The goal of seduction is to make a girl think “I want this” with you. With a bit of knowledge and skill, you can choose what ‘this’ is and lead her toward it.
Women and men want to meet at least ONE person in their lives they're attracted to and find chemistry with, if not more. Of course, that extends beyond just one suitor and one lead.
Women are bombarded left, right, and center with requests from men in person, at bars, at their workplace, and increasingly online. Competition is fierce, and it’s common for women to have partner counts now in the double digits.
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Despite having a dizzying array of choices, for sex to happen, it’s critical for a woman to get beyond just entertaining the idea of getting with a man and actually make the decision (consciously or subconsciously) to do so.
At the decision point, she's thinking: “I want THIS with this man.”
But “THIS” could mean any number of things, including:
- A date
- A one-night stand
- A friend with benefits
- A relationship
- Some social value or a connection that could be meaningful
However, until she consciously chooses what "this" is, a guy can only try to lead her toward what he desires with her. We can’t force any girl to do anything against her will, but we CAN influence her to make choices that align with our goals, as long as she feels that those choices align with her goals. For example, if a guy wants a girl to be a friend with benefits, he does his best to frame himself as the kind of guy she'd want as a friend with benefits. He must show her that being with him in that capacity is something she consciously wants.
The key word here is “consciously.” If a girl wants you unconsciously, but she isn’t sure consciously, then have a look at our recent article series on Female State Control to see how this conflict can sabotage moving forward with a woman. If her unconscious and conscious minds are in sync with her desire, there’s nothing stopping both of you from getting together.
So, to separate yourself as the guy who gets her among the hundreds of guys chasing her without any luck, you must learn to make her feel that sense of “I want this” with you.
She Has to Feel In Control
Seduction is perplexing. Like anything that involves human psychology, there are conscious and subconscious elements at play. Subconsciously, men and women are subject to the same human wants, needs, and desires, and can be swayed. So, the conscious mind is the biggest enemy of seduction. We have to sway our interactions to the girl’s conscious mind to create the sense of “I want this” to move things forward.
“I want this” is ultimately the human brain and ego exercising control over a person’s decision to move forward. Our egos need to feel like we’re in control of a decision to justify that we are receiving what we desire.
When girls feel that sex is their choice, and she feels “I want this,” then a seduction can be considered a roaring success. It’s especially true if a man led her in that direction, and the outcome was mutually beneficial (e.g., an enjoyable date, great sex, a relationship, etc.).
This was all her idea. Or so she thinks.
The greatest sales technique is when a buyer thinks he walked into a store and selected an item of his own free will, with perhaps minimal assistance from a sales person. This is regardless of any influence from the salesperson, brand, marketing, social media, advertising, and prior experience with that product! Yet, we know that when we look deeper, it’s rarely this simple, as all those factors are at play whether we're conscious of it or not.
In our courtships, we want to make a woman feel like we are sweeping her off her feet. But it’s also her choice to be led by us, and it’s her will to be with the man.
Pressure is the worst enemy of courtship, seduction, and sex. The opposite of pressure is self-selection, choosing because you want something badly.
How Do Girls Select You?
Now that we’ve established that a girl must select you for what you’re offering her, let’s look at the subtle ways in which girls evaluate this in different game settings.
Day Game
Day game is likely the most challenging way a girl selects a guy. It’s the game setting where the man does all the selecting, day game’s biggest drawback. Guys must pick out a girl in a situation where she’s not actively looking for a man for anything, and he has to frame things to make her feel like she's the one doing the selecting.
If there’s no desire from the girl to move things forward, and the guy doesn’t actively create this anticipation with a girl, then the process will ultimately be futile for both, and nothing will happen. This is the biggest challenge in day game.
For this reason, I consistently apply influence game on women I meet from day game. I’ll use sex talk at the appropriate times, disqualify myself as a boyfriend, and set up dates with logistics and a vibe that will work well for a passionate night together. Most of all, your key methods will be investment and compliance. Her investment in you and her compliance with your lead will create attraction and that feeling of being under your influence. The final step is setting up the environment and vibe for something sexual, arousing her so that she thinks “I want this.”
Finally, you have to hold the right frame. By default, in day game, women will evaluate men as monogamous partners. She’ll start with the frame of being curious about the guy but also wanting him to win her over. In day game, the onus is entirely on the guy to create the feeling of “I want this” for her. In day game, her conscious mind hasn’t chosen to select a guy, as it’s the guy who has approached her.
She has no idea yet what she wants the guy for until he presents it to her.
Her default assumption might be “friend” or “husband” unless you present yourself as something different.
So, premise is critical. Show your sexual intent, then see if she’ll follow your lead. Use sexual frames, humor, and act a bit “playerish” with some provider mixed in, and you might intrigue her.
Night Game
Night game is a mix between day game and online dating. A girl choosing to go out and put herself in a position where she can meet men and they can hit on her is her choice. She goes out to bars, lounges, and clubs at night, and she always knows there’s a possibility she could meet a guy there who arouses her and takes her home for a night of debauchery.
However, that’s the extent of her taking responsibility for it happening. Beyond this, it’s up to the guy to create the rest and set her up for a night of passion. Girls are open to being seduced by a guy in night game, but that doesn’t mean she’ll choose ANY guy out there. Herein lies the rub with night game. Women’s standards are much higher than in day game even though her level of control is slightly higher. Guys have a longer road to success in night game than with day game, even though she’s more mentally ready.
All these factors mean that guys can set up very fast seductions with girls in night game if they know what they’re doing. She’s already chosen to put herself out there, so if she meets the right guy who does all the right things, she’s totally down to follow his lead. However, if she doesn’t meet a guy who is good enough, then she’ll be equally fine, albeit disappointed, to go home alone.
“I want this” stems from her arousal and desire to put herself out there, combined with a man’s strong, sexy, fast, and smooth lead to close her. With night game, since she already put herself out there for this to happen, the path to sex is more streamlined.
Online Dating and Apps
Online and app dating tend to be better for selection and don’t deal with this issue nearly as much. It’s mostly because apps and online dating involve swipes and matching. Once a girl swipes right on a guy, or chooses him on a dating site, then she’s already decided on the first step to select a guy and that she wants something with him.
However, online dating is a hugely competitive market. The next step happens once a girl takes the initiative and either messages a guy, or responds to his opener and follows his lead. Both these actions from her are indications that she wants to see where something might go with a guy; she's interested in giving him a shot.
As with night game, online dating is more pronounced for “I want this” because it’s a girl’s choice to put herself on an app or in the marketplace.
She's consciously thought, “I want to meet a great guy on a dating app.”
Her decision and bias are in place, as is her idea of exactly what she wants to use the app for. Because she’s putting herself out in a very competitive marketplace, a guy’s passage to entry is much narrower, and his room for error is microscopic. Any guy in the modern era will find that even just one mistake with a girl on an app can spell failure.
Both men and women choose dating apps to play the numbers game for volume to get what they want. They rarely do it to find that perfect person regardless of the site's stated purpose. I think this is what makes online dating so good for volume hookups. Women are actively using it to attain this end, as well as guys. Competition is fierce, though – it’s a woman’s marketplace.
Create “I Want This” with Tact and Skill
Throughout the ages, we’ve tried all sorts of means to get women to choose us over other men. A large part of what society views as successful is often not for the merits of success, but because those men hope to use that success to attract women into their lives.
Always remember that it's best to make a girl feel like she’s choosing you first. Her choice in wanting you more than you want her creates that chasing dynamic that’s so crucial to getting together.
Varoon
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