We went pretty deep into the metaphysical with yesterday's article, so now let's come back up for some air. Let's talk about how to turn a girl on.
Men who haven't mastered or worked on their sexy side yet have been missing out - you have tremendous power in your ability to make a woman weak in the knees (for you). Once you have the ability to turn girls on at will, you'll find their hearts beating faster, their breaths coming quicker, and their smiles spreading wider, just by being in your presence.
You'll find that sex happens a lot faster, more consistently, and
more passionately, too.
When it comes to creating arousal and desire in a woman, we can break this down into three levels, or tiers:
- Anticipation, and
To create the fullest, richest degree of arousal in a girl, you must make absolutely sure you hit each one of these tiers.
So what do these three tiers - excitation, anticipation, and satiation - entail?
That's what we'll discuss today.
You may have heard the old saying that desire in a woman is more like a dimmer than an on-off switch; it must be slowly dialed up to full brightness.
Excitation is the first part of turning that dimmer, where you
switch things on and gradually turn up the lights (and the heat).
Before you master the ability to turn a girl on, you must master building and maintaining tension - sexual tension, particularly. If you haven't read "Sexual Tension: 7 Ways to Make Women Excited and Randy" yet, I highly recommend checking it out now. We'll cover some of the material there in here, but that article goes into greater detail on tension building and maintaining that we'll get into in this section.Before you can begin building much anticipation (and really driving up the sexual tension), though, you must first elicit excitation - you have to get her interested, that is.
How Excitation Works
Say we have two scenarios.
In scenario one, I introduce you to a pretty girl named Marley. I ask you if you'd like to talk to her, without telling you anything else about her, or even why I've suggested the two of you talk. She might just be bored and need someone to talk with, for all you know.
In scenario two, I introduce you to a pretty girl named Marley, then tell you she's 24 years old, loves singing and dancing and is an excellent cook and a real sweetheart, and I've told her a little about you and she asked me if she could meet you. I ask you if you'd like to talk to her.
Which of these two scenarios excites you more? The second one, of course - you know more about her, and there's zero confusion about why she's talking to you. At the same time, nothing is promised, and she isn't throwing herself at you - there's just potential there, is all.
You can turn a girl on with excitation in this same way. You'll walk up to her, and communicate interest automatically off the bat - but without telling her verbally, "I like you"... it's far better if you do this nonverbally instead.
You'll also communicate through your fundamentals that you are a
naturally attractive man - which makes your implied and hinted at
interest all the more inviting - and
all the more inviting, and all the more a turn-on for her.
Using Excitation to Turn on a Girl
Excitation you build by being a sexually exciting man, primarily
through voice tone, eye contact, facial expressions,
and teasing. Teasing is one we'll return to repeatedly throughout this
post, because teasing is a vital
element to turning women on. In this case, you'll be teasing a
woman with your nonverbals, and hinting that you are interested, much
as women will hint to you that they are interested, without coming out
and telling her outright (and spoiling all the fun; think dimmer, not
From the moment you walk up to a girl, you can begin building sexual excitation in her by executing on the following points:
Use a sexy voice to talk to her. Keep your voice low, husky, and with a purr. If you've been reading this site for a while, you know how important voice is to seduction - it's one of the best weapons in your arsenal. An easy shortcut to a great, sexy voice is imagining that you're already in bed with her, no matter where you are - and then, simply talking to her that way.
Use sexy eye contact when looking at her. That means eyelids slightly lowered, and looking at her out of the corners of your eyes. For comparison, two different images of the same exact girl:
Use a sexy smile. Smiles have differing effects on people depending on both a) how broad they are, and b) whether they're showing any teeth... or not. Usually, a closed mouth smile is a sexy smile. Again, here's an example:
Which one's sexier? No contest. Same smile... different eye contact. Corners of
the eyes are very sexy - in
both women and men.
Get inside her personal space. It's hard to be sexy from afar. You want to close the distance with her fast, and get immediately inside her personal space when meeting her. Leave the polite zone for polite people... politeness and sexiness are too entirely different animals, and they live by different rules. You must be close with her - close enough that she can catch a whiff of your scent (and like it), and close enough that you could touch her or she could tough you, if either of you so desired...
Use lots of pauses. Pause before you do anything. Pause even before you laugh, if she says or does something amusing. Pausing is a natural tension builder - in the split second before you respond, her heartbeat rises as she wonders what you'll say or do. She snaps to attention, and realizes she cares what you think, and hopes you'll react a certain way. On top of this, pausing communicates that you are in control. Ever try flirting with a woman who keeps pausing before she says or does anything? Both exciting and intimidating, right? Goes both ways.
When you touch, use brushes of lingering touch. Just like when you're speaking, you want a certain degree of pausing in your touch, as well - as if you aren't sure if you want to let your hand leave her, or if you want to grab her and run your hands all up and down her. But you won't - not yet, anyway. Your early touch must be light, not heavy - grabbing her in a heavy way is dominant, yes, but it also spoils all the fun. It's only a turn on if she already likes you a lot - and you're already in a position to close things out quickly. Once you grab her aggressively, you've escalated things to the next level - and the escalation window has already started to close. Unless you want to move exceptionally fast, and you have the logistics for it, don't jump the gun by getting too physical, too fast. Instead... build a little excitation.
Once again, no contest. The smaller, closed-mouth smile is significantly more sultry and sensual
than the friendly, teeth-showing smile. If you want one additional
detail to try out on top of this, try parting your mouth ever so
slightly - not enough to show teeth, but just enough that your lips are
slightly parted. Very sexy.
The excitation stage generally lasts for the first 10 to 30 minutes you talk to a girl, depending on how fast you're moving. If you're reasonably advanced, you can get this down to about 5 minutes.
How do you know when excitation is ending and it's time to get onto anticipation? You'll see a shift in a girl's interaction with you - where previously she'll be bantering with you and testing you more, when she moves into anticipation you'll notice her become more focused, more serious, and more intense.
That's the time when, during a pickup, you need to move a girl; and it's the time, whether you've just met her or you're exciting an old flame, when you want to move to the next tier of turning her on.
Littered throughout scientific literature are a grab bag of studies showing the pleasure-enhancing value of anticipation (see "Anticipation and the Value of Delayed Consumption," for starters). Anticipation - that is, wanting something and hoping for it - amplifies desire and make the person anticipating want something more and value it more.
In our case, you'll be using anticipation to make women want and value you more.
And it's a whole lot of fun.
How Anticipation Works
Imagine your favorite food. Might be that chocolate fudge your parents used to get you down by the seashore, that you only ever seemed to find there, on the boardwalk. Might be a delicious, piping hot pizza from your favorite pizza parlor. Might be a taco so stuffed with your favorite ingredients that you can hardly keep it from overflowing in your hands when you bite into it. Whatever it is, get that picture in your head.
Now, picture you and I are somewhere, and suddenly I just give it to you. Hey, here's your favorite food! It's a pleasant surprise, and you're happy, and you enjoy it, and dive in. It's good.
Now imagine instead that you and I are somewhere, and you're starting to feel hungry, and I say, "Well, don't worry - we're going to go around and see some more of the sights for another two hours, and then we're going to go get some [fudge / pizza / tacos / whatever your favorite food is]."
You're going to spend the next two hours thinking about that food obsessively, craving it, and quite possibly telling me that let's just go get that food now, we can see the sights later. And I'll keep saying there's no need to rush, that food's not going anywhere, we'll get to it eventually.
By the time we finally make it to the food shop, you'll be dying to tear into that favorite food of yours and scarf it down by the fistful. And when you do finally get it, you'll enjoy it many times more than if I'd simply handed it to you unannounced, no anticipation or build up used.
That's how anticipation works. And it works exactly the same for sex as it does for food, birthday/Christmas presents, seeing that new movie in the cinema you've been watching trailers for for months, playing some new video game you've been waiting for forever, and everything else.
Pardon me while I go get some lunch now, and I'll be right back.
How to Turn a Girl on with Anticipation
Once you're past the excitation tier and you've peaked a girl's initial interest, it's time to start building some real anticipation.
Anticipation begins to build only when she becomes convinced that something is going to happen. She isn't certain it will, and she doesn't know for sure. But she thinks it will... she hopes it will... she might even try to speed it up happening.
You must cross an important threshold to move from excitation to anticipation, and that threshold is in getting a large piece of investment from a girl that puts the two of you closer together and more isolated from other people.
If you're just meeting her, this is when you move her - when you tell her come on, let's go and sit (or when you bring her out onto the dance floor in a bar or a nightclub or bring her along shopping with you if you're in a mall or a store, although sitting is usually the better option). If you're building anticipation with a woman you've known a while, or you have out on a date with you, this can be anything from asking her to dance to pulling out a chair for her and having her sit to picking her up and throwing her on a sofa, or a bed, or into the ocean as you walk along the seashore.
Which brings us to our first point...
Move her. Not until you move a girl does the excitation phase actually end and the anticipation phase begin. That's when you communicate that yes, you are genuinely interested in having something happen with her, and you are going to move things forward. That's also the time when she commits to moving things forward with you, and says, "Okay - let's head down that path."
Use more chase framing. Now's the perfect time to start sexual framing in earnest, if you haven't already. Just in case there were any doubts in her mind about your sexuality or intentions whatsoever... throwing in a little witty-but-sexy innuendo will clear that all right up.
Increase your level of touch. When you're sufficiently advanced, you normally want to avoid touching too much, in order to increase tension. But, before you have a very solid sexy vibe down pat, you'll find it's very important that you touch women to get the right communication going on - that is, that you're interested in them in more than a friendly, platonic kind of way. Some kinds of touch you can use in anticipation to good effect: leg-against-leg as you sit (constant, personal contact); hand holding (as casually but sexily as possible... e.g., her hands loosely held in yours); whispering in her ear or breathing on her ear; brushing her hair back or touching parts of her body, allegedly to show her something or as a demonstration of part of a story you're telling her.
Imply, don't tell. Remember, you must tease a girl if you want to build anticipation - you want her thinking, "It seems like he likes me and will make something happen... oh, I hope he does!" not, "Ah, this one's in the bag." That means if you're getting asked things like what your intentions are, your answers need to be more along the lines of, "Completely... innocent," said with the most sexy, diabolical look on your face you can possibly muster.
Surprise her. A sudden move like pulling her onto you, or picking her up and throwing her onto a sofa or bed (if you're already alone) or into the ocean (if you're walking along the seashore), can be very exciting and ramp the anticipation up to the point where it's almost crying out for satiation.
Invite her somewhere alone. If you're just meeting a girl or out on a date, this usually means inviting her home or going to her place (if you're turning on a current lover or partner, this one's optional, though you can get some extra mileage by telling her something akin to, "Why don't you accompany me into the next room..."). Especially while you're moving her, you must maintain anticipation. It's easy for the buzz to get killed if you "drop the act" and start being straight or matter-of-fact with her, instead of teasing her and letting the anticipation continue to build. She wants you to make her sweat a little here - don't disappoint.
Generally, anticipation lasts anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour... too much longer than that, and you'll burn her out, unless you are an absolute master at maintaining just the right level of anticipation without having women sputter out of enthusiasm.
How do you know it's time to move on from anticipation to satiation? Usually, she'll begin prompting you. During a pickup or date, this can range from things like:
- "I'm tired." to
- "Do you want to stay here?" to
- "I thought you said you were going to show me that [thing you said]." (in the most direct cases)
Sometimes, especially if she's inexperienced and a little gun shy, she won't prompt you, but she'll be breathing heavier and totally focused on you and the conversation will seem to be dying out. That's a clear sign you've got a very horny girl on your hands - and a clear indication it's time to move to the final tier.
The final tier in this primer on how to turn a girl on, satiation is the culmination of all that excitation and anticipation you've been building.
It's when the dimmer achieves full brightness.
When she finally gets to dig her hands into that favorite food she's been salivating about.
Satiation is where you finally bring the buildup to a head, and give her what she's been waiting for: you.
How Satiation Works
Once again, let's compare a pair of situations.
In our first, let's say your boss calls you in following your performance review to discuss the company's decision on your role at the company. "Congratulations," he says, "you've been promoted."
In our second, let's say same situation - boss calls you in, performance review finished, discussion of your role to ensue. "We really took a long look at what you've been working on this past year," he begins. "You've had some exceptional projects, and some very good performance. You did an outstanding job above and beyond what was expected of you on that warehousing project, and managed to bring in new business and expand the scope of our contract in the SAP implementation. Really a stellar year on your part. As a result of all this fantastic work coming out of you, our hands have been completely tied: we have no choice but to promote you. Congratulations."
Even though he's delivering the same news in the second scenario, it feels all the sweeter because the satiation you receive is drawn out more. Your boss is "teasing" you here, in a way, even though you probably know what he's going to say. Your emotional highs are also higher because you are not in control. He is. He's the only one who knows for sure if he's going to full sate your desire for a promotion... and you're just going to have to sit there and wait for him to come around to telling you whether you've got it or not.
Bringing a woman you've turned on with excitation and anticipation to full satiety works best this way too; when you draw out the satisfaction, it's all the sweeter when she finally receives it in full.
Using Satiation to Turn a Girl On
Even as you go about bringing a girl to full satisfaction, that satisfaction will be much more powerful if you draw it out, tease her, and make her squirm a bit for it.
Maybe even beg you a little. This is the very essence of foreplay...
and foreplay is a big part of satiation.
Here's how you'll go about finishing the dialing of the dimmer in this tier of turn-on:
Always pull away first. Once you start to kiss a girl and physically escalate things with her, unless she's already a partner of yours you're almost certainly going to face at least a little resistance. If you let her break things off first, it kills some of the turn-on. Instead, you want to be the first to break things off. That means, when you kiss her, end the kiss first - with her wanting it to continue. When you touch her, move your hands off of the parts of her body they're on (and onto somewhere else) before she can. Move slowly and seductively, but keep moving so that instead of pushing you off, she's chasing you. Tease her with your touch... tempt her with it.
Kiss her and touch her in places other than the usual. That means kissing her on her neck, her shoulders, her chest... nibbling on her ear lobes. Licking along her jawline. Stroking her along her spine with your fingers. Sliding your hand and fingers along the inside of her elbows and knees. Stroking the back of her hands and feet. Slipping your hands slowly up the insides of her thighs. Find ways to touch her that most of the men she's been with before never have... or none of them have.
Once intimacy begins, draw it out. You can begin slowly, or you can begin passionately - but just like with every other aspect of the turn-on process, you want her wanting more from you, wanting you to go faster, and barely being able to contain herself and her desire. This builds the emotion up so much that when she finally achieves release, the release is many times more potent.
Give her a great ending. That means amazing intercourse, and plenty of orgasms. The good news here: the better a job you've done at sufficiently turning her on prior to intimacy, the easier a time she'll have climaxing, and the more powerfully she'll climax when she does.
The end is important in all things. You must satisfy a woman for the process of the excitation and anticipation to leave a good taste in her mouth - she must be able to look back and say, "Wow, what a build up - and what a finish!"
A let down after you've otherwise turned her on to a high degree is a major disappointment, and can be ruinous to your chances with her - make absolutely sure once you've started turning up the dimmer that you turn it all the way.
There's nothing like promising somebody chocolate fudge or over-filled tacos and then not delivering.
To properly turn a girl on, you have three tiers or stages of arousal to progress through:
- Anticipation, and
Excitation is the tier in which you first catch her notice and communicate that you are an attractive and sexual man, and get her to start feeling curious and eager about you.
The main points to hit in excitation are:
- Use a sexy voice to talk to her
- Use sexy eye contact when looking at her
- Use a sexy smile
- Get inside her personal space
- Use lots of pauses
- When you touch, use brushes of lingering touch
Anticipation is the tier in which she accepts that something is likely to happen between you and her, and she begins to expect it and really want it. You communicate to her here - via hints and implications, rather than out-and-out professions - that you want something to happen with her, and she commits to moving things forward with you and hints back that she wants something to happen with you.
- Move her
- Use more chase framing
- Increase your level of touch
- Imply, don't tell
- Surprise her
- Invite her somewhere alone
Satiation is the tier in which you bring the buildup of anticipation to fruition, and fully satisfy her desires for you - as slowly and seductively as possible. Even while satisfying her, you still want to tease her a bit and draw things out, to make the end even more sweet.
- Always pull away first
- Kiss her and touch her in places other than the usual
- Once intimacy begins, draw it out
- Give her a great ending
If you stick to the three tiers of arousal, and follow all the tips on how to turn a girl on, you will very quickly have turned yourself into an expert at generating a great deal of sexual energy and desire in the women you meet and the women you maintain relationships with.
It's a powerful feeling, knowing how to dial up that dimmer - and it creates a powerful feeling in the women in your life, directed squarely at you, too!