To Be a Fuckboy or Not to Be a Fuckboy

The fuckboy: a guy who offers little more to women than excitement and sex... Yet whom girls keep coming back to, even if they say the hate him.

“Am I fuckboy?” I ask.

She laughs hysterically over the phone. “Oh yeah, for sure!”

I laugh. I expected this answer, as I’ve heard it from pretty much every other girl I’ve asked.

“You know what, actually,” she interjects, “I would say you’re a fuckboy, but you’re a little bit different. You’re definitely an asshole, but I don’t think you’re a fuckboy. I think it’s because you’re honest. You don’t trick girls. You are pretty straightforward about what you want.”

She’s a smart girl and one of the most loyal and devoted lovers I’ve ever had, so her opinion is more nuanced and, frankly, more important than the other women’s.

Whether through extended social circles or very long and frank discussions about my hobbies, philosophies, and the kindness that I show to friends, family, strangers, and lovers, it seems only those who spend a good amount of time with me have seen the lover beneath the fuckboy.

Yet, most won’t see that. To the majority of those I meet in life, I will be labeled a fuckboy and described as sexist, misogynist, disrespectful to women, and all sorts of nasty things.

I accept these labels if only to spit on those people. Anger and hatred is usually a sign you’re doing something right.

To explore then whether the fuckboy life is right for you, I want you to ask yourself a very simple question after reading this article.

To be a fuckboy? Or not to be a fuckboy?

That is the question.

But first…

What is a Fuckboy?

Some misguided writer over at Jezebel dedicated a whole article to how “fuckboy” originated in the black community and has been culturally appropriated by evil white people.

Apparently, the rapper Cam’ron made the term famous with his song “Boy Boy.” Also, the (awesome) rapper, Killer Mike, of Run the Jewels fame spun these choice words to describe the fuckboy:

“You can identify fuckboys … because they are always doing fuck shit. Just the dumbest, weirdest, lamest possible shit ever.”

Nice history lesson. However, the majority decides what language means. Sorry, Kara Brown. That’s why the Vanity Fair piece by Nancy Jo Sales is the most accurate (and probably famous) description of a fuckboy.

“A fuckboy is a young man who sleeps with women without any intention of having a relationship with them or perhaps even walking them to the door post-sex. He’s a womanizer, an especially callous one, as well as kind of a loser.”

What I find too incredibly funny, however, is that the same writers who use this term to shame men, in addition to the websites on which these writers somehow get published, are all self-described feminists. They write article after article about the patriarchy, the (non-existent) wage gap, the oppression of women, and all sorts of half-baked pseudo-philosophy.

They also really love tackling slut-shaming.

They will literarily scream up and down how a woman who wants to sleep with anyone they want, at any time, should be left free from persecution.

I agree.

However, you must let men do the same if you are to be consistent with your arguments of gender sameness… I mean equality. A man isn’t a womanizer or a loser if he only wants sex and has no intentions of committing to women. Men owe women absolutely nothing, not even a “thank you” after sex, in the same way that a woman owes a man nothing if he’s nice to her, buys her drinks, and spends time with her.

See how easy it is to point out a basic contradiction in someone’s philosophy when you aren’t blinded by the smokescreen of moral shaming?

“You’re a fuckboy.”

“Don’t slut-shame me.”

You snap their neck with rhetorical jiu-jitsu. One shot, one kill.

Now that we’ve established male slut-shaming as totally illogical, why are all these chicks whining and bitching over fuckboys?

Go google “fuckboy.” Then try to come back to the article after you fall on the ground laughing.

I mean, if these guys are so full of alleged fuckery, shouldn’t these chicks ignore them and get themselves a nice, sweet guy?

Oh, we know better than that, fellas.

The Forbidden Fruit

Who are the ones women write sappy love songs over – the love they lost or the one who never loved them back at all?

Who are the ones women complain about to their girlfriends and their friend-zoned guy friends? The guy who cheated on them, the one who stopped returning texts, or the dude who never wanted to see them anywhere but some grimy back alley in Pound Town.

Oh, how they’ve wronged women. Terrible men they are!

What they did right, however, before wronging them, is really what matters.

A fuckboy is a serial womanizer, cheater, and playboy.

That means he has lots of practice. It means he knows how to seduce women. He probably lays the pipe good, too. As we all know, this is a rare skillset. That in and of itself puts him in the top one percent of men.

Then, after delivering stupendous seductions and rounds of orgasms, he starts to act strange.

It might happen immediately after the hookup. He never calls her again.

Or, he does see her again, but only for sex. She puts up with it, because the sex is good and he is fun. Then, amidst a life full of nice guys or guys who get attached too quickly, she starts to realize they all pale in comparison to those occasional nights she has with Mr. Fuckboy.

How is that possible? They all treat her like a queen while Mr. F treats her like a scullery maid – good enough to smash in private, but not good enough to publicly court.

The fuckboy mantra: lean back and let her invest.

“He’s a dick,” she says. Her friends agree.

Yet she continues to see him. Eventually the positive emotions outweigh the negatives. He has flaws, sure, but she begins to rationalize he’s a great guy. Then she prods him with questions about their status; she fails to hide her jealousy if there’s a hint he’s seeing other women; her attachment to his cock turns addictive. She wants him for herself. Or at least, she wants more intimacy than sweet words and good sex. She wants to know he cares about her.

Then, when she thinks he’ll take things to the next level, whether it’s taking her out on a public date, taking a picture with her that she can post on social media, or even getting the title of girlfriend, he says calmly, “not so fast.”

Or, he outright disappears.

She loses her mind. He’s not a dick, he’s a cockmongering douchebag.

She fantasizes of punching him in the face, or even just being the one who ignores HIM this time.

She hates him.

Until…

He texts her back and apologizes. The more dickish his exit, the more profusely he apologizes.

Then, she rationalizes it all over again.

“Okay, maybe he’s not such a bad guy.”

She gets on her knees and worships his cock even more ravenously this time, thinking him a god among men who’s not only sexy and roguish but also has a heart of gold.

Why is this?

Because women, that’s why.

If you see women complaining about something that men do, or complaining about a type of guy who irritates them... and there is even a hint somewhere in her complaints that she actually slept with this guy, you can be sure that whatever he’s doing, he’s doing it right.

Okay, but really, why does this work?

He spikes her emotions.

He’s cute, sweet, nice, has regular conversation, and then suddenly he’s an asshole. Check out this scene from Two Moon Junction for reference:

Also, go watch the movie.

She gets mad, he continues to stand by whatever he said, even if it was just a tease, and then she comes running back to him. He holds frame.

Her emotions spike from hot to cold and back again. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions. Deprivation and abundance. This is also how addiction works. It provides an extraordinary experience amidst a life of ho-drum. The more extreme the mood shifts, the more extreme the addiction.

In Spite of Such Douchiness…

Women like fuckboys DESPITE their more questionable behaviors.

When a girl invests in you, it increases her attraction. She gives you her time, money, body, love, attention, etc. This then transfers the value she has for those things onto you.

When you do something that makes her question that investment, it puts that investment in jeopardy. And yet, if she continues to invest in you despite that behavior, it increases her perceived investment by a whole order of magnitude.

She keeps craving your sex despite her knowing or suspecting you sleep with other women? “Your sex must be THAT good for her to put up with such a shitty situation” is what her body and mind tell her.

She always sees you when you ask despite you being unreliable with meetings, time, and commitments on her terms? The time she has with you must be worth that sacrifice.

She is in love with you despite her suspicion that you may not be capable of ever loving her back? The effort she’s putting in will one day come to fruition – you’ll see the light… right?

This cascade of conflicting emotions creates a bond far more powerful than the steady “blossoming” of most relationships. The extreme oscillations of love and hate create a cocktail of emotions that simply cannot be rivaled.

Almost Within Reach

A fuckboy shows some signs of redemption. Maybe he can be saved from the darkness that haunts his past, present, and future. Maybe he will learn to love again, or at all. Maybe he’ll quit selling drugs. Maybe he’ll stop getting into bar fights. Maybe he will quit sleeping around.

The “maybe” is what drives her on a mad quest to save him.

Just when she thinks she’s making progress, he goes right back to his fuckboy behavior, and she feels lost again.

Until... he confides in her, opens up to her just a bit more, and then she reinitiates the chase.

He spikes her emotions again. The addiction intensifies.

Is It Morally Wrong to be a Fuckboy?

It depends what metaphysical stance you hold on life. There is no groundwork for morals. At some point, you’re going to pull a premise, value, or axiom from the heavens of your emotions and create a makeshift “this is my bottom line of virtue/ethics” foundation.

For me, whatever works, works. If I want something, and it gets me there, it’s good. Now, this is actually more complicated than you’d think, and it often involves me acting in ways far more “good” than people with more traditional or “virtuous” outlooks on life. For instance, I never go back on my word or betray friends – not only because it hurts me to do so, but also because it’s never the most efficient path.

With regards to women, the proof is in the pussy. What gets them wet? That’s what I do.

And so far, what I see is that it’s very, very profitable to be a fuckboy.

You and she both know the answer.

While writing this article, I remembered a story that had interested me for some time. I don’t pay much attention to celebrity gossip, but occasionally it actually reveals some excellent examples. In the case of the rapper PartyNextDoor, we have a great advocacy for the fuckboy lifestyle.

In 2015, the rapper PartyNextDoor started dating the singer Kehlani.

Then one day PND posted a picture of some bad-bitch on his Instagram. This chick was definitely not Kehlani. If that ain’t a fuckboy move, I don’t know what is. When Kehlani spotted the picture (how could she not?), she commented, “F*ck you,” then “Lmaoooo,” and finally, “You lost me forever. Deal with it.”

Most guys would get pretty upset at this. They just lost a hot, famous, talented artist as a girlfriend. Right?

Not PND.

Kehlani then went on to date the Cleveland Cavaliers point guard Kyrie Irving soon after breaking it off with PND. When they went public, she posted a picture with him under the following caption:

“And that's why you're a king. You've shown me so much in so little time.. lost faith in alotta things, but lots have been restored. All smiles witchuuuuuu Corny asssss...” with a bunch of emojis.

He renewed her faith in what... love? Commitment? And he’s a corny dude? Sounds like quite the romantic, eh?

Now, I’m not saying romance is impossible to pull off, but when a girl is publicly juxtaposing you against a fuckboy, and talking about how you renewed her faith in love and commitment, you might need to question whether or not you’re a boring sod. It seemed that Kyrie really was a cavalier in shining armor, whose mission was to save hoes from bad men and broken hearts.

Alas, it wasn’t meant to last.

In late March, PND posted a picture to his Instagram of him holding the hand of a chick with the tattoo “WOKE,” along with a caption:

“After all her shenanigans, still got the r&b singer back in my bed.”

Kehlani is an R&B singer and definitely has that exact hand-tattoo.

Fans freaked out, because Kehlani and Kyrie Irving were supposed to still be dating. They went crazy and bombarded her Instagram, calling her everything from THOT (that ho over there) to cheater and beyond.

Then, the next day, this chick posted a picture of herself in the hospital with an IV attached to her arm, writing that the day prior, she didn’t want to live on this earth anymore.

Not long after this, Kyrie came to her rescue, claiming that they had broken up before the picture was posted. In truth, there were some sites that reported the gossip days before the incriminating photo was posted that Kyrie and Kehlani had broken up.

The reason why they split, though, makes arguments for her infidelity more damning.

She allegedly broke up with Kyrie because he was “boring,” “lame,” and the sex was “terrible.” Kyrie was such a sweetheart and had renewed her faith in love and commitment, but he couldn’t even keep her attention or make her cum.

Then, either straight after she dumped Kyrie, or during (I vote during; anyone who thinks otherwise might need to get a “stay woke” tattoo on their hand, too), she went and jumped on PND’s cock.

Why?! Not only did he publicly cheat on her, and not only did she explicitly tell him she was gone forever, but she then ran right back into his bed after she realized that Mr. Romantic was actually Mr. Boring Who Can’t Lay the Pipe.

Fuckboys finish first.

Of course, to no surprise, Kyrie got back together with Kehlani after her attention-seeking suicide attempt. It was a smart play, to be fair. She needed to save her reputation and Kyrie was a love-sick cuckold who really felt she needed saving now.

What did PND do? Went right back to pimpin’, now with an even more high profile chick (because any girl who sees a man cuck a damn Cavaliers player will immediately need a new pair of panties).

And Kylie Jenner…

After Kylie split with Tyga, she had a quick dalliance with PND. While on a bowling date, he had apparently recorded some of it on Snapchat, but then quickly deleted it. When she started whining about being hidden from the spotlight, PND laid down the pimp-hand, telling her he was “protecting her.” PND doesn’t put up with fuckgirl shenanigans.

The romance obviously didn’t last long, and Kylie quickly got back with Tyga, and rumors of them moving in together started to swirl.

How did PND respond?

Like a pimp, apparently. His friend said the following in reaction to Tyga cockily saying “They always come back” as if he was the one winning:

“[PND] just borrowed her and then returned her when he was done. Tyga can have her back.”

He smashed, he got her in a music video of his, then he moved on to brighter horizons, because pimps don’t get caught up in Kardashian family lunacy.

In this situation, the fuckboy PND trumped both boyfriends. For him, their queens were fun celebrity-court sluts.

Grow Up, Hector!

And yet, with such mounting and hyper public evidence like this, women still claim that they want to turn fuckboys into “men,” huh? And men believe them!

Pay attention to the quotation marks around “men.” Women will call this guy a fuckboy to imply that he is not a real man. A real man has values, raises a family, stays loyal, etc. He is beyond those days of fuckboy fuckery.

You might even see men participating in such shaming. More often than I care to, I’ll read a Facebook post that has this huge paragraph that goes something like: “Stop being a boy who thinks that hooking up with a new girl every week is something to brag about. Committing to one woman and loving her is something to brag about.” Or a guy will post two pictures side by side: one of a guy with ten girls in his bed, and another with a couple romantically kissing – the caption declaring how they’ll take the monogamous situation any day.

The fact that men are voicing such beliefs is proof that they’re not so sure of themselves. They want to virtue-signal how they’ve changed for the approval of others (or maybe as a ruse, because they’re still fuckboys?).

Either way, it’s meant to make you feel bad about your life choices and push you to submit to their worldview.

Because you totally want this guy’s success level with girls.

It’s easy to imagine why women do it. That’s how women get things in this world – they complain. Don’t hate them for it, it’s how it works. They use their vagina as leverage and implicitly (or explicitly) threaten to withhold it if men don’t acquiesce to their demands.

Of course, it’s exactly the guy they’re trying to morally shame into committing that they want commitment from, NOT the guy who’s already willing to commit, or they’d already have him. Can’t you see? The men they consider “men” by their standard of old-school virtues and commitment aren’t the ones they want to date. Why? Because if they wanted those guys, they wouldn’t complain that guys won’t commit!

Whomever the woman works harder to lock down is the one she values most. It’s neither simpler nor more complicated than that.

Why do men do it, then? To eliminate competition. The more men they can shame into more monogamous thinking, the fewer fuckboys there are running around, potentially snagging up the gal to whom they’re committed, because they think it’s the “right” thing to do rather than the thing they want to do (which is a fair reason, so long as it’s genuine).

The Fuckboy is a Goodboy

Of course, the ideology doesn’t match the action. Why does she keep falling in love with fuckboys despite the fact that she claims the opposite?

Because firstly, people, not just women, are slaves to their emotions. I don’t know many who actually follow the ideologies they profess to follow, men and women alike. Secondly, because women want men who are men. And real men do whatever they want.

Of course, the woman’s retort is ingenious. In her defense, if she cheats on the “good guy” with the fuckboy, she has every excuse in the book, from blaming your lack of commitment, devotion, sexual prowess, financial strength, etc. And then, in her offense, she can shame the fuckboy for leading her on, for manipulating her emotions, or in the most extreme cases, falsely accuse him of rape. Cue the pity party and horde of white knights.

Is this a bit ruthless? Sure, but it’s true. Plus, it’s a step up from the manosphere mentality where the man says “Women can’t be sluts and are destroying society if they are.” This is the cry of a beta-male who can’t compete with the men these girls are getting slutty for. He wants society to replace game.

Instead, man up and accept that women are and will always be promiscuous... and enjoy the game (and screen women with long-term potential qualities when you are looking for that; as a hint, chicks like Kehlani and Kylie Jenner, even though they’re celebrities, are not long-term material).

How to Be a Fuckboy

Well, remember that time you googled “fuckboy?”

Look at all those lists, but instead of thinking “Okay, girls say don’t do those things, so I won’t,” I want you to treat what you read like an owner’s manual. Obviously, use your own judgment, because some of the negative criticisms toward fuckboys are valid, but here’s a good list of things you should definitely be doing.

• Avoid labeling your relationship (only do so when you want to)

• Don’t be seen with her in public too soon

• Invite her to “hang out” or for Netflix and chill

• Ask for nudes

• See her on your own schedule

• Be distant over texts, and ignore a few for good measure

• Avoid questions about you seeing other chicks (and continue to see other chicks)

• Answer questions like a politician

• If you are caught messing up, apologize

• Don’t post pics of her on your social media (if she wants to post you on hers, sure, why not)

• If you only want sex with her, make no bones about it and use her as a fucktoy; there’s no argument that I know of that substantially can make this a cruel thing

• Don’t be afraid to do anything you want, even if it will hurt her feelings

• If she ever tries to shame your behavior, either cut her off or keep doing the thing she hates (and maybe do it more for good measure)

In other words, do what you want, when you want. If she’s not down with it, change absolutely nothing. One of the best seducers I’ve ever met made it almost six years without going Facebook official with his girlfriend, he put off moving in with her for five years, and he consistently smashes one to two new girls a week to this day, all of whom are straight stunners. She is madly in love with him.

So… That’s It?

This article might seem callous to some. To an extent, I am arming you with the “care less than the other person” relationship paradigm that so many claim is the flaw of our growing hookup culture. Perhaps it is born out of fear. Be the shittier person and you won’t get hurt.

Yet, it is not so simple.

I think women legitimately enjoy this emotional rollercoaster, and I don’t think many men, even GC readers, properly understand this. One could say this is a re-working of the “become a jerk” mantra that we advocate for newer guys, and it is important – most guys simply aren’t ready to be a genuine man. They might get bits and pieces of the player attitude, but they don’t fully immerse themselves in the fuckery of fuckboying. That’s why edgier articles like this need to be written.

You will not “nice guy” your way to fuckboy results.

Of course, there is a place beyond being a fuckboy. It’s a place hinted at by my wonderful lover who I quoted at the beginning of the article.

To some, I am a fuckboy. But to the women who truly know me, I have one redeeming quality that separates me from many of the other more sociopathic players.

I am Honest

Yes, sometimes I might evade a question or answer vaguely, usually because I’m confused about how I feel about something, whether it’s a girl asking me if I love her (still haven’t figured out if I should ever use the phrase “I love you”).

Maybe sometimes I ignore texts, go AWOL for a bit, and I continue to sleep around.

But it isn’t because I don’t love women. I do, I truly love all of the women in my life, even if I do call them bitches and hoes.

I just haven’t figured out everything. I haven’t exactly figured out what I want in life, and maybe I never will – desire is always transforming, moment to moment.

What I am honest about, however, is how I feel at the moment. If I’m confused, I tell her. If I love spending time with her, I tell her. If I think her friend is sexy, I tell her. If she straight up asks me if I’m sleeping with other women, I tell her.

And if I screw up, I own up to it and apologize, not because of some power game, but because I want her to know I care about her.

But you can’t truly become a lover until you’re a fuckboy.

Many will claim the two are synonymous by my definition.

We don’t listen to those people. We’re men; we do what we want.

To the fuckboys...