Why You Must Break the Touch Barrier Early with Girls

The longer you wait to touch a girl, the weirder it gets when you finally do. Touch her early and often to reap all the benefits of this powerful seduction tool.

On meets with girls, you have to break the touch barrier eventually if you’re planning to sleep with her. The longer you wait, the more odd it’s going to feel for her, and the more pressure there will be for both of you.

Imagine going on dates with two different girls. You spend the first 90 minutes on the date with the first girl not touching, then make your first move. But with the second girl, you touch her in the first five minutes and continue to have touch throughout the date. Which date will feel more natural to the girl? On which date will the transition to intimacy be smoother?

Long story short, if you don’t touch early, you’re dooming yourself to face a bigger uphill battle of comfort to touch later on. It makes all the difference if you establish touch early on. This gets her thinking touch between the two of you is normal and expected. It's comfortable and never comes as a surprise.

Generally, people make their first impressions of others within the first five to ten seconds of meeting. Additionally, the first 5–10 minutes of a date sets the tone. So, the best way to break the touch barrier is to do it early and quickly in your meets to set the tone.

I recommend, at the very least, touching her warmly when ending your approach set, and it’s also important to touch in the first moments of your first date, which starts the escalation. From the moment you greet her at the venue, the touch should begin as a form of physical intimacy.

Here's how to do it.

 

What Types of Touch Should You Use?

We can break touch down into three types:

• Overt touch

• Incidental touch

• Leading touch

The two primary forms of touch are overt touch and incidental touch. Both are good when you’re in a stationary setting with a girl, and both require a level of comfort and attraction to work well. You should also have a super-calibrated frame in place. The third type, leading touch, is better for taking girls from here to there when transitioning between venues and moving her to another spot on a date.

 

Overt Touch

Overt touch is exactly what it sounds like. You touch a girl overtly to demonstrate sexual or romantic intent. Good places to touch her are the small of her back, her hands, arms, and backs of the elbows. You can also touch the tops of her thighs (sometimes having your hand resting on her thigh). In addition to the location, overt touch also varies by how large an area you touch, and how much pressure you apply. You can apply a finger or two or use your entire hand. You can touch a girl very lightly, almost feather-like, or apply much more pressure to communicate strength and dominance.

A good time to overtly touch her is after she’s already very comfortable with you and probably thinking about having sex. It’s best after you’ve addressed or destroyed anti-slut defense (ASD), or if you have a sexual vibe going and she’s into it. Comfort is crucial for overt touch to work well. If a girl isn’t comfortable, overt touch will come off as too aggressive, and can cause her to auto-reject or back away.

All girls value discretion, and unfortunately, overt touch can make a girl feel like a sex object when others are around. For some guys, overt touch will come across as either too try-hard or will make her feel too slutty, so you should be very calibrated. Some girls will love this kind of touch, but for others, it may feel too aggressive. Overt touch is blatantly obvious and can come off as a guy hitting on a girl. (Remember we want HER to chase US, not the other way around.) Overt touch could force a girl to reject that frame to protect her reputation.

On the flip side, for arousal, you can use overt touch to massage a girl in the right places and make her incredibly horny, helping move things along if she’s on the fence about going home with you.

 

Incidental Touch

In my view, incidental touch is the most powerful and discreet form of touch. Simply bring your body close to hers and hold your touch while doing something else. Examples might be sitting next to each other, and you pull her in, so the sides of your bodies are touching. If you’re sitting at a bar having a drink on a date, you can spread your legs so that the entire side of your leg is touching the side of her leg and knee. If you’re standing, say, at an art gallery, you can turn and point something out, while allowing the entire side of your body to touch hers.

Incidental touch powerfully raises sexual tension, as physical contact is still occurring but not in an obvious way. From an outsider’s perspective, you should appear to be a couple and together, but without trying. It’s different from overt touch when it’s obvious that a guy is explicitly touching a girl. Incidental touch should merely appear that the two of you are close to each other.

Use incidental touch to make her feel close to you but not forcefully and overtly. As with much in seduction, if you create the frame, it becomes true. So, with incidental touch, just being close to her physically makes HER feel physically close to you. It has the added benefit of conveying sexual intent without seeming like you’re trying.

If you’re doing it right, no one else can tell that you’re working your way into her panties, but it looks like you both are close and “a thing.”

Discretion here is extremely powerful; it comes off as calibrated, as though you’re telling her you know what she wants but are socially conscious enough to not make her feel or appear slutty.

 

Leading Touch

Use leading touch when you’re leading a girl between venues or from place to place within venues. This is walking with her as a unit, rather than both walking separately but to the same destination. Instead of walking alongside each other with or without a gap, grab her upper shoulder, pulling her into you, walking in sync. (I don’t hold her hand, as it sets too much of a cheesy romantic tone, for me at least.) Effectively holding her around her shoulder or waist, you will both become one unit walking together.

If you do this correctly, she should start to melt into you and comply. If she rejects this move, you need more comfort with her first. Girls love to be held and to be led by a strong man. This is what leading her should accomplish. Apart from getting her from here to there, it lets the two of you feel like you’re already a unit or a couple and makes her feel held and desired by a strong man.

Make no mistake; leading touch a potent form of touch AND dominance. I’ve had girls comply with leading touch as soon as the first five minutes into a date. It moves things along incredibly fast. Another way to use leading touch is when pulling her back to your place. Try it before going into your apartment building, as long as you’re holding her and walking together, you can easily lead her into your place naturally without questions asked. Even if she asks where you’re going, simply transition to plausible deniability.

 

How to Use Touch to Lead on Meets

Now let’s take everything I covered above and translate it into a working system for when you’re getting physical with a girl and moving through the approach to sex.

 

Light Touch During and at the End of Your Approach

To set the best frame, it’s best to begin light touch and contact during the approach. A girl’s receptiveness to touch on the approach is a combination of comfort plus her attraction to you. For the best results without scaring her away, you must have at least one or the other before you can touch. Ideally, you want to have both.

About 95% of my approaches are from Day Game when meeting women on the street. So this step might skew heavily in favor of that direction. At the end of an approach, depending on the vibe a girl gives, I like to touch her on the departure. I’ll cup her elbow or sometimes even give a hug as we part ways. If you can touch her in a warm, flirty, and sexual way with a smile, it sets the right tone and gets her super excited to meet you later.

And if you're hitting it off really well and have a playful vibe, there's nothing wrong with a little teasing and horseplay.

Women mirror the man's frame if she's attracted. If you set yours, and she’s receptive, it’s an incredibly good sign.

 

Touch in the First Minute of Meeting Her Again

When you’re meeting her again on a date, the first ten minutes of the date will ultimately set the tone.

Begin your dates with touch IMMEDIATELY, or at least in the first minute or so to break the touch barrier and set the expectation that touch with you is normal. I like to do a double cheek kiss as I grab both her hands, and sometimes I will even spin her around. As I lead a girl into a venue, I offer my arm so we can walk in together as a unit.

 

Start with Incidental Touch

Your dates should start with incidental touch and escalate to overt touch if appropriate. Overt touch can trigger anti-slut defense, so it’s best to use only after she’s decided she’s going to sleep with you or is getting aroused. You need to establish comfort first, anyway.

Incidental touch is powerful and discreet. Keep your body physically close to hers. She will feel close to you and compliant. So always start with incidental touch to begin making her feel close to you discreetly. Since incidental touch also builds comfort and closeness, make it a point to get close to her as much as you can.

 

Use Leading Touch Between Venues

Leading touch is best to use between venues and conveys that you are a strong man and a confident leader. Use your entire body to move her around and walk as if you’re a unit. Grab her around the upper shoulder and walk confidently and comfortably together to the next spot.

When most girls walk with a guy, they’ll walk at arms-length. With leading touch, you’ll grab her around the shoulder and pull her into you, walking together with her. It has the dual effect of:

1. Dominantly leading her

2. Making her feel close to you

With leading touch, you’ll know you’re doing it right when she either walks at the same pace as you or she melts into your body and gets closer while walking. Sometimes, I’ll have girls put their head on my shoulder or body as they’re walking. But this is usually after the second venue or on the way home.

The way she touches you back is a great indicator for where you are in terms of attraction and desire.

 

Escalate to Overt Touch

Since the strength of overt touch is arousal, and its weakness is anti-slut defense, it’s best to use overt touch when the vibe needs to shift from sexual tension to intense arousal. Overt touch is ideal when you’re isolated, and no one can see your touch. If you have some sex talk with her and you’re sitting at the bar together, and she’s visibly aroused, use overt touch to seal the deal in her mind that you’re really into her.

Another good time for overt touch is when she’s indecisive about going home with you but not giving you a clear “no.” She might be on the fence, or she simply needs more arousal. A combination of overt touch and kissing can create intense arousal, shifting her decision from “maybe” to “yes.”

You want to kiss in the middle of the date, not just at the end.

If you start overt touch too early and obviously, it can easily backfire. Comfort is key before overt touch, as is managing discretion. No girl will appreciate overt touch if it makes her look slutty, so make sure if you’re using overt touch that you do it subtly, taking your surroundings into account.

 

Verbal Game Vs. Touch Dilemma

I know many talented seducers who barely use touch at all. The truth is that touch can be both helpful as well as harmful to a seduction.

There are two distinct game styles:

1. Verbal-based

2. Vibe-based

Both are equally effective, but you cannot do both at once. You must do one or the other.

If your game is primarily verbal, your best friend will be incidental touch, and you’ll only want to do overt touch in private. However, if you prefer vibe, then all three forms of touch are usable throughout the seduction.

Set up your encounter with a woman using either verbal or vibe game as the principal element. However, whichever route you choose, touch still plays a huge role in helping to move the seduction along and to set the right tone.

As we discussed in this article, it’s always best to break the touch barrier early. Use touch to dominantly lead, so that a woman feels led and protected in your presence.

Varoon