Jealous women aren’t always a bad thing, because there’s good jealousy and bad jealousy. The key is to understand the difference and make the good kind work for you.
My first girlfriend (let's call her Sarah) was this perky-breasted firecracker of a love muffin. I was 21, and she was 17 (legal in Canada). We were together for nearly three and a half tumultuous years. At the time I met her, I thought she was the most awesome girl ever. She was cute, smart, and into the same music as me (Indie/Punk). So we got on great, for about a year. Then, from her, I had my first lesson in jealous women.
Contents
When I think of jealous women, I think of two types of jealousy: good and bad. These two types have subcategories for inside and outside of a relationship.
Inside: A long-term monogamous relationship (LTR). This involves managing jealousy from your girlfriend or wife. Jealousy inside is mostly negative but can be used to re-establish waning attraction.
For example, you go to a party and have a conversation with an attractive woman. Your girlfriend becomes a little jealous. She knows she’s not your only option and you could get another girl if you broke up. So that night she makes sure to give you really hot sex, and that’s the extent of the consequences you'll face. This is good jealousy inside a relationship.
Or she could become an insanely jealous woman and light your apartment on fire because you smiled at your waitress. That is bad inside jealousy.
Outside: An impending, casual pickup, or non-monogamous relationship. This is dealing with jealousy from a girl who isn’t your girlfriend or wife.
For example, you approach a girl at the bar. She’s sort of interested but not enough to hook up with you. Then, because you’re talking to this attractive girl, another attractive girl notices and hovers near you (preselection). So you start talking to this second girl, which makes the first girl jealous. Now, when you return to her, she’s suddenly very interested in you.
However, if you’re doing really well with a girl and then you switch to another one, you might piss off the first girl, and that’s the end of your seduction. Pitting two jealous women against each other is a powerful tool, with a small chance of backfiring.
Good Jealousy: Used to either create attraction or increase it. It can be utilized both inside or outside of a relationship.
A good jealous woman is one who becomes more attracted to you because of the jealousy. It’s a signifier of your value to other women, which makes you more valuable in her eyes. It doesn’t make her crazy, violent, or depressed.
Bad Jealousy: Jealousy inside a relationship can turn toxic, destroying trust. Outside of it can lead to hurt feelings, and occasionally, violence. Bad jealousy is the cause of destroyed relationships, divorce, sometimes murder, and even suicide.
Jealous Women and Love
It was all good with Sarah, for the first year, until the jealousy started. We were walking through the mall and she pointed at some fashion magazines with models on the cover. “Do you think she’s pretty?” she asked me.
“Yes.”
“Prettier than me!?” she asked, her cheeks flush with anger.
“What?”
Then suddenly, for whatever reason my male brain couldn’t comprehend, we were fighting.
It became one of her favorite new games, to point out some celebrity on TV, on a magazine, or even on the street and say, “Is she pretty? Prettier than me!?” Then we’d fight. She was a jealous woman, and what she was doing made no logical sense. Was I supposed to lie to her?
Her: "How dare you think I'm pretty but also think models are pretty!" If a girl you're dating has this mentality, don't lie to her. Run.
This is bad jealousy. Her irrational flare-ups drove me nuts. I was never prepared for this. My Father never sat me down and said “Son, when a woman goes crazy, here is what you do to save your relationship.” All I could think was to say “Sarah, you’re being a bitch,” which didn’t go down well. Not at all.
It got worse and worse. Trying to logically figure out why she was so jealous didn’t work. I supposed it was her self-esteem, her subconscious way of destroying our relationship so that she could escape it.
Women will often sabotage their relationships rather than just tell you they’re unhappy. And yes, it’s your fault. You were too nice, too boring, or she found someone better and doesn’t have the guts to dump you. This happens to a lot of men who don’t have much experience with women; they shack up for years with the first hot girl who will have them and then endure years of abuse in a crap relationship because they feel like they’ll never meet another girl.
This went on for another year and got bad enough to the point where she cheated on me. Eventually, we had a very messy and emotionally crippling breakup.
If I wanted to remedy a situation like this now, I would have walked away from that jealous woman at the first signs of her insanity. And to this day, I don’t deal with bad jealous women. I’d have made her beg me to come back, to ensure she was invested in the relationship. I would have used good jealousy rather than irrational, bad jealousy, to cement her attraction. I would also have given her a relationship rule set to give her more self-esteem.
When women feel insecure about their position in a relationship, they will lash out. That’s why you must set up a good relationship contract at the start.
Women and Good Jealousy
There’s a concept called preselection. I consider it among the most powerful tools in a seducer’s arsenal. The definition is simple: If women find you attractive, it must be for a reason. Or at least, that’s how female onlookers think.
Preselection
Preselection isn’t conscious. It’s a lizard brain mechanism. Women biologically want the best DNA for their offspring. They want someone smart, good-looking, fast, strong, and charming because these genes will determine whether their babies just survive or thrive. If they find a man that many other attractive women are attracted to, then this indicates to her that he must have fantastic baby-making genes.
Sounds very clinical, but we’re animals, right? Biologically, the only reason we pair, bond, and hump is to create more little humans. So to sort out the weak from the strong, women will choose the man other women have already chosen. From this perspective, the strategy makes perfect sense. When a man is preselected by other women, it saves her a lot of time. Or if she's already with a guy who gets attention from other women, it confirms that her man is good stock.
It’s not the same for men. We don’t care if a woman is popular with other men. We can tell just by looking at them what their reproductive value is. Most men just want a good-looking woman to like them back. But women have the buyer’s market, and when women are young and sexy, nearly every man is for sale. So they require a way to sort out top-shelf men.
Perception is key. This guy will be considered top shelf to all female onlookers... until he proves otherwise.
Cold Approach
Now that we understand the concept of preselection, here’s a practical way to use it (in the form of jealousy) in a cold approach pickup situation. If the girl you’re after is giving you signs of interest, but when you try to get her to spend more time with you alone, she runs, then you may need to employ jealousy.
This could be at a bar, club, or staff Christmas party. It doesn’t matter. The only rule is that you must be social with everyone. Assuming your social skills are decent, the more people you talk to, the higher your perceived social value. So, you want to work the room.
Talk to both men and women, but as a seducer, your mind is always on your goal. You know that preselection and social proof are your most potent weapons. So aim to spend as much time speaking to women as possible. If you have even an ounce of charisma, at least one girl will find you attractive. Once you find such a girl, it’s like she lights a beacon that all other women can see.
When a woman is aroused, her body language, voice, and spoken words all change. She’ll start playing with her hair, touching your arm or chest, and asking personal or logistic questions like “What’s your name?” or “Where are you from?” Most men are utterly blind to this, but nearby female spectators pick up on it instinctually.
If you find enough women who find you even a little bit attractive, now you can use what some call “jealousy plotlines.” Make sure you are seen talking to the girls who like you. Then you can introduce them to each other. “Come meet my friends.”
Watch what happens when you take two women who are only slightly interested in you, and then introduce them to each other. The preselection gene kicks in, and it’s now a jealous women competition. They’ll engage in a passive-aggressive or even hostile nature toward each other, and fight over a guy that previously neither saw as overly special. All of a sudden, he’s an object of desire they're driven to fight over.
If you’re a real bastard, you can then introduce a new girl into the mix, preferably the one you’re actually after. By this time, if you’ve positioned yourself well in the environment, she will have noticed a man who’s got two women fighting for his attention. You’ll create a feeding frenzy of jealous women.
Is using women’s jealousy manipulative? Hell yeah, but it’s also incredibly effective. Women want the man other women want. If you can display that you’re that guy in a socially intelligent way, then jealous women can be a powerful tool in your seducer’s arsenal.
Inside the LTR
I have a rule I state to all potential girlfriends: NO JEALOUSY ALLOWED.
Be aware of bad jealousy syndrome in girls you date. You need to straight-up outlaw that crap or it will only get worse.
Now, of course, we’re not Vulcan, and emotions are part of being human. But at least the most basic, animalistic urges can be controlled. My early lessons with jealous women taught me the dark side of jealousy. So, I won’t tolerate much of it. But then again, I’m rarely in a monogamous relationship, as I tend to travel the world as a perpetual bachelor.
But most of you want, or will end up with, girlfriends. My advice to you is: don’t neglect your social skills. I guarantee if you have a sexy girlfriend, she’s being approached by men. It’s doubtful that women are approaching you, so you should take time to keep practicing your approach skills. Remember, the role of preselection doesn't end when you pair up. A little healthy jealousy now and then is a good thing.
You don’t need to cheat on your girlfriend to know you still got it. But like any skill, if you don’t use it, you lose it. If you know that you can always go find another girl if relationship problems arise, that will do more for the health of your LTR than any relationship counselor could achieve.
Conclusion
Jealousy can be a powerful tool to create attraction, or it can completely destroy existing relationships. You can use jealous women and their emotions for good or evil. Obtain a little understanding of female psychology, preselection, and social proof, and you’re going to be light years ahead of other men who don’t know this stuff. So use it wisely.
Tony
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