One of the things I always look to guide men out of doing, whether I’m coaching them in-person or advising them via phone or Internet or just writing stuff for them to read, is being the entertainer. I touched on this a bit in Acting With Intent and Faux Pas of the Sociaux Nouveaux, and I really ought to write a proper post devoted mostly to this, but the problem in a nutshell with being the entertainer is that you get a lot of false positives.
After a long break from facial hair, I decided last fall to begin sporting some again. I hadn’t had any since I’d shaved off my moustache and goatee back in 2004. This time though, at the end of 2009, I grew a chinstrap and a soul patch. And I noticed an immediate changed in the level of attraction I got from women.
Asian girls from Asia, I noticed, apparently had preferred me clean-shaven, and their attraction for me went down a bit once I began sporting facial hair. But white girls, on the other hand – whoa. Dramatic increase in attraction there. My approach toward them hadn’t changed. My style hadn’t changed. My voice hadn’t changed. But the level of attraction I got from them after growing a little facial hair – that changed over night.
Some guys are just jerks. And they’re fine with that. They think it’s the right way to get girls – it’s far better than being a nice guy, they’ll tell you. And who can argue with that? Nice guys finish last.
Me? I almost lost the most amazing woman of my life thus far before I ever got her because I was a jerk.
A little over four years ago, I pulled a really thoughtless, jerk move on my first date with a girl I really liked. It’s not important what I did, though I should note that at the time, it felt relatively minor to me, but it was major to her, and as a result, she completely cut me off following it. No answers to my phone calls or texts. No emails. No nothing. The only way I turned it around was because we were already heading off overseas on the same tour, and I put in a Herculean effort there abroad to turn things around with her.
Every guy new to the social arts works on his eye contact. He practices holding eye contact, maintaining it even in the face of social pressure from others who continue to hold eye contact back. He learns the importance of maintaining eye contact while speaking with and listening to others. He learns not to shift his eyes around from eye to eye while looking at someone else.
Really quick quiz: what’s the most powerful tool of seduction in your arsenal? What’s the one thing you have that, when used properly, can turn an ice queen into a kitten and make even the strongest women become bubbly little girls?
- Is it your sense of style?
- Your suave demeanor?
- Perhaps your silver tongue?
Those things all are great, but there’s one thing you can use to greater effect than quite possibly all of them combined. Want to guess what it is?
It’s your smile.
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying:
When I was in high school, I focused really hard on being very still and moving slowly. I thought it made me seem more dominant and powerful, so I put a lot of energy into mastering it.
Nowadays, paying more attention when I'm out and hanging with girls, I'm realizing this is a big thing, nonverbally. Women are very attuned to how still you are. Being still radiates power.
Lately I’ve been thinking that getting girls is a lot easier than it used to seem. There are only a few things you really have to do to be very, very attractive to women and stand out among other men. Here’s what I currently think those things are.