Everything I Know About Race and Dating Girls | Girls Chase

Everything I Know About Race and Dating Girls

Chase Amante

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My friend had just told me that he saw the girl I liked with another guy.

“I don’t get it man! I know that she likes me.”

“Bro, it’s because of this,” he said, pointing to his dark skin.

I responded saying, “What are you talking about man?”

“It’s because you’re black bro; girls like her only date white guys.”

race and dating

Until that point I had not looked at dating through a racial lens. But after that day I started to become more “aware” of race and dating. I started “seeing” that white guys had it easier when it came to getting girls. It didn’t matter that I had dated many different races of girls before. It didn’t matter that I ended up dating the girl that we were talking about. That conversation had given me the ultimate excuse: that if a girl didn’t like me, it was because of my race.

It took me years to get away from that particular train of thought. It still creeps in from time to time, but as soon as I catch myself thinking like that now I cut that line of reasoning. So I will go ahead and answer the question that is on a lot of your minds right now.

Does race matter when it comes to dating? Yes.

Does it matter as much as people think it matters? No.

In this post, I will answer common questions I get from guys about race and dating; some advice for getting over racial insecurities and some stories from my journey.

William GuptaAbout the Author: William Gupta

A mixed race (black and Indian) U.S.-born seducer with a dash of wanderlust, William Gupta has lived in the U.K. and throughout the United States. He is well versed both in meeting girls during the daytime in a variety of venues, as well as at night. When he's not meeting women on the street, in cafés, in libraries, or in bars, William performs as an improv comedy artist, up on stage.

Comments

Franco Lombardi's picture

William,

This is a great article and might even be your best one to date. You elaborately (and delicately) address the biggest issues with race, and you nail all of the larger arguments on the head.

Great stuff!

=)

- Franco

Author
William Gupta's picture

I really put my heart in this one. It was a difficult post for me to write because of the scope but I am glad you guys enjoyed it! Hopefully this can help out some guys with inner game issues when it comes to race.

-William

Pereira's picture

It is a good article.Everyone needs to remember that no race is superior over the other.

Also, Indians are Asians as well.

Author
William Gupta's picture

Yes, but since the Asian continent is so big sometimes it helps to be more specific.

Gunga's picture

There is one way of determining whether or not your race is a massive setback or not in the area you are in, just look around and evaluate. If you have met and seen men of your race having success in the area you're in, it's all on you and you cannot blame race. On the other hand if you are a social guy who has been meeting various kinds of people and still hasn't seen or met men from your race having success in the given area, it might be that your race is a major setback when it comes to getting hot girls in a given area and you will probably not be able to succeed there.

I'll share my story here with you guys.

I am a west Indian guy (parents from Trinidad) born in the UK but raised in the USA, look very Indian/Pakistani though. Spent my high school years in the Atlanta area (suburbs) and would go to college there as well. Now I have a thing for good looking white girls and in Atlanta, they are usually out in the suburbs (where I lived) and run in the more "southern" crowds if you get what I am saying. Now while I did meet some white washed black guys who would have success with these kinds of guys, all other races were ignored. I literally never met a guy that looked ethnically like me have success with these kinds of girls but nevertheless I did try.

I would make friends with cool southern guys, go to popular bars, and run my usual game. I had some success with women of minority groups but rarely any with white girls except for a couple of European girls who were visiting and one transplant who was here from California. I noticed that even the southern girls who were nice to me were from smaller towns in the state and never from the Atlanta area. I would have situations where my white friends would be greeted by some girl at a party and I was usually ignored, that is how bad it was. I literally never met a guy who look anything like me ethnically having any success with these girls and some of these girls made it pretty clear that they were not into me.

Well, after being tired of Atlanta I moved to Seattle and it was a completely different scene. I saw Asian, Indian, and other guys like Arabs and Hispanics with the attractive white American girls I was into. In public I would get IOIs from these girls and even had some approach me, one was this beautiful blonde in yoga pants at Starbucks (talk about a stereotype). My boss is a Bengali Indian guy who is married to this beautiful blonde from California, she looks a lot like Heather Locklear! At that point, I knew that I could no longer blame my race and I was getting the results I wanted. I had absolutely no problems pulling good looking white girls (my type) in Seattle while in Atlanta, it was a constant uphill battle.

In all of my years after being raised in the Atlanta area, I felt like I was in some parallel universe in Seattle when it came to the dating scene. Unfortunately, my experience in Atlanta showed me that based on your location, race alone can be a deal breaker if you're going after attractive women (what guy doesn't want hot girls though right?). I sometimes want to go back to Atlanta and pull a good looking white girl that is from the suburbs there because I think it was my game back then but thinking back at it, I don't even think the new me could do well with those kinds of women. Plus, the sports teams in Seattle are just so much better, winning feels great and I was here when the Seahawks won the super bow for the first time!

Author
William Gupta's picture

My father is African-American, my mother is Indian. I was born in London, spent most my childhood in Hong Kong then moved to Texas. In high school I had some luck with girls from different races and in college the same but it did seem like an uphill battle. Before decided to study International Economics to London, I wanted to study law at UW. So I went to Seattle for spring break with one of my friends. I was amazed with out luck with women that weekend. We had girls chasing us, it was absolutely amazing.

Seattle remains one of my favorite cities to pull women besides Stockholm. The energy there is amazing and I much prefer it compared to Chicago in terms of the openness and dating. Thanks for posting bro!

Anonymous's picture

Hey man awesome article! It was very thorough, clear and precise. I am Hispanic and I haven't noticed any set backs because of my race in terms of sleeping with women, in fact I think it has helped me in some scenarios. To be fair I was in their sub-culture as your pointed out. My question to you is if you believe south american men get labeled as sexual men would it be to my advantage to differentiate myself from the rest and use my heritage to paint me as a rare commodity rather than just fitting in?Also I am in a fraternity and have been dressing in the fraternity unsexy 'dad' style, would you advise me keeping this style to fit in or going against it and dressing sexy. Thanks a lot, look forward to reading more of your work!

Author
William Gupta's picture

In terms of dressing, if you are in a social circle where everyone knows you than you have the social proof and therefore can experiment more with fashion to stand out because the girls already know that you are part of sub culture.

But if you are in and environment and you have no social proof and that community is particularly fratty/conservative try and fit in. Alternative is to blend the fashions but that will take some experimenting.

Thanks for reading man! Hope this helps~

Charlie's picture

I'm a black guy from the UK.

I don't consider any race of women more attractive than any other.

Beauty comes in all races.

Often these race, pua and dating articles tend to elevate white girls to some mythical goddess level where non-white men are given tips on how to get them

Thankfully this article didn't go down that road.

Is being a white male an advantage in the west ? All things being equal (Looks, Game, Money) yes

I see being white, like having knockout punch in boxing, it's good to have in your arsenal and you'll win many fights, but you won't be a Jedi on that alone.

You'll get outclassed by Floyd Mayweather and other top fighters if that's all you've got and you are lacking in other areas. (Weak Chin, Speed, Stamina, Heart etc.)

However I think that if a woman of any race brought home a white guy, she can pretty be much assured that he will face little if any animosity. However all things being equal - If it were a black guy and the women was non-black, doubters and haters of all kinds would make their opinions known immediately before they even met the guy.

I have rarely if ever have witnessed a woman of another race threatened to be cut off entirely just for being with a white guy. A black guy though ? Like I said, it's 50/50...sometimes 30/70 working against him (assuming he's not rich or famous).

And I'm not saying that blacks aren't apprehensive about their children marrying whites, be they male or female, what I am saying is that I don't think that families and friends of non-black partners would be as accepting or as lenient with a black guy as they would with a white guy.

The privileges of being "white" are pretty consistent amongst all avenues, the same thing occurs when they apply for jobs, housing in certain neighbourhoods, loans etc.

I think favouritism is pretty consistent across all avenues when you make the comparison.

Black men's stereotypes can double edged sword. Sure being sexually aggressive, athletic and musical - then yeah with certain women is does give you an added advantage, but with that comes the idea that this is all you are capable of, even to the point that people are shocked that you don't fit within any of them.

A white guy though ? They're pretty much chameleons, they can fit into anything without much flak or surprise. People tend to judge them individually.

Asians and Indians I think have it the toughest breaking into the more positive stereotypes of masculinity.

Anonymous's picture

Tell me about it! I'm Asian, live and born in the States. I have been conducting my own little social experiment, reviewing movies on Amazon. As you might be well aware, Cloud Atlas and The Last Air Bender, had yellow-faced its cast.

Apparently, the Asian progressive groups have complained about it (as well as the constant portrayals of Asian men a effiminate, weak, or villans). So, I wrote reviews indicating as such, that I'm sick of the yellow-facing and the non-progressiveness of Hollywood to continually underrepresent Asian men in movies (think Star Trek: Into the Darkness. Personally, I think it's utter bullshit that the only Asian crew member is Cho, and Fleet Headquarters is in San Francisco where 35% are Asian!).

If course, I'll get 0 of 12 found this helpful or 3 out of 15 found this helpful. It just goes to show (at least for me) that people cannot recognize racism and will often shut you up, while shutting out new ideas themselves. After all, they benefit from the system so why would they care if it hurts us (Asians)?

I've been shut down myself long before I even get started in the dating game. I remember this one time out with people I've just met. One of the people commented that so and so would make a great couple, all the while completely leaving me out of the running! Sadly, this seems to happen to be a lot. There's a lot of unintentional exclusion in white America of other racial groups. Subsequently, I often feel quite lonely and isolated. (I work at a place with 90% whites and they are constantly promoting guys who look like them but lack any people-skills.) Since I'm not blond I have to often take the lead and invite myself into other people's gatherings.

Author
William Gupta's picture

I have the same problem with how Indian men are depicted in the Western media. But honestly I can't do anything about it, so I just defy the stereotype myself. I'm very muscular, have a deep voice and take the lead. These things are all important to have when your race is portrayed as being non-masculine. Remember stereotypes change one person at a time, so if you embody the traits of a hyper-masculine man, eventually people who come in contact with you will no longer have the negative stereotype of oriental men.

Author
William Gupta's picture

Being both African American and Indian I have had to deal with my fair share of stereotype issues. That being said I find people have lower expectations for black men to be intelligent therefore when I show that I well read and polished it stands out more than my white friends. Another unique feature of being a black man in intellectual circles is that we instantly stand out, so once it's established that we belong in that circle we naturally garner a lot of the attention. I feel if you are a black man who is athletic and an intellectual/ successful you won't have much of an issue with modernized families.

At the end of the day our focus should be on becoming the strongest versions of ourselves. That way no matter what, who we are is successful and ultimately people want to surround themselves with success.

Anonymous's picture

I just want to say one thing I've observed in my dating travels. I am a white man, most would say attractive and I highly prefer dark skin women. I have noticed that most of what I consider classy black and Hispanic women prefer white men. This is great for me but I'm curious why that is. Some of my theories are black men tend to be too aggressive, thuggish etc.. At least in most peoples minds and white men more chivalrous. What do you all think?

Author
William Gupta's picture

I think this has to do with the fact that the higher you go up on the socio-economic ladder, the fewer non-white men there are. Also, white men are looked at like status symbols for minority women, just like white women are looked at as status symbols for minority men. I don't think it has much to chivalry as there are brutish white men as well.

Charlie's picture

Anonymous

I'm a black guy

Most Asian, Black or Hispanic women are not as interested in white men as you think, and the ones that are also like non-white men as well.

Women tend to play it safe and prefer men of their own race, certainly as far settling down and have children are concerned

So if you're a white guy and you think Asian, Black or Hispanic women will love you because you are white, sorry to burst your bubble, but it’s 2015 dude. Get over yourself.

However I will say that (All things being equal) white men have broader range of women to choose from than other races of men and they have an easier time getting women

Why is this the case ?

To many reasons and vast to go into for the scope of this site.

But to me it's like getting punched in face 10 times. But if your white guy you'll get punched in the face 5 times.

Fact is we all get punched when dealing with women. Women are women and they still give you sh*t and drama and play head games no matter what race of man you are.

lux7's picture

Hey man,

loved how you honest you have been here.

How you laid it out there as it is without skirting the truth, ie.: "white men have an advantage and it's more difficult to pull certain culture with a certain kind of skin tone", props.

I think the truth is even harsher at times, and that's that in certain environments the "skin/race preference" can be so strong that it might even make sense considering to move.
Either to escape the bad environment or to embrace the positive ones.

As a short guy from Southern Europe having lived in the north of Europe during a strong emigration period (barely laid a local girl even while being otherwise sexually very active) and as a white guy who's traveled around Asia (can't count the times I've been told I'm so handsome) I can think of few things which will change your sexual value, INSTANTLY, as much as the society you're in (and I mean: HUGE instant value changes).
Good fashion comes a good distanced second.
Height might be similar to race, but unluckily we can't change that as much :).

Anyway, the core of what I wanted to say is simple:

-Yes, race as a stronger impact than many of us would have the balls to admit. Either in positive or negative. If that's your case, you can still do a lot: you can move and consider doing so;

-At the same time, yes, using race as an excuse not to improve and do your best is weak and you can't allow doing so because you can pull at least at least A girl of your liking, anywhere, "in spite of..". And you can run as far as you want even when the road goes uphill.

tan gal's picture

well that was quite a read. it actually reinforces my observation that you (pigmented fellows) PREFER WHITE WOMEN. that's great and refreshing to see the truth plainly written.

most women tend to prefer their own race. i rarely see interracial couples and i live in a major ,'liberal', city in the us of a.i am indian-american. i prefer the same race and religion-hindu. i have never been attracted to other races. however, i have noticed that men in my preferred demographic(Indian-American men,hindu) detest their female counterparts. all of the other races/religions, which i do NOT want, keep coming after me.

it is leaving me with a choice: accept the dudes i dont find attractive or leave the dating pool entirely. i have opted for the latter . i cant force attraction and having a fun social life is great. most of my friends are single and we getting by just fine.

Charlie2000's picture

"well that was quite a read. it actually reinforces my observation that you (pigmented fellows) PREFER WHITE WOMEN. that's great and refreshing to see the truth plainly written."

Where do you get that from ? Most black men don't prefer white women. To be honest I shouldn't even be going on sites like this because I'm married (black wife) and have black kids and my wife is dark skinned black women too. No Alicia Keys, Meghan Markle business with me.

Your confusing THE FRONT END (Sex) with the BACK END (relationships). This site mainly focuses on how to obtain the front end (Sex). So yes most men would have sex with any women of any race if they found her attractive. But on the back end ? Then I think most men are just like women, and prefer to have long term relationships with a person of their own race.

"i have never been attracted to other races"

I don't believe you. So you've never saw a white, black or non hindu man and though he was attractive ? I don't believe you.

"most women tend to prefer their own race."

I agree. But I think it's simply because it's very safe for women to get with a man from their own race or background. Safe with family, friends and society.

"i rarely see interracial couples and i live in a major ,'liberal', city in the us of a.i am indian-american".

OK. Same everywhere

"i prefer the same race and religion-hindu"

Which you have just said.

"however, i have noticed that men in my preferred demographic(Indian-American men,hindu) detest their female counterparts"

Sounds like you've had bad experiences with Hindu men and you've used that to tar all Hindu men with the same brush

"all of the other races/religions, which i do NOT want, keep coming after me."

You're pretty screwed then ain't ya ? The men you want, don't want you, and the men who want you, you don't want. Life's a b*tch...huh ?

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