Tactics Tuesdays: High Authority Direct Openers

There are a few varying angles to use to start a conversation with a girl.

You have your indirect openers (which include things like opinion openers and situationally relevant openers). You have direct openers (including compliment openers and opening with a statement of interest). Then you’ve got your playful/nonverbal openers, and things like indirect direct, which fall somewhere in between.

Today we’re going to talk about direct openers, but we’re going to speak about a certain strain of direct opener: the high authority variant.

Because when you can mix authority in with a direct opener, you get a direct open of a very different and altogether more commanding, compelling, and attractive variety.

 

Average Joe Direct Opens: No Authority

When your Average Joe delivers a direct opener, he does so in a way where he is at best on equal footing with the girl he opens, or (worse) slips into outright simping and supplicating.

Average Joe will direct open a girl like this:

[catches girl’s attention]

HIM: Hey, I saw you over here, and this is crazy, but I think you’re really cute. I’m Joe.

His delivery here is key to determining whether he comes in as her equal or as a supplicant.

If it’s like the following, she’ll regard him as probably being roughly her equal:

• His opening body language is fully pointed toward her.

• His facial expression is beaming: eyebrows way up, eyes wide open, with a big, friendly smile.

• He speaks relatively (but not super) fast, with a somewhat higher-pitched tone than usual.

• After he delivers his opener, he waits, and it is obvious from his posture and expression that he is hoping for a good response.

• If she responds well, he behaves somewhat exalted, because now it is going somewhere.

Note that while he seems pretty engaged and focused on her, he’s not defensive, overeager, overly nervous, or approval-seeking. He’s simply talking to her like they’re of the same status, like a friend meeting a friend.

This kind of delivery is totally normal and it’s not bad for guys who are beginners or intermediates. It’ll get girls opened and can lead to girls who hook and agree to go out on dates. The only thing it is lacking is any sense that this man who’s just approached her is an authority figure.

Because it lacks this, girls will regard him as an equal. He is someone just like them who has approached, who is probably of equivalent social status to them or right around there. If he’s dressed down compared to her, or younger than her, or not very attractive, this may work to his slight benefit; she’s intrigued that a guy like this still feels he’s her equal.

If he’s dressed better than she is, clearly older than her, or is otherwise a pretty attractive guy, it’ll feel weird to her, him acting like an equal. She’ll wonder what his disadvantage is that despite his attractive characteristics or obvious seniority he’s still acting like ‘only’ her equal.

There’s another mode of delivery guys will slip into though, too, either because they are new, because they are rusty, or because they’re approaching a girl much hotter than they’re accustomed to. This other mode is that of the full-on approval-seeking opener.

A guy whose opener slips into approval-seeking/simping/supplicating mode will open like so:

• He will stand either too far away (in the ‘polite zone’) OR too close (i.e., all of a sudden he is right on top of her).

• Like the approval-seeking guy, his body language is fully pointed toward her. Unlike the approval-seeking guy, he will generally come across extra stiff as well.

• He has the same starry-eyed, high-eyebrowed expression of the ‘equal footing’ guy, but usually he forgets to smile (he is too nervous to remember to).

• His speech tends to be faster and higher-pitched than the equal-footing guy.

• The opener he delivers tends to carry a subtext with it that he is hoping she will like what he has to say.

• After delivering his opener, he indicates clearly to the girl that he is waiting for her tell him how to proceed, for instance: “I’m Joe. So…?” trailing off while leaving an opening for her to approve or reject his approach.

• If she responds well, he behaves as if he is both excited and relieved.

A delivery like this tells a girl that a guy is nervous and really was hoping she’d approve of him and not reject him. Some girls may find this kind of bashfulness charming. Most however simply view it as a sign a guy is not a serious romantic prospect for them.

Why not?

Because women aren’t attracted to men they have to approve of.

They’re attracted to men who decide on whether to approve of them.

 

High Authority Direct Openers

Imagine you’ve stepped out onto the sidewalk in the middle of the afternoon, just having sealed an important business deal. It’s going to make you and your whole team significantly wealthier. You are dressed to the nines in stylish, powerful business attire. Not to mention not two days ago you picked up a gorgeous girl with an incredible body from a party you were at and bedded her in under two hours. Afterward, she confessed that when she and her girlfriends all saw you mingling with everyone, they all thought you were really sexy and were hoping you’d come talk to them. She just texted you this morning asking if she can see you tonight; you haven’t answered her yet. You feel like the king of the world.

You glance over and notice a really cute girl in her late teens, standing in front of a clothing shop, stealing glances at you, then looking shyly away. She’s dressed in sexy but casual attire. She doesn’t seem to be doing anything important.

Immediately you feel like a wolf who’s just spotted a little lamb. You’re almost licking your lips. Your feet start moving as you home in on her to make your approach. How will you deliver it?

You can probably imagine what that delivery feels and looks like. If you have some experience approaching women, you can probably think back on times when you made your approach with exactly this vibe: an authoritative, powerful, high status guy “just seeing if she meets my standards” way:

YOU: Hey. I saw you standing here. I thought you looked interesting and wanted to talk to you. I’m Steve.

You can feel the difference in vibe between that and the guy on equal footing or the guy who is supplicating, right?

Can you feel how this guy is coming in not as a simp, not as an equal, but as a higher status guy screening her to see if she meets his standards right from the opener?

How’s that happen though? What is different?

 

Elements of a High Authority Opener

A high authority opener doesn’t actually have to be direct. You can open indirectly in authoritative ways too. However, it’s easier to demonstrate with direct openers, and it’s arguably easier to pull off with them too.

Women are very attracted to authority in men. It is a primary attraction trigger. Very few women are not looking for a man higher status and more authoritative than they are. Even if a girl says she likes men who are ‘equals’, if you scan her dating history it always consists of a few relationships with beta guys she bossed around then dumped once she grew too bored, interspersed with flings with more dominant men she couldn’t rope into beta roles but who got her juices flowing more than the feeble long-term boyfriends she had ever did.

Furthermore, people simply respond to authority, and women more so than men. One of the most mind-blowing things about seduction for most guys is how easy it can be to get women to comply with you, on all kinds of things, if you simply ask them to with enough oomph.

A high authority direct opener takes this same commanding authoritativeness and weaves it into the opener. This way, you come in with authority right off the bat.

What are the elements that make a high authority opener work?

They fall into two categories: verbal and nonverbal.

 

Verbal Elements of a High Authority Direct Opener

Compare our equal-or-supplicating opener against our authoritative one:

EQUAL: Hey, I saw you over here, and this is crazy, but I think you’re really cute. I’m Joe.

AUTHORITY: Hey. I saw you standing here. I thought you looked interesting and wanted to talk to you. I’m Steve.

Most of the time we say that it doesn’t matter what you say; it is all in how you say it.

While this is mostly true, the words do still play a role.

Like in this case.

Both openers start the same, with a greeting (“Hi”, “Hey”) and pacing her reality (“I saw you standing here”). Both openers also end the same, with an introduction (“I’m [NAME]”).

It is in the middle where the two diverge.

What’s it mean when you say “This is crazy” or “This is random” as you open a girl? It means you are trying to defuse tension. There’s an assumption baked into the opener that you are violating social norms, thus need to defuse tension by pointing out the craziness/randomness of your approach.

Why would you do something that violates social norms? Well, I guess you must really like this girl. This girl who you do not even know.

You like this female stranger who does not know you so bad you’re going to do something crazy or random just to meet her! You must be pretty into her!

Right away, this opener verbally starts off giving the woman a lot of power. She is at least equal status with the approach maker. She might be higher status.

Compare that with the authoritative opener:

“I thought you looked interesting and wanted to talk to you.”

This does a couple of things:

• It puts some social pressure on her right from the start. What if, once you start talking to her, you DON’T find her interesting? Then she will have failed your screen. She may feel a bit embarrassed, especially if you come across as a high authority guy she will want to impress.

• It sets an expectation right from the start that you’ve approached her to talk to her. Not to pay her a compliment and move on. Not to shoot your shot. You want to talk to her.

That’s direct – and authoritative. It tells her right away you are there to talk to her, and that it is because you think she looks interesting. She can’t try to act like you were just speaking to her in passing, and if she acts boring she knows it will come across like she’s the one sabotaging things.

There are other ways to deliver this same kind of authoritative direct middle section:

1. A unique, genuine compliment (that is NOT a generic “pretty” or “cute”)

2. Certain “you looked/seemed” remarks (fun, cool, interesting, like trouble)

3. A cold read “needed/could use” (“You looked like you could use some help”, “You looked like you needed some cheering up”)

You don’t need to always say you wanted to talk to her, speak with her, or come meet her. That’s optional. It’s just another element that adds to the direct-ness of the approach.

 

Nonverbal Elements of a High Authority Direct Opener

What about the nonverbal elements of a high authority direct opener?

I can’t show them to you since I’m writing this (maybe I’ll do a video on it for GirlsChase.TV).

But I will do my best to describe them to you here. These are the main nonverbal elements of a high authority direct opener, and how one differs from the equal-footing or supplicating versions of direct:

• You stand close enough to be in her space, but not so close it’s uncomfortable.

• Your opening body language will tend to mirror hers, and generally give her slightly less of your body (i.e., your power positions) than she’s giving you.

• Your facial expression is friendly and energetic yet at the same time questioning. You really are intrigued by this girl, there’s no denying that – but you are scrutinizing her at the same time. So, you smile, and your eyes are open, but your eyebrows, while raised, aren’t all the way up, and your smile, while sincere, is more playful than beaming.

• Your speech is still a bit faster and higher pitched than it will be later in the courtship (you are not speaking in your bedroom voice just yet). However, you’re speaking more even-keel and less rushed than the equal-footing and supplicating guys do.

• After your opener and name offer, you’re either going to roll right into asking her about something if there is something you genuinely want to ask her, or you are going to look a bit bored if you decide to wait and she does not immediately jump in to contribute. The sub-communication here is that you don’t really care how she reacts to your opener (i.e., you are not seeking her approval); instead, either there is something you want to know, or you are waiting to see if she is worth your time, now that you have made the first move.

• If she responds well, your demeanor does not change. Of course, if she’s responding very well, you should reward her by showing interest in what she says or, in exceptional cases, with a little extra touch (be careful about rewarding with touch too early – like right off the opener. Best to wait about 30 seconds until you start using touch as a reward. You can still touch off the opener – e.g., with a handclasp introduction – you’re just not using touch as an immediate reward).

Get these right, and combine them with a verbally authoritative opening line, and you’ve got yourself a high authority opener.

 

Authority and Fundamentals

Just the other day we talked about dressing to showcase who you are.

There’s a variety of ways you can use clothes to make yourself come across more authoritative:

• Really impressive business attire does this.

• Clothes that show off your big muscles if you have them do this.

• Extremely cool clothes very hip with modern fashion do this too.

• Fashion that perfectly matches and looks cool for the environment you’re in can do this.

All your other fundamentals play a role in this too.

If you approach a girl with bad fashion, terrible posture, poor eye contact, and a mumbling voice, then deliver a high authority direct opener, it’ll feel incongruous to her: why’s this low value-looking guy behaving like an authority?

That’s still better than coming in equal or supplicating as an unattractive guy. But it’s going to get you a lot more tests. Of course, overcome them, and you look like a diamond in the rough.

You can save yourself a lot of trouble though if you just get your fundamentals tight enough that women expect you to come in authoritatively.

Now, here’s the flipside: the better your fundamentals get, the more women expect you to speak to them with authority. When a woman sees a man who makes her feel a little intimidated, yet he speaks to her in a way that makes it seem like he is seeking her approval or waiting for her to green light things, something feels very off to her.

Why is this guy she THOUGHT was higher status than her acting like they’re of equal status, or like she is higher?

Keep in mind, we are talking status considerations, not kindness/humanity/humility. You can speak to someone from a position of status without being a pompous asshole. Think of how a good teacher or boss speaks to you. You don’t feel condescended to; but you are still aware this person is higher status than you. It’d be weird if your boss or teacher tried too hard to be your buddy, or (worse) started to actively court your approval.

The point is, the better your fundamentals get, the more important it becomes for you to open with authority. It’s weird when a guy looks powerful but opens limp.

(that doesn’t mean you have to use direct openers, or always state interest, etc. It just means you need to hold that intrigued-but-withholding-judgment-till-I-see-more authoritative frame more and more as your fundamentals improve)

 

Wrap Up

Girls like authoritative males.

They don’t really like guys who want their approval. They’re generally ‘meh’ on guys who treat them like equals, too, though you may get somewhere with them doing this sometimes, especially if they like your look or you are just their type or you caught them at just the right opportunity.

Ordinary men tend to deliver direct openers (and all their openers) from an approval-seeking or at least a wait-and-see approach, which shows the girl they care very much how she reacts.

That’s not to say it doesn’t matter how she reacts… every courtship is a back-and-forth, and you need to see what she does before you know how to calibrate what you’ll do next. But the way you want to come in as a high authority male is as a guy who is intrigued by her, but scrutinizing her somewhat. You are not there for her approval. You are there to find out if she can earn yours.

If you’re not used to talking to women from an authoritative position, and you’re not sure how to do this without sounding like some stiff trying-too-hard-to-be-an-authority guy, try this:

The next time you approach a girl, try to imagine she’s a student in a class you’re teaching, or a trainee you’re responsible for at work. Put her mentally in a lower status role as you approach her, and talk to her from that point of view.

It will get you speaking to her in the right way – and might even help you execute a high authority opener… one that causes her to view you as a potential authority right from the get-go, and experience the boost in attraction for you that comes right with it.

Chase Amante