Why I Quit Dating Girls Who Club, Party, or Drink | Girls Chase

Why I Quit Dating Girls Who Club, Party, or Drink

Chase Amante

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girls who partySomething I've been asked from time to time on this site (most recently in a forum post by one of our members here) is why I don't date girls who club, party, drink, or have "girls' nights out".

The questions you most frequently get about this are:

  • Doesn't every girl do these things?

  • Who cares if she goes out and does a little drinking? I trust my girl to stay loyal.

  • Aren't you a hypocrite if you do these things but expect her not to?

  • Don't you trust your women to stay faithful to you? I thought you wrote in the article on how to prevent cheating that it was possible to be so great a partner than women wouldn't want to cheat?!

Most of these thoughts come from rather different places than where I come at relationships from, though. These thoughts revolve more around fear of loss, and/or a feeling of helplessness to control for or select against this behavior... neither of which I have.

This article will not be terribly helpful if you're still just starting out on your journey to get good with women, or are intermediate there, because you will not be able to follow it. Real screening is dependent on the ability to say "no," and until you reach the place where you truly have absolute abundance with women, there will always be women where your logic will say, "I'm not so sure about this one..," but your emotions will hit the override button and tell you, "Stop being silly - she's great."

So let's talk about why I recommend steering clear of these kinds of women if you want a stable, healthy relationship that is a boon to your existence, rather than the bane of it.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.

GET CHASE’S ONE DATE SYSTEM

Comments

Sarah A's picture

You seem to have written this article with a very fixated, narrow minded view about what a party girl is like.
I'm a college student who goes out clubbing with my girl friends once a fortnight and yes we get drunk but never enough to do anything stupid. We go out to socialise with our friends and dance to the latest tunes but that's it. Oh and did I mention we're all virgins too? We'd love to be in committed relationships when the opportunity arises but we would rather wait then hook up with strangers. So I don't see how anything you've said in this article could even relate to people like us. It's worrying to know guys might take the advice here seriously and totally disregard a huge proportion of us girls just because of some "love guru" tells them to.

TarJ's picture

WOW!! This guy is spot on! He sure knows the impact of women on successful, ambitious men. A woman can help making you or breaking you! What a great read!

franksta's picture

I too came to this realization, the hard way. I have to admit I read this article a few months earlier when I was contemplating dating this party girl and whether the benefits outweigh the costs. I was smitten, Of course the temptation to justify such a dangerous Liaison is so high and I too found some way to justify it, by thinking I can, and trying to change her. I Know better now and everything is just as you said in this article. The whirlwind is definitely not worth it to a man who's ambitious, I should know; I have encountered some significant setbacks in the last few months which hopefully I will be able to overcome, but almost got me to ground zero, I think divine intervention must've saved my ass. I know there are more moral people than me out there, my plan is to drop her, cold turkey, once I have done some pretty twisted things with her, but its been one of those times, I know I will look back and be like, whoa how did I survive that one? As for categorizing even girls who drink once a month as party girls, I don't necessarily agree but I can see how it makes sense. Sometimes girls who've never done these things, once they start in middle age or whenever, they go to the other extreme.

Melissa divanna's picture

Personally I think I would have to be smashed in order to even lay a finger on you. Maybe that's why girls drink.. because of guys like you. Your obviously not that attractive and seem like your personality sucks. Your like most men. I realized the hard way. Since I'm not the most attractive girl I will be over looked by mostly every man out there, even though I'm an amazing person. Yes I party and drink too much but maybe if guys would stop being shallow and look into the real reasons a "party girl" is what she is then they wouldn't miss out on a potential great girl. Your an idiot for classifying all "party girls" into one category. Grow up and look in the mirror and realize maybe you have had most in counters with drunk women, because they had to be drunk to even think about getting with you.

Jimbo's picture

"... maybe if guys would stop being shallow and look into the real reasons a "party girl" is what she is then they wouldn't miss out on a potential great girl"

And what would those reasons be?

00012's picture

Girl I've been around these kind of women more times than you can count. A man never looks at potential alone he verifies and looks for the fruit she has to offer. These women are nothing more than drunks and drug using hippies and they're slobs. They never actually work for a living and they do the bare minium just to get by never taking responsibility and accepting the consequences of her actions. 

Justin Eubank's picture

Wish I had read this 5 years ago. The girl i was with said she only drank and smoked weed. Caught her using meth, using my car to sell meth from, and on my birthday she disappeared at the bar we were at, wouldn't answer any texts, lost her keys and tells me the next day she found them in the back seat of her male coworker's car. Threatened to kill me in my sleep, threatened to burn the house down with me in it, then tried to have me arrested for theft when I moved out after telling me the day before that i could take whatever i wanted. Don't get into relationship s with drug users either because very few people only use marijuana.

Shaun's picture

Hi Chase,

I'm going to be honest with you, I'm young, and so I am what many people would call Naive.

My girlfriend is awesome, she takes care of me, encourages me, and wants me to do well for myself.

But I have a dilemma, she hates "the system". She doesn't want to work all her life, and what not. I'm on 26.5k at 18, so not a pretty good salary for my age. She constantly expects me to buy her things, not like Jewlery and all that, but Food and hygiene stuff and that lot. Now, she's at College, and doesn't have a Job, so I don't know what to think.

But one of the worst things for me is probably the fact that, as much as she's just turned 18, she constantly wants to go out clubbing! Every Thursday, and then at the weekends she wants me to go out! I work extremely hard in the week, and I don't really want to go out, I'm more of a chilled pub kind of guy, but anyhow. She constantly wants to go clubbing, and I feel boring because I don't necessarily want to. I have a lot going on in my life, and in recent months the relationship has been a bit rocky... I mean one night when we both went clubbing, she kissed me and then said " Oh good you are the right person" and I flipped my shit as you can imagine, considering she was going to Ibiza one week later! Then, one night I did not want to go out with her and her friends to McDs, because I had just driven an hour and a half to see her, after working a 9-5 shift on 4 hours sleep. We had a massive argument, and later on I find that she's told her friend that I am being controlling at the moment.

Sometimes the lack of understanding / appreciation for what I do does really hit me hard.

We spoke and all that, but I want your view on what I should do!

Thanks

Legend

Jimbo's picture

In case Chase doesn't respond, here are my two cents.

Arabs have a saying: "He who eats my food heeds my word." It's a variation of the "he who pays the piper calls the tune" adage, but food here is more appropriate to your case.

What you're saying is that you have responsibility towards her, but without the authority that usually comes with it. There's a word for guys like that: suckers. And while she might take advantage of such a guy, she won't respect him or even feel that much sexual attract towards him for it.

If you're gonna provide for a girl, or for anyone for that matter, then you're gonna have some decisional power over that girl. And that definitely includes, "No you're not going to that party tonight."

Responsibility goes hand in hand with authority, and the more of the former you have the more of the latter you should have.

Good luck.

Ridz's picture

I just have this site for people to go to as everyone who reads this seems to think girls who go clubbing have character flaw. I do not think that reading the following article will help broaden their views and horizons. If only it was that easy. But one can try, right ? This is the site anyone can open and read it thank u.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/1a7qzj/why_do_girls_like_goin...

Stéph's picture

Chase I thank you so much for these amazing articles.

Keep up the good work.

Stéph

Gaurav 's picture

Man, I am genuinely scared now. Have some patience if someone is reading. Although, it's very unlikely that will happen. I don't know after I write this how I'll be feeling. 

I am having these 'support' issues with her. Eg - I was playing PUBG  - and I was playing duo with her. Now, she never supports me. All she wants is to stick with me, look in the same direction as I am. (Beleive me this translates exactly the same into reality). I want someone to watch out for my back. Anyway, in reality too, she wants to be with me always. Stick to me. I want her to be happy and satisfied on her own. I want her to be full of her own life. I am just a human being. I am nothing special. She says she likes my physique and all - and I say that I workout or study because of the family I have and the family I'll have. Her vision is so small. It's crazy. I sometimes wish I could bring her to see the future, the possible consequences but instead I have to explain it to her. She studies sociology as a degree. I studied it as a subject in one semester. I know more than her. She is not serious about her studies. She is learning Spanish. But she doesn't know why. I don't want to go to parties or meet people and she pushes me - to these cliche gatherings. Which I happen to enjoy only after I drink. I enjoy drinking. But man, I am self aware enough to avoid it every possible opportunity. I have to be in my budget. Look out for the present and future and not let the past bother me. I like to serve my parents. I like philosophy. My girlfriend apart from what I told you already - she doesn't like any of that. If she wants help in anything, even social problems, friendship problems. She only wants a course of action out of me. Which is quite easy if one uses common sense in these problems. But then, I want her to be able to do this. So I tell her the principles and rules of assessment of problems and issues. If she ever gets cocky and says 'I can look out for myself'. I am genuinely happy because I want her to face problems and pain like I have and learn something. I am not trying to make her like me but I want her to use her brain. Her brain. She uses feelings, stupid irrational brain. And when I say something will happen and it does happen. She comes back and says yeah you were right that's why I love you. Confusion is this makes me feel like 'I am the man, I am supposed to decide the direction, have a vision'. But at the same time I want a partner who'll watch my back and be equally excellent in criticizing me or challenging me. To keep that balance. I just want her to dive deeper into herself. I don't know about love. But if it exists in me - I am sure it's just 2 or 3%. 0.5 is definitely for her. Rest is for parents, dogs and sister. Exactly 1% is for my GOAL. I'll be happy if someone says the mistake is in me and not in her. Because I really don't know how to break up nicely. The last time I did it - I flooded the DMs with abuses and slurrs in my 1st language - hindi. I knew she could screenshot that I did it anyway. 

Mike's picture

I was married to a woman for 13 years that smoked weed everyday. And twice a week, would goto her friends garage and smoke weed, while single guy “friends” would snort cocaine. 

 

I told her that that is not healthy or normal. She said I was too controlling and divorced me. Would she qualify as a “party” girl. Even though she did not goto clubs?

is her behavior healthy and acceptable? Or was I correct in wanting more from a life partner?

Stanley Lat20's picture

I read the article and unlike some guys who think their girl is different... mine in recent weeks has become the "chaos" in my life as you described. Although I do believe she has been loyal, I increasingly get the feeling that will change. I feel as if she sees me as her future for her and her 2 yr old son, but at the moment I am only a "when convenient" part of her life (essentially meaning when she is drunk), but the man she needs to give just enough to keep around for the long-term. Granted she is 23 and I am 32 so she is young and has much growing to do, but I have dated other women who do not dress to impress and go out all the time who were around the same age. Problem is I am in love with this girl now and see all the signs you mentioned, agree with virtually your entire post, but struggle to do what is the obvious thing to do.... end it!!!! Im stuck between ( she'll mature and be the woman in my future I know she can be, eventually, as well as the woman in my future I feel she wants to be, again eventually, yet is currently choosing not to be). Do I stick with it seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, or just move-on and either find the woman who wants to be in my future now, or possibly, with time apart, this current girl who expresses that desire to eventually be may become in time? She has the potential, but currently lacks the maturity and as of late has essentially made me feel like the "when convenient" boyfriend in title, but in much more of an intimate way after the night is over and she is drunk. All the while texting me throughout the night about her unconditional love for me and wanting to come see me. Yet its always "be there soon", "just had a few drinks and now drinking water to sober up", "you still up", "Im driving to your place (doesnt show up till 30 mins. later on a 5 min drive)", Wants sex, yet is too blacked out. All that over the course of 5 hours, keeping me waiting for her to show, realizing closing the bars was the real intent, as her idea of sobering up seemed to actually mean becoming more drunk. Keep in mind that she spends resources on babysitters for her son to do all this, even though they could come here and her son could sleep here, or I could get a sitter also for my kids and we both go out, but usually I dont find out she went out until she's already out with her friends drunk. As well as on occasion her ditching our plans to go out to go out with her friends. At 32 is it time for me to just let her be and move on and stop waiting around for her to mature into the potential I see in her? Or stick out this 1+ yr relationship? Also, her 2 yr old son calls me daddy and I feel as though I am his dad further complicating the situation.

Alexander Rose's picture

So while I agree with the headline of this article (I assume that basically Chase is saying Dating these types of women is bad (for him), and I agree it's bad for me too..

 

But then I read the article and it's just this myriad of all this PUA type stuff that's just like unnecessary ... ugh

The reason I don't date them is because when girls do this it goes against my values. And that is, I guess the easiest way to say it. If you want me to hand over my money you better be giving me something pretty damn good. And $8 for a bottle of water, $11 for a beer. When I can get it at a fraction of the cost at a liquor store and party at home with MUCH better environment...

Furthermore women who like to constantly party basically like to constantly waste money and not have anything to show for it. This means if you marry them they will constantly be wasting your money, probably even if it's not partying related.

Then of course there's the obvious putting themselves in a positiion that is inappropriate for a wife to be in, etc. etc.

steven_000's picture

These girls are often irresponsible. They talk about things they shouldn't talk about. The girls with the tattoo's, hair dye, body piercings and potty mouths. The girls rarely or never work for a living. They are always broke, you hear stories of drug use and alcohol addiction. When she gets into trouble she's going to cry wolf, hoping not to face the consequences of her own actions. Her relationships are what we call "666" the 6ft tall, 6 to 8 inch penis, and a 6 figure income. 

The party girl is often the one who becomes a single mother and sometimes a single mother with multiple baby daddy's. Because she was too irresponsible to use condoms and birth control she now has kids to raise that she's not ready to take care of. Get ready for a lifetime of poverty and disappointment. Unless she is lucky enough to quit drinking and using drugs and she can find a man who makes a descent income and get married. But some of these women still don't want to get married despite all the benefits. She'd rather taste all the flavors of the rainbow than settle down and get married. By the time she's ready, she's already been smoked and poked and she's incapable of pair bonding and it does not matter what man she's with or how good she is. She will use you as a ego boost in between bad boys but in just a few months she's single again and thank god she saved that friendship with you so she can have something to fall back on. because you know, she doesn't want to lose the friendship but she'll let you take her out on dates and treat you like a boyfriend. You may even get a one night stand out of her but she'll never call you her boyfriend or husband because you don't meet her ridiculous standards of dating which only represent 20% of the male population. She thinks she deserves better and these men are raised up by single mothers believing if they just treat them nice she will love him in return. But this rarely if ever happens in real life. She uses these men as a sponge to absorb all the years of frustration and disappointment in between bad boys only to repeat the same cycle over and over again until her biological clock is nearly expired. But by then many of these women have already hit the wall and she's going to have a very hard time finding a new man to write a check against it. 

You want to know what sums up these women's lives? alpha cucks and beta bucks. 

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