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You never want to explain yourself to a woman’s tough questions.
Yet to brush them off, you need the right tactics – and the right
mentality.
We’ve talked about tough questions (which fall under the umbrella of ‘tests’) before. I’ve given you some ways to answer these well, as well as a formula to know how to respond to such challenges (i.e., status and respect). And, perhaps most importantly of all, I cautioned you never to explain yourself to women.
Contents
Today we’ll talk about a few specific varieties of challenging questions you can receive (from both men and women... though we’ll focus mainly on questions from women today). That variety is tough questions; questions that put you on the spot, in a not-so-helpful-to-your-cause sort of way.
We’ll talk about brushing these questions off. But there’s going to be a twist to how we do this; we don’t want to do a brush off in a way that looks like we are trying not to answer. That’s because if you evade someone’s questions (for too long), it seems like you’re frightened, or have something to hide.
So instead, we want to brush tough questions off in a way that either blows up the question, or lets us answer it on more favorable terms.
Comments
Devilishly supportive
This article just indicates how much the author himself is a hot persona,
dexterous remarks on paradoxical dialogue melanges and prolific jest of male characters above are striking..
It’s simply an art of lying
Cool article, but......
Hi Chase,
this article is really cool and some things I am already applying and others you mentioned here I will and they are fresh air :-) . But there are two things that are unclear: voice tone and facial expressions. I know it is hard to write down voice tone and facial expressions. But I think they are crucial. Lets take the second example from #5. I've set my questions in curly brackets.
Her: If you had a girlfriend you really loved, but she cheated on you, would you break up with her?
You: Why is this remotely important to ask? Who cares about that! {boring look? stare at her? sharp voice tone? bored voice tone } If it happens, I will figure it out then. I guess probably, because I don’t like other guys’ sperm on my dick and a girl who’s going to expose me to that is not on my side, but I don’t really see how that’s an important question {again what look, what facial expressions, what voice tone?}.
Her: What if it was a complete accident, and she’s so sorry and will do anything to make it up to you?
You: Why the heck are you asking me this? { to seem on edge showing by voice tone and facial expressions?} Do you plan to cheat on me if we start a relationship?
Her: [laughs] No, it’s just a question!
You: You ask weird questions. {voice tone , look? } I want to talk about something else. You’re weird.{also voice tone, facial expression}.
Her: [laughs]
The content of the conversations is clear so far. But what with voice tone, facial expressions and eye contact?
T.
Facial Expressions Used in Answering Tough Questions (Pics)
T-
Yes, very hard to communicate expressions and tonality via text. Video's a much better medium for these.
On your example:
The facial expressions are a big part of how you defuse the tension of conversations like this and get her to laugh at herself. You can actually just scroll through those four expressions and probably find them funny. Mixed with the words, they take a set of tough questions and turn them to putty.
I can't realistically do a response-image-response-image thing for everything we discuss on the site... would make articles ungodly hard to put together (kinda hard to find the right images for what I want to express sometimes). However, I can recommend studying actors and entertainers who are good at facial expressiveness to get a feel for how this stuff works:
... also plenty of discussions of these on the boards, too, if you need more actor examples.
I use plenty of my own facial expressions in dialogue in One Date/TDA, which'll be back out again soon, too. So if you don't have a copy of that yet and you want to see how I match expressions to what I'm saying, you may want to tune in for that (particularly the modules with Andreea... which are Modules 2, 3, 5, and 8, if I recall right).
Chase
Answer subjectively tough questions (that you must answer)?
Hi Chase,
What about when you got asked tough questions which are kind of ordinary for most people (not considered tough) but the answer reveals a bad thing about myself? Because the questions are kind of ordinary for most people, I can't avoid answering it (like I can when got asked about my job, for example). Those questions usually indicates rapport building from her side, so it's a good sign and answering correctly is important.
Should I only give brief non-emotional answer and NO EXPLANATION at all (like I don't think it big deal) and change it to her, or should I give explanation (which help show me in a little better light, but looks like I apologizing?)
Thank you!
Subjectively Tough Questions
JoeM-
Well, you've got options.
If you don't want to talk about it at all, you can do it if you come across powerful enough. e.g., sly smile, eyebrow shrug, lean in close: "My JOB is not important. My name is not important. What matters is you are in grave peril, and if we don't get you over to a comfortable sofa right now, I don't know how much longer I can protect you from these drunks."
On job specifically though, it's such a tricky question you've usually got to provide some sort of response. Lots of men lie about their jobs, or are embarrassed about them, and it serves as an instant disqualifier if a guy lies or gets embarrassed about what he does for work, since work is such an integral part of a male's identity.
We have a guide completely devoted to just this question here:
How to Answer “What Do You Do?”, No Matter What You Do
On other similar tough pointed/important/typical questions, you will want some ready responses.
Other big ones are "what part of town do you live in?" ("I'm a little Northeast of here. Hey [topic change]"), "do you have a girlfriend" (link on how to respond), etc. Look for something that feels like it answers it satisfactorily, without actually compromising you.
Chase
Thanks
Thanks Chase,
Can this work with questions like "Are you seeing other girls?" or similar tough questions like the girl in the "Friend article" scenario when you introduced her to your friend and it was a disaster?
Lawliet
Questions with Evidence
Lawliet-
It's a bit different when a woman has 'evidence' of something, as in the case where my friend was spilling a bunch of details right in front of a girl I was seeing. In that case, a woman's 'evasion detection' is tuned to a much more sensitive degree. And she will latch on more doggedly if you don't give her as straight an answer.
Brushing her questions off can still work. Just depends on how firmly into her head the 'evidence' has gotten and convinced her something's in the ground and she needs to do some digging.
Otherwise, if it doesn't work, you may need to reassure her emotions. Or you may even need to just be straight with her and tell her what the deal is.
Chase
Sup
Had some quick questions chase.
1. How do you get this attractive vibe ? I read the article many times. Could you explain in laymans terms ?
2. Someone told me I had a weird vibe, I'm very cool, I don't know why ? How can I fix that and all vibes?
3. After your reply to me about white women, I'm worried about ever interacting with them. Thing is I'm in the south so there's nothing but them, I don't think you'd want me to live in fear, and they're pretty much all I see. Are there any more tips to make sure you get a good white girl?
So if you were black, what would you do in that position of living in the south, nothing but white women, no money to move, all of this stuff in the media, your peers on the forums talking about the stuff they went through, and still wanting to get very good with women yourself. What would you do ?
4. Yeah the power article seems kinda long, but if you have tips now on anything to work on in the mean time let me know.
5. You told me to work on things to get better and that'll stop me from thinking about the past. Would that also work for feel g like I should give up because I missed opportunities to sleep with many girls when I was young and you didn't have to have a lot when you were young ?
I also feel like crap because I didn't try to be in the NBA or do something in the entertainment industry.
I feel like I fucked up in life and I should give up.
Would doing what you said work in that too?
6. I know I mentioned math many times before, but when I looked at trades and programming I seen that math was involved too.
I know may will say it's simple math, But I'm at grade level with math, and studying didn't help. I've had tutors for years, still the same, so I feel hopeless.
Was just wondering if you knew anyone with similar math problems who found a great paying career and became successful and what I could do too.
Thanks
Hypotheticals
SZ-
I can't explain vibe in text any better than I've explained it in text.
I will say we have an upcoming mini-course on charisma we just shot. Which I feel is the most concrete explanation of 'vibe' ever assembled in human history. It required reading a bunch of abstract scientific papers, mashing that together with years of personal anecdote and in-field experience, and boiling that down to non-abstract stuff. About broke my brain, but hopefully it enables guys who can't intuitively grasp vibe to finally get a better handle on it. If you can wait for that, it might help you get a handle on it. We'll try to have it finished editing and ready to roll out by late summer.
Looks for signs of 'crazy', screen out the ones who are, and screen in the ones who aren't:
I haven't been in that exact position, so I cannot say.
However, if you took me, removed my skills, experiences, and know how with women, removed my fundamentals, made me black, plunked me into that environment, but allowed me to keep my procedure for working through problems intact, I'd go down a list like this:
If only certain women reacted well to me, and others didn't, I'd then examine why that happened, and target what I needed to change to get the women I wanted (or, if the women I wanted were the ones reacting well to me, no change needed; just take what's working and keep improving it). If no women reacted well to me, I'd conclude I needed to focus on integrating myself with the local culture and removing whatever low status or intimidating qualities I had that were within my control.
Then a period of revision and experimentation, as I tested new things out with both the women who normally respond to me and the women who don't, and examine how they each react. "Hmm, that didn't work, every girl hated it." --> "Okay, the girls who usually like me responded well to that, but the girls who don't like me hated me even more than usual when I used it. So that tells me this is a good thing to use with women who are interested and makes your intentions more clear. As soon as I can figure out how to get those other girls interested, it should work on them too." Etc.
If I spent too much time chipping away at it and I was still unhappy with my results, then I'd consider the location:
... at which point I would move.
For example, I lived in Southern California, and had a great time there. Super fun place, great lifestyle. But then I decided I wanted a beautiful girlfriend who had an advanced education, a good career, ambition, but not a ton of sex partners and who wasn't into partying or clubbing or hooking up. And I got very frustrated looking for such a girl. I could not find any girls who matched that criteria, no matter what I did or where I went. Finally I concluded the city simply didn't have them, so I left. And then discovered I had an easy time meeting women who met all these qualifications in a number of other places that were not Southern California.
Not sure I understand this.
I have moved numerous times while in debt with no income.
Sell all your junk on Craig's List, pack a single small suitcase with your belongings, buy a bus ticket for 50 bucks, and move. Rent a cheap room in a cheap part of town at the new city.
You have now officially changed cities at a cost of 50 bucks, probably with a few hundred more bucks in your pocket from selling whatever junk you accumulated in your old city. Welcome to your new life!
==
On regrets/obsessive thinking, I have nothing else to add over what I've said repeatedly on these subjects.
==
On your last question, I suggest opening up your favorite search engine and typing in something like "bad at math good career". There are probably tens of millions of men in the United States alone who suck at math and have decent careers (I'm one of them).
Chase
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