How Dominant Men Approach Business, Pleasure, and Life | Girls Chase

How Dominant Men Approach Business, Pleasure, and Life

Chase Amante

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Chase Amante's picture

dominant men
A dominant man is one who wins. He’s one who holds sway over his dominion. And he does it with his aims, responsibility, interdependence, and victory.

In my article on having girls come join you, a commenter named Max asks the following:

Hey,

This is a totally off topic question, but in all articles regarding, being powerful, dominant and sexy, I could only pick out physical attributes such as slower body movements etc. Can you just describe his attitude and how he look at life, and how can I become one too, through day to day activities. Thanks!

This is a fun question for me. I rank dominance of his own life and sphere as a quality at the apogee of man’s cultivation. The man who holds true dominion over his endeavors is the closest man can ever get to absolute freedom. Combine this dominance with a clear moral character and you have a man who not only gets what he wants, but attracts, inspires, and leads, as well.

How you come to possess this attitude of striving toward dominion, and the kind of clarity and magnetism that surround it and intertwine with it, is what we’ll talk about today.

Comments

simflip10's picture

Hey Chase,

Out of curiosity, what's your big picture that you're aiming for? What's your mission/purpose? Hope it's not too personal for public comment ;)

Also I hope lots of people read this. Most people, like me a few yrs ago, think of being dominant as being the former stuff you mentioned, but it really is much closer to the latter, as in the appearance of being dominant - making money, being big & tough, etc. - is not the same as the real deal.

Also, before I got here to GC I never really understood until how important it is for women feeling that you're dominant on 1st impression, like thru fundamentals - walk, deliberate movements, body language, eye contact, speech slow, leading conversation, etc. Girls really seem to like things like that, in my experience.

Like I'm 5'6", weigh 115 lbs but having good fundamentals makes me come across as more dominant (emphasis on come across, not quite winning & doing bigger stuff, yet hopefully) than most guys even much bigger than me, like appear dominant not in a "superiority" way, but in a way of "I feel in control of the situation/I got this" way. I don't think most girls or people think of dominance consciously tho, seems to be more of a subconscious feeling.

-Simflip10

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Simflip,

It’d be a long explanation, and it’d energize a portion of the readership and confuse or alienate the rest. I’d prefer to just give guys the tools to pursue their own paths for now. Perhaps in the future, if I remain a semi-public figure or become a more public one, and I do so in a non-teaching capacity, I might do so then, but only if teaching is not my main thing and I’m just sharing to rally more people to a cause rather than inspire them to determine their own. Hope that make sense ;)

Yes, dominance seems to be largely a subconscious thing. People don’t usually seem to consciously think, “Oh, that guy’s big, I bet he could jack me up,” or, “That guy seems super confident, he must have some kind of ability to get what he wants or have a crew behind him or something”; it seems like it’s more just a mental calculation of a bunch of subconscious metrics the mind evaluates an individual on and formulates his dominance score from. Height gives you X dominance points, muscle gives you Y dominance points, eye contact gives you Z dominance points, deliberateness of movement gives you so on and so forth. Which is how you can end up with short guys who come across more dominant than tall, muscular guys (since dominance is not a purely martial contest in human society), and it all happens under the hood, mentally speaking.

Chase

T's picture

Hi Chase,

very interesting article. My question: can't a female CEO e.g. have the same traits? I think yes, she can. But how can you differ from her as a man? I think (might be a prejudice) you can't dominate her any more as a man. She has possibly gained many victories over men in business. What will her still allure to men?
Any ideas?

T

Author
Chase Amante's picture

T-

I’ve shagged a few female CEOs of small businesses / domineering female managers (in all cases, girls who managed around 10 or fewer employees). Haven’t come across any young, attractive female CEOs of large businesses (seems like you’ve got to be 40+ to be CEO at a Fortune 500 company, for instance) yet. So those might be different. But I suspect not.

So long as she’s female, and she isn’t a total butch lesbian, she wants to submit to a man. You’ll usually have a tougher time getting her to submit than, say, a quiet mousy girl who’s never managed anybody and only wants to be a good wife and cook and clean. But if you’re a man of high dominance, who enjoys the challenge of a feisty girl, it’s quite doable (and so is she).

The nice thing about girls most men can’t make submit though, is if you’re the guy with an iron frame who can make her submit, is you’ll sometimes be the only guy who’s made her submit that hard. It blows her mind and she likes it, even as she struggles against it. And eventually she comes to need it as a part of her life – she goes to work and dominates everyone, and then comes back home and submits to you and gets to feel all girly. Then heads off to work the next day and goes back to dominating everyone. In my experience, she seems to feel like you’ve set her free; she wasn’t aware of it before you, but her dominance was a mask she wore, and around you she gets to take the mask off. It makes putting the mask on during the day more fun, because she knows she’s going to come home and you’ll tear the mask off her, pin her down on the bed, and shove your cock into her and make her submit. Then on goes the mask the next day, back to fooling everybody and smiling inwardly as they all submit to this girl who’s going to submit to this guy later in the day.

You can see it if you meet her employees, too. Especially the ones that’re scared of her. They’re scared of her, and then they see you, and they see she treats you with deference, and this little spark of terror dashes across their eyes and you can see them go, “Holy heck, how fucking terrible must THIS guy be?”

If you meet a girl like this though, just remember that she does want to submit. She can’t make it TOO easy for you, because then it’ll feel cheap. But she does want to meet a man to be won over by. She won’t make it impossible for you if she likes you and you have a reasonably strong frame.

Chase

K's picture

Hey Chase,

Any history books you recommend that tell takes of these Greek men? Very inspiring men of value and dominance indeed.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

K-

Yes, Plutarch's Parallel Lives of the Greeks and Romans. He does short (and some not so short) biographies of what he considers the greatest men in Greek and Roman history, and pairs up men from each society whom he considers similar to one another, either in virtue or in actions. So for instance, Alexander the Great (Greek... well, Macedonian) and Julius Caesar (Roman).

One of the best books I've read, in my opinion. Elevating, inspiring, and changes how you think about governance, history, and being a man.

Chase

Motiv's picture

I'll consider myself lucky enough to at least be the playboy who sleeps with lots of women (meaningful connections or not – ideally not, and I'll try to explain why) as well as a man who lives in financial abundance.

As for meaningful connections with women, those seem to turn into webs (read: traps) unwittingly spun by me – a misguided expectation of deep companionship concurrent with sexual conquest – not a good recipe, in my humble opinion.

For the time being, I would rather solely take on the role of secret lover in women's lives – let them feel a power of physical pleasure they likely won't find elsewhere. Causing women to shriek loudly and powerfully out of pure ecstasy reassures me in a way nothing else ever has – a true credit I owe to this site.

As a matter of fact, I actually don't like it when a girl seems to really like me – it's a feeling of, "crap, I probably can't just sleep with her now – time to toss this one in my friend zone."

Maybe I've just yet to learn where to draw appropriate boundaries (having let too many girls get too close too fast), so shrouding oneself in secrecy seems a wiser path.

Financially speaking, financial freedom seems the practical path to ultimate freedom. Setting aside freedom of thought, life costs money – the more financially abundant one is, the more freedom he or she has in this physical existence. I am by no means espousing corporate ladder climbing (something a musician such as myself will likely never understand anyway). As Warren Buffet says, "there are many paths to financial heaven." Hopefully, with enough trial and error along with some creative initiative, I will find my own path to financial heaven and will be able to share that with others.

In the meantime, some of us shall continue to tread precariously among a society of moral panic, all while struggling to keep our own inner sense of morality from unraveling completely – far from having a strong sense of our own values, yet…

The LORD said to Satan, “From where have you come?” Satan answered the LORD and said, “From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking up and down on it.” – Job 1:7

-M

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Mischief-

You might look into attachment theory:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_theory#Attachment_in_adults

http://psychology.about.com/qz/How-Do-You-Behave-in-Romantic-Relationships

Certain individuals are less comfortable letting others close to them than other individuals are. I suspect many of the “perpetual bachelor” types in the pickup community are “avoidant” types. Attachment patterns seem to form in early childhood; I’m not sure if there’s much that can be done to change them, or if anyone even wants to change their style, so perhaps better just to be aware of what yours is and plan around it.

Financial freedom is part of getting truly free, for sure. Other parts are romantic freedom, sexual freedom, freedom of purpose, freedom from possessions, etc. A guy can be rich but still be anchored down by many different things, for instance.

Biggest mistake I made with financial freedom was for the longest time trying to figure out everything myself instead of benchmark, follow best practices, and learn from those who were much better than me – so if you want faster financial freedom, I’d suggest you do the opposite of early Chase, and model yourself after someone who’s doing what you want, only 5 or 10 years ahead of you. Plenty of online business gurus to choose from, for instance! Or just about any kind of wealth-building enterprise (real estate, freelancing, running your own consultancy, brick-and-mortar businesses, franchising, etc.).

Chase

SZ's picture

Chase, what do you do when women don't look your way at all during an approach or opener?

I was to start saying hi to women I pass by more often, but it's weird when they don't even look your way at all, it seems like you're being weird to get their attention just so you can say hi, and it's not natural.

I was in the mall and passed by some women, looked at them a lil and they would just look straight.

How do you say hi when passing by women or approach women when they are not even looking your way at all, and you not trying to fiend for attention?

Thanks

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

Check out this article:

Pre-Opening

If at first she doesn’t look, get a little more insistent ;)

Chase

Chandler Bing's picture

Hi Chase,

I was reading your empathy article (http://www.girlschase.com/content/brain-hacks-how-learn-empathy), & you talked about how your low-empathy/sociopathic friends seemed stuck in time, like not changing & on cruise control. I think I found out why thru my experience/an article.

I was low-empathy/sociopathic, even tho my natural personality type (INFJ) is high-empathy, but around people, my empathy seemed turned off due to past trauma, so I was low-empathy/sociopathic - people were interchangeable, my mind was on cruise control constantly, I could be charming, charismatic, etc. & not truly care about anyone tho I was called "popular"/had lots of "friends", etc. but couldn't form deeper relationships & had these poor internal, self-harming patterns & I was able to accomplish a lot & progress externally & do all this self-improvement but internally over a few years, I was still pretty much the same. I never actually was conscious/engaged in my environment. Sometimes it didn't even feel like I was there in my experiences. And I had never really grown internally.

Now that I worked through my issues/my internal stuff (sounds like therapy haha but more just me actually facing what I was running from internally), my empathy has turned on, I'm much more conscious & engaged, I actually think about what people say & my conscious levels/internal growth has jumped like mountains, it's like a few yrs of it all just coming at me at once. It's mind-orgasmic.

Anyway I think the reason people like me, or people like sociopaths/low-empathy don't grow is because of this - (from another article)

"As long as you are trying to avoid something, apart of you is vibrating at a conscious level of shame or guilt. So long as a part of you, however small, is trapped in that level, it makes you unable to wholly progress and evolve as a person. To grow, you need to confront what it is you are trying to avoid."
http://personalexcellence.co/blog/escapism/

^This fit me perfectly. I think this also really explains why these people don't appear to change, caz even regular people will naturally grow in consciousness as they experience new things, think of them differently, etc.

What do you think? - ChandlerBing

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Chandler-

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me!

I’m not an expert on sociopathy, and have only dealt with it via friends, so I haven’t directly experienced it firsthand. So I am wary to weigh in too much on, “I’ll bet it’s this,” or, “I’ll bet it’s that.” I’d rather leave that one to the researchers.

However, I will say it seems like most sociopaths become that way from some measure of childhood trauma, whether abuse or neglect. So my suspicion is there is this degree of turning off they adapt to use to protect themselves from the self-esteem harm that comes from analyzing and accepting the negative judgments or neglect parents or other important figures in their lives send their way. And once they’ve learned to do things on cruise control, they just do that everywhere.

That’d be my anecdote-based, guestimate / speculation analysis. Not sure if I’d base a doctoral thesis on it, but all the pieces I have access to seem to fit that model, at least right now. Your perspective of, “They’re stuck in cruise control until they work through the issue that made them switch it on in the first place,” seems to fit, at least via the lens I view the phenomenon through.

Pretty cool you were able to do that internal work and remap your brain that way. Yours is the first “I was a low/no empathy individual, who retrained his brain to be an empathetic one” anecdote I’ve heard, that I can think of. Generally low/no empathy folk won’t do that, because they view their thinking as less clouded by emotion, superior, and free from the “weakness” of compassion/empathy. You made that shift primarily to break out of cruise control and get back to a life where self-improvement and mental growth were back on the table?

Chase

Motiv's picture

The path to great wealth does indeed seem to go hand in hand with a team mindset – my biggest personal weakness right now. This seems an almost irreconcilable goal with being a "sigma player." The more people look up to you as a leader, the more scrutinous their moral expectations become upon you.

In short: Chase, how do you do it?!

-M

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Mischief-

Plain speak + a compelling vision seems to be about it.

We’re going to do X. Here’s why that’s good and whom that changes life for. Here are the obstacles in our path. Here’s where we’re trying to get to. Here’s your own unique assignment. Can you do it?

Some people won’t buy into it. You don’t hire them / cut them if you do hire them. Some folks don’t care much one way or another. They’re find in grind roles that need repetition and a steady hand and aren’t terribly inspirational anyway. Some folks are down with whatever it is you’re trying to do, though, and those folks you want to make sure you leverage, assuming they fit into the business somewhere. Sometimes you’ll run into folks who are really excited about what you’re trying to do, but they just don’t fit anywhere and you don’t have a good way to use them.

Management’s its own field. People need firm rules, but autonomy. They value meaningful work more than well-paid work, and purpose beats pay for the majority of people (so you can’t just throw money at them, you have to have something they want to be a part of).

People gravitate toward those with purpose. If you can find yours, and imbue your business with the same purpose and gravitas you have yourself, people tend to want to work there. And the greater the purpose, the less certain of the leader’s moral qualities matter (people turn blind eyes to their leaders doing all kinds of amoral things if the leader is moving them in a direction they want to go enough), to an extent; even still, it’s best to set a moral example, because if an equally compelling leader comes along but he is more morally upright, you will lose to him. Confucius’s Analects and Plutarch’s Lives are wonderful tools for building a strong sense of moral reasoning as it relates to leading and managing states or enterprises.

Chase

Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase,

Thanks for diving into this topic.
I'm working hard toward shaping my life and learning the most I can.
In the process, It's great to see posts like this, thanks.

Re: Fundamentals
It's great now, I fixed a few things and got a lot more good reactions.
No muscles, still just toned from all the warehouse work.
A lot more AI, and girls (even not interested) replies warmly, and let me down with hesitation (not sure if that's good, but it's better than an "ughhh no way")

I mean, the difference is just obvious...
It's almost like I was good looking the whole time, but no one knew.
Now, however, they know and they all get giggly.
I can't help but think they all want me; I tried telling myself I'm just overthinking but can't stop it (even though I haven't gotten much results since my overbearing work took over my life...however it was definitely a good experience)

Anyway, the fallback?
Today at work, first time it happened to me, so I found it pretty interesting despite disturbing. A gay guy and his friend came to checkout.

With my eye contact and such, I looked at the girl, (I just felt like it dunno), and the gay guy then gossips about ME with the girl about what he'll do to me and how I want it...
Then the girl asks me, "Do you love it?".
Half confused, half "never had this before", I dismissed it (was at work...too bad) with a "love what? my day?" (since I asked her about her day) and they laughed.

I mean, I should be disturbed right?
But I feel fascinated how I got a gay guy turned on.
Unfortunately for them, I just don't swing that way...

Re: Daygame but too sunny
Hey Chase, any advice on a hat or something that protects the face from UV but still comes off good (good for pickup in day). Now that it's summer, I have to wear something. And can't find anything good except an umbrella (which isn't a good first impression for picking up in the day apparently ;-)) I still keep it, value my skin and health over anything.

It has become an excuse for me, and I'm definitely not letting this happen for the rest of the months.

Any alternative suggestions to protect my face from sun rays (apart from "don't wear anything, just put on sunscreen") and still pick up (no more excuses!) ?

Re: Turning a girl on vs. playful opening
Reading your latest compliment article, I remembered how my friend loves opening with playful ways, like a blah face and such.

Good stuff for kicking them out of auto pilot and what works, works.
But I realize it's not enough for me.
I like direct, I like indirect (but nonverbal direct) game,
It freaking turns the girls on in front of me, seeing her blush, seeing her nervously mumble a reply. It's golden!

Probably it's just me, but having a girl get turned on as she holds it in while her little sibblings are there is much better than a "Hey, I just had to say... I'm a kangaroo!" playful opening :D

Looks like a new age for Lawliet is coming and it's just getting started...
Lawliet

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Lawliet-

Fun stuff to hear your fundamentals blooming and the blossoming confidence in your approaches and the attraction you’re getting from girls (and guys ;).

I can’t think of any hats that are “in” right now. The hipsters have kind of ruined fedoras for a while, so you can’t much do those. Baseball caps are a little 1990s. Visors are too “in my 50s on a golf course”. All I ever use is sunscreen, personally.

But if you want a suggestion other than that, perhaps grab a big pair of sunglasses that covers much of your face. If you’re going to talk to a girl, just lift them up off your eyes so she can read your facial expressions and put them up on top of your head. And stick to the shadows.

Chase

Jason2's picture

This is off topic but if you have the time Chase I'd like you to look into the relation between the old pimping game and the modern day pick up scene . Roosh has an article on it , I want to hear your take on it
I'll link roosh's article for reference http://www.returnofkings.com/71288/pimping-techniques-from-the-1930s-hav...

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Jason-

One of my mentors early on taught what was essentially pimp game. He stopped short of actually pimping girls out to men for money, but he did everything else, including have them spend lots and lots of money on him. I did this early on too because I was young and figured that’s what you were supposed to do, before I got uncomfortable with it and scaled it back.

There’s some overlap between standard pickup-type relationship and seduction game and pimp game. “Keep the pimp hand strong” is more or less a credo of PUA relationships. You’ve always got to be ready to make clear to the girl that you don’t need her.

The parallel Roosh draws in his article between extracting as much sex from a girl in as short a time as possible (modern relationship) and extracting as much money from a girl in as short a time as possible (pimp game) fits how some guys run their sexual relationships, sure. I’d probably call it, “Enjoy it while it lasts,” rather than, “Get as much as possible,” since if it was actually “Get as much as possible” a guy’d have her coming over every night for sex for the first three months, which violates FWB best practices.

At one point the pimp Roosh quotes talks about deep diving and eliciting values. The false disqualification example Roosh quotes falls in the same vein as what you’ll see more advanced relationship guys use in the running of non-standard relationships (I use a lot of these myself, particularly early on in the relationship), however it’s not a very standard part of pickup thought and I don’t see too many guys talk about these in the PUA community.

By the same coin, all the pickup scene really is is a place for men to share best practices in girl-getting. The same stuff guys use in PUA is stuff guys who are good with girls have used since time immemorial, albeit sometimes with different wrapping.

Pimp game is really just regular game on steroids, with more confusion, more misdirection, more frame control, and more push-pull. It’s designed to make a girl so crazy for you, devoted to you, and sucked into your world that she’s willing to go out and have sex with guys she does not like, then give you all the money afterward, just to please her man. In this way, it’s pretty different from how most PUA guys run their relationships, since by and large most don’t go for intense relationships where the girl is crazy devoted to them, but instead aim for laid back casual relationships where the girl gives them sex with as little drama or emotional investment as possible.

Chase

LoverBoy's picture

Hi Chase,

I am used to seeing pretty girls out during the day but sometimes not alone. Like w/ their mom grocery shopping or w/ a friend (girl) at the mall or in library. How do I approach these girls when they're not alone? If they're w/ a friend, I feel a bit poorly for the friend, like I'm not interested in her, etc. - what should I do there?

Btw, these girls are usually younger (<23), prettier, appear more conservative, etc.

Also I'm still struggling to approach girls who are by themselves. Should I first get that down?

Thanks man -

LoverBoy

Author
Chase Amante's picture

LoverBoy-

Mother-daughter is not my area of expertise, but if you check out some of Richard’s posts on the boards, he’s done a fair number of mother-daughter approaches, and even has some lay reports based off of these. He’s the guy you’ll want to check out if you want to know how to pull these off:

Richard’s posts

If she’s with a friend, usually best to approach both girls at once, e.g.: “You guys have this adorable vibe together. What brings you to the mall?” It’s not clever, but it gets them talking and if they like you they will show it. You then either game both girls equally (if you could go for either one), or start out gaming both but then gradually give more attention to one of them. Then you grab phone numbers. If you’re gaming both equally, often you’ll want to invite them both somewhere. If you’ve shifted more of your attention toward one, she’s the one you’ll take the phone number from.

Chase

Sub-Zero's picture

What am I missing Chase?

I can get all the numbers I want, but I can't get sex like I should.

What parts do I have to work on to have these women to have sex with me?

Attracting them isn't the problem, having sex with them is.

I've been acting sexy, and been doing everything from the articles, but to our avail.

What can I do?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

It’s almost certainly a calibration error, judging by where you’re losing girls and your own inability to explain or even guess at what you’re doing wrong. Beyond that, I couldn’t guess what it could be over the Internet, because it could be one of a million different little things.

I suggest you post some field reports to the boards, and try to be as thorough as possible in your descriptions of events. Hopefully someone will be able to tease out mistakes you’re making and point them out to you.

As for girls being all over you and kissing you, then disappearing later, read this:

How to Kiss Girls in Public and Have It Go Great

Generally speaking though, if you let her kiss you in the club, she’s not going to home with you for sex later, and she will almost never agree to see you again after.

Chase

SZ's picture

I can tell you pretty much how the club game goes to a T.

1. I'd dance with them or talk to them get their number, leave, then text them the ice breaker text within the hours you suggested and I either get a reply or I don't.

9 times out of ten the girls are all over me and kiss all over me.

If a girl responds, I wait until a few hours later to ask her, I tell her it was nice meeting her, or what she's up too, then what's her schedule look like for the week

Mostly they say nothing.

if they do say something, we set something up and I get a flake every time, and do not even respond to me after that text.

2. I have talked on the phone to some, i even texted clueless guy questions to some, it seemed to work better, but I still get flaked and lost the girls.

That's it in a nutshell; they're all over me in person, but after that it's cold.

I tried moving fast, I tried moving slow. I try to deep dive a little, I don't deep dive at all, I kiss them, I reject their kiss. Pretty much I try to do the opposite of everything I have done before.

Should I do more clueless text game and make them comfortable? I don't like that, but if it works I will.

Moses's picture

Once again, a spot on, thought-provoking piece here on GirlsChase. Chase, you're a LEGEND. I think about stuff like this all the time but you're just able to articulate and frame such important topics so well. A true testament to how well your understanding is.

Thank you

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