Tactics Tuesdays: In the Bedroom, Escalate 10% Slower Than She Wants

Want an easy way to make a girl want it more in the bedroom? Make your physical escalation go 10% slower than she wants it to go.

One of the biggest aspects of sexual enjoyment is not the actual sex itself.

During the act itself, you might use good technique and be passionate. These things help up a woman's enjoyment (and yours).

But like a young child biding his time until Christmas, it is the anticipation that heightens her enjoyment of the experience most. Good sex (like a good Christmas) is magnitudes better with proper buildup and anticipation before it.

How do you build all that anticipation in her? I talked about some ways in an article some years back: "How to Turn a Girl On: 3 Tiers of Sexual Excitement."

Today I'll talk about another way: escalating just slightly slower than she wants you to.

 

Escalation Speed vs. What She Wants

The most common objections from women in the bedroom are "It's too fast", "It's too soon", "I don't know you that well", "Not yet!" These are surmountable... we have plenty of articles that talk about how to beat this resistance at the last minute prior to sex:

• Take Women to Bed: Successful Physical Escalation
• Last Minute Resistance from Sexy Women: Treating It and Beating It
• Shatter Last Minute Resistance with Compassion + Passion
• How to Use Pattern Interrupts to Bust Through LMR
• Bust LMR with Fractionation (and Sidestep Women's Resistance to Sex)

But what if you could largely avoid last minute resistance altogether?

What if the only objections you get are faint ones, moaned out unseriously by her as she submits to your gradual, tantalizing escalation?

One of the easiest ways to think about resistance generation is "how fast are you escalating vs. how fast does she want you to escalate."

When you escalate faster than she is ready for, you encounter resistance. She's not ready for this. She needs to push back to give herself room to think. She gets logical in the moment -- because hey, she isn't feeling this... is it really what she wants?

When you escalate slower than she is ready for, you encounter desire. She wants you to move things faster. She starts to ache for your touch, kisses, massages, penetration. She grows impatient as she wonders if you are just going to tease her, or if you'll knock off the teases and just give her what she wants.

The difference between 'faster than she wants' and 'slower than she wants' doesn't have to be much. It will often be as little as 3 or 4 minutes. Just 3 or 4 minutes of teasing your escalation to draw things out a bit more... and make her desire it before you give it to her.

That extra few minutes can be the sole difference between 'wall of resistance you can't overcome' versus 'her growing more and more antsy as she squirms to get you to give her what she wants'.

 

Fast Escalation Without Rushing

There's a kind of Goldilocks rule of escalation. This breaks escalation down into three different categories, according to your speed and her reaction to it:

• Escalation that is too slow: she gets frustrated, annoyed, turned off
• Escalation that is too fast: she feels jarred, out-of-the-moment, startled
• Escalation that is just right

If you go too slow for a girl, she will slip into a sour mood and may eventually close herself off and leave. I had a friend who was into experimenting how slow he could take his escalations with girls (after he'd had his fill of random flings and hookups). He had a few occasions where a girl would sit around cross-armed in his place, scowl on her face, after he had teased and teased and teased and still not closed the deal, and ask my friend "Are we going to hook up or not?" He'd try to stretch it out just a little bit longer... and she'd get fed up and leave (you've got to take things too far once or twice to figure out where the boundaries are really at). In these cases, my friend took things too slow, and lost the girl. This is common not just with experienced seducers experimenting with drawing things out, but with inexperienced men who are just too nervous to move things forward fast enough.

On the other hand, if you go too fast for a girl, I think most men have had that experience. You're alone with her, there's been this buildup, and you figure "All right. Time for sex!" So suddenly you're on her, you drool all over her, you try to tear her clothes off, and she... pushes you off and tells you "I'm just not feeling it!" This can discourage you ("Geez, what do I have to do with this girl? I thought she liked me! I guess I was wrong..."), and burst the bubble for her ("I was having such a good time with him... but this is too much! Can't he see where I'm at right now?").

The easiest example of 'fast yet unrushed escalation' is where you run your hands over a woman's body (while alone with her somewhere), going to increasingly intimate parts of her body... all while you keep your hands moving so she isn't able to push your hands off. This does two things for you:

1. You make contact with these parts of her body (breasts, butt, vagina), which triggers excitement and arousal in her -- "Oh. We ARE going there!"

2. You then move off that part of her body before she can have that 'resistance' thought of "... well I shouldn't let him leave his hand there" or push you off

Glide your hand over her pussy... then down to her leg before she even registers she should take your hand off.

The net effect is you introduce more and more anticipation pings, where you tease her a bit with touch on these naughty bits of hers... yet don't keep your contact there long enough for her to feel satisfied and say "Okay, that's enough of that. Time to move his hand off."

Instead her thought pattern is more akin to "Oh! His hand is on my pussy... oh wait he moved it off. I was kind of enjoying it. I hope that isn't the last time he's going to touch me there...?"

And her anticipation builds.

This is not the only way to build the anticipation you need to achieve that '10% slower than she'd like' escalation, either. There are more.

 

The Big Secret: Tease First, Then Satisfy

Occasionally you will meet that girl who doesn't care much for teasing.

Her sex drive works more like a man's. She just wants you to get right to it: finger her, lick her, stick your penis in. Get to it, buddy.

But for almost all the other women you'll meet, anticipation is the best aphrodisiac. In fact, even for those insistent "let's just get to sex" girls, a little anticipation (but not too much) heightens the experience as well. You just have to make sure you're calibrating the level of anticipation you build to the woman you're with -- different women want to move at different speeds, which means "10% slower than she wants" means different amounts of teases and buildup for different girls.

The big secret of going slightly slower than a woman wants you to go during the escalation is to tease first, then wait, then satisfy after.

We can call that 'tease -- pause -- give' for short.

All anticipation-building works this way.

First you tease the thing you will give somebody.

Then you pause for a moment to let the anticipation build.

Then only once she is sufficiently desirous of the thing do you actually give it to her in full.

You do want her to long for your cock before you give her your cock, right? Teasing before satisfaction is how you get there.

There are all sorts of ways to tease then satisfy during the escalation. Some of the better ones include to:

• Describe it before you do it. Get very close to her, and tell her "Isn't it so sensual... when two people are so close... close enough to smell the other person's breath... and you know there is about to be kissing, and licking, and body contact... yet it has not started yet, and instead you just linger?" Then let her linger for a moment before you start to kiss her, lick her, and have a lot more body contact with her.

  You can do this with every step of the escalation... one way I particularly like to use it is when I've taken a piece of clothing off but haven't touched that part of the girl's body yet. e.g., if you've just removed her shirt and bra, but haven't actually touched her nipples yet, you may get very close, as if about to lick them, then stop, and say "The best part about something sensual is that pause before it happens... where you wonder if the other person will actually wrap mouth around nipple or not... and hold your breath in anticipation." Then pause for a moment and give her a chance to suck in her breath in (as you've subtly commanded her to, with that little bit of NLP)... before you put your mouth on her and give her that big rush of relief/satisfaction.

• Introduce an unknown element. Sometimes I will tell a girl "You know what I should do to you?" then pause, and continue: "... no, I can't do that. That would be too naughty for you. Your head would explode." If it works as intended, she will start to say "What? What? Tell me!" to which a few times you will say "No, I couldn't possibly" and finally "Well all right", and do whatever the thing is (best in my experience is something sensual but unexpected... like licking her entire body from head to toe, or making out with the back of her hand, then turning it over to make out with her palm... then doing the same thing on her forearm, then upper arm, then chest, then breasts. I suppose you could continue the technique down to making out with her belly button, then vagina... but by the time you reach her breasts she is already so turned on you can just stick your penis into her without further ado).

  If she resists and says something like "Yeah, you probably shouldn't", you just say "I'm glad you agree" and drop it. In a minute or two she will usually ask "So what was the thing you wanted to do with me?", and the game is on.

• Start to do something, then stop. You can drive girls crazy with this move. Start to make out with her, for instance, then stop. Leave her mouth and go back to kissing her neck. You can do it without saying anything, or you can tell her something like "No, we can't do that..." as you stop and return to some lower form of escalation. This works with everything, so long as there is a lower form of physical escalation you can revert to (i.e., don't go from touching her to not touching her... it creates too uncomfortable a gap). I have plenty of times done this all the way up to the point of sex... you stick your penis into her, give her a couple thrusts, and as she is moaning, you withdraw from her, tell her "Aw, we can't do this", then leave your penis in the air for a moment and go back to just heavily kissing her body, penis hovering outside her vagina or even with the tip resting against the lips of her vagina, as you let her wonder if you're going to deny her sex. Then shove your cock back into her and tell her "Ah, what the hell" and watch the delighted relief wash over her face (it's really fun... just don't do it with a girl you think might actually stop you and say "You're right" once your cock is back out).

  One note: do this a bit, but don't overdo it. Typically you should not tease any one thing more than once or twice. Sometimes you can do more, but... be careful about it. It's easy to make the technique stale if you overdo it -- or make her feel like you're just toying with her.

• Ask her what she wants. Mid-escalation, once she's already pretty into it, you can ask her "So what's the sexiest thing a man could do to you?" Assuming she's already bought into the escalation, this is where you'll get her telling you a kink she has (like "suck on my toes" or "lick my butthole") that gets her really turned on that most guys will never find out their first nights with her (or maybe ever). The moment she tells you she is hoping you'll do it. You can then tease her about it a bit before you give it to her... a little (non-critical) tease like "Oh really? I didn't take you for that kind of girl. How interesting" (nothing that will actually make her feel judged or embarrassed, mind you... even if it's something very vanilla, like "lick my nipples" -- if she feels like she is opening up, she will be fearful of being judged). The point is just to draw things out a little longer before you do the thing, to leave her in suspense about whether you will give her this thing you've just had her tell you she wants.

  Note: do not do this too soon, before she's bought into the escalation. If it's still early, and you don't get that "I am buckled in and along for the ride!" vibe from her, don't ask this yet. If you ask too soon / when she's not into it, you're just as likely to get logical pushback to your escalation ("Actually, I should probably go") as you are to get her spilling her inner sexy secrets. Wait until she's turned on and wanting you to do it all to her before you ask her what naughty thing she wishes you'd do.

The common denominator is that 'tease -- pause -- give'.

First you tease her.

Then you wait a moment (pause) to let it sink in.

Then you give her the thing you withheld from her.

The effect is that the tease makes her think about / desire the thing... the pause deprives her of it and drives up her anticipation for it... and then you give it to her, and she feels a rush of pleasure, momentary satisfaction, and relief.

Until, that is, you give her her next tease -- pause -- give.

And continue to do so all the way up to intercourse.

 

Girls Who Try to Rush You

Some women will try to rush you when you escalate slower than they want.

You can pick up the pace when they do this, but you must not let them control the pace! If you let them control the pace, that's how you end up in scenarios where a girl rushes you to kiss her and play with her breasts... then once she's had her fill, she puts her clothes back on and leaves (and you do not get laid!).

The point of this 'slower escalation' tactic is not just to drive up her anticipation, but also to put you in firm control of the escalation process. She is the submissive recipient, who can only lie there and wait for you to do to her. She has no ability to take control of the process. This makes some women impatient... yet drives them wild all the same.

Even if she tries to rush you, draw it out a bit anyway. She'll enjoy it, don't worry.

If she rushes you, you can speed up a bit... maybe make your pauses a little shorter. Maybe tease her a bit less. But do not abandon the tease -- pause -- give process. If you abandon it, that's when you end up with the girl dictating the speed you'll move at... and once she feels like she is able to dictate it, and feels like she is in control, all the mystery and anticipation of the escalation goes out for her.

She calls the shots. She decides if it happens or doesn't happen. No mystery there.

So resist when you get girls who try to seize control of the escalation from you... unless she is pulling your pants down to suck you off, or tearing her panties off to present herself for entry. In that case, okay. Otherwise, stick to the plan... and continue to take things 10% slower than she'd like you to take them.

 

Don't Forget to Build Her Up Beforehand Too

I talked to a former student the other day about some troubles he'd had closing women he brought back to his place. He fell into a funk where he'd brought 10 women in a row home, and failed to bed all 10 of them. It had frustrated him enough to put him off dating and picking up for a time when it happened.

One of the things we discussed was how it's not always the escalation process when you aren't able to bed girls you've brought home. Sometimes it's lack of buildup before you ever reached the seduction location. If she isn't sold on you on the date, if she's not a little aroused by the time you get her alone with you, or feeling like you are an at least somewhat sexy guy, even the best back-at-your-place escalation tactics may not be enough. You need to set enough groundwork while you're outside with her that she is ready for something more intimate once she's inside.

However... once you and her are alone together, and assuming she's at least open-minded to the idea of getting together with you... the "escalate 10% slower than she wants it to go" approach can do some wonderful things for you.

If you need another way to remember it, just remember "tease -- pause -- give."

First you tease her with the thing you want her to anticipate. Then you pause and make her wait a moment (usually 30 seconds at maximum... but can be a lot shorter than this. And occasionally much longer. Read your girl).

Then, once you've built her anticipation, you give her the thing she wants... so she gets that satisfaction, and doesn't have to wait so long that she starts to feel too frustrated.

Then you repeat the process once more: tease her with something else, pause to make her wait for it, then give it to her.

You can use this process at other points in the courtship too, by the way. "Tease -- pause -- give" works with proposing things (like going to get a bite to eat together), answering questions (like what you do for a living), or even during sex itself (give her a couple really good thrusts, at the point where she is near to orgasm, then stop mid-thrust, grab her face, and tell her "I don't know if you deserve the kind of hard dick you want to get that orgasm off", let that sink in for a couple seconds, then thrust even harder into her and watch her delighted shock and rapid climax).

However, this works quite possibly best of all to maintain that anticipation in her and keep control of your sexual escalations as you make your way through them.

Just remember to keep her in suspense -- but not too long.

Chase Amante