I suspect this is more an American problem... in part because I haven't seen it so much outside of America, and in part because America is a nation with people uniquely fixated on "I should get what I want -- all of what I want."
However, there is a certain expectation that a perfect partner and/or relationship should be achievable.
To put that into specific terms:
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It should be possible to find a partner who shares all the same interests as you
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It should be possible to find a partner who wants time together when you want it, and to be alone when you want to be alone
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It should be possible to find a partner with the same love language as you, so you are always happy with her ways of showing affection and she is always happy with yours
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It should be possible to find a partner who always communicates in exactly the way that works best with you, so you always know what the issue is and never encounter drama
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It should be possible to find a partner whose sex drive exactly matches yours, so the sex is never too little, and never too much
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It should be possible to find a partner who's fine to do all the chores that you don't want to do
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It should be possible to find a partner who has all your other requirements, wrapped up into one: your looks requirements, physique requirements, height requirements, intellect requirements, personality requirements, social life requirements. All wrapped up in one
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It should be possible to find a partner who wants exactly what you want from the relationship (more closeness or just a little closeness; one child or two children or ten children or no children; to live a lavish lifestyle, or to live a minimalist one). And that, should you change your preferences at some point, she will change her preferences at the same time, or nearly so, and the two of you won't grow apart
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It should be possible to find a partner who is always pleasing and rarely irritating, and never, ever, ever causes a fuss
The perfect partner, and the perfect relationship.
It should be possible... should it?
Because many relationships end due to what we could ultimately boil down to this one consideration: "She just wasn't perfect enough."
Comments
Nailed it
Hey Chase ,
Really good article . It is always a pleasure when I read articles written by you , because I feel that you look up at things more from a spiritual point of view , rather than a technical one as most guys do .
For sure the world will be a shittier place without your articles :)
Hello Chase!
Hello Chase!
First of all, your articles are awesome. Big thanks to you and other authors for helping and giving us guys great advice on women and how to attract them. Keep up the great work!
Hope you can give me some thoughts on this:
I've known this girl for a year, she's working in a small caffe as a bartender. We live in different cities but i would drop by and chat with her when i travel to her city. She has shown some signs of attraction, but she had a boyfriend at a time so i asked her out again recently when she broke up with him.
We went on a date, she was talking mostly and was touching me a lot but when i think back, the whole date had a platonic vibe to it. I went for the kiss, she rejected me. She said that we don't know each other but then told me something like : " I went out with you for a drink and thought maybe something would happen" but obviously she changed her mind. That sounds a little bit weird, but maybe it's just me.
I think my mistakes were:
- she was touching me but i didn't touch her
- didn't really get her aroused and prime her for escalation.
In an older article you mentioned that when a girl breaks up with you, you tried to pick her brains about the mistakes on your part that lead her to exit the relationship (so you do not make the same mistakes in a future relationship).
Do you think you can also do that with a girl who rejected your advances to kissing and sex?
Basically, if i asked the girl: "So, at which point during the date you decided i was just a friend to you?" (Assuming she was cool and i didn't make a big deal out of rejection)? Do you think the girl would give me a straight answer or is the whole idea of asking her kinda redundant?
Cheers!
Rosen
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