... well...the sky is the limit and game works. 素晴らしい記事

Jack's picture

Hey Chase Im just catching this now so Im a few years late to the party. Heres my opinion anyway.......from my personal experience youre 100% right. Splitting the bill is the way to go. Ive paid for dinners and all sorts of other things and ended up in the provider role waiting around for sex that I actually couldve got the first night, had I actually been authentic and not playing along with what society expects. And I think this is what a lot of women on this thread seem to be angry about: That they have a paradigm they operate by and what youre saying is challenging that view of the way the world "should" be.
Not all women for sure, and maybe its a cultural thing in the states where women are dug into the men must pay for them, mentality. Over here in europe things are not so rigid. I mean its easy to fall into the provider role by insisting you pay. But ive noticed that you can stop this dead in its tracks by splitting the bill and by creating sexual tension. Theres a show over here on tv called first dates and 9/10 the guy will pay. Guess what happens? They get ditched at the end of the date. I think you hit the nail on the head by saying what women say and what they do dont synch. And this is why so many women on this thread are angry because they hate being called on this. My view is that they dont want to admit this, even to themsleves. But its the truth.
From my experience its actually very easy to get sex on the first meeting, never mind the first date and i think a lot of guys dont even know this. They dont go for it, instead they play a long game and get no place. I never buy girls drinks, i dont pay for dates yet i manage to seduce beautiful women. Sexual tension and being upfront about my intentions, thats all i ever do now and it works all the time.

Jimbo's picture

Chase, you'll be glad to learn that some chicks out there do share you opinion:

Jimbo's picture

Traditional dates are a scam!

If someone flaunts some merchandise and has me pay for it in the hope to get it knowing full well he won't be giving it to me. What do we call this man? A conman, is what we call him. A conman running a scam. Likewise, women who take money from men they have no intention of sleeping with should be called what they are: crooks! Crooks running scams! And the men who fall for it are called suckers.

If I pay for some woman to put out and she doesn't, then I want my money back! Don't be afraid to be petty. Knock on the bitch's door and demand your money back, and possibly even your jokes back. Tell me two motherfucking jokes right now!! They need some social consequences for scamming men like that, they need to be made uncomfortable for it. You'd try to hunt down that dude who scammed you, wouldn't you?

That other commenter said she wanted a man who takes care of business, of the finances. Yeah, but of whose business? The business of a woman who's solidly his and heeds his word, yes! Not that of some foreign woman he never saw before and won't be seeing again. What is he, some kind of Bernie Sanders? Free shit to all the women who'll dignify his ass by having a meal with him?!

Padawan's picture

Hey Chase and co.,

I know this is now an old article (a girlschase classic!) that stirred up quite the discussion, but I'd love to see a follow-up someplace about how to execute on these principles.

How should someone bring up the suggestion to split the check without appearing cheap or parsimonious?!

Especially in a situation where the date might expect you to pay (as seen in some of the comments above), I'm at a loss on how to maintain sprezzatura and all of the foundations taught here.

You guys do awesome work!




Gwen's picture

LOLOLOLOL, I definitely would not date a man who offers drinks or wants to split the bill with me. Y’all do whatever you like, but most women, especially the ones who are not desperate and have high standards, would not accept lower level treatments. We want the whole package. 

Zorz's picture

I think that the answer to this question is simple. If you really enjoyed the date, you are interested in her, she has invested in you and you can afford it, you can pay. But it should just be a polite way to say thank you for the wonderful time I had with you (and your investment in me) and not expect anything in return. If on the other hand you didn't have a good time then you shouldnt pay. It's like saying thank you for nothing. 

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